Keep Moving
by secondchance123
Summary: Sequel to Living For. Lucy Curtis has run away from everything that she knows. When she comes back home can she remember her old self or will the new her crumble her old world? *T warning: violence, lang. and mention of drugs* sorry for bad summary!
1. Gone Twenty Nine Days

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders

Here we are again Ladies and Dudes. I hope you all enjoy. This is the sequel to Living For. The story starts off with letters and days that the Curtis's get her letters. Some parts are in her POV, some aren't but I will let you know who's POV it is. Please let me know what you think, and enjoy my story :D

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**Keep Moving**

_Gone Twenty-Nine Days_

_**(Soda's POV)**____**November 30th**_

I couldn't help but run into the house when I got home this after noon. Just like everyday, I had grabbed the mail on my way inside. Darry had just picked me up from work and I startled him when I ran inside. This was just a marvelous day, I held in my hand two letters. Both of which have no return address. One was assigned to, '_Everyone'; _the other read, _'My Brother's'_. I'd know that hand writing anywhere. Jumping up and down I told the gang very loudly the exciting news.

"Got a letter from Lucy!" everyone looked up excited. Pony shot out of his room with Johnny in toe after hearing my loud voice. A large smile graced his face.

"Darry, a letter." Darry entered the house looking a bit tired, but his face was grinning at me.

"How long has it been since she's left?" Darry thought out loud as he closed the windows and doors.

"Fourteen days." I said, handing him the two letters as I kicked my shoes off. Everyone has been so down since she ran off. Everything's changed. Pony is having nightmares again. I moved into his room again. Since we don't have her small income, we seem to be struggling a little bit more. Even the gang seems more down. We have police and everyone else down our throats all the time. I just want her to come home but I don't want them to take her to prison.

"Well, lets read this one. Then later we will read the one to us." Darry said opening the letter and reading it out loud.

_Dear Everyone,__November 25 _

_It is November twenty fifth. I have been gone nine days, but it feels so much longer! Sorry it's taken me a while to write, I had to focus on getting out of the state. First off, I'm sorry about everything. About leaving and running away. I know it was a rash decision, but you all have to understand. I wasn't going to an orphanage or girls group home! If I couldn't live with you guys, I would live anywhere. Sounds dumb but that's how I think. I'm sorry about worrying you guys over something so silly. I should of been more tough like you Dallas or more level headed like you Darry._

_Shit do I miss you guys! I wish at least one of you was with me, it would be a party. It's too soon to come back, I'd be taken away for sure. Gosh, I really don't know what to say. Sorry. Thank you. I love you all! I suppose I could tell you what I've been up to. But before I do; I'd just like to say that if any of you rat me out, I will personally make sure you can no longer have children. You dig?_

All of us started to laugh, even Dallas. "We dig." Steve said for the lot of us. Darry chuckled one last time before looking back at the letter with a grin. he continued to read.

_Right now; I'm on a bus, on my way out of the second state I've been in. Lets just say that I'm a far way from Tulsa. Most of the way I've ridden the bus, sometimes hitchhiked. Then I had to walk, but I didn't care. It's been peaceful and quiet, Johnny I think you'd like it out here with me. We would even have to talk, we would just take in the freedom. I don't even mind sleeping under the stars, even if it is cold. It's just given me time to think, which was really something I needed. Don't worry about me though, I'm just fine. _

_Something else that is new is that I've changed my name. When people ask me who I am, I tell them I'm Maggie Lou Patrick. I know it's a little strange but it was the only thing I could think of at the time. Most of the time people don't even bother with my name, they just call me Baby or Miss. It either makes me feel old or smutty. I haven't decided which is worse to feel like, it depends on who's calling me it._

_Two-bit, do you remember that one time when I was twelve and we had this bet to see who could go the longest without showering. But I lost because Mom made me take a bath after the fourth day. Then you only lasted four days because I had to give up? Well I beat you. It's gross, and you probably don't need to know this but I've gone five. the last time I took a shower was at this old lady's house, I paid her. HA-Ha. Right now I just can't wait to get off this bus so I can bum another lady for a shower._

_That's all I really have to say. I'll try to write you guys soon. I love you so much. Dallas, keep out of trouble and away from the cooler. Don't forget that I want you to remember! Steve, take care of my twin until I return. Take him to the Dingo for a shake every once in a while in my honor. Two-bit, never forget your sense of humor. Use it everyday. Say something sarcastic for me! Johnny, you can have my room until I get back. Make yourself at home whenever you need to. Darry, don't work to hard. Ponyboy, keep dreaming big. Sodapop…..I love you babe._

_Love Always,_

_Maggie Lou Patrick (AKA, Lucy Lou Curtis)_

The room fell silent with our new found information. Even though the letter was full of love and humor, I know it meant more than that. Everyone seemed to feel the same way since it wasn't long after that everyone started to leave. Johnny left with Dallas to go hunt some action. Two-bit admitted that he was going to drink himself to sleep. Steve left, telling me that we should go get a shake tomorrow after work. They were all dealing with this in their own way, just like we were.

Now, my brothers and I sit at the dinner table. Meatloaf and corn bread surrounding us at the table. Our plates full of food, our cups full of chocolate milk and our hearts throbbing loudly. Darry, to my left, held the second letter from Lucy. With a half grin he handed the letter to me.

"You read it to us, little buddy." I nodded to Darry, shifting in my seat slightly. I stared at the envelope for a moment before ripping it open quickly. Sighing, I began to read.

_Dear Brothers,__November 25_

_I am so fucking mad at myself for leaving you. So mad. I wouldn't blame you to be mad at me, I deserve it. I really do! Don't you think any different. I just hope that you can understand my reasoning. Even though I'm probably the hardest person to understand. It might help if you ready my notebooks. Yes, I'm giving you permission to read them. The night I left, I thought I grabbed them all, but I only snatched the one I was recently writing in. You don't have to read them but, I just thought you might want to know the truth about me. I owe you three that much. Some of the stuff in there might be a bit disappointing and disturbing, but it's the truth. They are all letters to Mom, there might be a few to Dad but mostly Mom. Will you do me a favor, one of you? Got tell them I love them. I used to go after school sometimes and I feel weird not going there every few days.\_

_Ponyboy…_

I looked over at Pony who had small tears in his eyes. Frowning a little bit, I faced him. This part of the letter was being addressed to him, and him only.

_Ponyboy, I'm so sorry I can't be there for you. My baby brother, is no longer a baby anymore. I remember those days where Mom would ask me to look after you while she went to the bathroom or something. Just so you know I never looked away from you. I stared until she came back, didn't want anything to happen to my baby brother. I'm sorry I can't make sure of that anymore. Anyway, you've got your birthday coming up, don't ya? Fourteen! Wow, your old. Sorry I can't be there to make you a cake, but I will find a way to get you a present! Don't you worry about that! _

_I had a dream about you the other night, you just showed up on the bus while I was asleep. Turns out that I started screaming for you. That night I was kicked off the bus. It made me think of your bad dreams and how I wish I could hold you when you have one. To sing to you until you fall asleep. To kiss you on the forehead in the morning and when I go to bed. I miss you telling me about your day too. I miss waking up and seeing your disheveled hair and glorious yawn. I love you baby brother, you'll always be mine._

Pony was in full out tears now, but he was crying silently. Darry was next, I turned towards him. He kept looking from his full plate to Pony then back to his plate. I continued to read, with a shaky voice.

_Darry, Brother, I'm sorry. I've caused such a disturbance in your life. Not only did I prevent you from attending college, but I've caused you more stress. I know I have, and I'm so fucking sorry! I don't want you to worry about me, Okay!? I've got everything under control. You keep me strong and alert. This sound sort of strange but I talk to you sometimes. Usually in my head, just for comfort. You never answer back but if you did, I might just have to ship myself to a crazy house. _

_I just really miss our talks that we had every night before bed. You probably think I'm a sicko for talking to someone that isn't there, right? Well, you probably think it's strange that I wrote to someone that is dead also. Oh well, we are all freaks at some point in our lives. I suppose Two-bit is still in that stage of his life. HA! Brother, I love you! I miss your warmth! _

Swallowing hard I looked at Darry, he had tears in his eyes as well. Now it was my turn I suppose. Breathing in some air to compose myself I turned the page over.

_Sodapop…. hey babe! It is hard to be away from you. Out of everyone, I think I can't stand to be away from you the most! You are apart of me, I need you. The other day I thought I was going crazy, I started to here your laugh. Then when I close my eyes to rest, I see your smile. I miss the wondrous grin of yours! Every time I think of you there's a tightening in my stomach. It lurches like I'm going to vomit, because I need you. I've debated so many times to just come back to kidnap you so I wouldn't be alone anymore. _

_Don't be surprised if one of these days, you wake up on a bus. You'll just have to get used to it as I have. I can imagine you yelling at the bus driver to play better music, I know I've gotten the urge many times. But I wouldn't have the balls to do it as you do. It's those things that I don't have that remind me of you. And those things that I do have that remind me of you. Every fucking think reminds me of you, and I CAN'T stand it! It hurts to much. Twiny, I love you more than air. I miss you more than I would miss my left foot if I ever lost it! And right now, I'd rather loose it than be away from you any longer! I suppose I'll have to tough it out, without my Twiny._

I felt as though I was going to vomit myself, she feels the same way I do. Alone. I'm not alone, but I fell alone. Lucy is alone, and she is suffering with that. At least I know that I'm not imagining things, she needs me just as much as I need her.

_As for a closing, I'd like to apologize one last time. For everything. For me. For running away. For not being there. For lying. For what you have to read in those notebooks. I really don't want to disappoint you but I feel it is inevitable when you are me. Can't help being a screw up when it's in your nature I guess._

_Hang in there my brothers, I'll be back. I'll be a lot different than I was, I'm sure but it will be me non the less. And for that I want to ask you all to remember me the way I was. Hold onto that shit, don't let it go! I love you all. In the words of our father, now and forever._

_Love you now and forever,_

_Lucy Lou Curtis (A billion hugs and kiss)_

All three of us were blubbering to each other. Darry wasn't blubbering, but he was pretty close. Closes I've seen him to be, especially since he never cries.

"I love you too." I told her as I hugged Ponyboy to my right. The three of us when to bed without taking a bite of dinner that night.

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_**(Soda POV) **____**December 11th**_

We haven't heard from Lucy in a while and things have pretty much gone down hill. Ponyboy is still suffering from nightmares. Darry has gotten a lot stricter with Pony, yells at him a lot. I'm usually in the middle of their fights. That's when I miss her the most, she always found a way around Darry's anger. I think it's because out of all of us, she understands him the most. She understood all of us the best, she always knew what to say.

The gang is pretty much the same, only they don't mention Lucy anymore. I'm not sure if they are doing it out of respect for her or because they can't stand the thought of her not being there. So they pretend that she never was, she was never born. If your never there, then you can't leave. The whole situation has hit them pretty hard, sometimes harder than I think it hit me. Dallas doesn't come around as much as he used too. That's understandable, I guess. Johnny took Lucy's advice and moved into her room. Well not permanently, just on nights that he can't stand to be home. He stays pretty often, so it seems that he's living with us. Two-bit drinks a lot more, even though he drank a lot before. It's his way of dealing I guess, I'm worried about that guys sometimes. Steve is same old Steve only angrier. He lashed out at me a few days ago, which he never does.

The only thing that seems to be looking up is my relationship with Sandy. We really hit it off. I think I might love her, she's the only girl that I've ever really fallen for. She's the only person that I really talk to Lucy about or my parents. I can't even talk to my brothers about that shit. I think it's because she never met them. She isn't going through the same thing I am, like my brothers are. Sandy can take a look on the outside of the situation and can comfort me. My baby girl is so good at that, I wish she was here right now.

Darry and I read Lucy's notebooks together. Pony didn't want to, he felt like he was invading her privacy. Even though she told us we could read them. I'm not going to lie, I'm glad he didn't read them. Some of the things she wrote in there were a little frightening even to me. I never knew that she was hurting so bad. That she felt so alone all the time. She was too busy taking care of all of us to say something. How she hurt herself. Or the feelings she had for Dally, that was a shocker. It was also a little strange and out of place, I'm not sure if Dally ever knew about the feelings. The notebooks only mentioned how much she wished that they would be together. She was really upset when he left for New York, I never knew that either. Reading them just made me want to see her more. To tell her I loved her and that I would never leave her.

At least we got a letter from her today. Darry is reading it out loud right now. She only wrote one to us this time, so we waited until everyone left. The three of us are huddled onto Darry's bed, listening to him read.

_Dear Brothers,__December 1st_

_Holy crap have I been through a lot in the last few days. I've slept on a roof. Stole my first item of food, don't judge me! Umm lets see, I've sung on the corner for money. I've gambled for money, I won fifty bucks and lost eight. Tell Two-bit for me, I'm sure he would be proud. Also, I've been jumped. Don't worry, I was saved. It was CRAZY! I gave the guy a few good hits in the face but over all lost because I was weaker than a newborn pup! I hadn't eaten for a while, that was the day I stole food._

_Anyway, the guy that saved me, offered me to ride with him. I gladly excepted after I stole the two of us hotdogs. His name is Walt. He is eighty-one years old, no joke! I've been traveling with him for a few days now. The two of us have become pretty good friends, only I make up lies about myself. You never know what kind of people might rat you out, even Walt. So as of the last few days, I'm nineteen year old Maggie Lou Patrick. I've been traveling since I was eighteen and was born in Illinois. Crazy right, it makes me laugh._

_So Walt is so fucking funny. He's really nice but is rough around the edges. He swears like a sailor and sounds like one too. His voice is all scratchy and hard to listen to sometimes. Picture….picture Dallas and Two-bit giving birth to an eighty-one year old man, that's Walt._

We all looked at each other and than burst out laughing. Lucy sure had a way with saying things. "I can only imagine what he really is like." Pony said slapping me on the back with a chuckle.

"Yeah, what is she thinking?" I said joining the laughter. Darry smirked our little sister's humor. He began to read again.

_I know that it's been awhile since I've written, I'm sorry. Things have just been so busy and none stop. I suppose I could tell you where I am, because I wont be here for very long. Walt is visiting some buddies in New Mexico, they are swell guys. All are really old but are the best story tellers I've ever met, even better than Dad. They've just experience so much, I wish you guys could meet them. After a few nights of camp fires and beer, I'm hitching a plane ride across the country. One of Walt's friends owns a plane and lives on the other side of the US. He's offered me a ride, I've accepted. I wish I could tell you were I'll be going but I have to be cautious. For all I know, the state could of intercepted all my letters. Anyway, I'll be sad to leave Walt in the morning, but I've got to leave him. I can't get too attached to anyone._

_I just wanted to let you know I'm okay. And that I miss you all insanely. That I'm dieing here without you. That I'll be home again sooner or later. I love you guys._

_Love you now and forever,_

_Lucy Lou Curtis (Bazillion hugs and kisses)_

_P.S. Give each other a hug for me, RIGHT NOW!_

The three of us immediately did as the letter said for us to do. After the hugs, Pony and I retreated to our own room. I snuggled into the bed next to Ponyboy. Neither of us went to bed quickly, we laid there for a while before fallin asleep. Thinking about all the new information we've received. Sighing loudly, I closed my eyes. At least she is okay. Still alive and kicking, right?

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_**(Soda POV) **____**December 15th**_

I got a letter from Lucy today. It was only addressed to me. Sitting alone in my room I opened it. There was twenty dollars inside the envelope. I locked the door for my privacy as I began to read the letter.

_Sodapop, __December 6th_

_Babe, I miss you so much. Today has been real shitty. It's day one hundred and sixteen, since they've died. I'm still counting the days. How pathetic can one girl be? Obviously, very. Everyday is getting harder, Twiny. Hard to go on sometimes, most of the time. Trudging through the snow with nothing but a bag on your back and spit in your throat to call your own. It's the truth, you're the only one I feel I can tell how I truly feel. It's just been SO hard the last few days. Ever since I got off that plane, thins have been going down hill. _

_At the air field I used the bathroom, somewhere that wasn't in a bush for once. It was the first time since about two weeks that I had seen myself in the mirror, I look liked hell. I still look like hell. The most noticeable difference was the weight loss. It's really starting to ware away at my body, I can't go on in the snow like this for much longer. I'll die or something. I've considered contacting one of you to get me, but I don't want to get home then be taken away. I've considered calling up Rose Peter, see if me and her can't negotiate something or other. I'm scared Sodapop, I'll admit that. _

_Anyway, enough about me being weak. The money is for Ponyboy, for his birthday gift. Will you do me a favor and go to the store for me? Buy him "Where The Red Fern Grows" and "The Town and The City"? They are books that I have read and I think he will like them. Please do this for me Twiny, I know it's short notice but I can't be there. I feel bad for that. So fucking bad about it! Please wrap them up and put my name on it. I'll owe you something big, okay! Please just do this for me! I hope he is surprised about getting the books. I hope he knows that I was thinking of him. He's not the only person I've been thinking about. You've been on my mind all the time Pepsi-Cola! _

_Hopefully I'll figure something out soon! Things aren't looking up since I've run out of money and have gotten sick. I suppose all I can do is keep moving. Otherwise, I'll stop. I'll give up. The only thing keeping me going is knowing I'll get to see you again. I love you silly goober. _

_Love you now and forever,_

_Twiny (LLC)_

I had started crying in loud gasps. I'm surprised none of the guys heard me, if they did they didn't want to know what was wrong. Or they already knew what was wrong. It's really hard to know that my sister isn't doing well. She's out of money, she's sick and she is loosing hope. If I knew where she was, I'd join her. but than again I could leave Darry and Pony.

They don't get along well as it is, things are fucked up. God, I need a cigarette or something. I never smoke but hell, it might help.

I got up off my bed and scrambled out the door. Throwing my shoes on and coat I growled out to the guys. "I'm going to see Sandy."

"Sure. Hey, you okay Soda?" Pony asked as I ran out the door. I didn't want to lie to him, so I didn't answer. For the rest of the night I cried and stomped around at Sandy's house. She didn't care, she told me she like it when I opened up like that. The whole thing just makes me feel less of a man, like a pussy even. Fuck this shit! I want my twin back!


	2. Fears

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

*Tiny bit of smut, just for a second, nothing big. Just Two-bit being drunk. For your warning.*

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**Keep Moving**

_Fears_

_**(Lucy's POV) **__**December 18**__**th**_

Today is Ponyboy's birthday and I've just about cried myself dry. For the last hour and a half I've been in this gas station bathroom. Weeping and cursing myself to hell. I've been debating on whether or not I should call Pony up to wish him a happy birthday. I could be risking them finding me, they could track my call or some shit, right? Maybe I'm just being paranoid! I should just call him. Yeah, I should call him. It's been long enough. Everything has cooled down, they would run after me anyway. I'm not that important. I'm too far away anyway. For the last two weeks or so I've been in East Ohio. Not exactly the most exciting place to visit, but it's got okay people.

Secretly I've been on my way to New York. I want to check it out, see what Dallas was talking about. Maybe look up some of his friends I've heard about. Hell, he might even be there. That would be the best Christmas gift I could of ever received. It's a fat chance for him to be there though, but it's a nice thought. I'm sure he's moved on, I don't blame him. If I wasn't moving around so much, I would look around at some of theses good looking boys. What am I thinking? No I wouldn't.

After washing my face, I stared at myself in the mirror, cringing at the sight. I've lost so much weight. My skin is a sickly pale color. Giant bags hang under my eyes as a reminder that I never sleep. I sniffled a little as cold snot tried to escape my nostrils. Grimacing before looking away, I went into a coughing fit. Wheezing in and out with huge heaves of sick air running down my throat. I've been sick, and haven't gotten any better. A while ago I had to use the rest of my money to buy myself a coat. I bought it from this one guy, who left two dollars in the pockets. Two more dollars that I didn't have before. I still have those two dollars, saving them for this phone call I want to make. It hasn't really helped to keep me healthy but it is a lot warmer than plaid shirt and jeans.

After recovering from my fit, I brushed my teeth and hair. I haven't showered in five days so I'm greasy all around. My eyes are hallow with loneliness. I've hardened in the last thirty-two days. I'm sort of like a freak that walks around everywhere. people don't really approach me, I confront them. It's a good thing I've already established a ride for the night, other wise I'd bee sleeping in a gas station again. A nice trucker offered to take me as far as Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. She told me she would be ready to leave in a half hour. I've got that long to gather my balls together and call Ponyboy.

Exiting the bathroom, I grabbed my bag. Going up to the counter I asked for two dollars in change. With my eight quarters in hand, I left the gas station. I should of probably bought something to eat since it's been two days since the last time I did. Pony is more important than that, I could steal something I suppose. Oh well, maybe I can bum the trucker for something.

In the cold air, I trudged up to the payphone across the lot. Setting my bag in the snow, I stared at the coins in my hand. After coughing a few times, I through a quarter in the machine. With shaky I dialed the number, leaning into the payphone for warmth. Coughing again, I turned away form the phone. Putting up to my ear again, I grimaced. Sighing nervously while the phone rang, I clenched the cord. Finally after a few rings, Steve picked up the phone. Maybe I shouldn't tell him it's me right away, if I do he would give me away. Pony's birthday phone call was to be a surprise, besides I don't want them to make a fuss.

"Hello?" he giggled into the phone.

"Hi, is Ponyboy Curtis there?" I frowned at my voice. It sounded horrible, all scratchy and low. It is all raspy, kind of like Walt's. It's changed, not just from being sick but from the lack of use. I hardly ever talk anymore, it's like I've turned mute again. Things are different now, so I had to be different. I just wish that wasn't the case.

"Hold on…" he said chuckling. "Ponyboy, there's a girllll on the phone for you." I heard lots of whoops and wristlets. Pony chuckled at Steve, demanding the phone.

"Shut up, Steve." he told him as he put the phone closer to his face. "Hello?"

I was silent, I couldn't believe how he sounded. His voice had finally changed. It was deep and…well…not the voice I remember. My baby brother is growing up. A tear fell from my eyes as he asked for me to answer him.

"Hello?" say something Lucy.

"Ponyboy." even to myself I sound unfamiliar.

"Yes, this is him. Who is this?" I could just see in my mind his face looking confused. It made me want to cry loudly into the phone, but I held my composure.

"Pony…. it's me. Lucy." I cleared my throat a little. He was silent for a while, making me nervous. I started to cough as my throat tickled, pulling away from the phone. When I came back, it was still silent. Then he spoke, sounding baffled.

"No shit." he said in a low whispered.

"I shit you not." I said more clearly, finally I sounded a little bit like myself. He then fell silent again. After what felt like forever, I heard a crash and him screaming.

"Holy shit. HOLY SHIT!" he yelled into the phone. I could hear the gang in the background wondering what the excitement was all about. Darry's booming voice yelling for Pony to calm down. His voice made me want to yell at him. The way it sounded just scared me, why did he sound so mean?

"Is it really you?" he asked more calmly but still excited..

"Happy birthday, Pone." I answered trying not to speak to much. My throat was killing me but speaking with him was worth it.

"Wow, you're awfully casual Luc." he told me with a chuckle. I then heard lots of male voices screaming 'what!?' and 'no way!'.

"Did you get my gifts?" I rasped out.

"Yes, thank you. I can't wait to read them." he went silent again. The only sounds were the trucks driving by me and the sounds of the gang demanding answers.

"This is strange." he said in a low voice.

"I know." I agreed it was strange. "Just imagine if I showed up there, that would be even weirder." I laughed quietly.

"No shit, it would be REALLY…." Pony was interrupted by loud shouts from Sodapop. They were muffled and the only thing that I could hear were Pony's whines.

"Soda, you can talk to her in a minute." he grumbled talking to me again.

"Are you alright? You sound a lot different." he offered sounding concerned.

"Your one to talk, going through puberty and what not." I started to laugh with him but was stopped by a fit of coughs.

"Lucy, you okay?" he sounded more concerned than before.

"Yeah, just sick." breathing in and out a few times I spoke again. "So how are things at home?"

"Not exactly perfect."

"Tell me about it." I said wanting to know details.

"Well…ya know…." he said warily.

"Yeah." I responded sort of understanding, but not. We went silent for a while again. Until I spoke up.

"I wish I could be there, I'm sorry all this shit happened. I don't know what to say, I just…"

"Luc, I get it, I just want you to come home. I know that you would be taken away if you did but still. I know in your mind its a lot worse than leaving."

"Oh you know me so well." I said dramatically.

"I see you still haven't lost your sense of humor. Something's never change." he muttered with a chuckle.

I went silent, thinking he has no idea. I've change a bunch, everything. Appearance, vocally, emotionally…everything. I even think that my handwriting has changed. "You don't seem like you've changed. Except your voice, all manly." I said clearing my throat of this mucus shit.

"Oh don't get me started, the gang has been hassling me for a month. Always making fun of me when I squeak or something." he told me still fighting off Sodapop and the gang.

"Okay, okay. Lay off Soda, let me say goodbye." Pony got silent.

"I love you." I told him.

"I love you too. Don't for get to send letters and try to call. Here's Soda, he is dieing to talk to you." Ponyboy was distant when he said goodbye, hopefully he wasn't to upset.

"LUCY!" Soda screamed into the phone as I giggled. This made me go into another coughing fit, then I sniffled miserable. Sodapop's voice was concerned on the other line.

"Twiny, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I assured him, popping in another quarter.

"Twiny, oh how, I've missed you." he sounded relieved but pained.

Across the lot I looked to see the trucker revving up her engine. She honked at me to hurry up. "Shit Twiny, I have to go. My ride is leaving without me. I love you. Hey, tell Dallas I'm going to the place with the blue birds."

"What is that supposed to me?" he sounded a little angry.

"I can't explain, he will understand." I said grabbing my bag up and motioning for her to wait a second more.

"WAIT! When will we hear from you again?!" Soda sounded panicked.

"As soon as I can. Hang in there babe, I love you." before hanging up the phone hurriedly, I heard him muffle a 'I love you too.'

I raced over to the truck on the other side of the lot, trying not to cry. After throwing my bag in, I climbed up in the truck. We were off, excited to get on the road. She talked casually to me as I listened. After about an hour, I fell asleep in a sorrowful way.

_

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_

_**(Soda POV) **__**January 12**__**th**___

We have not heard from Lucy since Pony's birthday. The first sign of her in weeks, showed up today. There was a letter that came today and I have to wait until Darry gets home to open it. I've barked and bitched at everyone that has talked to me. Surprisingly when I yelled at Dallas, he just patted me on the back. Giving me a look I've never really seen from him, sadness. Sure Dally is a broken guy, but he doesn't like to show it. He never shows if, it's about time he did I suppose.

Everything has cooled down since she called. Darry isn't as irritable as he used to be, but you never know when he is going to flip out. I swear on my left toe that he is secretly a women. Just because he is so moody, so bi polar. Like he has a monthly friend that says, 'fuck you all!'. I've discussed this with Steve before, which was VERY stupid on my part. He goes and mentions it to Superman, looking for a death wish. The other day Steve almost got knocked out because of his big mouth. I think about Darry being a girl but than forget all about it when he is really tough. Showing off his muscles and what not. He threw his back out a few days ago, I had to fix it. Of course I didn't do as well as Lucy could have, but it was decent work. Darry was up at work two days later, today.

Pony still can't seem to get over the nightmares, it seems I will permanently be rooming with him again. Which is okay with me of course. I've always like to cuddle. Its also nice to have someone to talk to all the time. Pony and I have defiantly gotten closer over this ordeal. I guess I had to latch onto something. Like Sandy, we have been really getting close. She visits me everyday at work, sometimes even skips class to be with her man. Damn, she is ever so fine, quite the looker. Her personality too, she is so sweet and energetic.

I've noticed I've changed since Lucy left. There is something missing in whatever I do now. Sometimes everything seems out of place. But I always seem to come back to reality and live everyday life. I hope she is coping as well as I am, but you never know with Luc. If it wasn't for the letter I hold in my hands, I would of thought her dead. For a while there, I did think that.

_FINALLY_, Darry just walked into the door. The letter was addressed to me and my brothers so after a while I kicked everyone out. They seemed confused but knew they shouldn't mess with me now, I'm to uptight at the moment. As soon as Darry set his tool belt down and took off his coat, I opened the letter sitting next to Pony on the couch. I didn't wait to start to read it out loud.

_Dear Brothers,__January 1st_

_Christmas passed. I'm sorry I didn't call or something, I suppose I owe you some information since I haven't sent you anything in a while. One, my stuff got stolen. Two, I've made it to a destination I plan on staying for a while. Three, things have happened that I can't explain in a letter. And four, I got in a fight and was sent into the local cooler. They kept trying to look me up, Maggie Lou Patrick, but they couldn't find me. I told them the story that I told everyone else I met, nothing different. They were planning on sending me to the state prison, so I escaped with the help of some friends. I've been rooming with them ever since._

_Joan is one of the girls I'm staying with. She isn't exactly Mother Theresa but she's better then nothing. She is an artist, WAY talented. Carla or Smoothie, as I call her, plays a mean guitar. Something that I've never seen before, she is WAY talented too. Chris, Joan's man, lives with us too. I call him cigs because he ALWAYS has a cigarette in his mouth. The three of them have introduced me to a lot of people. To them I'm known as Rogue or Ray. It's not the best names, but I didn't pick it. If I could pick my name it would be Lucy._

_I was thinking the other day about you guys needing money. . If you need a little extra cash, sell my clothes. Sell anything you want to in my room. Just save me a leotard, one of Dad's shirts, one of Mom's scarves and a dress. That's all I ask. Otherwise, get rid of the shit! Get rid of it so I don't have to come home to it. I will come home. I promise! Truth be told my brothers…._

_I've changed. Things have changed. It scares me, I think I might be loosing myself. It's not fun to watch it happen to yourself. I had to adapt, so I did. I only hope I don't stay like this. It's like the whole world turned Greaser and I'm in the middle of it. I miss you guys so much. The thought of seeing you, is the only thing that I have to hold on to. Everything else, got stolen along with my clothes. Besides that, Mom's necklace is the only thing I have of you guys. I love you guys. Sorry if I can't get a hold of you in a while, don't worry. _

_Love you now and forever,_

_Lucy Lou Curtis_

We were silent. We were baffled and worried. I felt like slamming my fists into the wall until they bled. I felt like drinking, even though I never drink because I hate the taste. For once in my life I wanted to fucking go insane, I need her back! Who cares if she gets taken away, she needs to come home. There is only one person that I know that might have an idea where she is. Dallas. He should know 'where the blue birds are.'. I never mentioned it to him that she told me to tell him that, now should be a good time. I got up and started towards the door, throwing my coat. Shoving the letter into my jean pocket after folding it, I sighed.

"Where you going?" Darry asked throwing me the keys.

"To find Dallas. I need to have a word with him." I didn't sound angry but more distant. "Then I might swing by Sandy's."

"Don't be out to late, I need the truck for work tomorrow." I nodded heading out of the house. I stomped down the steps in a rush, throwing myself in the truck I slammed the door. Turning on the truck, I sped down the street search for Dally. He should be at Buck's.

It took me about ten minutes to get to Buck's. I parked and locked the truck up right in back of one of his Chevys. With a firm grasp on the keys, I stormed up to the door. Knocking loudly, Buck swung the door open. He sized me up before leaning forward so I could hear him through the loud music that was inside.

"You Sodapop Curtis?" I nodded waiting to be invited inside.

"What do you want?" if I was Lucy, he would have had me inside by now. Her and Buck always got along, unlike me.

"I need to speak with Dallas."

"He's busss." I interrupted him.

"I don't give a fuck, tell him to come here or I'm going to him." I ordered. Where the hell did that come from. I never shouted, I never lost my cool. Putting my hands in my pockets, I breathed out shakily. Buck then scowled at me right before slamming the door in my face. I started to bang on the door again, right before Dallas shoved the door open. He looked me up and down with a cigarette in his mouth. With nothing but jeans and socks on, he motioned for me to follow him inside.

The party was boss, but I had to ignore that. Walking past the party goers, I followed Dallas up the stairs. But not before hearing Two-bit holler up to me in a drunken manner. "Sooodapooop!" he laughed out. Turning to look at him I shook my head trying to get the images out of my mind. The guy was naked sitting on a broads lap as she stroked his, area. I quickly turned around, trying not to vomit on my way up the stairs. I could hear his shaky laughs all the way up in Dallas's room.

Dallas shut the door behind him, motioning for me to sit. But I did, I stood my ground while he sat on the bed. "Two-bit's crazy." he muttered taking a drag of is cigarette.

"How close were you with my sister?" I asked to start off with. He looked at me baffled or what seemed to be anger. Perhaps he didn't want to talk about Lucy, but I didn't care. It seemed to be a testy subject.

"Why?" his voice was cold and it stung my ears. Dally's stare pierced right through me, trying to intimidate me. I wont lie, it did a little bit. But not enough to make me cower away from him.

"Dallas." I said, he caved.

"She was my best friend." he said without emotion. But looking at me in a way that told me he didn't want to talk about it.

"You love her?"

"Yes." plain and simple.

"More than a best friend?"

"No." there it was, all I need to know about that matter. Breathing out a sigh I took a seat next to him. He offered me a smoke, I reluctantly accepted.

"Got a letter from her today." I said coolly. He grunted as if to say, 'Okay, why should I care.'

"She found a place to stay, she's rooming with some people. She didn't say where."

"Sodapop, what are you getting at? Because if it's of any conciliation, I'd rather not talk about this."

"Do you know where the place is with the blue birds?" I looked at him take a small drag, very small drag.

"Why?" he looked at me warily.

"She told me on Pony's birthday that she was going to the place with the blue birds." Dallas's face lit up for a second but was quickly emotionless again.

"I don't remember what it means, but it sound familiar." he said pondering with a drag of nicotine.

"You got the letter." Dallas read the letter silently and then handed it back to me.

"Anything familiar."

"Nothing, nothing at all." Dally said giving me a serious look, that said 'Get the fuck out.'


	3. That's Not Alright Mama

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

*Mentions of drugs, attempt rape and suicide for warning.*

* * *

**Keep Moving**

_That's Not Alright Mama_

_**(Lucy POV) February 1st**___

It's February first. Day seventy-five away from my family and friends. Seventy-five days of unfamiliar territory. Thirty-one days since I've contacted the people that really care about me. One hundred and seventy days since my parents have died. Twenty-two days since I've gotten my first tattoo. It was on my leg where I wrote to Mom and Dad. The guy traced over my scaring with thick, dark ink. It still reads the same thing as it did before. Fifteen days since my second tattoo. I got a sodapop bottle stamped to my right foot, it reads Pepsi-Cola on the front.

It's been twenty-five days since I was almost date-raped. Twenty-five days since Robert, a guy I knew, killed the guy that tried to rape me. Turns out his baby sister was raped right before she was murdered in an alleyway. Twenty-four days ago Robert killed himself. His funeral was twenty-one days ago. I was the only one besides Joan who showed up. That night I drank myself to sleep, after smoking marijuana for the first time. I've smoked marijuana on seven different occasions since then.

Eighteen days since I've snorted cocaine for the first time. That day I harmed myself for the first time in over three months. Twelve days since I got in a fight with some bitch that tried to start shit with Smoothie. Nine days ago I tried to call my brothers for help, but couldn't. Eight days ago I snorted cocaine for the second time. That afternoon I was arrested in Bronx for walking around naked and drunk in a public place. Only to escape and get arrested in Manhattan for stealing a Hollywood Butter Nut bar and a six pack at a gas station. Chris busted me out that same night and took me home. Only to have me pass out after throwing up on his shoes.

Four days ago I harmed myself for the second time in months. Three days ago I sang at a local club and was paid one hundred dollars and thirteen cents, in performance fees and tips. All money went to Joan who pays the bills normally. It was my way of contributing to the rent. Two days ago I passed out in my own vomit on the floor, at a party, at a mans house that I didn't know. Chris took me home, only to have me wake up and vomit on his shoes for a second time in days, only they were new. It's been a day since I was kicked out of their apartment. I've been roaming the streets of Brooklyn since then. Looking for a drink or cigarette. In search for someone who gives a damn. Or in search for a place to sleep. The only place that comes to mind, is home.

* * *

_**February 13**__**th**___

One hundred and eighty-two days since my parents died. I sobbed on a street corner for an hour and a half, because I couldn't tie my shoe. Not because I was high or drunk, but because I haven't slept in four days. It was overwhelming, I was crying out for Darry most of the time. Sometimes my mom. Eventually someone tied my shoe for me, after calling me completely nuts. They helped me to my feet and I've been staggering around Manhattan ever since. Until I recently passed out in an alley way with an old homeless man as my witness. Eighty-seven days since I felt the love of my brothers and the true warmth of a home.

* * *

_**February 22**__**nd**___

Ninety-six days away from the people that actually care about me. Two days since Joan dumped Chris and invited me to live with her and Smoothie again. Joan went to try and sell some of her art in Central Park. Smoothie is in the other room, getting ready to meet Joan in the park. She is going to entertain for cash, playing her guitar. I will be left alone, at last. Last night I was laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling. All night I was like that, then I fell asleep. Woke up around six. Joan made me take a shower around ten, so I did. Smoothie tried to get me to eat, but I didn't.

I'm sitting against the wall, under the counter top. A few hours ago I kicked the stools away from me, giving me more space to wallow. I've been staring at the same spot on the wooden floor for twenty minutes now. Right after I got done staring at my third tattoo, a football on my thumb, for twelve minutes. Its hardly noticeable since it's the size of a penny. Smoothie just walked into the room.

"Hey Rogue, I'm getting the fuck out of here. Lock the door after I leave, okay?" I kept staring blankly.

"ROGUE!" my head swung up to look at Smoothie.

"Did you hear me?" I nodded absently, not wanting to delay her to getting the fuck out.

"What is with you?" she started towards the door, muttering under her breathe. "Crazy bitch."

Now I was alone, nothing but the noise of the street to fill the air. I looked over to the open window next to the fire escape. Grunting with annoyance that I had to get up, I walked over to the window to close it. Closing my eyes, I pretended I was in my own room. I was closing my window for the night, right after kicking Dallas out. Opening my eyes, I shut the window with a loud crash. In my untied converse, I walked into the kitchenette. On the counter lay an opened bottle of red wine.

"Drinking never solves anything." I told myself while grabbing the neck of the bottle. Throwing myself onto the couch, I took a small swig.

I've changed so much in the last seven months of my life. Most of it occurring since I've ran away from Oklahoma. Or did that shit ever happen? For the last few weeks I've been debating whether or not I was ever Lucy Lou Curtis. I'm fucking Maggie Lou Patrick now, who cares is Lucy is ever found!? Not me. Okay I do, but did she ever exist? What the hell am I thinking? Smoothie is right, I'm a crazy bitch. I grabbed my knees and pulled them up to my chest for comfort. I'm a crazy fucking bitch, I don't even know what is real anymore!

Lucy or Maggie? Who ever I am, I have long silver brown hair that is down to my butt. It's thick and unkempt. Most of it is in my face, hiding the hollowness of my silver blue eyes. Drinking has made me maintain the small weight of one hundred and two pounds. It isn't much, it's not easy to improve it when you can't eat. It's just like when Mom and Dad died, I couldn't eat. I wasn't hungry. Now is no different, except I have nothing to loose if I don't eat. Except maybe a few pounds of empty hope, that's what they are. If that even makes sense. I'm fucked up, just look at me! I scoffed at myself while taking a swig of wine.

From what I remember, I didn't dress all that girly to begin with. Instead of changing my look, I hardly wear anything, because I never leave this apartment. If I do bad things happen. I get in fights. Do drugs. Wake up passed out in the middle of living room floors. No recollection of how the hell I got there. So I stay here, until we run out of alcohol or cigarettes.

I'm currently wearing a large t-shirt. It's a large button up night shirt for men. Joan stole one for each of us one. Said it was supposed to bring us together as a small fucked up family that we were. Dark gray for me, red for her and black for Smoothie. Only three of the buttons were bothered to be buttoned, one of which isn't in the right hole. I hadn't bother to put a bra on since I wasn't going anywhere today. Nor did I bother to find pants. But for some strange reason, I have my converse on. They may look out of place to a normal human being but I'm not normal. They are one of the only things I have left of what used to be, next to the necklace hanging from my neck. If any of that really exists too. I probably stole this necklace from some tramp who tried to steal one of Smoothies men. Fuck it, it makes my head hurt trying to remember.

Taking a swig of wine, I scoffed at my life. If I think about it, my whole life is unkempt. Just like my appearance. It's messy and neglected. Needing to be groomed and reorganized because it's so unpolished. Untidy in more ways than one. Drinking bottle after bottle of alcohol. Smoking cigarette after cigarette. Speaking of which, I want one. Not because I need it, no matter how many of those I have I will never be addicted. The only thing that could make me addicted to them is the thought to see one coolly rested Dallas Winston's lips. The memory makes me smile, if it's a memory. Or drinking hours on end the way Two-bit did. If they were ever real. Did any of that really happen to me, I can't fathom anything! Makes me fucking sick to my stomach to think that it did. But than if also makes me want to die knowing that none of those people really cared for me. They weren't real, but were they? SO FUCKING CONFUSED!

Maybe I should just die. That would be nice. I would be with Mom and Dad, if Maggie and Darrel really were my parents. But if they were I could be with them. The thought makes me smile, but what if all my shit came around on me. All my sins would drag me to hell or some shit like that. Then, I can truly say 'Karma is a bitch.'. God, save me. Looking up at the ceiling, I took a gulp of wine. Letting some of it drip from my lips, down my chin and staining my dark gray shirt.

I've just got to stop thinking about this, its making me sick. I started to sing to get my mind off of things. First I sang some Johnny Cash, like "Walk The Line" and "Cry. Cry. Cry.". I sang the songs very loudly, in-between gulps of red wine. After that I sang a few other numbers that Maggie, Mom, used to sing with me, eventually I started to cry. What if I imagined that shit too! Me and her never sang together. We never spent days on end singing songs that didn't make sense. "YOU'RE A FUCKING JOKE!" I yelled kicking the coffee table.

After breathing in and out, rocking myself on the couch, I started to sing Jerry Lee Lewis "Great Balls of Fire". After a while I fell silent, listening to the demanding silence. Drinking my red wine without a shame, I stared off into the oncoming darkness. Then, without thinking I began to sing one of Darrel's, Dad's, favorites, Elvis Presley "That's alright Mama".

I sang it loudly and hoarsely, just the way I always did. It cracked the hell out of Dad when I would sing it. He would be laughing so hard he would almost piss his pants, one time he did. When I was eight I sang that with Mom, the both of us trying to imitate The King. All we did was look like fools, and everyone loved it. When ever we would hear that song, we had to act the fool otherwise life would be pointless as we knew it.

"Well, that's alright, mama, that's alright for you! That's alright mama, just anyway you do!" take a swig. "Mama she done told me, papa done told me too!"

There was a knock on the door, but I ignored it while standing up. I rocked back and forth on my heels. The neck of the wine bottle cupped in my hands as I swayed. My knees shook back and forth to my singing. Both of my arms flailed around, acting the fool like they should. All of my hair circled around me as I dance crazily, my eyes closed out of enjoyment. A small tear dripped from my eye as I dance, remembering what should have been true. What I think is a memory, it makes me sad to think that it wasn't.

"'Son, that gal you're foolin' with, she ain't no good for you' But that's alright, that's alright. That's alright now mama, anyway you do."

The knock came again, harder, but I didn't pay any attention to it. I was to involved with the song. It was wrapping around me like a blanket does when sleeping. I brought the bottle up to my lips, gulping loudly. After whipping my chin with my forearm, I continued to dance. Tears spilling over my eyes as I performed to myself.

"I'm leaving town, baby, I'm leaving town for sure! Well, then you wont be bothered with me hanging 'round your door, well that's alri…."

"Luc?" the blood in my veins stopped flowing. My muscles were frozen to a halt. Slowly, I opened my watery, scratchy, red eyes. Warily, I turned my hips around to see who had called my name. Who had addressed me by my real name, it couldn't be who it sounded like. He never existed. I'm Maggie, not Luc. Am I? Then I turned my entire body, slouched over, right across for this man. This beautiful man. This memory of a man, what the fuck!

Dallas fucking Winston. How the hell did he get in here? Is he here? I thought I was dreaming, he doesn't exist! Neither does Lucy Curtis! I'm Maggie, RIGHT!? Why the hell is he here? How the hell did he find me? To compose my crazy thoughts, I casually took a sip of wine. Gripping onto the bottle for dear life as we stared at each other. My eyes no longer seeping liquid as he smirked at me. His smirk was just as I imagined it to be. Or as I remember it to be, only showing a little bit of his teeth. He slowly walked towards me with that smirk. When he was five feet away, I shoved the bottle at him. Making sure he was real as I shoved it into his clutches. The bottle didn't drop, he must be real. Dally took a heavy swig, right before I snatched it from him.

I gulped down the last sip, letting the emptiness drop to the floor. It didn't shatter, making a clanking noise it rolled away to never bee seen again. Dallas fucking WINSTON! The king of the hoods. THEE greaser or all greasers! Here he was. In front of my unkempt, fragile body. He hovered over me with his huge shoulders. His tough expression. That beautiful cigarette lightly hanging from his lips.

"Luc." he sounds so familiar. I wanted to crash my body into his. And fucking go nuts. Going limp in his arms. Fucking tear his shirt off and smell the fuck out of it. Rub it all over my face, helping me remember his beautiful scent. I wanted to fucking cry all over his naked torso! But not before cozying up into his giant leather jacket. I wanted to fucking loose myself so bad that I was shaking like a leaf.

My voice was lost, I just didn't know what to say. Here was someone from for my past. This is proof that it was in fact my past. I'm not Maggie Lou Patrick, I'm really Lucy Lou Curtis. All that is real to me is my liquor and my memories of songs like "That's Alright Mama". I'm not crazy, well I am just not hallucinating. All of that really did happen. My parents are dead. My brothers are living in Oklahoma, without me. Because I had to be dumb and run away. Why was Dally here? To fix me, god I hope so! I shook my head trying to recover some information about myself.

You are Lucy Lou Curtis. Sister of Darry, Sodapop and Ponyboy Curtis. Your parents are dead, and so are you. You are dead in the inside. No one cares about you, remember. Lucy, you live in this trash infested apartment with two other underachieving greaser girls. For the last month or so you've helped them pay the rent by singing in clubs and on street corners. No one gives a shit about you! All of this is true. And now Dallas Winston is standing in front of me? Wearing is signature leather jacket. A devious smirk gracing his wonderfully soft face. But it was not an amused smirk, he wasn't laughing at what I've become. It was a smirk that told me he was relieved to see my ugly mug again.

He frowned when I didn't say anything. I didn't move or even blink. Hardly breathing because of how overwhelmed I am. After stepping back a little he looked me over. Finally I shifted to stand with one leg resting. My right hip high than the other. He could see my noticeable cleavage since the buttons were messed up on my shirt and I had no bra on. I'm sure he also noticed my dark maroon panties sticking out from under the shirt. Him looking me over would of made me uncomfortable, if it was a few months ago. If it were then, I would of rush out of the room by now. Hurriedly in search of some pants. But now, I could care less. I don't care anymore, about anything. Well not anything that has to do with myself. Fuck me, I should of died a while ago.

When you've been neglected for as long as I have, you become uncaring for yourself all together. Nothing is important anymore, nothing. If it wasn't for Joan I would even bother to shower. If Smoothie didn't yell at me to make some money, I would never leave the apartment. If smoking and drinking didn't remind me of the gang than I would do it. There is just nothing left for me to live for. It's over, it's all over. There is no tomorrow. It's FUCKING OVER! I shook my head trying to throw my negative thoughts away. My head shook back and forth. Before I knew it I was chanting the 'No'. Both of my hands were being thrown up and down at my sides.

I felt a large hand cup the back of my head. It pushed me into Dallas's chest, as his arm wrapped around my shoulders. Out of anger and frustration for the past few months, I started to beat his chest. All the while, still screaming 'No' at him. This wasn't right. Why have I ended up like this? I'm a freak of nature. I'm a fucking lunatic! Living in Brooklyn with to girls that I barely know. Wearing nothing but a fucking men's night shirt and converse. Beating the fuck out of Dallas's chest while going insane. And he just takes it. Doing nothing but shushing me.

Finally I caved and smashed into his chest. Clenching my hands on his shirt that lay in-between the opening of his leather jacket. He kept on shushing me, smoothing down my hair every few seconds. Dallas felt so loose compared to me. I was tense and awkward. My body seemed to scrunch up into my shoulders. Both my knees were starting to lift my feet off the ground in reaction to my emotions. I wanted to curl up and fucking die. Die, be rid of this fucking nightmare. That's all that I could think about while I whispered and choked out the word 'No'. That's not alright now mama. That's not alright for you.


	4. Neglected Jigsaw Puzzle

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.**

**(Language for warning)**

* * *

**Keep Moving**

_Neglected Jigsaw Puzzle_

_**(Lucy POV)**_

Dallas let me crumble to the ground, he crumbled with me. I sat on his lap while sobbing very loudly. Every few minutes I would kiss his collarbone or his hand. His large paw was clasped into mine, rubbing the top of it with his thumb. Dally would kiss my forehead sweetly as I sobbed into the crock of his neck. Muttering the 'No' every few minutes while I cried. After a while, I began to calm down, only slight hiccupping as we sat. Then finally, I shut up all together.

After a moment of silence, I pulled myself away from Dallas. I dragged my feet as I scoffed off into the bathroom. After relieving myself of my burden, I washed my hands. While leaning into the sink, I stared at myself in the mirror. "Fuck you!" I said with the curl of my upper lip.

I shoved my hands out from under the water and smashed them against the mirror. It didn't do much but make a loud noise. Again I throw my fists at the mirror, screaming at the reflection. "I hate you!"

The mirror shook with vibrations as I hit it a third time. After throwing my fist against it one last time, it shattered. Most of it remained on the wall, enough of it so I could see the fucked up figure staring out from the mirror, me. I jumped onto the counter and started kicking the mirror with my foot. Again I began to smash my fists into the mirror, again and again. Mimicking the sound that was coming from the door. Dallas was screaming for me to open the door, but I was to busy fucking up the mirror. The rest of the mirror fell from the wall and crashed into the sink.

As I was trying to get off the counter, I slipped on the water that was all of the counter. My small body when tumbling to the floor with a thud. The pain shot through my back as I stood up. I mostly ignored it as I stood there in front of the counter, the sink full of water and the mirror. In the shards of mirror I could see myself wincing at my back pain. With hateful screams, I grabbed the pile of the mirror and throw them into the wall. Screaming at them crazily. I held my hands out in front of me as Dallas broke the hinges on the door. As the door popped off, he stormed in. Immediately he grabbed my wrists, examining my tender hands. My tears didn't go unnoticed as I stood there. Dally huddled next to me as he put his arm around my shoulder.

"I fucking hate it!" I sobbed as he set me on the couch. He looked at me through his hair, with serious eyes.

"What the hell happened to you Luc?" wouldn't you like to know. I was trembling again. So many emotions ran through me. Love. Hate. Fear. Anger. Mostly anger. And sadness. Lots of sadness. As he crouched in front of me, I laid my forehead on his shoulder.

"Where are your pants?" why? I've been half naked for the last hour that you've been here, why put pants on now? Besides I have no idea where they would be. Dallas put the back of my head into his hand and he leaned me back onto the couch.

"Where's the first aid and some pants?" he asked again. I bitterly chuckled, as I huddled my knees up to my chest. We wouldn't waste money on a first aid kit, are you insane. We need our alcohol. I shook my head at him. He grunted standing up, his finger pointing down at me.

"Don't move. I'm going to find you some pants." Dallas walked out of the room, with his swagger. Some things never change, Dallas never changes. that's because he is strong and tough. Like he's said before 'You're tough, nothing can touch ya.' he was right. When he came back he held a wet looking towel and a few of Smoothie's scarves.

"You guys have shit here, I couldn't even find pants." Dallas forced my hands out from my body. I had my elbows tucked into my sides, trying to be as small as possible. Still I sobbed while he cleaned off my hands. He wrapped them with the scarves. Dally then forced my legs into a sitting position, my feet on the floor. He unbuttoned the button that was in the wrong whole, then button up the shirt. Every button was in perfect alignment with the other. Each sticking through its matching whole.

Dallas then looked at me, staring into my watery eyes. He was searching for some answer to all of this, all of this shit. With my wrapped hands I grabbed the collar of his jacket, clenching it for support. Sobbing even loudly. Chocking out into the air, wishing that I never ran away. He looked around the room, then smiled slightly in victory. Dally stood up and walked over to the window sill. There was a pair of black sweat pants handing on it. Half of them were out the window, it was shut. Opening the window, he snatched the pants.

Crouching down in front of me again, he took my untied shoes off. He gently slipped Joan's pants on my legs. I'm a lot taller than Joan, which isn't saying much, so the pants didn't fit my legs. The bottom of them rose up above my ankles. Dallas grabbed the sides of the pants and yanked them up to my butt. Lifting me slightly off the couch as he did so. Then he grabbed my left shoe but stopped looking at me. His eyes told me he was a little annoyed but his voice was sweet and caring.

"Socks?" good luck. I sniffled a small sigh, leaning back onto the couch. My tears were silent now. No longer sobbing loudly, only small tears ran down my hot face. Getting back up, he left for one of the bedrooms. He came back with a purple sock and a white one. Kneeling down in front of me, he put the white sock on my left foot. When he went for my right, then stopped. Staring at the Pepsi-Cola bottle tattooed onto the top of my foot. He smoothed it over with his thumb.

"Tattoo?" he looked up at me surprised. That reminds me, I should get on for Ponyboy. I've gotten one for my parents, Soda and Darry, but not him. Without a word, I answered him with a slight unnoticeable nod. After looking back at my foot, he slid the purple sock onto my foot. Then he put my converse back on, tying them tight around my ankles.

Dallas stood in front of me, I was looking up at him sadly. He frowned down at me, sighing. "Lucy girl, your all broken."

I nodded, starting to cry harder again. What a weak, little, pathetic worm I am! You're fucking shit Lucy Lou Curtis! You'll always be shit! Taking off his leather jacket, he wrapped it around my shoulders. It was warm inside and I immediately shoved my arms into it. I hugged my body with the jacked as Dallas scooped me up into his arms. My legs dangled at his side as he carried me. We made our way to the door, me sobbing into his black long sleeve shirt. He turned us around to look at the small, disgraceful apartment. I didn't know where he was carrying me, but I knew it was away from here. That's all I need to know to convince me to go with him.

"Anything you want to take with you?" he mumbled sounding very uninterested and disgusted. I wonder if he hates this place as much as I do? He's only been here an hour or more and seems to loath it as I do. I just clenched onto his shirt, bringing my face down into the back of my covered hands.

"I didn't think so." Dally said turning around and leaving through the half open door. As he carried me through the long hallway to the stairs, I wondered if they would remember me. If they would realize that I had disappeared from the apartment. Perhaps the only thing that they will notice is that the bathroom was a mess. I then realized that I left the water running. Chuckling through my sobs as we went down the stairs. Looking up at Dally as he looked down at me.

"What?" for the first time I said something that made sense since he had been here.

"I left the water running." he smirked as he looked forward again.

"You would be concerned about that." Dallas mumbled as we left out the back door at the end of the stairs. The cold February air hit both out us like a ton of bricks. He carried me all the way to the end of the road, turning to the right, then left, than right again. We made it to a parking lot half empty of cars. I looked up to see the moon looking down at us. It was a small crescent smiling down at us. Light tears fell from my eyes as Dallas set me next to a blue 1957 Chevy Sedan. I bet this is Buck's cars, otherwise, it's stolen.

He opened the door and guided me inside. I leaned my back against the door as he hopped into the drivers seat. Dallas started the car, then backed it out of the parking space. Me feet were propped up onto the seat as I cradled myself into a ball against the seat. Dally drove in a quick motion, I watched him carefully. The way his eyes glared at the road while we went. His hands twisted on the steering wheel. Dally's knuckles were slightly white from how tight he was gripping the wheel. Every few minutes he would glance at me. To make sure I was still there or something.

Eventually we made it to the free way, we traveled south. At least, that's what I read on the sign. I was no longer crying by the time Dallas lit himself a cigarette. The lights on the sides of the road flashed in and out of the car. Only allowing me to see him every few seconds. He just looked at me, piercing me with his brown eyes. Frowning deeply as he looked back at the road.

"Luc, I don't know what to say." he said in a painful voice. "I knew you would be different but, Glory."

He went silent for a while after that. After a few minutes I scooted over to his tense body. I sat normal until he grabbed my legs and placed them on his lap. His right arm was stretched out around my back. Pulling me closer to him, I leaned into him. With his left hand, he drove. Raising my right hand to his cigarette, I took it from his mouth. Placing it in-between mine, taking a drag. I put it up to his, then he took a drag. My body leaned into his again, starting to drift off to sleep. But I fought it off, afraid that this would end. That everything that just happened in the last two hours was a dream. Dallas wouldn't be here. Instead of waking up on his lap, I would wake up on the floor of that nasty apartment. Dallas noticed my struggle for consciousness.

"Go to sleep, you need it." he said looking down at me under his chin. I took his shirt sleeve in my hand and clenched it.

"Will you be here when I wake up?" I mutter.

"I'm not going anywhere! Not without you." he said in a very serious voice. Nodding, I leaned into the crook of his neck. Taking in his natural body warmth.

I mumbled quietly. "Where are we going?"

"Home." home? I felt my body relax at the thought of it. I'm going home. The fear of being taken away from it guided up into my stomach and shook me. Trembling at the mere thought alone. What am I to do? Home is in my grasp. Love is in my hands, so close I can fucking feel it already. But if that was taken away from me, I would loose the rest of me. What's left isn't much already but the rest would be gone forever. Never to see the light of day again. It's hard to dig but it's true.

"Home." I sighed anxiously and nervously. Without another word I drifted off to sleep. Clinging to the only thing I hope to be real, Dallas FUCKING Winston.

_**(Dallas POV)**_

Fuck! I leaned my girl down onto the car seat carefully. Her legs draped over my lap while the rest of her nuzzled against the car seat. It wasn't long that I began to hear her rhythmic breathing as she slept. My hands gripped tightly to the steering wheel. Every now and then I would look over at my girl laying there. Cursing the whole world to hell. Damning ever single little shit head, right down to the newborn babies. Yep, I went there.

Look what the world has down to my girl. She is broken. So broken. I don't even know where to begin to but the pieces back together. Lucy is like a fucked up jigsaw puzzle. With a thousand pieces that create the puzzle. All the pieces are warped and deformed from misuse and neglect. My girl looks sick. So fucking skinny and pale. It was like I wasn't even carrying her when I was. The girl was lighter than a feather, and it scared me. She's always been pale but not like this. This is like the pale like she had before. When she showed up at Buck's vomiting, all gray and…..lifeless. Her eyes are hallow again. Showing me the nothingness that she has felt for the last four months.

It hurts me to see her like this. I didn't notice at first, but I had started to cry. Silent, angry tears fall down my cheeks. I pulled off the road into a pit stop. It had been about three hours that we have been driving and the sun should be up in about two to three hours. Parking, I turned the car off. Sliding out of the seat, I locked the door. After looking through the window at my girl, I reluctantly left her in there. My sorry crying ass made its way into the bathroom. I parked myself up against a urinal to take a leak. After doing my deed and washing my hands, I splashed my face with cool water. Growling at myself in the mirror as I walked past the last one. What a pussy I can be sometimes. Crying over something so…complex. It's just not me.

But she's my girl. Lucy Lou Curtis, my fragile little girl. She's broken and there's nothing I can do about it. Not now at least. I have to get her home. Before heading back towards that car, I bought myself a cup of coffee out of the machine. Then I made my way over to the other vending machines. Looking over my selections, I popped in some dollars. I bought; three waters, a Pepsi, Crackerjacks, a Payday and a few bags of chips. This should cover the two of us for a while. The only time I'm stopping is to get gas or to take a piss. Otherwise, it's open road. I've got to get her home.

I set all of the food and drinks on this side table thing in the lobby. Walking over to the payphone, I popped in a few quarters. Once I found Lucy, I said I would call the Curtis's. When I talked to them I told them to keep it between us, none of the gang should know until we think it was right. Also that if she is okay, I wouldn't bring her home unless she wanted me too. But if she was bad, like she is, that I would bring her home immediately after I find her. They didn't really know where I was looking for her, but they knew I was going. After Soda came to me a month or so ago, I told myself I was going to find her. I went to their house to discuss it with them. Darry convinced me to stay in Oklahoma a few more weeks. Told me it was best if I just wait. But then a month went by and there was no sign of her. It started to freak me out. And Dallas Winston doesn't freak out, ever. So I had to fix that fear I felt in my bones, and I left to find my girl. Driving in Buck's Chevy with a hunch and a bag of clothes, I set off for New York.

The first place I looked was Manhattan, the place with the blue birds. The birds were a secret underground foreign drug smugglers. My best friend was a part of their gang at one point, back in the day. I never really got tangled with them, which is a good thing. Last year I heard my body when down with the whole gang, getting fifteen in the penitentiary. Anyway, I told Luc about them once when we were a little younger. She dubbed them the blue birds.

Eventually, I followed a rumor about this Maggie Rogue Patrick, Lucy. People said she had killed herself over her boyfriend killing himself a while back. Sincerely, I couldn't decide which was worse; her killing herself or her having a boyfriend. The thought of her killing herself scared the shit out of me, I had to find her. I had to find the truth or the rumor would eat me alive! The rumor led me to Brooklyn. Which led me to this guy named Joey Cakers, brother of her dead "boyfriend". Joey told me that Rogue, Lucy, never dated his brother. But his brother had killed himself because he murdered a man that tried to date-rape Rogue. Out of frustration and anger, I blew up in the guys face, demanding to know who the guy was. He told me to chill because the guy was dead anyway. Then Joey told me if I needed more information, go find Chris Beacher. He was a former roommate of Rogue.

I found this Chris guy in the Bronx, getting high with his buddies. His information was for shit. After a little bit of yelling and a few swings of my fist, I got out of him his old apartment address. Chris told me it would be useless if I went there looking for Rogue because he had kicked her out of the apartment a while back. That just made me even more pissed off, so I hit him in the face again. From the moment I laid eyes on him, I knew I didn't like him. After pleading with me to stop, he told me his ex might know where she was. Said her name was Joan. That she would be in Central park right around that time. So after punching him one last time for being a dick to Lucy, I left the alleyway. Feeling almost high from the fumes I breathed in.

After eating some lunch, I drove all the way to Central Park. It took me about an hour until I found Joan. She wasn't the prettiest of gals but she wasn't ugly either. Joan wore a red long sleeve shirt with jean overalls that were spattered with assortments of dried paints. Her blond hair was frizzy and curly at her shoulders. It was snowing out so I wondered why the hell she was out without a coat. She told me to fuck off, right before she saw me. When she turned around, Joan practically humped my leg. The girl was hornier than a male elephant in the Spring. I kept my mind on my girl though, not falling for any of her trickery.

Even though it was annoying talking to her, I got a lot of information. Found out Lucy was back living with her and Smoothie, her best friend. She told me that Rogue, Lucy, sings for her money at local clubs and bars. But most of the time never leaves the apartment. Joan told me that she barely takes care of herself. That if it wasn't for her and Smoothie then she wouldn't even bother to get off the damn floor. She told me my girl was out of it crazy. Loony. Psycho. In other words, depressed and lost. When I mentioned that, Joan's eyes got big and nodded her head yes. Saying 'That's what I'm trying to think of. The girl drinks all day long. Hardly ever eats or baths neither. Then she goes and starts crying for no reason. Freaks the hell out of me and Smoothie. And nightmares, damn is she ever noisy at night.'

Joan didn't seem at all interested in the welfare of my girl. She talked about her like she was some kind of brick that had been shit on and never cleaned off. Or like the dirt under her red chipped fingernails. It was there, but she didn't care about it enough to get it out from under her nails. Just like she didn't give a damn about my Lucy. I asked her why she lived with her if she caused such a fuss all the time. Her little prissy ass said, 'I didn't want her living on the streets, like Chris made her. She would of died.'

Lucy Lou Curtis has more courage in her left pinky toe than this girl had in her entire body. I didn't think Lucy would ever be so bad to the point that she couldn't take care of her self on the streets. She learned from the best didn't she, she could do it if it was needed. Luc has been living on the road, by herself, for almost five months. A little New York wouldn't do anything but toughen her up. Glory, was I wrong.

After checking the address with Joan, I was off. I had a late dinner, secretly preparing myself for what was to come. Was she going to have a melt down? Was my girl going to crash into my arms happily? There was no hint about how she would react seeing me. Even though I had some good solid information, it wasn't enough to decide what she would be like. I haven't seen my girl in almost five months. It's been a fucking train wreck! Sure I've had my way with a few broads. But that doesn't mean anything. Just a distraction that made me think about my girl more. I wanted to hold her in my arms. Make sure she is safe. Now that I've seen her, I know she isn't good. Worse then than I thought it would be. She's neglected as a person for five months. How the hell am I supposed to tell her brothers. Procrastinating isn't going to help me, I should just get on with it.

The phone rang four times before a sleep voice was on the other end. "Hulllo?" Darry slurred out.

"Darry, it's Dally." immediately Darry woke up with the realization.

"Dal! Didja….." I interrupted him.

"Yes, she's safe with me."

"Thank god, how is she?" he sounded desperate to know.

"I ain't gonna lie to ya Dar, but she's not doin so hot." I could almost hear him gulp through the phone.

"How bad is it?" Darry sounded a lot more serious then he did when he answered the phone.

"I'm bringing her home. She…I don't even know Dar."

"Well, what's she look like?" well hell!

"She's really fragile and skinny. Very emotional too. I've never seen her so emotional."

"You sound a little spooked?"

"I am Dar. There aren't to many things that would make me cringe, but this is one of them." I admitted puffing my chest out manly.

"I know Dal, I…I don't know what to day." he admitted. I didn't know what to say either, so I just gave him some info.

"Well, we are on our way. I'm not going to stop unless it's necessary. If everything goes as planed, then we should be there by Thursday night or Friday morning." I paused thinking about it. "Yeah, I'll call you if something comes up."

"Thanks for this Dal."

"Don't even worry about it Dar, she needs help or something. She needs her family." I nodded to myself. "I'll try to make things easy for her."

"Thanks ag…."

"Night Dar." I said interrupting him and hanging up the phone. In a quick motion, I gathered up my supplies. We were off on our way again.


	5. Crazy Day

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

(Language, tampons, lil bit of violence for warning) Kind of a dramatic chapter, kind of strange and a little pointless but oh well

* * *

**Keep Moving**

_Crazy Day_

_**(Lucy POV)**_

I woke up feeling sick to my stomach. When my eyes slid open, I noticed the floor of a car in my vision. Sitting up slowly, I looked around. No wonder my stomach was sick, the way Dally was driving. Once he noticed me, his head shot to me. Grinning happily at me. Even though it was a bitch thing to do, I didn't smile back. Truly, I wanted to just make my lips curl into the happy gesture but my lips wouldn't move. Dallas put his hand on my neck, rubbing my jaw with his thumb. I leaned into his hand with my eyes closed. When I opened my eyes again, I noticed he was pulling off the road. Then he parked into a pit stop parking lot. Only one other car was parked there.

"Where are we?" I whispered quietly.

"Believe it or not, I've gotten us all the way to Indiana in a day in a half." he smirk victoriously. "Only breaking the speed limit by fifteen over."

"Have I been asleep the entire time?"

"Yep, I'm just as surprised as you are. You had a few bad dreams that I thought you would wake up from but you never did." I looked down, embarrassed of myself. Who knows what I said while I was asleep, Dallas does. Besides, I can't even remember dreaming. I heard once that you couldn't dream during the day, but I guess it's possible.

"HEY!" I shot my head up. "Don't you ever feel embarrassed around me! There's no reason to be."

This time I did smile. It was a weak one, but a smile non the less. "That's my girl." he said smiling back.

"I've got to go to the bathroom." he said turning the car off. The two of us got out of the car. My legs felt like jell-o, so I leaned on the car. When I didn't come up next to Dally, who was walking towards the small building in front of us, he turned around. His face was worried as he looked at me.

"Don't you have to go? You haven't gone in like, two days." he said walking over to me.

"Yeah, I just…" I didn't want to admit that I felt like shit. Or that I wanted to die right then. That I wanted to cry myself back to sleep. That I wanted a brandy of some sort. Or that I'm weak. So fucking weak! I hate it.

Understanding me, he let me lean on him for support without a word. When we got inside the building, we stood in the middle of it. I looked to the men's room, then the women's. They were so far apart. Sighing in frustration I let go of Dally's arm. With shaky, unstable legs, I walked over to the women's room.

"I'll wait out here for ya." he told me.

"No, just meet me at the car." I said entering the bathroom. When I got into the bathroom, the sudden urge to urinate came over me. My legs moved quickly in a clumsily way to the nearest stall. When I was done, I flushed and stumbled over to the sink. When I got to a sink, I unwrapped my hands. They didn't look that bad, just a little tattered. After throwing the scarves away, I cleaned my hands gently. Then I noticed a cherry blond headed women crouched on the floor slightly. Her hands tucked around her stomach while she cradled her purse on her lap. She looked up at me with a worried face. A sad face, so I frowned. The women stood up and when she did I realized who she was. She was Dolly, the nurse that brought me out from the hospital when I got stabbed. At first I thought she recognized me, but who would. I'm a fucking train wreck. Dolly leaned over to my side of the counter as I dried my hands lightly.

"Hey, you got a tampon?" she said desperately.

"No, sorry." I said sincerely. She got up in my face, examining me. I'm surprised I recognized her, she looks different. Her hair is down in a messy gob of reddish locks. It was in her face and covering most of her blue eyes. Dolly's clothes were baggy but showed lots of skin. Her breasts were half showing in her spaghetti strap dress. The women had jeans under the dress that came over men's Adidas sneakers. Since I knew her, I wasn't at all freaked out that she was in my face, until she started to poke it a little.

"You look really familiar…" she mumbled to herself as she backed up. Dolly was starting to give me the willies! So I gave a small shrug and turned for the door. Then she grabbed my shoulder.

"WAIT! Please! Do you have a quarter?" when I went to look at her, she was pointing towards the tampon's dispenser. I shook my head no. I felt bad for her, even though I had no real reason to. Except maybe sharing the same desperate need for a tampon when you really, really need one.

"I'll be right back." I dragged my feet out of the bathroom. She followed me, opening the door as she stood in it's frame. Dally was waiting outside leaning against the car, talking to some guy. With tired legs, I carried my thin body over to them. He looked me up and down, making sure I wasn't harmed. As impolite as it was, I paid no attention to the man.

"Ready to go?" he asked."Do you have any quarters?" Dally looked at me for a minute before fishing in his pockets. He searched as I looked over at the guy. The man was smiling at me creepily. His hands in his giant coveralls. Winking at me, I turned back to Dal. Dallas handed me three quarters, emotionless in his face. Acting all tough for this tramp of a man.

"You okay?" I nodded turning around.

"Hey there girl. If you see my girl, Donna, tell her to hurry her little ass up!" I didn't turn around or acknowledge in any way that I heard him. Back in the bathroom, I handed her the quarters.

"Buy yourself a few, might need them." I turned to leave then looked back. "Oh, and your guy out there said to hurry up. Have a nice night Dolly."

She squeaked when I called her by name, but I kept moving out to the car. I was in the lobby when she spun me around to look at her.

"You're Lucy Lou Curtis, they've been looking for you back in Tulsa. Holy shit! Rumors said you robbed a bank or some shit and skipped town. Another one was that you went insane and were out on the loose. Damn, you look like hell." I was going to say 'You're one to talk.' but didn't.

"Where did ya go?" she asked trying to pull me back into the bathroom. I didn't want to go back in there, I wanted to go home. Outside the boys were looking at us, I gave Dal a pleading glace. Immediately he threw his cig behind him, marching back into the building. He lightly grabbed Dolly's wrist, giving her a death glare.

"Let her go." he sneered out. She seems like the crazy one. But who am I to judge, I wonder why she's acting like this. Like she has no compassion anymore. That thriving young nurse I remember meeting is long gone. Her personality is completely different, I wish I could help.

"Sir, this is one of my good friends! Lucy Lou Curtis. That chick that ran away from Tulsa, the loony they called her. Loony Lou Curtis." she said looking at Dallas desperately, like she didn't just insult me. Maybe it's drugs.

"What the hell happened to you Dolly?" I muttered leaning on Dallas. The guy came storming in.

"Donna, I've been fucking waiting for you for over thirty minutes."

"Lucy, I just want to talk. Let me go!" the guy came up behind her and ripped her from my wrist. Her nails dug into my skin as she was being pulled off. Opening one of the cuts and creating it to become larger. I winced back, leaning into Dally's side. I tried to hide the cut from Dallas, but he noticed right away. His eyes blazed angrily. Dally's arm swung back, punching the guy square in the face. What did he do? Dolly was the one who scratched me.

"Since I can't hit a chick, I hit you. Control you girl!" Dally pointed at him before he picked my up at the waist, relieving me of my heavy body. In a fast motion Dallas took the two of us back to the car. The other guy was half carrying, half dragging Dolly as she stuggled against him. She was screaming for me.

"No Lucy, I need a tampon! No! Rick leave me alone. Lucy I just want someone to talk to!" Dallas put me into the passenger seat. Then he went around the back as I unlocked his side for him. I didn't dare look over at the car that was a few spaced away from us. Dallas started the car and sped off down the road, cursing under his breath.

"Let me see your hand." I shoved my hand towards him. He cursed handing me a handkerchief out of his back pocket. To get it out he had to lift himself off the car seat. Arching his pelvis into the steering wheel. I lick my lips at the sight but quickly snapped out of my Dallas crazy mind as he talked to me."Put pressure on it." I did as told. We were silent for a while. Until he decided to bring up the weird experience at the pit stop.

"So did you know what weirdo?" I nodded giving him an unfortunate expression. He then asked how so I explained the situation. Dallas nodded his head yes, muttering 'Crazy bitch' to himself. Then we went silent again. The car was silent for about an hour before Dallas turned the radio on. I took the cloth off my cut that was no longer bleeding. After that I tore a piece of my shirt of and tied it over the cut. Absently I tossed the bloody cloth out the window without hesitation. Then I rolled the window up. Sighing to myself I looked over at Dallas. Who was staring at my actions with a smirk.

When he turned back to the road, I started to feel dizzy. It might have been the lack of food and water, but who knows. It's not like I don't go every few days without eating anyway. I'm just not hungry anymore or thirsty. I just want….I don't know what I want anymore. The only thing I know is that my parents are still gone and that I feel empty. That's all I understand. The rest is jumbled up inside my head. My sick, crazy, messed up head! A emotional tear fell down my cheek. Why do I keep doing this? Crying for no fucking reason. Even I know I'm crying for no reason. What ever happened to the days where I never cried because it was childish. There was no reason to cry, like now. I'm just feeling sorry for myself.

The sun was going down, closing to another day of my pathetic life. More tears crashed down my cheeks. Dripping down to Dallas's leather jacket off my chin. With tired eyes, Dallas looked over at me. Then back at the road, but did a double take looking, right back at me. His eyes got wide with worry and sadness. By this time I was shaking, but didn't make a sound.

"Luc, are…you crying?" he asked. It's not like I could deny it so I nodded. With his hand he motioned for me to scoot over to him. As I did he pulled me close to his chest.

"What happened to ya, Luc?" furiously I shook my head no, starting to sob a little. He kissed my hair."Okay, I can wait." he told me. Then night came. Still crying, he looked down at me. His face was unreadable.

"I think we should stop for the night. I said I wouldn't but maybe we should. What do you think?" I shrugged hugging his strong chest as I buried my face into his shoulder.

"We'll go for a little while more, then we'll get a room somewhere." I nodded. Being next to him calmed me down some. My mind was still floating around with depressing thoughts but I prevailed. Even though I was still shaking, I to reach up and kiss Dally's chin. He smiled at the road as I did. Again I kiss the bottom of his chin, and part of his neck. Then I rubbed my forehead into the spot I kissed. His arm that was around my shoulders tightened as he rubbed my right shoulder with his hand.

I took his leather jacket off after a while becoming hot. Then I scooted away from him just because I wanted to get more comfortable in the car. He gave me a look that told me he didn't want me to go away but I continued with my actions. But I couldn't get comfortable, so I settled for my feet over the top of the seat. My hair dangling off the bottom of the seat with my legs crossed. I looked up at Dallas clasping his hand in mine. The dizziness still remained as I closed my eyes.

After a while Dallas pulled off the road and reached behind us in the backseat. He retrieved a bottle of water, baked chips and a payday. I cringed at the sight and sat up right. My body subconsciously scooted away from him, leaning against the door. Dally noticed and frowned at me.

"Don't be like this." he told me opening the bottle of water. "Here, start with this."

Taking the water I took a sip. It felt like needles running down my throat. The sensation felt like I was going to vomit. I coked on the water as it slid down, then I started to come back up. Opening the car door, I vomited stomach acid onto the dirt. I'm not sure why I reacted like this but I did. Fucked up mind….fucked up body. It comes in pairs I guess. They go hand in hand. Stumbled outside of the car, going towards the wire fence. Putting water in my mouth I washed it as I leaned on the fence. I spit out the liquid and set the bottle on the ground. Dallas came up behind me, putting a hand on my shoulder. I pulled away from him, feeling his eyes on me. When I looked at him, I saw how hurt he was.

"It's okay." I lost my temper at Dallas. All my emotions were coming out in stages. First sadness, now anger, then….who the hell knows.

"It's not okay Dally! I'm not fucking okay! Look at me! I can't even eat without fucking throwing it up! I'm skinnier then this fence. I look like shit, feel like shit. And I just want to fucking die." I kicked one of the posts holding up the fence.

"Sure I want to go home, but look at me! I can't go home like this! Besides they will take me away, I can't be taken anywhere like that. I don't know why I'm overreacting to all of this but I am. I don't know what's wrong with me Dally! What's wrong with me!?" I was yelling very loudly, my face was hot and I felt angry tears falling from my eyes.

"Dal I'm CRAZY! They are right! I'm Loony Lou Curtis! I…I…." I was repeating myself and shaking furiously. My fist pounded into my head trying to make sense of this. Both my legs carried me back and forth in a steady pacing motion. "I want my Mom!" I whined to the sky.

"Dad too! And to feel safe. I can't stand the way I feel anymore Dal! Why can't I just die or something! I….Jesus!" I screamed falling to the ground. When Dal tried to come near me I screamed like a mad child. At the top of my lungs and in a frightened way. He winced back, sitting down a few feet from me.

"Luc, what am I gonna do? You're breaking down, and I can't do anything about that. It's starting to scare me."

"Scare you!? I'm shitting myself over here!" I screamed hitting my knees with my fists.

"What should I do!?" he yelled back this time becoming frustrated. "I don't know what you want me to say or do Lucy!"

"Neither do I. I feel so weird!" I let my body collapse all the way to the ground. My head was laying in the dirt but I didn't care. Dal was slowly coming towards me again, I didn't scream this time when he leaned down laying next to me. Dally cupped his hand in mine.

"Dal…I'm broken." we looked at each other, tears escaping my eyes.

"I know." he whispered looking away. My tantrum lasted about ten minutes, and I was back to being numb. All I wanted to do was talk to one of my brothers now. Dal is my best friend and the guy I like, but he isn't my brothers. I need them right now, so badly. I need them like I need my parents. Dally squeezed my hand and kissed my forehead. My body turned next to him, my other hand cupping the two of ours. His eyes looked at me with concern. Closing my eyes I leaned my head into his chin, kissing it lightly. I felt him smile against my nose as I kissed his chin again.

"You're teasing me, you know that right?" he said. "And do you really think this is the time to be kissing, you just blew up in my face."

"Yes I do and I know I did. Sorry."

"It's fine. Sometimes you have to scream a little. And if that makes you feel better, do it." he told me. I wonder what is going on in his mind.

"What are you thinking?"

"About you. How much I missed you and how scared I am."

"Dallas Winston? Afraid?" I said in a mock shock under my breath, taking very quietly.

"I'm afraid about what happened to you. What's happening to you. What will happen when we get home and what we're going to do." he said in a miserable voice.

"Dally, I'm sorry."

"Stop saying tha…"

"No, I have no excuses for having a good freak out. I have no excuses for running away. Or harming myself. Or getting three different tattoo's when I was drunk. Or getting myself into shitty situations. Or doing drugs. Or drinking all day long. Becoming this skinny little weakling that I promised myself I would never become. No excuses for anything. And right now, I just want to get the hell out of the dirt." Dally didn't argue with me, even though I knew he wanted to. Soon enough we got back in the car, he didn't make me eat again.

Not until we got the motel. He were going to share a queen bed at a Motel 8. After he made me shower, he made me eat. I had five Cracker Jacks and two sips of water. Thank the heavens I didn't get sick! Most of the time it was quiet, only little noises the two of us made. Ever now and then Dal would come over to give me a kiss. It was a nice sweet kiss that told me to get better. I was laying on the bed most of the time, staring off into space. He was rushing around the room doing all sorts of things. Talking on the phone, eating something, going out into the hallway, showering, fussing over me, ect.

Soon I passed out again, only to wake up once. When I did I was in a deep sweat, with Dally's arm around my stomach. He was cuddled up against me, not even noticing me when I left the bed. I went to the bathroom. Washed my hands. Put water on my hot face. Felt like stabbing my leg again. Cried. Fell asleep on the floor in the bathroom. Woke up fifteen minutes later. Went back to join Dally in the bed. Fell asleep. Woke up in the car the next day.


	6. Family Beans With a Side of Tongue

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

(Language, intense kissing, talk of rape and alcohol for warning)

* * *

**Keep Moving**

_Family Beans With a Side of Tongue_

_**(Lucy POV)**_

When I woke up the sun was high in the sky, shinning down on my face. Dally's jacket was draped over my small body. My head has against his thigh, my laced converse against the car door. Surprisingly, I didn't feel sick to my stomach, but my head was throbbing slightly. For once my throat called for the need of water. There was a half drunken bottle on the floor. I reached for it and picked it up. Sitting up slightly I took a small swing and capped it before throwing it back on the floor. When I laid back down, my head landed on Dally's lap. He shot his head down at me, with his small Dally smile. His right hand left the steering wheel as he looked back at the road. Dallas's hand brushed the hair from my forehead. Rubbing the top of my head with his thumb as he did so.

"Your sweating." he told me. I hadn't even notice, and didn't really care. Dally rubbed this hand over my forehead and then wiped it on his pants. It made me inwardly chuckle, that was sweet of him. Disgusting, but sweet. He continued to gingerly and gently caress my face and forehead. I closed my eyes at the nice feeling of his rough hands. Eventually, I grabbed the hand and held it in mine on my shoulder. Then I passed out, AGAIN! My body needed that sleep. When I woke up again, I felt a lot better. The throbbing in my head had disappeared but I felt weak still. It wore on my mood a little, but what didn't make a huge dent in my mood now a days.

We just stopped off the road at a gas station/restaurant thingy. We had a little bit of a late lunch. Dallas had a heaping plate of ribs, that he ate all gone. I was amazed, and jealous. I had a few French-fries that he made me order. He also ate his own fries along with a strawberry shake. I had a sip of it, the best fucking sip of strawberry shake I've ever had. But of course, all of that didn't last. Because I was close to throwing it all up right before we left. We sat on the curb before I felt good enough to get back in the car. Dally was really gentle with me, I noticed. He must understand how fragile I've become, it makes me sick.

We were in Missouri when we stopped there, now we are exiting Missouri. As we did, I fell asleep again. Dallas and I hardly talked during the times I was awake. He asked me a few more times to tell him about my five months away from him, but I didn't say much. I told him it was too soon. That I wasn't in the right mind set to say anything. Then I fell asleep again. When I would wake up I would apologize for leaving him to drive by himself in silence. He told me he didn't mind because I was with him non the less. Then he said that was cheesy, making me smirk at him. He would smirk back.

So now I'm waking up, with a weak body again. I turned my head over an looked up at Dally. It was one of the only times I can remember that I admitted that I felt weak. This wasn't just a tired body, but a tired mind. Also being so frail makes my body ache painfully. Dally looked down at me with not much expression, except curiosity maybe. I moaned out to him. He put his hand on my forehead again. "Dal, I feel so heavy." he nodded looking up.

"Dal." he looked back down to me. "I hurt." I groaned.

"Where?" I shivered slightly.

"All over." all of a sudden I felt dizzy again. Reaching out slightly, I almost begged. "Water."

Dal handed me the bottle from his lap, unscrewing the cap before he handed it over. Sitting up slightly, I took a sip. Then another, until I felt the dizziness subside. I handed the bottle back to him, he took a small gulp before placing it back between his legs. Turning on my side, I groaned again.

"I'm sorry I'm so whiny." I muttered quietly.

"I'd rather have you whine then not tell me what's wrong when it's wrong." he mumbled to the road. I nodded to his leg before dozing off a little.

"Go back to sleep, I'll wake you up when we get there. We're almost there." He said rubbing my shoulder. "And don't you worry about that Peter lady, Darry worked everything out."

I smiled inwardly as I drifted off again. That's my Dar Bear, always fixing everything. He's so perfect sometimes! Well, I just wonder what he's done though. What if I have to leave still, if that's the case…I have no idea how I would react. Maybe I would die from the stress alone. I don't even care, I'm just happy to be going home. Happy to see Darry and Ponyboy; but most of all, Sodapop. God, I wonder how I will react. How they will react? I'm so, dead looking. When I saw myself in the mirror at the gas station, I looked better than before but not by much. I was still gray with bags on my bags under my eyes. It might not of been possible but I think I lost more weight, which doesn't help me any.

I had a dream while I was asleep. My parents were staring at me at the dining room table as I ate chocolate cake. Stuffing my face as fast as I could while they watched me. The cake just seemed to be getting bigger and bigger. No matter how many heaping mouthfuls I would chew, I couldn't finish it. I looked at my parents, as they looked at me disappointingly. My voice whined to them, 'I can't finish, I'm sorry.'

'Your just giving up, just like that?' Mother said looking at Dad. Then, I turned to the side and threw up the cake in a giant chunk. When I came back up from the side of the table, my parents looked deadly and sickly. 'Leave.' Dad said, blood exited his mouth as he did so.

Then I got up and left the house crying my eyes out. In the middle of the road, in front of the house I stood. Crying on my knees, yelling for my brothers. When I looked up, a bus was parked with the engine on. Smoothie and Joan were standing in the front window, Chris as the driver. He honked at me with an evil expression. I screamed at them. 'I dare you!'

He revved up the engine. 'Do me in!' The three looked at one another. 'DO IT!' The bus came charging toward my small body in the street. Just as it was inches from my body, I woke up. My hand was clenched to the hem of Dally's shirt. He was leaning over me, cradling my head in his lap. His eyes were gentle and worried. I was in a puddle of sweat and shaking slightly.

"You okay?" he asked with the face that said, 'Don't lie!'. So I didn't.

"I don't think so." I groaned letting go of his shirt.

"You didn't look so hot, so I thought I would wake you up. Besides we are just down the street." he told me looking back at the road, starting to drive again.

"Okay, sorry."

"Ya want to talk about it?" he asked.

"Not really, it was just another bad dream." I said turning on my back. My body still ached, but my head was buzzing with the excitement to see my brothers. Dally went quite, and for once I spoke up.

"Dal, thank you for putting up with me the last few days. I'm sure I haven't been the best company. I just…thank you so much for bringing me home."

"Lucy, life wasn't much without you. Just ask the gang, everyone was down the entire time. I could barely go in your house without wanting to pound someone in. So Two-bit and I would go drink, then get in a fight. The two of us made a pretty good pair when it came to getting our minds off you. That's what we would do if either of us would be down about you, we would get in fights and drink." he told me smirking slightly.

"Sounds like a typical Saturday night to me." he chucked lightly.

"Just think to the extreme." I felt my eyes starting to throb, another headache coming on. Closing my lids, I rested my body. Dally was quiet again, thinking to himself as I thought to myself. Nothing really special popped in there, nothing worth repeating anyway. Suddenly I felt the car stop.

Looking up at Dal, he smile at me. "We are here."

"How ya feeling?" he asked as I tried to get up.

"Truthfully?" he nodded rolling his eyes. "Scared. Excited. Shitty. In pain. But most of all scared."

He didn't really have words to say what he was thinking, his face said it all. "You ready?"

"No." I frowned as he helped me to sit up. "And yes."

"Well, they are standing at the door." he pointed. I turned my head slowly towards the house. Soda was standing in front of Pony and Darry. His face was relieved and worried. Ponyboy looked like he was overjoyed, but I'm sure that will change as soon as he sees me up close. Darry looked plain concerned, but happy with a small smile. All of a sudden, Dally was opening the door so I could get out. He grabbed my hand firmly, pulling me out of the car. I breathed in as their faces dropped a little at the sight of me. Leaning on Dally, I felt a tear fall down my cheek.

Sodapop started to walk towards me, my other brothers right behind him. I walked through the fence, forgetting how weak I was as I stumbled. Finally I jogged clumsily over to him. Jumping into him when I reached him. My legs wrapped around his middle as he held me up easily. Both my arms clung around his neck as I chocked out loudly into his shoulder. My head leaned into his, I kissed him on the cheek. He was crying too, but not sobbing like I was. Both my hands clenched onto his shirt around his back. Soon I felt two other pairs of strong arms wrap around me. I leaned into who's ever head was to my left.

"Lucy girl." Soda chocked out. It made my heart leap to hear his voice. Made me feel weaker then ever, knowing I was away from him for so long. TOO long. I felt my exhaustion and dehydration ach on my body. But I didn't care at the moment, until I that ach become stronger in my body. It tore me and I chocked out the pain in my sobs of relief and sadness.

"Oh God!" I muttered in my tears. Then four arms left from around Soda and I. It made me fell naked almost, but felt better as Soda carried me inside.

"Jeez Luc, your so warm and your shaking." he said more to himself then to me. Soda sat down on the couch with me on his lap. I turned and laid across his lap. My head resting against his arm and chest. Pony and Darry walked through the door after a few minutes. By then I was breathing heavily, but not crying anymore. Puckering up my lips slightly, I breathed out a heavy stressful sigh. Closing my eyes as I did so. I slid off of Soda's lap and leaned on my knees with my feet planted on the floor. My hands wrapped around my stomach as I tried to make myself smaller. Soda put his hand on my back, rubbing it in circles.

"I'm sorry." I muttered shakily. "I love you! I love my boys!"

"We love our Lucy girl." Ponyboy said with his new man voice. I couldn't help but chuckle slightly. With great effort, I stood up with the help of Sodapop. Running into the coffee table, I walked over to Pony. Putting my hands on his shoulders I looked at his face.

"My baby brother is not a baby anymore." I said to him with a weak voice. Soda was right about my shaking, I could feel it now.

"Luc." Pony said looking slightly perplexed with sadness. I couldn't look at his eyes anymore, they made me weaker just as Soda's voice does. I hugged my baby brother. "Missed ya Luc."

Ponyboy was crying now. "It wasn't the same without you." I nodded back the tears forming in my eyes.

Then I chuckled a little bitterly, nothing was the same without them. Look what five months away from them did to me. "Pony, I love you."

"I love you too." he cried into my shoulder. I held him tighter, ignoring my weak stance. Pony was my little brother no matter how frail I am. If he is crying, that's my first concern right now. He needs me now that I'm back, I don't plan on leaving again.

We hugged for a good five minutes before we pulled apart. He wiped off his watery eyes, like a guy would. I patted him on the shoulder before stumbling over to Brother. He wrapped me in his arms tightly. His warmth that he inherited from Dad took me over. Again I was a blubbering mess into his chest. I looked up at him.

"Brother." he nodded with tears in his eyes."Don't you ever do that to me again, you hear?" I nodded wiping some of his tears away.

"Don't worry about Mrs. Peter either, I've talked to the judge about everything. I showed him your notebooks, then explained everything. He agreed to let me be your guardian if he meets with you in person. Then within months he will monitor ours and yours progress. Mrs. Peter isn't our social worker anymore, his assistant is." I nodded uncertainly. I'm not to happy about him showing the judge my notebooks but oh well.

"He wants to see you as soon as you've rested up a little bit. I'll take you there tomorrow."

"Okay, as long as I'm with you guys." my eyes drooped down to my shoes. Still shaking slightly.

"Why tomorrow? Why can't we wait until I'm not looking like shit?"

"He said he wants to see how different you've become without my guardianship. Beside it will give him a better view of you when you do improve." Darry told me with a lot more composure in his voice. I nodded starting to walk into the kitchen for a glass of what. On my way I stumbled into the table, leaning on it. Darry came over to my side.

"You should go to bed, you look…tired."

"I am, but I don't want to." I slept most of the car ride, and I just got here. My hand leaned on Darry for support.

"Luc, you can barely stand. Go to bed." Dar told me gently but firmly.

"Okay, but wake me up if you need me." why the hell did I just say that? They wouldn't dare wake me up, they wouldn't forgive themselves.

"Sleep good." I smiled at Darry and Pony while Soda ushered me to my room. In my room it looked the same, minus any furniture besides the bed. Sodapop took care of me. He was helping me into bed and taking my shoes off like an older brother would. Kissing me of the forehead before leaving.

"I love you, Luc. SO happy your home." I uttered a 'Love you.' waiting for sleep to over come me, which it didn't.

_**(Dally POV)**_

I told Darry I would be back to talk to them about some stuff after I returned Buck's car. So here I am, walking through their front door. As I shut it behind me, I looked around the room. It felt a lot lighter since the last time I was here. Except for the nervous feeling that lingered in the room. Darry was pacing slightly, his hands on his head. Pony was staring off sitting in the arm chair. Sodapop was exiting Lucy's room with a sad face. Dar noticed me and walked over with a hushed but almost panicked voice. His hand grabbed the arms of my leather jacket.

"Dallas. What the hell happened to my baby sister?" I shrugged him off and ushered them to sit. Soda sat on the arm of the armchair next to Pony while Darry and I took the couch.

"I wish I could tell you, but I didn't get much out of her." we went quiet for a moment, I was waiting for some questions.

"Dal, I can see what you meant about her being emotional." Dar said.

"Yeah, she had a tantrum the other night. Screaming at me about nothing, but it felt like she was more yelling at herself." they nodded.

"So where did you find her?" Soda spoke up.

"Brooklyn." I told them the whole story about meeting her roommate and my entire journey. Even told them about that one chick that we met at the pit stop. I explained why her hands were all fucked up. And how she slept most of the time.

"Glory." Pony said shaking his head. "So other than that you don't know anything?"

"Not really, but I think it was bad. I mean that Chris guy said she was almost raped. And a guy she knew killed the guy who tried to rape her. Then that guy killed himself."

"I imagined she felt really guilty for that." Soda nodded.

"Anything else?" Dar asked.

"Try not to feed her too much, she throws it up if it's to much. I think her body is just so malnourished that it rejects all she puts in. Watch out for the emotional thing too, she really is unstable. Oh and she has nightmares, I've noticed."

"Has she talked to you about them at all?" Pony asked. That kid never talks, he must be really concerned.

"No, but the seemed to be about you guys and your parents."

"Thanks for everything Dal."

"She's my best friend, what can I say." I told them.

"So are you two….an item?" Soda said uneasily.

"I don't know, I might back off for a while until she's figured her shit out. I'll have to talk to her about it."

"Good choice." Darry said strangely. "She doesn't need distractions, she needs to get better. It wouldn't be the best time for you two to become serious."

"So you're okay with it?" I asked.

"Not really, but she's my sister. You're my friend and I have to accepted your feelings for each other sooner or later." Darry said with a sour face. I looked over at the kids who nodded agreeing with Dar.

"Alright then." I smirked standing up. "I'm gonna go say night to the girl, I wont be back for a few days."

"Make I quick." Dar told me. I walked to the back of the house to my girl's room. She was visibly shaking still. Laying on her back in an unkempt way. Her eyes were fluttering open and closed. When she heard me enter, she smiled looking at me.

"Hey babe." I told her closing the door behind myself.

"Lay with me." She told me, so I did. We looked into each other's eyes, until she crashed her lips into mine. She sucked onto my bottom lip violently at first, but then calmed down remembering she was so tired. I smirked into the kiss, pressing my left hand onto her side. My thumb rubbed up and down on her skin under she shirt, not to far up though. In her hair my right hand explored. Then she entered my mouth with her tongue. We fought for dominance at first but she let me have it after a moment. Her small hands were on my chest, gripping my shirt pulling me closer to her. Lucy's little feet were searching for mine, and found my boots. I kept my intentions and mind to myself. Never trying to move forward into something deeper. Even though I was throbbing with temptation, I kept my cool. And believe me when I say it was really tough to keep that cool right now. My girl was making me hotter in between my legs, but I didn't dare move to the next step. We kissed as I tried to ignore my manly hormones.

It was an amazing kiss, one of the best I've had in a while. Not to mention it was the first kiss she had giving me that she used her tongue. It made me think of what she had going on in her mind. She was still shaking, and I felt that need to stop so she wouldn't ware herself out. But I didn't want to stop, is that selfish? Then her body shook against mine and she pulled her face away. Her face looked pained as she groaned out with a shiver. Lucy's had her eyes squeezed shut, still griping my shirt. The two of us were panting heavily. She looked like she was in pain, I looked at her with concern.

"Luc, what's the matter? You okay?" she slowly opened her eyes and took a while to loosen her grip on my shirt.

"Yeah, it just hurts sometimes." I looked down at her hands."Your hands?"

"Well yea but I wasn't talking about that."

"Then what?"

"My body, it's so weak it aches." she told me with a frown.

"I'm sorry I stopped." she frowned deeper.

"It's fine, are you sure your okay?" my girl nodded, grinding her torso up against mine. I hissed at her, she giggled slightly.

"It's not funny." I told her as she giggled once more. It was nice to hear her giggle, it made me feel almost better. But I had to leave because I was really hurting below the belt."I should go." she frowned again.

"When will you come back?"

"When I can, I suppose. I've got to get some things settled the next few days. But if you need me at all, call Buck or tell someone to find me. Don't go out looking for me by yourself, you dig?" she nodded and grabbed the collar of my jacket, pulling me into her face again. Another tender kiss we shared, it didn't help my situation but I kissed back. We pulled apart.

"Get some rest baby." she nodded again. I examined myself, thank god you couldn't notice from the outside that I was truly hating leaving her. Then I left the room with a quick wink to my girl. Passing the Curtis brothers on my way out, I said a quick goodbye. When I got to Buck's, I was completely regretting leaving my girl but it had to be done. My girl is going to get better now, and I can't get in the way.


	7. Information

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

(Language, for warning)

* * *

**Keep Moving**

_Information_

_**(Lucy POV)**_

Darry woke me up at six thirty to meet with the judge this morning. I will admit it was a very painful morning. First I started crying because he scared me, I had forgotten I was home. Then he hugged me apologizing right before I told him I was a loser for crying over something so stupid. Brother told me I wasn't a loser but I disagreed and told him that I can't help being emotional. That its like word vomit or diarrhea, I couldn't help it. It makes me sick, I told him. His face was sad as it was on the day of our parents funeral. By the way, it's been one hundred and ninty six days since they've gone.

After a hug fest between me and Brother, I had to get up for a shower. Darry told me that most of my clothes were still there, he only sold a few. Then he left the room so I could gather my clothes and get in the open shower. I was still so tired and weak that I couldn't stand in the shower. Which made me feel hopeless. Causing me to cry, AGAIN! Drying myself off I put a bra and underwear on. It was the first time I had worn a bra in like two weeks, I will admit it felt weird. Then I put a dark purple dress on. The sleeve came to my elbows and there was a small white band that ran around my waist. I looked okay, as far as looking okay goes. My long hair hung over my body and my face. After a moment of contemplating with myself, I put half of it up out of my face. The rest of it rand down my back in it's normal waterfall waves.

I stumbled out of the room with my dirty clothes, I wanted to burn them. So bad that it made me think of the jeans I burned months ago. If I wasn't so weak, I would do it again. Soon enough, I will burn that shit all gone. From the hallway, where I stood with my clothes, I could hear Two-bit speaking to Darry in the living room. Then I heard the heavy door close as Darry walked back into his room. Frowning, I set the clothes in my room for later destruction. With quiet clumsy feet, I peeked into Soda and Pony's room. They were fast asleep, with Soda snoring loudly. Smiling I closed the door, then walked to the kitchen. When I got there I heard the shower start, must be Darry.

Without a second thought, I began a big breakfast of; eggs, beacon and toast. It was the first meal I had cooked for anyone in months, it felt good to do. Finishing up Darry came out of the bathroom in a towel, going into his room. With shaky fingers, I poured chocolate milk and coffee for my boys. All plates were full of food, except mine. Which only had a small portion of eggs and half a piece of toast. When I was fully done Darry walked into the room in a suit and tie. His eyes got large with surprise and what looked almost angry.

"Lucy, you didn't have to do this. You shouldn't of done this." he told me walking over to me.

"I haven't done that for any of you for five months, I wanted to."

"Yeah, but you shouldn't have. Look at you, you're shaking all over." I rolled my eyes stumbling away to wake our brothers.

Entering the room, I lightly tapped Pony who was closest to the door. He slowly dazed awake, also waking Soda in the process. "Breakfast is ready, come and get it."

"Lucy, what the hell?" Pony said dazed.

"Come eat." I told them leaving the room. Sitting at the table I noticed more eggs on my plate tha I put there. Scowling slightly, I looked at Darry. He shrugged taking a sip of coffee. Immediately I put the eggs back on his dish and took a sip of water. I shivered at it, please be normal for once. I told my stomach as my other two bothers joined us in jeans and skin.

"Thanks for breakyfast Dar." Soda said digging into his beacon.

"Don't look at me, Miss. Overexertion here made it for us." they looked at me, trying to make me feel guilty.

"Shut up." I told them nibbling on my toast. Soda chuckled as Pony smirked. We ate in silence until Soda whined at me.

"Is that all your eating?" I nodded embarrassed of myself. Then they went silent again, so I just tried to eat without any issues. They seemed to be enjoying what I made because sometimes one of them would groan at how good it was. Besides, I'm the only person that makes them toast the way they like it best. Darry likes it with butter and strawberry jam. Ponyboy likes his with butter and honey. Sodapop eats his with chocolate syrup, only I would cringe at that. Too much is too much sometimes, and chocolate in the morning is TOO much.

Soda and Pony cleaned up the table while Darry finished his coffee. I tried desperately to keep down the eggs by taking small sips of water. To distract myself from the nauseating feeling in my stomach, I listened to my brothers conversation."You guys want a ride, I'm taking Luc to see the judge this morning."

"Can't we come?" Pony whined.

"Nice try little buddy but you've got school and Soda's got work." Darry informed him of the obvious. I struggled to keep my cool, vomiting was close.

"We'll take the ride Dar." Soda added through the argument.

"But what is something happened?" Ponyboy retorted.

"I'll contact you both, you're going to work." Darry pointed to Soda then Pony. "You're going to school." Pony hung his head in defeat. Soda entered the room as Darry stood from the table.

"Lucy, you okay? You don't look so good." that was it I stood up quickly, almost tripped to the bathroom. I cursed on my way there, dreading the feeling raising in my throat. My back hunched over and the painful lump stuck in my throat. Fucking-A did it hurt. My right fist pounded on the toilet seat for it to either go down or exit my body. Choking out after a few seconds, it finally flew out of my lips. I was shaking like crazy again, barely able to keep my head up as I leaned on the toilet. Hot, painful tears exited my eyes. After a minute I whipped my face with a piece of toilet paper. Throwing it with my vomit, I flushed. Turning towards the door, all three of my brothers were standing there.

I struggled to get up by myself. After a moment, Darry helped me to my feet. With my hand clenching on his arm, I brushed my teeth. He rubbed my back while I hunched over the sink. Spitting and rinsing the two of us left the bathroom. Soda and Pony were still staring at me when he left me in my room on the bed. Eventually Darry called them to hurry to get ready. They left the doorway to my room and left for theirs to get ready. After a moment of composure, I stood up going to the closet. Stuffing my feet into a pair of light brown flats before leaving the room. My dizzy head stopped me in the middle of the hallway. Holding onto the wall, my right hand went to my forehead trying to balance myself.

Pony came out of his room and found me like that. He grabbed my elbows and slightly carried me over to the couch. My baby brother was getting so strong, I thought as he brought me a glass of water.

"Hang in there Lucy." he told me leaving the room. 'I'm trying baby, I'm trying.'

Darry joined me on the couch a few minutes later, fully ready to go. I wrapped my tiny arms around his large strong one. Leaning my head on his shoulder, I closed my eyes. He put his right hand over one of mine that was attached to his arm. His warmth was comforting, I didn't want to let go when our brothers entered the room. Soda wrapped me up in one of his coats since I had none. The four of us left in Darry's truck. Sitting in the middle of Darry and Soda, I felt safe. So safe I felt like crying about it, but denied myself the need. This time I held onto Sodapop since he wasn't the one driving. When he had to leave from the car, I didn't let go of him at first. His eyes smiled sweetly down at me.

"I'll see you at home later." kissing me on the forehead he said. Then he looked at Darry for a moment with a very serious face. Darry looked back with just as much intensity. Silently Soda was telling him to take care of me. Darry responded with the same look saying, duh. Soda then scooted out of the truck, the Ponyboy entered the truck again. He threw his arm across my shoulders as I played with the hem of my dress. Getting tired of that, I looked up at Pony. He was looking down at me with hopeful eyes. I thought about how tall he was, it made me want to cry again. Just as before, I held in my shit. It wasn't long before we arrived at school. The hell hole looked the same as I remember. Demons flying around the it and everything. Wait, those are Socials. If I said that out loud, I think I would of lost my composure for sure.

"Have a good day." I muttered to Pony.

"Good luck Sis." Pony said right before looking at Darry just as Soda did, only he didn't get a way with it.

"I'll call you, now get going." Darry said coldly. I frowned at his coldness, Pony was just being protective. With a weak hand, I lightly slapped Darry's arm. Nothing that would even come close to hurting him but to bring him to my attention. He gave me a look that said 'What the hell was that for?'. giving Pony a kiss on the cheek, he left the cab of the truck. Smirking at me as we drove off. This time I scooted over to Darry, I leaned my head on his big shoulder.

"Why did you slap me?"

"Because you were mean to Pony for no reason." I said sternly. He changed the subject.

"Your still shaking."

"Thanks Darry, I didn't notice."

"Why?" I thought for a second.

"No clue." I said truthfully. We went quiet for a while, thinking about what is to wait for us in the judges office. Eventually we arrived, Darry helped me to the door. We signed in at the receptionists desk in front of his office. She told us to have a seat, so we did. I griped tightly onto Darry's hand for emotional and physical support. I looked at him nervously, he leaned over to my ear.

"Everything is going to be fine. I'm not going to let anything happen to you baby girl, I promise." okay, now that freaked me out a little bit. Talk about strange, that sound quite familiar. Sounded like The promise that Dad gave me the day before he died. Thinking of the far off memory made me cringe, I hope everything turns out all right.

I wiped my forehead of it's sweat as we waited. Then we were called back, Darry lifted me to my feet. The two of us, hand in hand, walked into his office. Darry let go of my hand to shake the older man's hand. Shakily I stretched mine out as well. He had an old but friendly face. The man was wearing a cream shirt with a pink tie. Glasses hung off his nose lightly, making him look observant. His face is very expressive, every emotion was portrayed in defended wrinkles on his face. It made it easy to read him. He took hold of my hand, pulling me closer to him. Darry put his hand on my shoulder. The old judge was looking me in the eyes, staring into my silver orbs. Then he let go of my hand, looking at my slim form. He frowned surveying my appearance but smiled when he reached my face again.

"Miss. Lucy, we are glad to have you back with us. It's nice to see you again, I'm Judge Carlson. If you wish, you may call me Mr. Carlson or Judge." I nodded politely.

"Please sit." he ushered us to a couch across his large office. The man sat across from us in a large leather chair, two empty chairs next to his. I took hold of Darry's hand when we sat on the stiff uncomfortable couch. Then two ladies entered the room. One was tall with high cheekbones. She wore large wire glasses and carried a notebook. A professional gray dress suit finished off her appearance. The lady's brown hair was pined to the top of her head with a tight pine. She smiled down at Darry and I. The women leaned over the table to shake our hands.

"Good morning, I'm Ruth Walters. It is a pleasure to meet you both." we nodded to her.

"I'm Darrel Curtis, this is my sister Lucy. It's a pleasure to meet you ma'am." I nodded to her with a small half smile. As soon as Darry had his hand back, I clasped mine in his.

The second women was slightly short. She had blond hair that hung down her back. She wore a professional blouse and brown pants. The women clicked her heels over to us, leaning over to shake our hands. Her hair fell over she shoulder as she did so.

"Hello, I'm Paige Laurens. I will be serving as your new social worker. Hopefully we can discuss a place were your brothers will join us."

"Nice to meet you ma'am." Darry said politely. Then the secretary from the desk entered the room.

"Would any of you like a drink? Coffee? Juice? Water?"

"Coffee for me Mary." Judge Carlson requested.

"Green tea please." Laurens asked.

"I'll have the same." Walters informed. Then the women turned to Darry and I. Darry swallowed out of nervousness but requested a black coffee.

"Miss. Curtis?" everyone was looking at me. Umm…

"Small water please." she nodded and left the room. I turned back to the Judge who was having a small side conversation with the two ladies. My hand gripped Darry's tightly. Breathing out a stressful sigh, I leaned into Brother tiredly.

"Miss. Lucy." the Judge brought me to sit up straighter. I looked at him to tell him I heard him.

"Now I want to tell you that anything and everything that we discuss is all in confidence. We are here to help your situation, so please hear us out in all accounts." I nodded knowingly. That women entered the room with out refreshments. Handing me the water, I smiled thankfully at her. Once everyone had their drinks, judge spoke to her.

"Mary, make Miss. Lucy an appointment at George's office this morning. You have her information in the folder I gave you this morning."

"Yes sir." she said walking out of the room.

"Sir? Appointment?" Darry asked.

"I've asked my secretary to call for a doctors appointment for Lucy. If we are going to have her recovering, we want to know what is exactly needing fixed." he smiled at me, I half smiled back.

"Speaking of, Lucy I am your therapist as well. We will discuss our arrangements later." Ruth informed me. A shrink? Who said I needed one of those! I don't want one, but it might be for the best.

"Darry, don't worry about the expenses. The doctors visits and therapist is already paid for by the state. It is our way of saying sorry for all the trouble we have cause your little family. We also relocated Mrs. Peter for her banter and unfair behavior." Paige told us, as I felt Darry's body relax a little bit against mine.

"Lucy, I see how you've changed since I saw you months ago at the trail. It concerns me deeply." Judge told me. "We are hear to discuss what we can do to help you and your brothers. I'm sure you brother has informed you of our deal."

"Not full details, sir, but yes." I responded.

"Mrs. Walters will help you become more stable. From what Darry has told me on the phone, you have become very frail in a lot of aspects. She is there to help you over come the emotional things regarding past events. Also she will be meeting with your brothers at some point to discuss things with them. Sometimes you will all go together, sometimes not. This will be a part of you progress that I'm hoping I will see in a matter of months." I nodded as he continued.

"Mrs. Laurens will monitor your family's progress. She will also be there on the road of recovery. I'm looking forward to see that progress, she's one of my top social workers in the state." she blushed slightly at the admiration.

"But Miss. Lucy, if I don't see progress then things will begin to take place. You might not be taken away from Darry but there will be some changes. Depending on the circumstances at the time, will determine my decision." I nodded in understanding.

"This was just a meeting to touch base." Laurens said.

"Then we should all be on our way. Thank you for this short meeting, I'll call you for further examination in a months time." Judge said to us standing up.

"What about school?" Darry asked.

"I was hoping that the doctor would send a note to her school, informing them she will be under medical care for the rest of the year. As for the summer, I want her to take a few classes to make up for missed credits." Judge inform Darry. He nodded helping me up.

"Lucy, I'll be over at your house in a few days for a home visit. It will be a lot more comfortable for you there, yes?" I nodded thankfully. "I'll call a day before. Here's my card if you EVER need anything."

Ruth stained the word ever because she wanted to get the point across from me. I nodded as Darry took her card. "I will also call to make a meeting with your family." Paige told Darry handing her card over.

"Have George Sanders send me the paper work on your medical information at your appointment." Judge told us as we were exiting the room.

"Thank you for everything Judge, ladies." Darry thanked them.

"It's no problem Darrel. Have a nice day you two." Judge told us. I let go of Darry's hand finally feeling the air hit my face when we exited the room. Mary handed us the information for the doctor's office.

"Your appointment is at ten, you should be able to make it." we left the large building in no hurry. Darry let me lean on him until we got in the car. He frowned at the paper Mary gave us.

"This place is in south Payne. Glory, that's a long drive." we rode off in silence after that. Taking in all the new information, only to await more new information. The day was making me even more tired, and I felt sick to my stomach still. Eventually, I laid down laying my head next to Darry's leg. He told me to sleep if I could, so I did. It wasn't a very restful sleep but it did help a little. Soon enough, we arrived at SAT's Office for Medical Care. Sander's, Andrew's and Tomas's medical care; oh joy.


	8. Can’t Take the Family Out of The Girl

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

(Language, for warning)

* * *

**Keep Moving**

_Can't Take the Family Out of The Girl_

My body shivered against Darry's as we sat there in the empty waiting room. We had just finished filling out some paper work for the doctor, most of which Darry filled out. When I shivered, he looked at me a little concerned with a frown. Shaking my head, I leaned my head back against the wall. I stared straight ahead while Darry looked at me.

"I sure hope we figure out what's wrong with you, Luc." he said in a low voice.

"Me too." I agreed, even quieter than he did. Darry took my hand and squeezed it tightly. Whenever he is nervous he always bobs his knee up and down. Then if it's something that is really nagging at his brain, he'll try to talk about it. But me, when I'm nervous I don't like to talk about it. I wish Soda was here to talk to him , because I don't want to talk. When Soda is nervous, he just talks nonstop, they were made for each other.

"So, are you feeling okay?" question number one.

"Not really."

"What's wrong?" two.

"Don't know."

"Do you think…"

"Lucy Curtis, right this way." a nurse yelled out to me at a door on the other side of the room. She saved me from Darry's nonstop questions, I sighed at the thought. He looked at me sincerely.

"Do you want me to wait out here?" furiously I shook my head no and tugged at his arm. I needed him with me, it's been too long that I've been alone! Why would I want to be alone again?

"Okay." he smiled getting up. We walked through the door that the women was holding open. We followed her to the end of a hall as she placed us in an empty room. She told me to sit on the table, so Darry lifted me on there. Darry sat in a chair next to the examination table. The women sat on a wheelie stool, checking out Darry as she wrote down a few things. Rolling my eyes I waited for her to say something. Finally, she took my temperature. Frowning, she said my temperature out loud.

"One hundred in two, quite a fever Miss. Curtis." I looked over at Darry, who frowned with her. The women went over to write down her findings and returned with a blood pressure cuff. She wrapped it around my arm tightly, almost making me flinch.

"I'm Liz Brown, by the way." she said in a friendly way. "How are we today?"

I hate it when doctors of nurses ask you that, if we were okay then we wouldn't be seeing you. "Fine." I muttered absently.

She started pumping air into the cuff. After it was full, she slowly let the air out. Looking at her watch, she lipped the numbers to herself. Frowning again, she told us my blood pressure out loud. "Ninety-three over sixty-two."

"Is that bad?" Darry asked.

"It's pretty low." Liz mumbled waving me over to the scale. I'm not sure why she didn't just do that when we entered the room. When I tried to get up, I fell forward onto the floor. My hands and face made a nasty smack noise, that would make any man cringe. I wasn't down there long enough to really feel the impact of the floor because Darry pulled me up. His hand cupped around my scrawny arms easily.

"Are you alright?" he asked me quickly and nervously. I chuckled, embarrassed of myself.

"Yeah." I shrugged Brother off me, walking over to Brown. She frowned at me some more. It was making me feel worse, seeing everyone frown at me. I know I'm a skinny, dead like bitch! Don't remind me of it all the time.

"Step on the scale please." Liz moved the little tab things around. Then she placed a thing to the top of my head. It was the moment of truth, now I will truly know what my weight is.

"Five foot three and…" her frown deepen at the sight off the God awful numbers. "ninety-one."

"I thought it would be worse." I whispered to myself in disappointment that it was even that low. Getting off the scale I stumbled back over to the table, where Darry lifted me up to again.

"I'm going to take some blood. After than I need a urine sample." I HATE giving urine samples. When I was little I would get bladder infections all the time, so they would make me pee in a cup. Usually Mom would come with me to help, but finally enough was enough. I told her that I wanted to be a big girl and do it by myself. The first time I went alone, I peed all over myself. That day I went home in a examination gown. Mom never told the boys why I had come home without the clothes I left with, so I avoided most teasing.

Liz stuck my thin arm with a needle, only to pull back up and try again. Then again and again. Finally, after sticking me five times, she got my vain. Blood poured out into the tube. After it was mostly filled, she stuck two more into the needle thingy. I'm not sure what it's called, but she got three things full of blood by the end of it. I felt really dizzy afterwards, but that was normal I suppose. Then, Liz handed me the cup I was to pee in. She pointed down the hall.

"Bathroom is right over there. Put it in the cubby when your done."

As Darry stood up to help me down, he made a disgusted face at him. He chuckled slightly as I slowly walked out of the room. Once in the bathroom, I did my thing, and sighed. This was so stressful. It's like I'm a test subject, I just want to sleep. Putting the pee in the cubby, I then washed my hands. When I was done with the entire thing, I started back towards the room. The door was only slightly open, but I could hear hushed voices inside.

When I moved to the left part of the hallway, I could see who was inside. Darry was leaning over the counter, talking to the young nurse. He had his game face on, his flirting face. She leaned close to him, talking to him through her eyelashes. Putting her hand on his arm, as he whispered to her. Thank God I wasn't alert enough to hear what he was saying. I love Brother, and I'll admit that he needs to get out more. Find himself a couple of birds or something, but not at my doctor appointment. It was annoying and awkward when I stumbled in there. Darry stood up to fast and hit his head on the cabinets above him. He started to walk over to me, wincing, to help me up but I had beaten him to it. This time I laid down, shivering slightly as I did so.

"Doctor Sanders will be in to see you shortly." Liz coughed out as she left the room, closing the door behind her. It was quiet in the room, but I could hear every single move Darry made. Finally, I felt a hand on my arm.

"You okay?"

"I don't want to talk about it." I told him firmly. Right now I wasn't exactly in the talking mood. My body was bothering me. My life was bothering me. I'm embarrassed to even think about my weak condition. How could I let myself get this bad. His hand was taken off my arm.

"Why not?" he sounded disappointed.

"Because I'll start to cry."

"It's okay to cry, Lucy." coming from the guy who never cries.

"Maybe for others but not for me." I turned over to look at him for a second. "Do you know how it feels to be at the prime of your game? To be so top notch and healthy. That nothing can touch you because you are so damn strong." he thought for a moment, then nodded slowly.

"Do you know how it feels to watch yourself slowly become what you've always thrived never be?" he shook his head no.

"Well, I do." I turned over again to face the wall.

"What would that be?"

"Weak." I whispered.

"It's okay to be weak sometimes, Lucy. It's okay to ask for help."

"Brother, it's not the way I am. You should understand more than anyone, it's just not in my nature to ask for help. I hate doing it. I hate that I have to do it for the time being."

"I know but you deserve the help, Luc. And you deserve the time to heal as well. Don't think you're as hard as a rock, because even though you want to seem that way you never really are. No one is as hard as steel, not even Dallas." I knew that. Dallas puts up that wall, that emotional barrier. But that doesn't mean he doesn't have those feelings.

"Can we be done talking about this." It was more of a statement then a question. Brother fell silent after sitting back down in his chair. Time ticked by. My fatigue was heavy, so I let myself be taken by sleep. I curled up in Soda's old coat and slept. My eyes were closed, my body was shut down but I could hear everything still. Not completely everything but the small things. Like the sound of my breathing. The air conditioning kicking on in the room and shutting off as well. Darry's squeaking shoe on the floor as he would pace or tap his leg. Eventually, I couldn't hear the small noises anymore and was fully in slumber.

I'm not sure how long I could have been asleep but I was being shaken awake. "Luc, the doctor is here." Darry said in a hushed voice next to my ear.

Groaning out loud to myself, I turned over to look at him. I started to sit up but he waved me to lay back down. Closing my eyes for a second, I looked up to see the big nosed man in my face. He stood over me with a smile and a small wave. I waved back slowly as he pressed his hand to my stomach. Humming to himself.

"I'm Doctor George Sanders, nice to meet you."

"Pleasure." I mumbled as he poked and probed my laying form. He took out his stethoscope, telling me to sit up. Very slowly I sat up, refusing help from him or Darry by smacking his hand away. It might have been a rude thing to do to Dar, but I was tired of being helpless.

Doc placed the ear plugs, or whatever, into his ears. Lightly pressing it onto my back, telling me to breath in deeply. After breathing deeply a few times, he moved to listen to my heart. In a doctor like way, he pressed the instrument against my left breast. Then he moved the middle of my chest, humming to himself again. Pulling back he sat down on the stool, allowing me to lay down again.

"Sorry the wait was so long, but I was waiting for your blood and urine tests to be done." his nasally voice bugged the shit out of me. "I also had a chat with Judge Carlson and Miss. Ruth Walters. They told me a little about your situation. How you were alone on the road for…umm…?"

This guy is so quirky and odd, he didn't even know his facts. Out of annoyance, I continued for him. "Exactly ninety-seven days alone, sir. Three and a half days on the road with a companion." he looked at me with amused eyes.

"Well, that is umm impressive for a girl of your age and stature." I frowned at him.

"Sir, in all good respect, I was in a lot better shape five months ago."

"Like what, Miss….." he looked at the clipboard in his arms. "Curtis?"

"I was thirty seven pounds heavier, well fed and was very strong." I said proudly, more to myself than to him or Darry. This is the most I've talked in a while, I think I felt the need to defend myself. I'm not sure why, because there was no reason to feel defensive. Maybe I just wanted to prove that I once was at my prime.

"I'm sure you were and that's our issue. You've lost a great deal of weight in the last five months and at a very unhealthy rate. The lack of nutrition has made you greatly dehydrated. It says here that you….umm…vomit every time you eat. You have heat waves and sweat. Also that you are shaking eighty percent of the time. Have also been suffering from a large amount of fatigue and sleepless nights." he read the list of some of my issues from the clipboard.

"I'd like to take your temperature once more, just to make sure." he said after eyeing the paperwork with a crooked expression. He brought the thermometer over to me and shoved the cold utensil into my mouth. After a minute or so he roughly pulled it out of my mouth. If I wasn't so tired, I would of told him to watch himself.

"The thermometer doesn't lie, one hundred in three." he wrote down the new measurement and looked at me again.

"That's…umm….dangerously high. Your blood pressure is very low for a young lady, but is good considering you weight. I would of expected it to be a lot worse." looking at Darry, he explained some things. Occasionally glancing at me as he did so.

"Her blood test show beginning signs of kidney failure, which is…umm….an issue. The constant fever, vomiting, and sweating: which causes loss of body fluids, can begin the possess of direct damage to the kidney." I sat up slightly at the mention of my unhealthy organs. Darry stood up, taking my hand in his.

"Kidneys are very complex organs, even if their function is simple. It's a good thing we caught this before they began to fail, it could be fatal." Darry's hand squeezed tighter on mine.

"Once we start to get you more hydrated and rested, your kidneys should go back to normal function. If not, then we have a serious problem on our hands. I've already called the hospital to register you in for the next few days. We will constantly have you on IV so you can hydrate and….umm…recover swell. Between those days we hope to get your stomach back in shape. Hopefully those days of vomiting every time you eat will be long gone. Miss. Walters will also be there everyday to talk to you about things. I have a strong belief that your body reacts to your emotions, so not all of this is physical."

This man had a lot to say. I listened to every word, constantly cringing at his words. The hospital was the last place I wanted to be. It means that besides Miss. Ruth, I will be alone most of the time. Plus, I can't call one of the guys to hang either. Darry seems to be keeping my presence a secret as long as possible, which wont be long as long as Sodapop knows. He couldn't keep an exciting secret like this to save his life. But I don't know if I want the guys to know yet either. All I know is that I hate hospitals, they hate me and I don't want to be there for a few days. I don't even want to be there for a few minutes. My small arms snaked around Darry's strong arm, I cradled it pulling it closer to me. Darry looked down at me as I stared with a grimace at Doc.

"Sir, is there anyway that I can just go home with my brother? I've been away from my home and my family for long enough, don't you think? I'm not very keen on staying at a hospital for a few days." with Darry's other hand, he put over my arm that was wrapped around his.

"Miss. Curtis, I understand where you are coming from. If I was you I would want to sleep in my own bed than a hospital bed but it's just not possible. You're kidney could go into failure at any moment. Before you can go home, we need to regenerate your metabolism and get your kidneys working properly. It's just not reasonable at this point in time." I nodded slightly.

"Are you sure?" he nodded fully.

"Would you like your brother to bring you over there…umm…to Tulsa's Community Hospital? Or will an ambulance be required?" I leaned my cheek on Darry's arm.

"Okay, I'll call to tell them you will be arriving soon." he told us taking Darry's hand. "It was nice to meet you Mr. Curtis." Doc shook my hand. "Miss. Curtis."

The quirky little guy walked out of the room. Sliding off the table, I held onto Darry. Walking down the hall, I leaned on Darry more than I had all day. A tear escaped my eyes but I hide it from Dar. I've cried too many times in the last….FOREVER! We made it to the elevators and went down to ground level. Dar took a glance at me.

"Don't worry Luc, you'll be home with us in no time."

"Dar…I." 'I don't know what to do anymore. I'm lost and afraid. I want Mom and Dad. Please don't make me go to the hospital. Yep, I know I'm childish for making such a big deal out of nothing but…I can't help it. I need you with me Brother. Please, don't leave me alone.'

"Yeah?"

"Never mind." we exited the elevator to walk to the parking lot. The two of us were pretty slow, on account of me. Usually we would have been out of here, on our way already. Once we got in the car, it was a dreadful silence. Darry was in deep though, I knew he was because he was making his thinker face. His eyebrows slightly raised. Brother's lips were slightly pursed as he bit the inside of his cheek. Also he would sigh often, trying to clear his mind. Dad was the same way, I smiled at my brother's familiar face. Suddenly, he looked over at me. Then back at the road, then back at me with a smile.

"What?" he asked.

"Just….you looked a lot like Dad just then." I told him slumping in the seat, finally letting go of his warm arm.

"Really? Pony always mentions how much I look and sound like Dad, but don't act like him." I nodded.

"It's true, you acted more like Mom and me. Soda and Dad acted alike. Pony was a mixture of everyone. He has that silence that Mom had but that dreamy like quality like Dad."

"Yeah, I think your right." Darry thought off for a moment."You know Darry, you should lay off on the kid sometimes. He's just a boy and he needs to learn from his mistakes. I know you're just trying to help him and protect him but you're going about it all wrong." Darry snapped his head at me and spat in my face.

"You haven't been around for five months, what do you know?" turning back to the road, he snarled. His hands gripped the wheel with frustration as he glared his eyes towards the road. It was then that I notice how more warn Darry looked. Not just his strong body, but his face. It looked slightly older than before. It was colder too, almost like stone. Guilt flushed through me, feeling it was partially my fault. If I wasn't gone those long month, he would have had that much stress. But then there is also the fact that our parents are dead. If work and school were the only things he had to worry about besides us than it wouldn't be so stressful. I vow to myself, once I'm feeling better, I will get a job. If I'm not going to be in school, I will help out at home.

Looking away from Brother, I looked out the window. As much as I hate to admit it, I miss school a little bit. It was something to do, now I'll be stuck at the hospital or at home. And the guys were at school, well most of them. Dallas was, God only knows where now. I just hope he is staying out of trouble for once. Also, I hope to see the guys soon. Even if I'm not sure if I'm ready to see them, I want to see them. It's up to Darry I guess.

"Sorry for snapping at you." Darry's voice popped me out of my thoughts.

"Huh?" I barley heard what he said because I was in my own little world.

"Sorry about yelling at you." he repeated.

"Oh." I looked over at him. "It's fine, Brother."

"I shouldn't have gotten in your face like that, you were just trying to help.""It's true though." he looked over at me. "I don't have room to speak. It may not really be my business either but…" I trailed off, truly forgetting what I was saying. I was too busy watching Brother's face. It was so cold one moment and was soft but strong the next. Soft and strong like Dad's.

"It is your business, I just don't do good with criticism. I suppose I should take some of your advice, it would help. Lucy, I have no idea what I'm doing here. The only thing I know I'm doing right is paying the bills and feeding you guys. Other than that, I'm drawing a blank." I didn't respond, because he continued after a moment.

"I'm glad your with us again, because I know you're more caring than me. I'm too rough for them, especially Pony because he's the youngest." I nodded. "But you know how to handle him, Soda does too. What am I doing wrong?" Darry was getting frustrated with himself.

"Nothing. You and Pony are so different, you clash. No matter how much you try to understand the kid, you can't because you're opposites. COMPLETE opposites. Give it time Brother, it's what we all need."

"Same old Lucy, giving me advice about my problems and helping me with my issues. You can take the girl out of the family but you can't take the family out of the girl, eh?"

"Yeah, I'm just glad to be back. Even if I have to be in a hospital." frowning I became quieter again.

"You don't know how much I've miss you, baby girl."

"I beg to differ." I said with a small giggle. We went silent after our small laughter, thinking silently to ourselves. It was a comfortable silence, at least until we arrived at the hospital.


	9. Healing

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

(Language, for warning)

* * *

**Keep Moving**

_Healing_

_**(March 9th**__**)**_

Eleven days since I've arrived in the state. Six full, agonizing days in Tulsa Community hospital. Five days of being home with my brothers. For those five days, the front door has been locked for the first time in a while. Darry told me he didn't want the gang or anyone over while I was resting. Soda groaned because he had to still keep me a secret even though I was home. Things are changing again, like myself. Even though it's only been a few days, I've noticed a great improvement in my strength. Not much compared to what I used to be, but it's a start.

The doctors all told me to take it easy and hang out in bed for about a week, two if I need it. I'm not completely eating normally now, but I have improved. Darry was directed to give me small portions and not to push me if I couldn't finish a meal. Doc Sanders was right, I would stop vomiting. Also my kidneys are functioning normally, no long in danger of failure. So I'm pretty much in recovery mode now, physically. But it's hard to keep my head from wandering into dangerous territory, very hard. Especially when I'm alone all day until Pony comes home.

As soon as he get home, he joins me in my room. We laugh, cry, sing, scream and cry some more. I never really talked, just made comments and listened. He's told me about everything since I've been gone. In very graphic details, that make me cringe at the thought. Most of which was about Darry and his temper. I told Pony not to worry because I would straighten him up. Also I told him the same thing I told Darry, about them both being so different. Hopefully I will open their eyes.

Miss. Ruth came by the hospital every day to talk to me. She tried to get me to talk about my time on the road, but I refused. I told her it would be something I would talk about after I felt my confidence back. That stride I had before I left, I had to get it back. I was determined to get it back. But still she asks me, 'What happened to make you so…' As always I would continue for those who asked me that. 'Broken.'

They wont know until I want to look back on it. For the time being, I just want to forget about it. Move on with my life and change for the better this time. One thing that has been bugging me since I've been back is that I haven't visited Mom and Dad yet. I asked Darry to take me but he told me I wasn't going outside the house unless it was for a doctors appointment or if the law demanded it. In fact, I have barely left my room since I've been here. I don't mind because I missed my room, bit it does get annoying sometimes.

Like when we eat, we don't eat at the table. My brother's insisted at we all eat in my room. It's crazy, all four of us crowded around my bed eating Soda's deformed food. They asked me about my trip, but I ignored them with a frown. Soda, feeling my discomfort, always changes the subject. Thank God for him, I would be stuck in that conversation for the rest of my life. My situation now, will most likely lead to some of those unwanted questions. Right now, I'm being yelled at for the first time since I've returned. When Darry walked through the door, I was sitting on the couch with Pony watching TV. I had no idea what we were watching, but it held our attention. Until Darry's loud scream broke my concentration. He large paw of a hand pointing at my foot.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?" he screeched above me, not even waiting to set his tool belt down. Shaking my head I looked up at him.

"Wha?" I asked tiredly.

"THAT?!" he screamed again. I looked at Pony, who looked sympathetic almost. Then my gaze moved to my foot, coming into realization. Smacking my forehead as Soda come in the room from the kitchen. Breathing out nervously I answered.

"Umm…tattoo."

"I know what it is, but why is it on your skin!?" standing up, Darry towered over me. Shaking my head at myself, I answered.

"Because I put it there." he huffed at my almost smart ass answer.

"Do you have anymore?" Darry asked through his clenched teeth. I stuck my thumb at him. Taking my hand in his two big ones, he examined the football in the side of my thumb.

"Football?" his voice was calming down but still held it's fatherly irritation.

"And this." I said lifting my shorts to show the lettering on my leg. It was the first time that Brother had seen my scars, or cuts. My tattoo may have been covering one that had significant but the others were there to be seen. Soda moved closer to Darry, turning on the light as he entered the room further. Pony stood up and slid next to me, looking at my raised leg. My face was hot, but I wasn't going to lie about it anymore. I'll just have to go through the nerves on my own.

"Damn Luc." Soda muttered to himself. Darry began to pace as I lowered my leg. I was shaking with embarrassment and fear. The all looked at me with eyes of concern, eyes I haven't seen for a while. Since I've gotten better, they haven't showed me those horrid eyes. I wanted to scream at them to change their expression.

"Sorry." I muttered pushing past Pony, walking to my room. I shut the door laying down. If I'm disappointed in myself about the things I've done, how are they to feel about it. What kind of excuse is 'I was drunk.' or 'Sorry, I was too busy to notice because I was getting high.'?

"You can tell me." Soda said coming into the room. I jumped a little at him as he entered.

"Soda, I can't talk about New York. Or New Mexico. Or Texas. Or wherever else I ended up! I can't do it until I feel more….normal."

"Will you at least tell me why you got them?"

"Long story short. I was drunk. Missed you guys. And got them. Happy?"

"No." he came over and gave me a hug. "But I'll get over it."

After that we all had dinner, which only consisted of Pony, Soda and I. I know I disappointed Darry, but he didn't have to shun me! It mad me feel really sick! So sick that I wanted to throw up my pasta Soda made. Soda wasn't very satisfied with my one bite meal, but I was too upset to eat. Darry hates me now I bet. Just because of a little ink work. It makes me frown at the thought. I haven't stopped frowning since everyone went to bed. Finally after another hour of being awake, I fell into a deep sleep.

_**(March 23**__**nd**__**)**_

"Lucy!" I was brought out of my book by a yell and a scream of agony.

"Lucy! IT'S STEVE!" Soda yelled for me again.

Steve was muttering things like. 'Lucy?' or 'She's here?'. My brother have managed to keep the gang out of the house when I was home. They also kept the secret for a twenty five days, a new record for Sodapop. Things might not go well, they will be mad for them keep me a secret. Also Darry will be mad that Soda let the Lucy out of the bag.

In a quick motion, I tossed my book down and throw myself out of my bed. My feet pitter pattered in a fast motion, jogging out of the room. Entering the living room, I saw a banged up Steve sitting on the floor. He was wincing as I pushed Soda out of the way. I grabbed his head and put it in the light, he had a knife wound from his eyebrow to his ear. Deep enough for stitches. Steve also cradled his left arm in a funny position. Looking at his face, he looked pained but shocked.

"Luc, what the fuu." I put my finger to his lips.

"Shut up." I told him firmly. "Let me see your arm."

He handed me his loose arm, it was popped out of place. It shouldn't be hard to pop back in, but it will be hell. Looking up at the ceiling, I thanked Mom and Gram for teaching me the ways of medicine. I'm not a pro, but I certainly can fix a greaser up. Then my eyes looked to Soda. "Needle, ice, wet cloth, thread, and a beer."

Soda quickly left the room. Steve began to talk again. "Luc, how the hell…"

"I told you to shut up Randle." instantly he smirked but it faded at the sting of his busted lip. Soda came back with the things I wanted, I looked back to him.

"Thanks, I need a lighter as well." Steve handed me one from his right pocket. I told him to put it next to the things on the ground.

"Take a drink." I told him, so he did. A nice big, long swig of beer. "I'm going to pop your shoulder back into place. It's going to hurt!" he nodded like a tough greaser.

His arm was shaking despite the way it hung from his shoulder. Getting closer to him, I shifted myself and his arm. I counted down from five, surprising him to pop it in at three instead of one. He chocked out putting his right hand on my left shoulder. Steve clenched tightly to my shirt, I don't blame him. I didn't care either, I would of done the same thing. I've only had my arm pop out of place once, couch popped it back in a minute later. Damn, did it hurt. The next day I had to sit out of competition because Mom wouldn't let me compete. It was my excuse, but I'm glad I didn't have to perform.

After a moment he let go and I back off. Looking up at Soda, I smiled with pride. I think I did a good job, it was the second time I had done that. The first was when Darry came home with it popped out after practice. He told us it hurt, but he didn't sit out of practice. Leave it to Darry to over do everything. Mom wasn't home yet, so Dad had me pop it back in for Darry. Otherwise he was going to the hospital. I was afraid to do it, but Darry kept begging me to do it to avoid going to the hospital. Mom told me when she got home that I did an amazing job for someone who had never done it before.

Speaking of Darry, he's forgiven me about the tattoos. It took him a few days to come around, but he finally gave up. He still doesn't like them but he'll have to live because they aren't reversible.

I looked in Steve's eyes, painful tears were trying to spill from his eyes. He wasn't crying, Steven Randle doesn't cry. But it was like one of those things where it makes your eyes water, like cutting up an onion. Patting him on the good shoulder, I told him to take another drink. He did and closed his eyes at the taste. When I went to stand up, I swayed into Soda. Balancing myself, I grabbed a pillow off the couch. Crouching down again, I made Steve lay his head down on it. I took the beer and took a good sized swig myself. Telling him to close his eyes, I began my work on his face.

After cleaning off the dried and seeping blood, I stitched the wound. The needle was freshly cleaned from the flame of the lighter as I stuck it in his skin. He winced as I stitched it all up. The worse and most tender part was his temple, a good bruise under the cut. To calm him, I hummed, which he seemed to enjoy despite the pain. Once I was done, I put my fingers threw his hair. Pulling his hairs back from his forehead, as I examined my stitches. Smiling to myself this time, I was proud of what a clean job I did. Taking another swig of beer, I kissed his forehead. Then I got up and looked at Soda for a second.

He was smiling at me, proud as well. I smiled back and silently told him I was going back to bed. Twiny nodded as I passed him. "Clean that up, will ya?" he nodded again.

"Thanks Lucy, sorry about…" I patted him on the shoulder and kissed his cheek. Going into the kitchen, I snuck myself a beer. I was celebrating to myself that I still had the skills to fix my boys. Back in my room, I shut the door with a click. Happily, I threw myself on the bed. Opening the beverage, I sighed to myself. At the moment, I was waiting to hear Steve scream 'What the fuck?' or the door slamming shut. But it remained quiet, which almost made me nervous. Than it occurred to me, I had no idea what happened to him. I didn't even ask, shit. Taking a sip of beer, I got over it and came to the conclusion that I would hear about it later.

There was a knock on my door, Pony stuck his head in. I waved him in as he shut the door behind him. Pulling up one of the chairs he left in there the previous night, he smiled. "You did good work sis."

"Thanks." taking a swig of beer I said. Pony frowned slightly, eyeing my beer. I looked down at it, then took another drink.

"Why are you drinking?"

"Celebrating quietly to myself. Quietly meaning: don't mention it to Darry." he nodded suspiciously.

"Did you drink in New York?" I stiffened at the question. Should I lie?

"Truth?" he nodded. I leaned forward on my bed, crossing my legs. I looked at Pony and thought for a moment.

"What you have to understand first is that…I was messed up. A lot more than I am now. Even more than when you first saw me when I came back." he nodded again.

"It's all I engulfed." Pony looked at me.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that." I shrugged that shit off.

"No big deal now. So, do you know what happened to that knuckle head?"

"Him and Curley had a fight after school today. Something about Steve giving him a dirty look, it's dumb. You would understand our manly man fights."

"I don't, if it was a Soc it would sound better and less pathetic."

Pony chuckled, "Steve won, even if Curley tried to cheat by pulling out a blade. Tim should really teach him about fair play."

"Yeah." I said agreeing and taking a sip of my beer.

"I don't think Darry will be too happy that Soda brought Steve here, AND gave you away." I chuckled.

"I don't see the big deal, Dar needs to get over himself." Pony joined my chuckle.

"I think I'll make dinner." I said after a while."I don't think Darry would be happy about that either." Pony started to laugh again.

"Gosh, I'm tired of being in this room. I'm healing aren't I? It's time for me to cook something eatable and for us to eat as a family at the table. I'm not staying in this room forever. Besides, tomorrow is Saturday. Two hundred and twenty days since they've passed, and I want to see them!"

"Well, I don't know Lu.."

"Ponyboy, I'm fine. I've gained some weight. I'm eating normally. Sleeping for the most part. I'm ready to get out and tell the world I'm here!"

"Yeah, I've wanted to tell Johnny about you so bad." Pony whined finally agreeing with me.

"Well, then…" I gulped down the rest of the beer. "Let's go tell him." Pony shrunk back down again.

"I don't think we…"

"Go get him, I'll start dinner." I said walking out of the room Steve and Soda were at the table talking. Both having serious faces, until I entered. Pony came up behind me.

"Lucy, just so you know…I'm not getting him.' shrugging I told him to go do his homework then. Looking at me annoyed, he left the room still debating with himself whether he should of gone or not. Shaking my head at my disappearing brother, I looked at the table again. Steve was smiling at me, with his gap hanging out of his mouth.

"Lu!" he hollered jumping up from the table. He crashed into me, holding me up so I would die hitting my head on the wall. I hugged back, rubbing my face into his chest. It felt good to get a hug from one of my boys.

"I love your hugs." I told him pulling apart. Soda was look at me with probing eyes as he pulled the two of us away from each other.

"Soda told me you were in hiding." he laughed.

"You can thank Superman for that." I told them.

We just smiled at each other, until I spoke up again. "So, you gave Curley a dirty look or some shit so he attacked you?"

"Something like that, only I wasn't giving him a dirty look. The fucking sun was in my eyes." I laughed at him.

"Boys." I said throwing my arms in the air.

"But you love us." Soda said with puppy dog eyes.

"You know I do." I looked serious at Steve now. "Speaking of, you should be icing that shoulder on the couch."

Shoving him to the couch, I shooed him. "Go on!"

"Ah…I feel the love." Steve said with a chuckle.

"Sooo…." Sodapop said with a grin.

"I'm making dinner. Since Steve already knows, go round up the rest of the gang. Tell them I'm making…." I walked into the kitchen. Examining the fridge and cabinets, I found that we had little to work with. Milk, eggs, chocolate milk and some other stuff, but not much.

"Tell them I'm ordering pizza." I laughed. "But I'll make cake."

"Darry wont like this." Sodapop chuckled.

"That's what makes it fun." I said tossing my empty beer can in the trash. "This should be a lot of fun" I grind at my twin, who mirror my happiness.


	10. Things Are Definitely Changing

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

(Language, for warning)

* * *

**Keep Moving**

_Things Are Definitely Changing_

I had another beer, no one seemed to notice as I stirred the cake batter. Soda had left fifteen minutes ago to head out to gather the gang, along with Ponyboy. Steve was sitting on the counter next to me, icing his shoulder. My half drunken self was happily dancing around the kitchen, listening to the radio very loudly. Steve watched me with a huge grin on his face. With a sip of beer, I shot my arms in the air. Shaking my hips and singing loudly to Bill Haley, "Rock around the clock".

"One, Two, Three O'clock, Four O'clock rock. Five, Six, Seven O'clock, Eight O'clock rock. Nine, Ten, Eleven O'clock, Twelve O'clock rock, We're gonna rock around the clock tonight." Steve jumped off the counter and joined me in the middle of the kitchen.

Hand in hand we were swing dancing. Not hardcore swing dancing like we normally would have but it was still swingin'. He joined me in singing as we kicked our legs, shook our hands and bobbed our heads.

"Put your glad rags on and join me hon', We'll have some fun when the clock strikes one. We're gonna rock around the clock tonight, We're gonna rock, rock, rock, 'till broad daylight, We're gonna rock around the clock tonight. When the clock strikes two, three and four, If the band slows down we'll yell for more."

It was a really good time. One of the best times I had had in so long. It made a nonstop smile appear on my face. Although there was a dizziness flouting around in my head, I didn't stop. Dancing with one of my boys was too much fun. Why would I want to stop something like that? I didn't, but I should have. The song ended and Buddy Holly jumped on the station. My body flopped over to the side, onto Steve's good shoulder. He chuckled slightly and pulled me up so he could look at me.

"Ya okay there Lu? Maybe I should of joined in, I tired ya out huh?"

"No Steve, I'm fine. Just…" I pulled away from him and leaned on the counter, too embarrassed to look at him. Sure, he was my friend. Sure, I've known him most of my life. Sure, Soda's told him all about my weaknesses or whatever. But still, I'm ashamed.

"Yeah." he understood without another word. He jumped onto the counter again, stealing a sip of my beer. Steve knew I've had a few beers here and there, but he didn't really know.

"When did you start this?" he asked holding the beer up. I snatched it from him and took a nice sized chug.

"A while back." I said stirring the chocolate cake batter. Setting the beer down, I moved across the kitchen to grab a cake pan. After buttering it slightly from the fridge, I moved back over near Steve and the batter.

"So…" he said looking down to my socked feet. "Tattoos."

"Soda told you, bitchin'." I said sarcastically.

"I got one while you were gone too." he showed me his right arm. What looked like an eagle or hawk was stamped onto his arm. I shoved my sock off to show him the Pepsi-Cola bottle on my foot, he grinned his gape at me. My right thumb was stuck in the air. He took it in his rough hands with a nod. Going back to filling the cake pan, I half considered showing my other one. But I'm pretty sure he didn't know about my cutting, so why inform him now.

"Luc, you sure have changed." he looked off into the distance. "But you're the same."

"Ponyboy told me that the other day." what was I gonna say to that? After popping the cake in the oven, Georgia popped into my mind. I wonder whatever happened to my sweet little girl.

"What happened to Georgia?" Steve should know I guess.

"She was taken away from her mom and was adopted in some soc home." he said smugly.

"No shit, what happened?"

"Her mom lost the house." I frowned, I wonder if there would be anything I could of done if I was there at the time. Taking another sip of beer, it was gone. Throwing it away, I turned the radio off. For a moment, I left the room to change into some real clothes. Inside my room I tossed on some jeans and one of Darry's football jerseys. It was one that he had in the eighth grade. The shirt is still huge on me, but I was hoping for that. Maybe I can hide some of my nonexistent body. Soon I moved to the bathroom, where Steve had propped himself against the door frame.

He watched as I brushed my teeth. After rinsing my mouth, I took my hair out of the messy bun it was in. My long silver brown locks fell down to my butt, receiving a gasp from Steve. Side glancing at him, my hair fell over my small body. It fell into my face and got in the way with it's messiness.

"Glory Lucy, when was the last time you cut your hair girl?"

"When Mom cut it." I said in a low tone, while brushing out my hair. It was tangled and made my head throb. After getting some of it to calm down, I left for my room again. Steve followed with a grin.

"Haven't been in this room for a while." he said with his silly grin. I smiled back, not sure what to do with myself. As I was about to say 'I've been stuck in this room for three weeks.', the front door crashed open.

"Where's the surprise you damn Curtis brothers?" Two-bit yelled out. Johnny's quiet voice filled the house as well.

"Yeah, what is it?" Steve grin went wider and left my room. He spoke loudly.

"Hi-ya boys."

"Steve, that's a nice shiner you got right there." Two-bit laughed.

I heard footsteps coming towards my room. Dally appeared in the doorway, he couldn't contain his tough, hooded smile. He continued into my room, as I stood up on the bed. My legs wrapped around his torso and his arms held me up by the butt. Immediately my lips went in for a kiss.

"How you feeling?" he whispered. I nodded into his forehead with a smile.

"Do they know it's me?"

"They have no idea kid." he smirked letting me onto the floor. Dallas's hand gripped my shoulders, moving me to living room. Two-bit was having a punching contest with Sodapop, trying to get him to tell him what the surprise was.

"What is it man?" he laughed.

"Two-y." I said as Dally let go of my shoulders. Two-bit was faced the other way, not able to see me. He stopped in mid-punch. Slowly, his arm went to his side.

"Now, there's only one person that I know that calls me that." he turned with his one eye browed grin. Suddenly, he jumped into the air while rushing towards me. I'm not so sure this is a good thing, but I smiled despite myself.

"Louie!" he screamed. As he crashed into my, he knocked the wind out of me. Hugging me furiously, I chocked out for air. Pulling apart he looked me over with a grin. The first time someone had looked at me and smiled, even if I was coughing.

"Nice to see you too." I said threw small gasps of air. Soda walked over and hit Two-bit on the top of the head with a smack. We both looked at him, his eyes were angry. It takes a lot to make Soda angry, but I was curious to hear what he was going to say.

"What the fuck was that for Soda?" Two-bit complained.

"Look what you did to her, she can't be man handled like that anymore Two. She's to fragile." now my eyes were angry, but I ignored the two now as I walked over to Johnny. He was sheepishly grinning at me. I took him in a big Johnny hug.

"Johnny boy." I said kissing his cheek as I pulled away. Before Johnny could say anything, Soda came over to me while grabbing my forearm.

"Are you okay?" my anger was rising. It's okay for him to be concerned but…CRIST! It is the first time the boys have seen me in six months, they wont know how to act. Besides, I'm fine and don't need to be hovered around.

"Soda, you need to chill out." I told him moving into the kitchen. Once in the kitchen, everyone was in there with me. When I turned around from grabbing the cake from the oven, they were looking me over.

"So Lucy…" Two-bit was interrupted by a loud voice.

"I heard a rumor that a Louie Bird has flown back into town!" Tim screamed coming in the door. Smiling I placed the cake on the stove to cool off. As I threw the oven mitts at Sodapop, I walked over to see Tim.

"Sounds like the first rumor about me that has been proven to be true." hugging him, he smirked.

"Well if it isn't the Bird herself." he pulled apart as everyone came into the living room again. Tim whistled looking at me. "Damn girl, that hair is insane." what he really meant was, 'Damn girl, that weight is insane.'.

"Yeah, it takes time to get used to." Ponyboy came up and slung his arm around my shoulder. Showing me off to the world, that I was his sister and I was back in action.

"Heard ya spent some time in New York, you don't seem to different beside your appearance." Tim commented. I rolled my eyes with a smile.

"Dally, can you keep your mouth shut for any amount of time." he chuckled at me taking a seat in the arm chair.

"Soda, you didn't tell me that." Steve said with a strange expression.

"New York, shoo girl I'm surprised you ain't the leader of a gang by now. Shoot anybody?" Two-bit said slapping his knee, I rolled my eyes again but without the smile.

"Cold blooded killer." Steve chimed in, cackling with Two-y. Everyone began to sit down, I chose Dally's lap. My small body fit nicely onto his as we sat, he lit a cigarette.

"So what was it like Luc?" Johnny asked just as eager as the rest of them are. The person that knows the most about the time I was gone, is me. The second, I probably Dally. Other than that, they know nothing.

"Good luck getting her to talk, the only thing we know is that she has tattoos." Pony said, eyeing Dallas and I.

"Shut up." I commanded, almost harshly.

"Sorry Luc, we're just curious about what ya did on the road. Who ya met. Where ya been. What kind of stuff happened, you know….details." Pony said not sounding really sorry.

"I thought we were going to have fun, not talk about me." I said looking at Dallas.

"Well that is fun." Two-bit laughed along with a few snickers.

"That's not what I meant." my lips tightened, maybe Darry was right.

Just as they were going to go on, Darry stepped through the door. His head was beat red with a small cut on his neck. I jumped off of Dallas, with his help, and went over to him. Dar looked around the room with a nod, but came to realization.

"What the hell are they doing here?" Darry hissed as I took his tool belt off his shoulder.

"Steve was hurt, so I had to help him. After he found out I was here, I thought it would be pointless to keep it a secret. What happened to your neck?" he ignored my question and started to yell.

"You disobeyed me Lucy, I didn't want them to know about you being here! You're not ready!" I shrunk away, Pony stepping in.

"Don't you yell at her, you can't keep her from the world Darry!"

"Pony, look at her." Ponyboy glanced at me. "The world will eat her up and spit her out just like it did in New York. Fucking look at her!"

My anger was rising in my throat, but I didn't let it burst. Soda spoke up. "I think you guys should leave." the gang agreed, quickly as possible. Dally was the last to stand up, slowly making his way over to me. He kissed my forehead looking at Darry. Speaking to me as he slowly walked away with his swagger.

"See ya babe." once he was gone, Darry lashed out again.

"Lucy! When I say something, it goes!"

"Calm down Darr.." Soda tried.

"Shut up Soda, you let this happen." Darry said angrily.

"Darry, let me take a look at that cut." I said something completely off topic, but it was something to break the tension.

"Lucy, go to your room." my mouth gapped open. Did he just say that? Out of disbelief I shook my head.

"Go to your room right now!" he did just say that. Before turning with my gritted teeth and clenched fists, I spoke.

"Dar, you really need to chill out." before heading to my room I grabbed yet another beer, my fourth one of the night I do believe. I'm surprised he didn't noticed the smell of it on my breath when I went up to him. Anyway, I drank it in my room with the door locked. Soda came once our twice to see if I would let him in, but I denied him each times. Darry might have been right, but that didn't give him a reason to scream at us. It wasn't long until it was dark out, Darry came to my door when it did. He told me I needed to eat something, but I stayed quiet.

If he was going to yell at me for something so small, I was going to be a child about it. That's what I do sometimes, what can I say I'm a teenage girl. We all are childish at some point of the day. After a while my stomach actually growled with hunger. Something that hasn't happened in a long while, it made me smile. It was yet another sign that my body was recuperating and ready for anything. Ready to move on with my life. Ready for things to be different.

It was late into the night, everyone was asleep so I decided to get myself something to eat. When I arrived in the kitchen, the cake was fully iced inside the fridge. Cutting myself a piece, I knew Soda had iced the cake. It was really sweet, sweeter than anyone else makes. Then I poured myself a glass of milk and sat at the table. I ate my cake with pleasure. As I examined the piece, I noticed it was a pretty good sized snack. The cake was huge compared to the portions I've been eating for my meals. Just another thing that is a sign that I'm improving.

Maybe, once I get all my strength back I can start working out again. And get a job. To wrestle with the guys. Maybe play football with them. Be able to stand up for myself again. To put Darry in his place and stand up for what I believe in. Have people look at me with pride, not concern. That will be the day, my day. I'm going to make a goal now, a pact with myself. To gain most of my weight back by the end of April. Be a healthier better me, and finally start pulling my weight around here. This is the most positive thinking I've had in a really long time, I like it. But there is a few things that might hold me back during my aspirations, everyone else.

They wont understand the way I am. I'm messed up, all over. If I don't push myself above the limit, than I'm nothing. If I can't provide for my small family, then I'm nothing. If I'm not trying my hardest plus more, than I'm nothing. If everyone isn't safe and happy around me, than I'm nothing. I'm nothing without them, so I have to be better for them. Despite their objections of overexerting myself, I have to ignore that. I have to ignore all of their judging eyes and move on. Also, I want to try and make it a point that I tell Ruth what happened to me. It might help, and she would understand it better than my brothers or the gang. Tomorrow I'm going to call and tell her what I've been thinking for the last hour in this dining room.

For the last hour I've been done with my cake, but I've been thinking about a lot of things. Things that will help me for the future but before I look to far ahead, I need to see my parents. I want to go by myself, but no one would allow that. Maybe I'll introduce Ruth to my parents, yeah I'll do that. Looking at the clock, I smiled. Only eleven, Ruth should still be up. I'll arrange everything now. In a quick motion, I picked up the phone that was sitting on by the phone.

Out of memory, I dialed her number. It rang twice before she answered, sounding in a rush. "Hello?"

"Ruth, it's Lucy."

"Lucy? Is everything okay? It's pretty late shouldn't you…"

"Ruth, can you do me a favor?" I smiled slightly, in a whole new mind set.

"Sure sweetie, what do you need?"

"Tomorrow will you pick me up around nine, I'd like you to meet someone."

* * *

_**(March 24th**__**)**_

As soon as I woke up, I jumped in the shower. Latterly, I jumped. Today, I was to see my parents. Of course it's also a sad thing, but it's my parents! The entire shower I clenched my mother's necklace in my small fingers. Once done in the shower, I brushed everything that needed to be brushed. I dressed in jeans, a white tank top and my converse. After throwing my dirty clothes into basket in my room, I trotted out to the kitchen. It was eight o'clock when I looked at the clock with a smile. Immediately I found oatmeal and made a huge pot of it.

Brown sugar and cinnamon as my main ingredients. But of course, I managed to cut up a few apples to add in. Four good size bowls of it were poured out and set at the table. As I went into Soda and Pony's room, I shook them awake. They joined me in the dining room. Soda went to wake Darry, because he knew I wouldn't. Even though I'm still upset with Darry freaking out last night, I still made him coffee. They all joined me at the table, watching me curiously as I ate. Big full bites of oatmeal entered my mouth, only a dull sick feeling entered my stomach. I ignored it and kept on eating. When I looked up at them and said 'Can I help you?', they went on eating.

"Luc, this is the best oatmeal you've ever made." Pony complemented, I smiled at him in thanks. Everything went silent while we enjoyed our oatmeal. It was heading close to eight forty so I ate a little quicker. After I was done, I sipped my OJ in peace.

"Listen baby girl, about last night…" I gulped the rest of the OJ as I heard Ruth's honk from outside. I jumped up and cleaned most of the oatmeal of my dish but left the rest for them. In a swift motion; I jogged to my room, put one of Dad's long sleeve red shirts on, and headed out towards the door. Darry stood up as I did, grabbing my arm. I pulled out of his grasp with great force, looking at him like he had set my arm on fire.

"Don't touch me." I said walking out. He had barely touched me, but I didn't want to be touched.

"Where are you going?"

"With Ruth." I answered going out of the house, Darry in toe. She waved to me as I hopped into her small nineteen-fifty-five silver VW Bug. We was listening to Frank Sinatra, one of my Dad's favorites too.

We started to drive down the street, bobbing our heads. The two of us sang his sweet soulful blues. "Come fly with me let's fly let's fly away. If you can use some exotic booze. There's a bar in far Bombay. Come on and fly with me let's fly let's fly away."

She sang beautifully, and it felt good to duet with her. It was like my mother and me singing together. The thought made me sad, but singing with her was a treat. It was something that lifted my spirits even more. I was flying high, and she was flying with me. Just as the song told us we were. The lovely experience didn't end there because she had a Frank Sinatra tape running in her stereo.

"All or nothing at all. Half of love, never appealed to me. If your heart, never could yield to me. Then I'd rather, rather have nothing at all." I closed my eyes and held Mom's necklace in my hand. Singing sweetly with Ruth, my only girl friend. Mom was right, I'm sorry Mom. Finally we made it to my parents resting place, Ruth stopped at the side of the pathway.

Opening my eyes as she turned the car of, she smiled. "Can I go first for a second?" she nodded as I got out of the car. I walked through the grass to my parent's graves, careful not to step on anyone's grave. When I got there I smiled down at them.

"Hi, sorry I've been gone for sometime now. I've…uh missed you guys a lot. I really wish you were here, I need ya." it was silent. I looked around there graves, it was filthy.

"When was the last time anyone came to see you." I whined going down to my knees, picking weeds that scattered around the graves. My hands brushed leaves and dirt off of their tombstones. When I came back up, I waved Ruth over with my hand that was holding the weeds. As she exited the car, I spoke to my parents.

"I want you to meet someone." she came up beside me. "Mom…Dad, this is my friend Ruth. Ruth these are my parents."

"Nice to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Curtis, you've got a special set of children missing you here." Ruth said with a smile.

"Well, I just wanted to pay you a visit since I haven't for so long. Love you guys, see you soon." it was a quick visit, but it's all I needed. Ruth waved goodbye as I felt happy and sad tears fall from my eyes."How are you doing?" Ruth asked me as we walked to the buggy.

"Not sure."

"Well, what are you feeling?" yep, shrinks really do ask that.

"Sad because I'm a freak who talks to stones." she laughed at my small pathetic joke."Now I know that's not the truth."

"Okay, I'm sad because I miss them. Happy because I'm getting better. Angry because of what I am. Confused about everything. Tired of being emotional and weak. Ready to be done with that shit." I said as we drove off.

"Time will heal your body, just let it. As for being emotional, that comes with being strong willed. You are strong willed, but you forgot how to use your will in everyday life. Today, I see great improvement. The most improvement I've seen for a while, I'm proud of you." I smiled at her.

"I'm ready to let it be."

"I'm glad." she smiled as she stopped at a red light, looking over at me.

"So tell me about you and Darry, what's up with that?"

"I didn't want to hear about yesterday this morning, so ignored him. Probably not the best thing to do, but he wont understand. He wouldn't of let me go if I didn't go without asking."

"Next time I want you to ask him a day before and discuss it with him. Try to reason with him more Lucy, he is stressed out. Since your feeling better, offer to do work around the house."

"I'm already planning on doing things like that. Things are definitely going to change around here, I can feel it." I smiled at her. She patted me on the head with a grin. This are definitely going to change….and I can't wait.


	11. Karma

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

(Language, adult humor, violence for warning)

* * *

**Keep Moving**

_Karma_

Its April eighth, two hundred and thirty-six days since they've died. I wake up every morning around seven, remembering how many days it's been. Sometimes one of my brothers asks me how long its been because they know I silently keep count. Since I've been to see my parents, I've gone almost every day since then. Darry through a few fits about it, until Ruth told him it was good for me. I'm not so sure she really meant it, except to get him off my back. She's really helped him, and myself. He seems a lot more laid back after he talks to her. The down side about getting better is that she doesn't come by as often. Ruth is one of my best friends, even if she is my therapist. She's the only real girl friend I've had since Natalia, I miss her.

Rocky and I haven't really seen each other since Natalia left. I'm okay with that. Anyway, I've gotten a lot better in the last few weeks. My weight is pretty much back to normal, one hundred and nineteen. When Darry doesn't work, he helps me build up my muscle. On Pony's free time, he helps me with my speed. Who would be better than him, he is on the track team. Soda usually just talks to me while I do pull ups on the bar out back.

Everything is pretty much back to normal, except for a few things. But I can go without those few things. Like the way Dally and I used to be, we have gotten a lot closer. He comes by almost everyday while everyone is out, we talk. But mostly we kiss and flirt like the teenagers we are. The gang doesn't know to much about our relationship because we don't express it while they are around. They don't really know there is a relationship, Darry might. I don't care if Dally hasn't said anything, I don't care about a lot of things. I'm very passive theses days, just really chill. More chill then I was before. In fact, I haven't lost my temper in a while. Except for today.

The gang was over after work and school, we were waiting around for Darry to get home. I was sitting on Dally's lap leaning my back onto his chest, his arms were wrapped around my middle. We were all watching Steve and Soda wrestle over Soda cheating in a card game or some shit. Two-bit was howling loudly for Steve to get Soda right before he made the worst comment possible. Steve and Soda soon turned it into a arm wrestling contest, as Two-bit motioned to Dally and me."So what's this?" I looked at Dally, then over to Ponyboy who was silently joining our conversation.

"What?" Dally hissed, annoyed with Two-bit. I patted his arm to calm him down.

"You two have been closer than flies on turds in the summer time, what's goin' on?"

I grimaced at the comparison. "Two-y, that's gross."

"I'm serious though, Dal is she your girl or something? What happened to Rocky, I thought you two were seeing each other." I stiffened at the mention of Rocky and Dallas together. Dally placed his head on my shoulder to keep me still and sane. Already my blood had begun to boil at the thought of him with her.

"No, I thought he was with Sylvia. He was with her a Buck's a while back." Johnny added.

"Umm, you're both wrong, he was with Trish." Pony argued. I wanted to tell them to shut the fuck up.

"No, Rocky was the one who was mainly with him the past few months." Two-bit retorted. When I went to stand up and get out of the room, Dallas tightened his hold on me. I turned to look him in the face, he was frowning angrily.

"That was months ago guys." Dally commented.

"Rocky was with Steve, remember Two-bit." they ignored Dally as Pony tried to prove Two-bit wrong.

Steve and Soda joined in after they gave each other sportsmen like handshake. "Yeah, but not anymore. Evie and I are back together."

"Johnny, I thought Rocky tried to get with you?" Soda asked.

"She tried but I told her I don't date trash, in a nicer way of course. So she went for Dally."

"Shut the fuck up!" I growled as everyone jumped at my outburst.

Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes. "Steve, did you fuck her? What was your relationship?"

"Not that it's your business but yes, I did. A few times too. She dumped me, said I was an asshole or something like that. Told me to go fuck myself.""Sorry pal, did she hurt your feelings?" Soda asked patting him on the back.

"Yeah." Steve admitted like it was no big deal. The mention of it made me even more angry.

"Johnny, what she do to you?""Uh…" he sounded nervous, probably feeling my anger. "She slapped me for denying her. She's really changed Luc, you should stay clear of her.""Yeah." Pony agreed. I turned to Dally.

"Truth." I told him as he scoffed.

"Nothing but a fuck." he said. I closed my eyes, unable to not picture him grinding on top of her. I stood up from him, looking at my friends.

"The other day, she saw me and called me a no good hood. Do I look like a hood?" Two-bit cackled. "So I called her a slut, bitch had to bring up our relationship. She deserves to live in the dirt like a worm.""So she's a worm now, Two-bit?" Ponyboy laughed. The more they talked about her, even if it was making fun of her, it made me mad. Just thinking about her fucking face, made my fist shake with fury. The bitch waited until I was gone to make a move on my guys. The most that bothered me was her going after Dally, but that was just me. Johnny too, he's just a fifteen year old kid. She slapped him! Bitch gonna pay, I leaned on the far wall looking at the air. They were still talking about her when my ears began to work again.

"She tried to get with Darry." Soda laughed with everyone else.

"No shit, wow." Two-bit laughed. "Bet his dick was too tense to pleasure her ass." they laughed harder as Two-bit slung an arm around Pony.

"What about you Ponyboy, she go after you?"

"Nope, but she went after Soda about a month ago, right Soda?" Soda chuckled.

"Oh yeah, she wanted me to break up with Sandy. Made a huge fuss about it too, wanted to fight Sandy for me." Steve laughed at the thought.

"Slapped me real good too, just like she slapped Johnny." that was it, no one fucking hits my family and gets away with it. I started to stomp into Darry's room, looking for something to swing with. Two-bit called after me with a laugh.

"What's wrong Lucy, don't like us talking about your friend?" FRIEND!? She is not my friend. Rocky will pay; for hitting my boys, for fucking my boys and for hurting their feelings. I was over the edge. My fist were tight, my face hot and red. Steam was boiling inside of me, ready to explode on Rocky. Finally I found Darry's old bat in his closet, I grabbed it in my right hand. As I stomped out of Darry's room, the gang jumped up.

"WOAH!" Pony gasped looking at my fury. Soda dashed in front of me as did Steve.

"Where do you think your going with a bat and looking like that?" Soda asked in a rush, no longer laughing. I tired to push past them, but was unsuccessful. Dally went over to the door, to block my way if I did. Johnny joined him as Two-bit and Pony came up from behind me, blocking me to move."You boys best move out of my way." I hissed as Soda place hands on my shoulders.

"What's going through your mind Twiny?"

"Let me through!" I shrugged him off, lifting the bat at them.

"NO!" Soda said firmly.

"Sodapop Patrick Curtis, that bitch is gonna get what she deserves! Now move."

"Rocky?" Soda said in question. "We were just foo….""Sodapop! She slapped you and Johnny. She fucked with everyone's feelings and screwed them, after I told her to never come near my boys again. You're my boys that I have to protect! You hear me! No one gets away with that stuff….not if I have anything to say about it!"

"That was months ago Luc, everything is forgiven. So just put the bat down, give it to me." I knew there was no way I was getting out of there, unless I play along. Rocky was going to be taught a lesson, whether they agreed with me or not. I can't remember the last time I've been this angry, but I am.

Glancing at Dallas, I saw a small smirk on his face. He was enjoying my anger, it gave him adrenaline. He told me once that it did. The other day he said he wished I would get angry, because it turned him on. I looked back to Soda, handing him the bat. Everyone calmed down as I went into the kitchen to grab a beer, the only alcohol I've had since March. From around the corner, I saw everyone relax into their positions in the living room. This was my chance. With beer in hand, I rushed towards the door. Soda jumped up after me.

"NO LUCY!" I was down the street and on the prowl, where was that bitch? Sipping beer, I jogged around. Soon Two-bit's car came up beside me with him, Johnny and Dallas inside. On the other side of the park, I saw Darry's truck. Pony was in the passenger side with Darry as driver, he must of gotten home right after I left. Neither of them looked happy. That just leave Steve and Soda, they must be on foot. Unless they took Steve's car. I took a sip of beer looking around for them. Shit boy, can't a girl fucking commit a murder in peace!

"Come on babe, it's no big deal." Dally yelled out the passenger window.

"Maybe not to you guys, but Rocky has been deceptive and distrusting for the last time. I'm tired of her bullshit.""So are we, but that doesn't mean you need to get into a fight with her.""Shut up Dallas, it's not like you wouldn't do the same if some dick head did that to me. Or if you saw some guy hit Johnny or Soda! It's not the same if a girl does it, RIGHT! But I know this girl, she was my friend. She hurt my family! Screwed and seduced my boys! Think about it, if it was a guy, you all would feel the same way!" I jogged off annoyed with them. I didn't think they would drive through the park, but Two-bit followed behind me. Darry backed the truck up so it was in front of me when I got to the other side of the park.

"Lucy, get in this car now!"

"Darry, she tried to get with you. She fucking slapped Soda and Johnny. She played with everyone's emotions. SHE FUCKED DALLAS!" so if finally came out. Truly, I didn't care about her and Steve but I did. Not as much as her and Dallas though, he was mine. He should feel guilty about it, I hope he does! He probably doesn't though, which makes it all the worse.

"Why would you care anyway? Dallas gets with lots of women." Two-bit said getting out of his car.

"I meant she fucked Steve and Dallas, who cares what I said. I'm beating the shit out of her, that's it!"

"Lucy, think smart. You've just recovered from a lot of shit, do you want to be taken away or run away again. If the police are called on you, that's it. We're finished!" Darry screamed stepping out of the truck. I made a quick dash past him, jumping into the bed of the truck to look down at him.

"If Steve were here he would say 'Nobody calls the fuzz in this neighborhood.'" that seemed to lighten up the mood, until I turned back to the subject.

"If I don't beat the shit out of her now, I will later." I jumped off the other side of the truck and ran away from them, in search for the bitch. The Dingo was my next destination. I went through yards to avoid anymore run ins with the gang. When I got to the Dingo, they told me she would be at Buck's that night. So I head to Buck's, with still no trouble from the gang. When I got to Buck's he opened the door with a smile.

"Sodapop told me you would show up, how is my Louie Bird?""Buck, I'm not in the mood. Where is Rocky?"

"She's at the bar, if your avoiding Sodapop and Steve go around the back to the kitchen." he hawked his thumb to the other side of the house. I nodded, eyeing him suspiciously.

"How do you know I'm avoiding them?""They told me you were, said you wanted to fight with Rocky. They came to warn her and keep you away from her. But I think it's a great idea, bitch needs something to wake her up."

"Yeah, tell her to meet me out back. I've gotta talk with her, make sure Soda and Steve don't know I'm here." Buck nodded as I smiled at him going around the back. By now, I have calmed down a great deal. I'm still mad, but not on the verge of killing some one. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Probably talk to her about her actions, beat the shit out of her or set up a time for a fair fight. I'll probably go for the fair fight thing but, God I fucking hate her.

She walked out the door looking happy but a little frightened. When I looked at her without expression, she spoke first."Lucy, how goes it girl?" I walked right up to her, grabbing her by the napkin she called a shirt.

"You listen good Rocky! I'm very upset with you. You played with my boys heads while I was gone! He fucked them! Seduced them! And slapped them. That shit doesn't slid with me, I'm half tempted to just beat the shit out of you right here!" her eyes grew wide with fear.

"But, I'm not like that…usually. So I'm gonna schedule a fair fight with you, later tonight. Around ten, in the park. If you don't show, I will come and find you. Then I will beat the shit out of you, without any hold backs. No heaters, no blades, just our fists. I don't care who you tell, but it's between you an me!" I said shoving her slightly.

"Jeez Lucy, I'm really…"

"No you aren't, so don't bull shit me. Even if you were sorry, it wouldn't matter. I've already told you to stay way from my boys, so you just waited until I was gone. Did you not think I was going to hear about it?" I snarled.

"No, I just.."

"I don't want to hear what you have to say. Be there at ten, or watch your back."

"Lucy, why are you doing this? Weren't we friends? I thought we were friends."

"Rocky, karma sucks doesn't it." I started to walk away, as she cursed me out on my journey. The fight was going to be the best, I love fights. Especially if it's for something I think is right. Or if it's sticking up in what I believe in. It's like rumbles, the gang eats that shit up.

More than halfway home, I wished I had a cigarette. I'm sure one of the gang will give me one, if they have one. Walking, I started to plan out the evening. Get home. Get smoke. Get yelled at. Get food for dinner. Get in shower. Get dressed for fight. Get smoke on the way to fight. Kick the hell out of Rocky. Go home. Go to sleep with a smile. Hopefully the night goes as planned. Headlights of a car coming up behind me brought me out of my thoughts. Soda's torso popped out of Steve's car, yelling at me almost.

"Get in!"

"I'm on my way home, I'll meet you there. I want to think." I told him without looking at him.

"No, it's getting dar..."

"Soda, the house is right there." I pointed to the house in view, the sunset blazing behind it. Soda jumped out of the vehicle.

"Keep going Steve, I'm walking with her." Steve drove off and parked in front of the house. Leaning on his car, waiting for us."Lucy, what are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking, karma is a bitch." I said smirking at myself.

"Buck said you came by and left, did you see Rocky?" he asked not amused.

"Yeah, I have a fight with her later.." Soda sighed throwing his hand through his hair.

"At least I didn't attack her, like I was planning on doing." he nodded as he waved to Steve to follow us through the gate.

"She fighting Rocky later."

"Hell yeah!" Steve hollered as we entered the house. Everyone stood up, even Dallas. Darry shot out of the kitchen, I put my hand up.

"Save it, Brother." he calmed down a bit but snarled at Steve.

"Why the hell are you smiling?"

"She's got a fight with Rocky."

"I thought you didn't want me to fight." I said walking past Darry, who had a sharp look in his eyes.

"I didn't want you to attack her, this is different. Now we have something to get a revved up over, WE COULD TAKE BETS!" Steve said as Two-bit joined in with his happiness.

"Shit yeah, we could!"

"Are we all going?" Pony asked a little excited, but was shot down by a glare from Darry."No one is going, she's not going." Darry pointed to me."Yeah I am, no Curtis flakes out on a fight." I said motioning to Johnny for a smoke. He handed me one after lighting it for me. Darry sighed.

"Fine. Hell Lucy, you sure get into a lot of shit." he said in defeat, even he knew I wouldn't let him make me not fight.

"What time is the fight?" Two-bit asked.

"Ten, at the park." I answered. "It's a clean fight, no weapons."

"Keep your guard up kid, she wont play fair." Steve said pretending to hit Soda. The two were laughing as they started to play fight. At least they were sort of okay with it now, it's like a rumble.

"Smoke that in the backyard." Darry said before walking to the kitchen, mumbling to himself. I smirked at myself as I headed for the back door, Dallas right behind me. As much as I hate the idea of fighting someone that used to be my friend, I can't help but feel the rush of it. Besides, she deserves what is coming…right?


	12. Secret Revenge

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.**_

_**(Language, violence for warning) **_

_**Keep Moving**_

_Secret Revenge_

Nine forty-five is when the gang and I arrived at the park, it was already packed with a few greasers. Some of them howled and whistled at me as I stood in the middle of the park, the gang standing behind me looking wary. Most of them probably throbbing with adrenaline even if it wasn't their fight to be fought. On the other side of us a few of greasers went to place their bets with Two-bit or Steve. My head was down trying to stay focused. A few of the people who placed bets would either snarl in my face or cheer at me with a pat on my back. After a while it really started to get annoying. To cool myself up I lit a cigarette that was hanging from my lips. While standing there, I cracked my knuckles against my palms.

Besides the random people coming up to me, I was in my own world. My head was on one thing, the fight. Most of all I tried to think that I wasn't fighting Rocky, because at some point she was my friend. A bitch, but my friend. As I took a drag I lifted my head and looked around the park. My heart was beating loudly in my ears. To my feet I felt the vibration of ever throb of my pulse. Every sound was blurred out because my heart beating. When I would reach up to grab the cancer stick from my lips, my hand would shake with anticipation. I shook with adrenaline coursing through my body. So much was focus of the task at hand, that I almost didn't feel a hand on my shoulder. When I turned around slowly, Ponyboy's face came into view. I moved my body to face him.

He was looking at me with a strange, uncomfortable half smile. My head nodded slightly in question at him. Pony uncomfortably cleared his throat as he shifted on his weight. The poor guy looked more nervous than I felt. In good nature I handed my cig over to him to take a drag. When he did he let it smoothly fall from his nostrils. As I took a drag from the same cigarette, he finally found his voice.

"I know I'm not the kind of brother that really gets in your face about stuff but…" he swallowed. "I'm worried about you."

Ponyboy looked behind him to make sure the rest of the group wasn't listening in on his conversation with me. Out of instinct, I patted him on the arm. I felt my face and body soften a little at his concern. It took a lot of courage for him to come and say something to me. He's right, he isn't the brother who gets in my face about things. Usually Pony is the one who backs me up or is a quiet support system. Darry is the oldest so he is the one who is most likely to confront me about something that concerns him. Soda might do it but in a completely different way than Darry. Pony just…doesn't do this kind of stuff.

"Pony baby." I said in a soft hissing voice. He didn't take it in a mean way, which it wasn't to be intended in that manner. "Don't worry about me, I'm gonna do just fine. This fight isn't the first I've been in, I can handle myself."

"Sissy." oh no. Ponyboy only calls me Sissy when he is really upset about something. He must be serious about this. I took a drag while he continued.

"You aren't all the way better. I don't think you should do this. What if you get badly hurt or something horrible?" his eyes darted up and down my body, imagining the damage that might be inflicted on me.

"Don't worry little brother." I handed him the rest of the cig to calm his nerves. The kid needs it a lot more than I do. "It's not like I haven't gotten hurt before. Besides, I wont get hurt badly. You've seen the way she fights."

"Yeah, I have! She fights dirty if she starts to loose. What if she brings a blade even if it's against the rules? What if you get stabbed, AGAIN!?" he practically screamed it at me. Darry noticed his distress and started to move closer to the two of us.

"Ponyboy." I sighed. "Some times you can't think about the 'What ifs', because those questions don't have an answer in the end." Darry looked at me than back to Pony, swinging an arm around our little brother's shoulders.

"We will deal with the results when they happen, so just chill." I told Pony. Even if my words were true, they didn't give my younger brother comfort. Pony turned to Darry looking scared out of his mind.

"Darry, make her not fight. Forbid her to fight, I don't want her hurt again. I don't want her to be gone again. We can't loose her again Dar!" Darry gave me a look that said 'This is all your fault.'. My back straightened a little and my focus was on the fight again, there was no convincing Ponyboy I would be fine.

"Lucy is old enough to make certain decisions for herself. No matter how dumb they seem to us, they are smart to her. Whatever the outcome, we have to stand by her even if we don't like it. That's what family is." Pony scooted closer to Darry, trying to become smaller. He looked embarrassed and scared.

"Darry, she might get hurt." he said in a small voice.

"I know little buddy, but we can't think about that. We have to have confidence in her. We'll just have to deal with the out come when it's over, no matter what it is." Pony finally shook his head yes, turning away form us to go with the group. But I grabbed him into a hug before he could leave, I whispered in his ears.

"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere." he nodded into the hug before letting go. As he walked over to the gang and some other greasers, I started to jog away from them. A quick jog around the park would do me good, maybe shake some of the fighting jitters. Darry came along too, even though I wanted to be alone. He was to my right as we jogged, he looked just as nervous as Pony. Did anyone have confidence in me besides myself?

Remember when I told you Darry tries to talk about things when he's nervous, well that's what he did. He tried telling me pointers like, 'Remember to keep your hands up.' or 'Pony is right about her fighting dirty, don't let your guard down.'. After awhile I just tuned him out. All I could hear now was the heart thumping in my ears and the air whistling around my head. a I didn't answer him. The park isn't very big but we jogged around it a few times before I finally realized it had been a long time. When I stopped jogging, Darry felt my concern. While we walked over to the growing crowd, he looked at his watch.

"Almost twenty after." he informed me. I grunted at the time, was she chickening out? She better not be because I'd rather have a fair fight than to have to jump her or some shit. I think I was pretty nice to let her have a fair fight, I could have attacked her instead. As soon as I was about to complain about her being a chicken shit, a far off figure approached the large group of greasers. The figure became more clear as it got closer. On her face lay a smug little smirk as she walked through the crowd to get to the middle. Even with the smirk she looked focused and determined, so I smirked back. My smirk was more out of satisfaction that she showed up, rather than I having to go look for her again. My smirk faded after a short length of time, but hers remained.

Male and female greasers surrounded us in a huge circle. The two of us looked around at our crowd. There were a lot of people there, more than I had anticipated to come and watch our fight. The ones that were cheering for her stood behind her, giving me hateful glares. I glanced behind me to see the gang, Tim's gang, Buck, and some others I had yet to know the names of. There were a lot of girls on my side, no surprise even if I don't have a lot of girl friends. I suppose they would react the same way if they were in my shoes. When I looked over at Soda, he looked really chill with his arm around a blond I hadn't seen before. Her lips were a soft pink in the lights of the park and her eyes sparkled at me. She wore a purple dress that was mostly hidden by Soda's jacket he had arrived in. I wanted to gaze at them longer, but didn't get the chance because I heard someone call me from Rocky's side. I looked over to see Will waving to me.

Gross, I thought as he pulled himself out of the crowd to stand next to Rocky. The two of them looked at me then began to passionately, aggressively make out. A few greasers hollered for them to get it on, some yelled for them to get a hotel room, but most of them just yelled. Seriously, I threw up in my mouth. As I swallowed the disgusting stomach acid, they pulled apart with smirks. Rocky licked her lips, looking at me devilishly. The best part about that was that they thought I cared. Finally, we started to get ready. Rocky pushed Will back into the crowed while she kept tight eye contact with me. She swung her arms up and down, making them loose. I shed Soda's jacket that I was wearing to reveal my black undershirt. It hugged my but not to the point that you could tell what was underneath the shirt. Truly, I wore it because it was easy to move around int.

Once she looked away, she walked back over to Will. I turned and walked over to Darry, who was closest to me. Handing him the jacket, I also took Mom's necklace off. I placed it in his fingers giving him a serious look.

"Keep this safe until I'm done." he nodded just as serious. Soda notice that I was standing there, which was a shocker since his attention was on the girl he was with. As I gave Darry a small nudge to relax, I moved over to Sodapop and his girl. She smiled at me just as he was.

"Good luck." she said with that same smile.

I nodded to her in thanks, waiting for an introduction. "Oh, Lucy this is Sandy. I don't think you've met her, I've been dating her for a while."

"I don't think we have met, it's a shame because I've heard a lot about you." she said with a twinkle in her eyes. I could see why Soda liked her, she was just as upbeat as he was.

"Maybe we could get a milkshake or a Coke at the Dingo some time, get to know each other." I said trying to be polite.

"That would be great." her smile widened, if it was possible. After nodding to her again, Soda pulled away from her. He looked me in the eyes with his hands on my shoulders.

"Be safe." his voice was slightly shaky, but confident. Sodapop's eyes were worried but he had a grin plastered on his face. "And kick her ass."

"I'll try my best." I said pulling away from him. My serious face didn't faultier as Dally waved me over before I reentered the center of the circle. He looked at me with a smirk, so I smirked back slightly. My man kissed my lips for the first time in front of others, a few of them whistled. It was just a quick little good luck thing, but it still felt nice. When I went to walk away from him, he pulled in close to my ears.

"She's got a blade on her, keep you eyes open because if she pulls that out your in trouble. If you want mine you can…" I shook my head against his and spoke to his ear.

"No, I want to do this fairly even if she doesn't. She pulls the blade, I'll get it away from her. If my plans don't work out than I'll get the blade from you." he nodded and continued with his speech.

"Keep your hands up and feet apart. Don't listen to anyone except for yourself, don't let anyone distract you. I'm right here if you need me." I nodded walked back over to her.

I looked her over, sizing her up. She wore tight jeans that hugged her hips so much it looked like it hurt. A red plaid shirt was draped over those jeans with a white V neck shirt tucked into that. Her hair was up over her face, so I didn't pull it I guess. Only bitches pull hair in a fight, I don't. I suppose that's why I forgot to put mine up. If it wasn't about to begin, I would for found a way to put it up. Instead I threw my right hand out to her to shake. She gripped my hand tightly with a sneer.

"I still don't get why you freaked out so bad, it was just a fuck." she spat.

"You'll never get it, so lets get this over with so I can go home and sleep." when our hands separated, I remained her of the rules.

"Anything goes except double teaming and weapons. If one of us needs a second, the other will respectfully back off. We each get one time out, the second time means you've given up. The first to pass out or can't continue physically, loses. If you want to give up, yell 'Uncle'." I stated with a stone face.

"Why if I give up?"

"Because the only way for me to lose is if I pass out from exhaustion, otherwise I'm in the game until you're out. Any questions?"

"Fuck you, lets go." she said dropping down into a fighting position. I nodded cracking my back one last time before crouching into a defensive stance.

Immediately she shifted to her left, like I knew she would. I didn't moved away from her or start to circle until she lunged at me. Quickly, I brought my knee up and knocked the wind straight out of her. As the crowd of greasers booed or cheered, I bobbed on my toes. She held her stomach but kept advancing with an aggravated expression. Shaking her head, she swung her heavy bracketed arm at me. It jingled as I twisted to avoid the blow, but was hit with one that cracked me in the shoulder. The hit was a little painful, but I didn't flinch away from it. I took the opportunity to grab her outstretched arm, twirling over my head. Her limb was curled up behind her back as I lifted it higher in hope it might pop out of place.

She cried out in pain and tried to kick me in the shine with her right heel. Her foot dug into my leg, causing me to let go. Spinning around, she faced me. Since she wasn't far, I threw my fists at her. Rocky's arms flew up to block her face, only being half successful. When I backed up, I danced around on my toes. Looking at her arms, she shook them to make sure they weren't that damaged. Satisfied, she threw a few punches my way.

I could only avoid half of them. Most of them turned into body shots, my sides begged for solace. But not as much as the gash on my face. Before the fight, I had forgotten to tell her to rid herself of jewelry. My mistake caused her ring to make an deep imprint on my right cheek. I shut my eyes to clear my thoughts, I threw my hand up for a time out. It was my only time out but it would be worth it. If she kept those rings on, it would cause a lot more damage than her bare skin. The two of us stood up straight as everyone hollered for us to continue. We met each other in the middle.

"You givin' up Lucy?" she teased with a lot of breath coming out of her nose.

"No, I forgot to tell you to get rid of your jewelry. It's considered a weapon." with a smirk she pocked my face near the gash.

"My bad, must of forgotten." I turned my head away from her.

"Just fucking take them off so we can continue, otherwise I'm done holding back." why would I hold back? She deserved everything she gets, but I don't want to hurt her. As much as I hate her and fucking want to strangle the bitch, she was my friend at one point. Being who I am, I can't let that small fact escape my mind. She turned to her side of the circle as I listened to the cheers for me.

"Get her good Luc!" Steve hollered."Shut up Steve, Rocky is gonna win. This bitch doesn't know what she's doing." Will screamed as Rocky took off her last ring. I glanced over my shoulder to see Steve curl up his lip and throw up his middle finger. A few greasers laughed at the gesture, I smirked at my friend. Will started to advance towards my side of the circle with a raised fist.

"You're ass is grass son." Will said as he got closer to me, only to start a fight with Steve. I looked over at Steve, who was being held back by Soda and Evie. She stood in front of him to calm him down, doing a really lousy job if you ask me. As Will got closer I sidestepped in front of him, pushing him away.

"Get your ugly ass on your side of the circle." he looked down at me with a smirk. He leaned his head down to my ear.

"You know Lucy, I really miss ya. If you haven't noticed, I'm trying to make you jealous by going with Rocky." his hot breath was on my neck as he spoke, the blood was raising to my face in an angry blush.

"You do know Will, I really don't care about you. If you haven't notice, I'm trying to beat the shit out of Rocky so why don't you go back to your side."

"Well, would things change if I told you I always picture you when I'm with Rocky." he leaned in closer, his hand under my armpit. His fingers inched closer to my breast. I brought my knee up quickly into his groin.

"No, things wouldn't change if you told me that." he bent over holding his junk but looked up at me as he slowly backed away.

"Why not?" he hissed rudely and frustrated. I didn't even glance back at him as I advanced towards Dallas. He was looked at Will like he would set him of fire with his eyes, but his face slightly softened when he me. Standing on my toes, I pulled Dallas's face against mine. We kissed for a good ten seconds before I pulled away. Dally was smirking against the kiss the entire time, he enjoyed my kisses when I'm angry. I walked back over to Will and pushed him into Rocky.

"That's why you jerk off, so leave me alone so I can beat her ass." Rocky balanced herself and pushed Will back into the group. She walked over to me with a slight smirk.

"So that's why you were so upset, I fucked your man." I shook my head.

"Ready?" I asked, shaking off the situation. She tossed her elbow at my head before I could get into a stance. Luckily I dodged it, I bent down to sweep her feet. It didn't do much but cause her to fall of balance, so I jumped on top of her. My knees held down her arms as I sat on her stomach. My fists connected to her face, causing her to scream out in pain. Eventually, she kicked me off of her. Rocky's large boots ripped into my ribs, causing irritation. They hurt as I lay on my side for a moment.

We both quickly jumped up, he nose was badly bleeding. She ignored it as she spit out some blood. The crowd went wild at the sight of it. I smirked slightly to myself as she lingered towards me. Her hand in a clawing motion, sliced more of the gash on my face. With my hands, I pushed her away. When she came back she grabbed my hair, so elbowed her in the side. She let go but was falling off balance, automatically she grabbed my shirt.

It was ripped off my back as the two of us were flung on opposite sides of the circle. My back slammed into Tim who held me up by the arms. A few guys hollered at my bare skin, my bra only covering me up now. Most of the crowd was laughing at me as a blush crimsoned my face. Upside-down I looked up at Tim, who pushed me towards Rocky."Go get her Luc." he told me. Rocky slowly trotted with my shirt in her hands. I stuck my hand out for her to give it back, since it was an accident. She smirked and flung it into the crowd. Rage filled up inside me and I charged towards her with a loud battle cry. Her middle connected to my shoulder as we crashed to the ground. She got me off her by elbowing me in the face. My head spun as I staggered backwards. Rocky took this as an advantage and started taking large blows into ribs.

I felt a large sting on one of the hits, it shook my body. My mouth couldn't help but call out in protest. To get her away from me, I head butted her. In a dazed state she fell down on her back. Both hands held my right side, there was definitely some cracking of the ribs involved there. When I looked down at it, my side had already begun to swell. As I tired to compose myself, I turned in a circle. A large grimace was placed on my face as I looked over at Dallas. He looked like he was shaking, his hands into fists. His eyes told me he was there if I needed him. Nodding, I closed my eyes. Taking deep breathes, I felt a dangerous tug at my head. Opening my eyes, the first thing I saw was ground. My face was thrown right into the hard surface of the Earth.

Then my head was held up by my hair, my knees crotched down to the ground. Both my hands still held my side. When I looked up at Rocky she was gripping my hair tightly in her fists. As I tried to escape, I felt something cold go against the back of my neck. The crowd silenced with a few gasps from some of the ladies in the group. I felt my heart beat increasingly speed up with the cool metal against my skin. Most people would of said I was scared, but I wasn't. Rocky didn't have what it took to stab someone, even if she could cut them she could stab them.

To show she was serious, she slightly cut my flesh. A blood ran down my back and soaked into my bra stapes. Some of it when down my shoulders or it fell across my chest. There were some that landed on the legs of my jeans, soaking in making a stain. I felt her lean forward to speak to me some no one would hear.

"Now Lucy, this fight is between you and I but I have a message for you. As much as I hate her fucking guts, she paid me to do this." what the hell was she talking about.

"The best thing about meeting a soc that hates another greaser, is that that soc will pay you to humiliate that greaser."

"Rocky, what are you talking about?" I whispered in a husky voice.

"Two words, Julie Holland." my eye got big.

"Chicken shit couldn't get me back herself." I chuckled to myself, to my surprise Rocky did too.

"That's what I said when she confronted me this afternoon. She had heard about our fight tonight, Julie had a proposition for me. Said she would pay me two hundred dollars to give you a message."

"AND! That message is?" I said a little annoyed that this fucking message was interrupting our fight. As I rolled my eyes I felt her tug at my hair, a sharp feeling raced across my scalp. One after the other, it hurt to scream out so I choked on my air. Finally, the tugging stopped along with the sharp pain. My head throbbed from its contact with her blade. When I looked up, she held a gob of my silver brown hair in her clutches. In my head I was screaming for my Mother.

I don't care about my hair, it's just hair. But the meaning of it is what crushes me. The last time I had my hair cut was when my mother was alive. Two hundred and thirty-seven days since it's been cut….Two hundred and thirty-six days since Mom has passed. A large cringe was set onto my face, I wanted to scream out in protest that she cut my hair. The smirk she held on her face made it all the worse. It's a moment like this that I wonder…what would of happened if my parents hadn't died.

As the remaining strains fell into my face, blood dripped down my forehead. It trickled down my nose and landed next to a blood stain on my jeans. When I looked up at Rocky again, she threw the clot of hair at me. Some of it landed in front of me, the rest blew away. Pulling my shaky hands from my side, I gripped the hair in my hands. My eyes glared at Rocky, killing her with my thoughts. The glorious smirk that graced her face turned into a frightened frown. As I clenched it in my fists, I felt a crispy scream rise in my throat. As it left my lips, Rocky jumped at the volume of my voice.

"_**YOU'RE GOING TO FUCKING DIE!"**_


	13. Eavesdropping On Darry

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

(Language, violence for warning)

**Keep Moving**

_Eavesdropping On Darry_

"_**YOU'RE GOING TO FUCKING DIE!" **_adrenaline kept my body from breaking from pain. Anger fueled my rash actions as I launched myself Rocky. Her eyes were large with fear as I sharply punched her in the face, my hands still clenching the hair as I did so. With my left hand, I knocked the blade out of her hands.

Repeatedly I punched her. My side screamed for relief as yells escaped my lips. They were not just screams for pain but for all emotions racing through me. Anger. Betrayal. Sadness. Fear. Love. Now love is strange to feel when your experiencing all of the bad emotions. I was feeling love for my mother, even if it was in a strange way. It took me over so much it made me mad with hate for Rocky. How could she be so horrible to me? I fucking saved her life. She was like a sister to me, even if I didn't trust her fully.

She laid on the ground, her face covered in blood as it continued to swell. I pointed down at her as I kicked her in the side. "How dare you!"

I kicked her again. _**"How fucking dare you!" **_

When I stopped kicking her, I got in her face. "Rocky, you pull a blade on me…._**ME!**_" she tried to get away from my voice by moving away. I grabbed her by the collar, pulling her into my face.

"I fucking save your life Rocky. I treat you like a sister for more than half my life. My mother fed you and took care of you when your mother was too fucked up to! And you disrespect her like this!" her eyes were terrified as she whispered uncle.

I shook her furiously. "You don't get it! You fucking back stabber! Look what you've done!" I held the hair in her face, screamed uncle this time. Nothing was going to stop me, I was running on anger. My rage was turning into an uncontrollable fit, if I wasn't stopped soon something bad was going to happen. I shook her again, hitting the back of her head on the ground.

"I'll never forgive you for disrespecting my mother! Or trying to get with my family. For hitting them and hurting them you fucking bitch!" I screamed in her face. As I went to punch her, I felt two arms try to pull me away from her.

"_**Uncle!" **_she screamed as someone came up and pulled her as the arms pulled me. I screamed out in pain as the arms hit my tender ribs, but they kept pulling. My eyes were blinded by rage and tears….hateful, angry tears. Someone else came and tried ripping my hands from Rocky's shirt. Two large hands came around my shoulder and arm pit. They held on to each other and pulled, finally I was ripped away from her. Three other people lay around me as I scrambled back up. All I could hear were my sobs and Rocky's terrifying scream. Someone caught my ankle and I crashed to the ground.

I saw someone lift Rocky and carry her away as I beat the ground with my fists. The crowd around me was trickling away as a few lingered around me as I stood up. My body was shaking as I looked at the faces but couldn't recognize them. Both my legs flew past them as I continued to freak out, looking for Rocky with crazy eyes as I did. The small group followed me, a few very close behind. I made it too the merry-go-round when someone tackled me. My hurt side flew into the bar of the merry-go-round as I fell onto of it.

My body arched in pain as I choked out a few sputters of blood. It was hard to breath in and out, but I managed to sob. They were wheezy cries as I squeezed my eyes shut. When they opened I was turned over on my back, my arms and legs flailing around. My heart pumping harder in my chest as I lifted myself from the ground. Despite the pain and the hurt, I walked while sobbing loudly. A felt people behind me, but I didn't look back. Both my hands clenched ups a tiny bit of my hair left, they were brought to my forehead. It was than that I realized I was screaming for my mother.

"_**Mom!" **_it was loud and horse. Sounding almost confused as the word dripped of my tongue. It was like she would almost come to help me is I yelled loud enough. After a few more times of screaming out to her, I realized she wouldn't come. The fear of her not coming to my help was real to me now, more real than it's ever been before. I needed protection now. To feel safe again. Someone to take away my hurt soul and pained body, than I noticed I was screaming for someone else. That someone I knew would come if I called.

I threw the remaining strains of hair form my hands as shook with anxiety. The taste of blood came into my throat before I was able to scream. Spitting out a small chunk, sobbed for my brother.

"_**Darry!"**_ I was scared and pained as I sounded more desperate than I have in a while now. My eyes squeezed shut at the pain as I turned around, hoping to have Darry right behind me. Who ever it was, wrapped there arms around me. They shushed me as I wheezed out painfully. Maybe I would fucking die, maybe I could finally see my mother again. My father again. Maybe all this hurting could be over for good, just maybe.

The person lifted me up in their arms, cradling me against their chest. When I opened my eyes, I saw Mickey Mouse smiling at me. Two-bit was the one who was carrying me, my hand clenched Mickey Mouse.

"Two, it hurts so fucking bad." I'm not sure what I was referring to. My swollen, throbbing head. My ribs that might possibly be cracked or broken. Or the emotions that scrambled inside my mind. As I chocked out a few more sputters of blood onto myself, I felt Two-bit's pace increase. His grip on me tightened slightly as I looked up at him. After glancing down at the fresh blood that fell onto my chest, he looked over his shoulder.

"We're right here baby girl!" I heard Darry as he came up next to Two-bit, looking over his shoulder. The screams that came from me didn't subside as we traveled. My head was thrown back as a spasm crashes over my body. An agonizing scream echoes the air as we went. The shaking increased as another wave encountered my body. With every prickling feeling, it increased.

The physical pain was being produced by the mental. The affliction in my thoughts was brought out through my body. Unable to express it with words, I screamed to the heavens. Both my eyes were shut tightly, trying to forget all that has happened in the last few hours. Eventually, I felt myself being laid down. My eyes opened to see a bright light in my face. As they focused, I noticed it was the kitchen. They laid me on the kitchen floor as Darry and Two-bit crouched down next to me. Darry looked away from me and pointed to who was ever in the living room.

"Get them out of her Sodapop." there wasn't much noise but it was intense in the room. It was think with discomfort, and noisy with unspoken silence. The silence blared threw my ear drums, causing dizziness to come over me. Even though I was sobbing, I couldn't hear myself. All there was to listen to was the little wheezing sounds coming from my lips. My chest arched up as my back threw me forward, a small sting cause me to convulse slightly. Darry looked at me but only for a quick second before standing up.

"Everyone out of this house, Two-bit take Soda and Pony to get shakes."

"No, I want to stay here with her." Soda whined.

"GO!" Darry yelled causing several foot steps to move around while there was a large crash of the door. Than I heard Darry sound a little softer but serious."Dally, you stay with me." the two men showed up in my vision, Dally came down and kissed my forehead.

My lips moved to speak but only wheezing came out. Both men read my lips as I mouthed, 'It all hurts.'.

"What hurts, baby girl? Point." Darry told me. Slowly, I shakily pointed to my head, my side, and the back of my neck. Finishing off by placing my hand on Darry's heart, he understood with a cringe on his face.

"We need to get the bra off her." Darry said looking at Dallas, who looked seriously at Darry. "It looks like it's crushing into her ribs and I need a clear view to make sure they aren't broken."

"What if they are?" Dallas looked angered almost.

"We'll have to take her to the hospital." I furiously shook my head as I tried to sit up. My voice still wouldn't come out, but I mouthed 'No.' over and over again.

"Okay, calm down." Dally said getting close to my face, trying to calm me down. He did a very good job because I stopped my fuss and laid back down. He looked back at Darry who smiled slightly.

"That's why I wanted you to stay, so you could keep her calm. Sodapop could of kept her calm, but he's too emotional when it comes to her. He would have been sobbing in her face along with her. Pony's too young for this stuff, so I picked you. Don't let me down." Darry stood up away from us, Dally huffed at him.

"No pressure pal." he muttered looking down at me. Darry returned with cold wet cloth, a few towels, scissors, and everything needed for stitching. He told Dally to carefully place on of the towels under my neck, to stop it from bleeding. He placed the cold cloth onto my feverish forehead, sweating like I was on fire. Darry told Dally to get up by my head, so he did. He placed my head in his lap while he hovered over me. We looked into each other's eyes, each upside-down.

"I'm cutting her bra off so cover your eyes." I brought my arms up to my chest, looking over at Darry.

"Come on Lucy, I've seen you naked before and I need to see your injuries." Darry looked annoyed but was talking to me softly. Soothingly, more smooth than I've ever heard him before. He sounded so caring, so desperate for me.

"Baby girl, I'm going to cover you up once it's cut." he reassured me so I removed my arms after a moment of hesitation. When I looked up at Dallas again, his eyes were shut tightly but his hands stayed around my face. Each cupping my ears and cheeks. His left thumb massaged my good cheek, the other stayed away from the gash in my face.

Darry cut right threw my straps, letting them fall over my shoulders. As he lifted up the middle to cut that part, it put pressure onto my ribs. My face cringed as I barked out in protest, he immediately let go without cutting. When I looked at him he looked concerned, but determined.

"I have to cut it Luc, be strong." he told me as I nodded, bracing myself for pain. Once again he slide the scissors under my bra, cutting the middle of it. My breasts go limp without the support, only to put a small pressure onto my ribs. There was a small relief as the remains of my bra were tossed aside. Darry gently place a towel over my bare torso, only to roll it up to reveal my pained side.

He poked and probed the way Mom had taught us to do to determine a fractured rib. When Dally opened his eyes, I could almost see sadness…almost. Or maybe it was fear. I closed my eyes against his hand, never wanting to see those things in his eyes again.

Thing moved along after that, after Darry said I had two cracked ribs from what he could tell. He said I didn't have to go to the hospital, but he did make me take pain killers. It took a good thirty minutes trying to convince me to take them. Well they never convinced me but with the help of Dally, he shoved them down my throat. Not a while after that, Darry started to stitch up my face and neck. The entire time I would come in and out of consciousness. Once when my eyes opened, I heard the front door open. The gang, minus Johnny popped over the counter to look at me.

"What the hell did you do to her? She looks stoned." Two-bit commented as my eyes rolled in and out of focus.

"Lucy." Soda whined almost all the way over the counter. "Is she gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, don't worry about her. She's just haven't a bad night." Dallas said looking down at me. When I looked at him, I whispered to him so only he could hear.

"Don't leave me please." he shook his head.

"I'm not goin' anywhere." my eyes closed again and when they opened, I was in my room. I was numb emotionally and physically, so I closed my eyes again to fall asleep.

While asleep, my subconscious brought me into a dream. A night-mare. Something that I hadn't had in a long while. But it was just as bad…and real as before. It began with me walking, in a white abyss. My voice called out several names, but no one came. Finally the last person I called, was Mom. I kept calling for her, until I came upon Dad's car. It was smashed in many parts of it's interior. When I began to run over to it, I noticed a small bit of movement coming from inside. With a hopeful grin stretched across my face, I continued to run.

Finally, Mom stumbled out from the car. She looked over towards me, with a smile on her face. Mom's head was bleeding and she was badly injured in many parts of her body, but she was smiling. I couldn't help but smile at the sight of her, she's my Mom. It was her, she was right there in front of me.

As I started to speed up to get to her, she started to get closer to me as well. A light giggle fell off her lips as she came towards me. Happy tears trickled down my cheeks as I closed my eyes. When they opened, Rocky was behind Mom. Her face held a malicious smirk as she advanced towards Mom. My mother hadn't even noticed as she trotted towards me, still wearing a smile. I tried to get to them, to save my mother from Rocky but I knew I couldn't make it in time. Instead I tried to warn Mom.

When I tried to scream, only a wheezing sound came out. Mom stopped at the sound of my wheezing, she looked concerned. She opened her mouth to say something, but didn't get the chance. Rocky tore and slashed into my mother's back, than she screamed. Those horrible, agonizing screams that came from my mother, matched to the ones that tried to escape my mouth. Only a whistling sound came from my mouth in attempt to yell.

Rocky finally looked up at me as my mother fell to the ground, dripping in blood. She looked happy as she turned to walk away, satisfied with herself. My body shook as I tried to run after her, but was unsuccessful. When I went to scream for her to come back, I woke up. Hot, sweaty, shaky and in pain in the middle of the living room floor. All my brothers looked down at me with the same perplexed look of concern. I wanted to tell them I was okay, but I wasn't. Again, my mind was haunted with horrible emotions. Again, I was hurt from the core.

I wanted to be left alone, but than again….I didn't. Darry picked me up, pulling me close to him. It was still slightly dark outside, from the looks of it. My body shivered against him, feeling his warmth and taking it in. We ended up inside his room, he laid me down in his bed. Than he placed himself next to me, sighing with exhaustion as he did so. Soda and Pony stood in the door way, looking us over. They looked content with the new sleeping arrangement, so they came inside. Ponyboy reached over Darry to give me a kiss on the forehead, which made me breath out a sigh. Than before leaving, he nodded to Darry who lightly ruffled Pony's hair. Soda did the same as Pony did, only his was a longer kiss. His forehead was placed against mine, trying to get inside my head. Than he gave a light peck to Darry, with no shame.

After that he stumbled sleepily towards the door, turning out the light as he shut the door. Darry and I were quiet, I assumed he had fallen asleep because it was quiet for a long time. The dark room didn't scare me, but my thoughts did. Just thinking back towards the bad dream made me nuzzle closer to Darry. He was breathing pretty normal from the sounds of it, until I heard a slight hiccup. Dar must of thought I was asleep, because he was talking to himself or praying or….something.

"Ah shit." he mumbled to himself. Brother sounded as though he was crying, but I knew he thought he was doing it in secret so I didn't do anything about it. Just hearing him, made tears form in my eyes.

"I don't know what to do, Dad." he was talking to Dad. "Ponyboy doesn't like me. He always disobeys me, I know I'm rough on him but he should know better. Pony…he should…I don't even know where to start. He's becoming a man, kind of fast too….I went through the same thing but I don't know how to help him. He just so moody and…I tried to talk to him about it but it just ended in us fighting."

He paused. "Tell Mom I wish she was here to give it to him like she did me and Sodapop, she was really good at it."

I tried not to make any noise as I coiled into the blanket. Darry was quiet again, trying to make sure I was asleep. My eyes were closed but I could feel his face close to mine, making sure I could hear him as he continued to talk to Dad.

"Sodapop is a good kid, and helps out a lot around here. With the bills and taking care Pony when I can't…but he needs to grow up a bit more. All he ever does is mess around and hangs out with Sandy. More than I would like him too but what can I say, I was the same way with Pure." I remember Pure, she was Darry's first love. His only love, she was a sweet girl. Her real name wasn't Pure either…it was…I have no idea. It was too bad that she had to move away, I wonder if they ever talk.

"Lucy." he mumbled. At first, I thought he was talking to me until he continued. "Baby girl…I don't know what to do with her. She's a girl…so fragile, ya know."

"I hate seein' her get hurt, more than anyone I've ever known. Probably even more than the guys, or Pure. She's one of the hardest to handle I think. Always talking back and putting me in my place." he laughed slightly in his tears."She's so much like Mom too." he said seriously. "Sometimes its even hard to be around her because of that, it just makes me miss you guys more. But have to protect her, she's too…delicate to me. I can't loose her again, I can't loose anyone again. I don't know what I would do, Dad." he sobbed quietly.

After that Darry sobbed quietly to himself, while I uncomfortably listened. As he started to calm down and drift off to sleep, I slung my arm around him. I heard him sigh against my me, whispering to the dark empty room.

"Love you too." he said like he knew I was awake, but thinking I wasn't.

When I knew he was asleep, I said goodnight to my parents. Of course they didn't answer, but I felt the need to tell them goodnight. After hearing Darry's prayers to Dad, it gave me knew incentive again. To forget all the bad feelings again, or to at least try too. Because I need to get better for him. Darry needs me to get better. Hearing him sob tonight made me realize that he is more human than he makes out to be. And I need to treat him as such. Brother, I love you and am going to do my best to keep you going.


	14. Rain Falls When Hearts Rise

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

DUDES, I want at least to reviews on each chapter starting on fourteen before I add more chapters. I'm not trying to be the bad guy or anything, but I need to know if you guys are liking it. It may sound strange but it is a motivation to me in ways, so please just go along with my one rule :D I would be very grateful.

(Language for warning)

**Keep Moving**

_Rain Falls When Hearts Rise_

"It's raining! It's pouring! Steve is very boring!" I screamed skipping out of my bedroom, ready to greet the day. It was raining outside today and I wasn't going to let the day go by without us playing in the rain. I was in a good mood today, a very good mood. Not only did Darry take the stitches out of my skin last night, but the Rocky drama was over for good. School was out for the summer as well, so I wouldn't be alone at home anymore. Today was the first day we would all spend together, I wasn't going to let anyone miss it. Soda looked at me from the kitchen with a huge smile. As I continued my song, I went to sing it in Steve's face.

"He went to sleep on my couch and was hung-over in the morning." Soda laughed as I playfully poked our friend in the side. Steve slapped my hands away with an angry grimace on his face. I laughed at him as he pushed me away, almost knocking me over. Turning around I waved my butt in his face. With one hand, I waved Sodapop over with a smile. Soda ran over and stood next to me, shaking his butt as well.

"Get your asses out of my face." Steve grumbled shoving his head under a pillow. Soda slung an arm around my neck, guiding me away from poor Steve. I giggled at him as we entered the kitchen.

"WAFFLES! WAFFLES! WAFFLES TIME!" I sang while shaking my hips back and forth, Soda laughed at me.

"Lucy girl, I love it when your like this." he thought for a while. "I haven't seen you like this since Mom and Dad were here."

I ignored his comment and kept on swaying my hips. "How long has it been?" he said in a low voice."Two hundred and fifty-one days." I answered, not letting that alter my mood. After appointing the duty of stirring the waffles to Soda, I went to wake up the rest of my brothers. When I got in Darry's room, I tackled his sleeping form. He grunted but turned over with a sleepy smile. Both my hands latched onto his shoulders, shaking him furiously.

"Please….please….please tell me you don't have to work today."

"I don't have to work today." he said picking me up as he stumbled out of the room. I swung at his side as he carried me in a hug.

"REALLY!? You better not be pullin' my leg Brother."

"Sorry baby girl, I work this afternoon." he set me down as he entered the bathroom. The door was kept cracked, but I turned around to give him privacy.

"No." I whined crossing my arms over my chest. The toilet flushed as Darry opened the door more, washing his hands while talking to me.

"What's the big deal?"

"Call in sick Darry! Besides, how the hell can you work on building homes when its pouring outside?"

"Wait? It's raining?" Darry said walking out and moving to the kitchen. He stood at the kitchen window with his fists on his hips.

"I'll call and see if they canceled work for today." he said with a smile as I handed him his coffee mug. Darry turned to Soda with the same smile.

"Do you work today, little buddy?" Soda shook his head over his shoulder, grinning at Darry. I shot my fist in the air, symbolizing a victory.

"Yesss!" I hollered as Darry left the room to call work. I moved over to the waffle iron, pouring batter into it with a smile. Turning to Soda, I pointed out for him to place chocolate chips in the batter than close it. After five minutes, I said, call me back in the room. He nodded, beginning his task. With a giggle, I left for Ponyboy's room.

Inside, Johnny was sleeping on the other side of Pony. I guess I forgot to mention, but Sodapop moved back into his own room a while ago. Pony got sleeping medication from Ruth, who has been canceling Ponyboy on his nightmares. He really seemed to be improving, he only wakes up about once ever few weeks. I'm glad he's doing better, I'm glad we all are. I got onto the bed, jumping up and down.

"Rain! Rain! Come and stay because we want to sing and play!" Johnny rolled off the bed tiredly as Pony shot me a steady glare. I stopped jumping, giving him a kiss on his nose while grinning.

"What's with the mean look, little brother?"

"Lucy, do you know what time it is?" I glanced at the clock on the wall.

"Looks like it's…" squinting at the clock. "Seven thirty."

"Yeah, so why the hell are you waking us up?" he shoved me with his foot, only to unbalance me slightly. I giggled at him as he coiled himself in the blanket. Before answering, I glanced at Johnny. He was still half asleep, face down on the floor.

"Because, it's RAINING!" I hollered jumping up and down again. "AND!"

Darry walked past the doorway. "No jumping on the bed." he mumbled.

I stopped jumping on the bed. "And, because it's WAFFLE TIME!"

Finally! I saw Ponyboy smirk at me. "Okay, you've made your point."

Pony and I looked at each other for awhile, smiling at each other. Johnny stood up from the ground, sharing a sleepy glance at the two of us. He waved is arm with a quick smile. I waved back and than leaned to see out the door. After making sure the coast was clear, I began to jump on the bed again. Pony and Johnny laughed at me as I did a small happy jig on the bed. Than Dallas was in the doorway, giving me a smirk. I shouted out with glee that he was there.

"Dally!" I squealed. He looked taken aback as I jumped into his arms. My man caught me gracefully, my legs around his middle. He kissed my forehead as Pony fake gagged form the bed.

"I still can't get used to that." he mumbled to Johnny. I looked at Dally, bringing my eyebrows up and down with an evil smirk. He nodded his head with the same evil expression. Dally moved me back, landing me on Pony's bed right next to him. The two of us began to make our passionately for show, grunting at each other like animals. Just because Pony said that. Ponyboy squealed at us while scattering to get off the bed and out of the room.

"Glory, come up for air." Two-bit said sitting on the bed next to us as Pony and Johnny ran out of the room. I shoved Dallas off me and smiled at Two-bit, but Dally kept trying to come back into a kiss. Of course, I couldn't say no. Giving him a kiss, Darry walked passed the door.

"No kissing…ever." he mumbled. I looked over at Two-bit and Dally who started to laugh with me. Than I heard Soda scream for me, so I scurried away from them.

"Hey, where's my kiss?" Two-bit said as I exited the room.

"Sorry Two-y, Darry said no kissing….ever." I laughed as I scooped the waffles out of the two waffle irons we had sitting on the counter. After filling them up again, Soda continued with his chocolate chip chore. Everyone else was in the living room, while Soda and I worked on breakfast. I turned up the radio for some tunes, my voice screaming loudly with the song. My hips swayed around and around while I cut up pineapple for our breakfast. I sang along to some Jimi Hendrix, "All Along the Watchtower".

"There must be some kind of way out of here. Said the joker to the thief. There's too much confusion, I can't get no relief. Business men, they drink my wine. Plow men dig my Earth. None with a level on the vine. Nobody out of it is worth. HEY!" the gang was lingering around the doorways to the kitchen as Soda joined me in singing Jimi. Each of them smile in at us as we sang along to the song.

"No reason to get excited, the thief he kindly spoke, there aren't many here among us who feel that life is but a joke. But you and I, we've been through that, and this is not our fate. So let us stop talking falsely now, the hour is getting late." Soda and I did a little jig at the ending lyrics, but continued our work. After the song was over, another came one. I ignored it because I was busy making more waffles. Eventually, we were finished making a huge breakfast for our huge day. Soda and Pony set up the table so everyone could sit together. The entire gang was shuffling to get the table set up for us, except for me. I was too busy not sitting still, singing along too "Dancing in the Streets" by Martha and The Vandellas.

"All we need is music, sweet music. There'll be music everywhere. There'll be swingin', swayin' and records playin'. And dancin' in the streets." Two-bit escaped from all the orders going around and joined me in a quick dance. He held my side in his right hand and my hand in his left. Our hips moved back and forth as we moved through out the living room. I sang in his ear, giggling when he would swing me around. He spun me out and than coiled me into his body. We stayed like that, swaying to the music. It was the strangest, yet most powerful feeling I have ever had while dancing.

It was a free feeling experience. The two of us were in the clouds as he lead us in a circle. Every time our hips would move as one, my heart would beat hard in my chest. By the end of the song, I was out of breath. Two-bit spun me around one last time, leaving me in the middle of the room by myself. He dashed over to the table, sitting right next to my empty seat. Everyone was looking at me, waiting for me to join them. It took me a moment to shake the enjoyable feeling from my stomach. Throwing my head back and forth, I made my way to the spot next to Dally and Two-bit.

As I slid into my seat, everyone began to eat their waffles and fruit. There was pineapples and apples to choose from. Waffles were sorted by kind; blueberry, chocolate chip, and regular. I had a small plate of a blueberry waffle, sided with pineapple cubes. It was my tiny, but normal, plate of food. It looked delicious but I stared at it for a while, thinking about a few things before digging in.

First off, what the hell was that? I looked over at Dallas, he smirked at me with a bite of waffle. With a half smile back, I glanced over at Two-bit. He crookedly grinned at me, so I half smiled back. My eyes averted down to my food again. Ever since I've known Two-bit, I've never felt that way with him. So…I have no idea what that was I just felt. It wasn't a lust or anything like that, it just felt light. Kind of like I was high, but not because I could think straight. It wasn't the way I feel when I'm with Dally either, it was calmer. Less aggressive than the way with Dally. What the….

"Lucy?" my head shot up to look over at Darry.

"You've been noisy all morning, what the hell happened? You really quiet, you okay?" after a furious nod Darry continued.

"Good." he looked at my plate from his across from me. I think he's afraid I'll starve and get really unhealthy again. Everything we eat, he watches me like a hawk. Making sure I eat just the right amount, even if I'm still not hungry. It's strange, I crave the foods but don't think about eating like I used to. I used to eat about every three hours to stay from getting dizzy, but that was before they passed away. That was before all this shit has happened, I guess…..

"You know you aren't leaving the table until you…"

"Dar, I'm a big girl. I think I can handling eating by now." my face slightly flushed with embarrassment as the table looked at my full plate.

"I know baby girl, I just don't want you…"

"Darry, I think she gets it." Soda said noticing my embarrassment. Twiny looked at me pretty much saying 'Fucking eat.'.

Taking a bite of waffle, I playfully sneered at Darry. I was secretly hoping someone would start talking, so I didn't have time to think about anything! After a few more bites of waffle, I moved on to pineapple. Everyone was still quiet, silently enjoying their breakfast. It might not of been an uncomfortable silence for everyone else but it was for me. It gave me the time to think about things, things I didn't like to think about. Again I found myself hoping someone would speak up, this time I got my wish.

"So what are we doing today?" Johnny chimed in. If there was anyone who would ever speak up about anything, it wouldn't be Johnny. Perhaps he felt the same uncomfortable silence I did. It made me smile sweetly at my waffle as I took another bite.

"Well, all I know is that we are spending the day together…says Lucy." Steve said with a mouth full of…everything.

"We are gonna go play in the rain!" I said in a sing song voice. Some of the boys smiled, but others were emotionless…like Dally.

"Babe, that's kid stuff." he said to me under his breath. My head shot over to him.

"SO!" I challenged.

"So, grown men don't splash around in puddles." the guys laughed at Dally's comment.

"But grown greasers know how to have fun…splashing around in the rain is fun." Dally shook his head at me.

"If your five." the guys laughed again. I frowned at my plate, wishing Natalia was here to play in the rain with me. Even though it was for kids, the two of us would always go around with Rocky and play in the rain. It was some of the best fun I had as a teenager and a kid. I bet Mom and Dad would do it.

"Dally's right Luc." Darry said chuckling at my face. "Besides, no one want's to get sick." I shook my head at them.

"None of you know how to have fun." I stuck my tongue out at Steve, who was chocking on his food he was laughing so hard. "I'll just go myself."

Two-bit slung an arm around my neck. "It sounds like a good time Louie, but I'm with Dal." even the goof ball of the group thought it was dumb.

"Don't frown baby, we'll go get you a Barbie doll to play with." Dally said as everyone burst into hysterics again. I shoved him in the side, standing up from the table. My mood was slightly hindered from the time to think and the teasing. By now, I was definitely done with being made fun of. The rain would do me good, I waved my hand at them as they laughed.

"I'm going for a walk in the rain."

"Aw Luc don't be like that, we were all gonna spend the day together." Soda said with a man giggle.

"Yeah, together would include you too." Johnny said trying to hide his smirk.

I just waved at them from the door, without a word. The rain was still dark and heavy as I entered it. The water fell on top of me, soaking me the instant I went into the rain. My hair stuck to my forehead, it's shortness annoyed me. It was slightly longer than Darry's but was shorter than Johnny's. After a few days of recovering my cracked rib and cut up face, I cut my hair more. Since Rocky had sliced through it with a blade, it was very uneven. I had no choice but to cut it shorter, so it's REALLY short now. It gets on my nerves sometimes, it makes me feel less feminine. Even though I was never that feminine to begin with, it still takes away from my girly qualities.

The guys said they liked it, but I don't know if they were truthful. It's hard to tell when their first reaction was, 'Damn!'. I'm sure it didn't help at all that I cut it myself, I should of gone to a salon or something. Speaking of cutting hair, I might give the guys cuts later. Johnny sure as hell needs one, so does Sodapop. That's what I'll do later, I guess.

My legs brought me down the street, the rain cooling me off in the summer humidity. Once in a while I would stretch my mouth open to catch a few drops of nature's tears. At some point, I made it to the park. No one was there, because it was raining. This just made it all the more peaceful for me to be there. I sat down in the big kid swings, moving myself back and forth a few inches ever couple moments. My head would tip back to catch the rain on my face, letting it slid down my body. Both my eyes would shut out of reaction to the water landing in them.

After about the sixth time, the rain didn't fall on my face. Something was blocking the rain from connecting to my face. When I opened my eyes, Dallas was leaning over me. He brought his hand up over mine that rested on the chain of the swing. My man smiled at me with his smirk. Both his eyes pounding into mine, tracing my silver orbs with his icy stare. His hair was dripping onto my face, landing on my forehead. Dally licked his lips, out of intention. I leaned back further, resting my wet hair onto his stomach. My eyes closed again with a small smile.

"I came to make sure you were okay."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just don't enjoy being teased." I said sort of forgetting about the whole thing.

"Sorry babe." he said kissing my forehead. I shook my head, not really caring about it anymore. After us just sitting and standing like that, I stood up. Over on the play ground set, I sat. Dally came over after watching me walk over there, he still wore a smirk.

"Were you looking at my ass?" I asked already knowing that he did, why else would he just stand there watching me walk away.

"I did."

"And."

"It's tuff." he said as I lightly chuckled at him. Guys will be guys. I sighed leaning into his shoulder.

"Well, I'm glad you enjoy the view." he nodded with his smirk getting wider. I traced my pointer finger over his lips, causing him to shiver.

"I though I told you a LONG time ago, to never do that." he said grabbing my hand.

"I thought I told YOU a LONG time ago, that I didn't care what you told me to do." I tried to trace his lips again, but was stopped by his hand again. He wouldn't stop smirking though, it bugged me a little.

"Oh is that so." he said leaning forward."Stop that." I said staring at his smirk.

"What?" he cooed.

"Smirking!" he started to show is teeth slightly, but it was still a smirk. "I like seeing your smile. You don't have to play tough in front of me Dallas Winston."

I whined as he tried not to smile. "I know, but it's out of habit I guess."

We sat there, holding hands for a while. I was starting to think he wasn't Dallas Winston. If he was Dallas Winston, I would be expecting him to of put some moves on me. Try to get me in bed, that sort of thing. He never pressured that with me, it made me feel safe around him. My eyes couldn't get away from his lips. The smirk was still there as he stared at me, trying to piss me off.

"Fucking smile." I commanded, he chuckled showing his teeth. There was the smile I wanted to see, I grinned at it.

"Finally." I mumbled looking away from his lips to his eyes. They were laughing at me, amused. Dally only shows emotion so outwardly around me, unless he does it around others but I just don't notice.

"I like it when your angry."

"Why? It's no big deal babe. I don't like to be mad."

"It turns me on, spikes my interest. That sort of thing." he said tracing my thumb with his."What else turns you one?" I said giggling, when he didn't answer I bite my lip slightly. My eyes blinked a few times, flipping water on my cheeks. It was then that I noticed it was only sprinkling now. When he answer, I jumped slightly.

"Your hair wet." he put his hand through my short hair. I closed my eyes, trying not to roll them in pleasure or annoyance.

"Your long beautiful eyelashes against your skin when your eyes are closed." he murmured with a finger sliding under my eyes.

"Your small, smooth hands against my lips or face."

"The fact that your mine." he said after a moment.

"Really?"

"And a few other things but, that's in a completely different category." I giggled at that, leaning into him. He slid his arm behind me, keeping it on my hip.

"What about you?" I looked over at him, waiting for him to continue.

"What about me turns you on?" I laughed.

"Why are we having this conversation?" he smiled at me."It's your fault." we sat there while I thought, I didn't take me to long to pinpoint a few things.

"Your hands, they are so strong compared to mine." I took my hand out of his and traced his ear.

"This sounds silly, but I love your ears." he laughed as I breathed into them while I huffed out a laugh. I traced my fingers down his jaw.

"I love your jaw and chin. They are so strong and…" I kissed his jaw line. "Mine." he laughed.

"When you smile, I get light headed." I admitted. "And your lips…"

"What." he said looking at my lips."The way they pucker out when your thinking or smoking a cigarette, they make my knees shake." he laughed at me. I leaned him closer, catching him mid-laugh. It wasn't a long kiss but we leaned into each other's faces when we were finished. There were a few seconds of a pause before Dally spoke. Three words I never thought I would hear from Dallas fucking Winston. They were hoarse and airy as he spoke them. It was a deep, low sound that I almost didn't catch. The words took me off guard, I couldn't breath.

"I love you."


	15. Shoot Me Now

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

DUDES, I want at least two reviews on each chapter starting on fourteen before I add more chapters. I'm not trying to be the bad guy or anything, but I need to know if you guys are liking it. It may sound strange but it is a motivation to me in ways, so please just go along with my one rule :D I would be very grateful.

(Language for warning)

**Keep Moving**

_Shoot Me Now_

"I love you." he stated, playing with my thumb in his hand. I couldn't breath, my head was buzzing. Usually when someone says they love you, aren't you supposed to say that you love them back. That's the way it's supposed to go, since the beginning of time.

Nothing in my head was registering to my lips. 'Tell him you love him back, go on. Tell him.' I told myself. It was no use, I was to confused. Out of embarrassment and confusion, I laughed slightly. It was an airy laugh, almost a deep chuckle. He looked at me as though I had punched him, surprised. Dally pulled away from me standing up over me, I couldn't stop laughing. It's not that I wanted to laugh, but I couldn't help it. This moment was like those moments you have that are awkward and you can't think of anything to say so your body takes over. His surprised face quickly turned defensive with a clear off sneer, I finally stopped laughing.

It's not that I don't love Dally, I truly do. But I'm not sure I'm in love with him, I…I'm so confused. I hope he understands where I'm coming from, but he probably wont. He's going to throw a fit, it's in his eyes. They were screaming at me, even though he wasn't making any noise. He finally spoke, venom dripping from his lips. A solid lump was formed into my throat, chocking me almost. On top of the confusion, guilt and regret I felt like I would cry.

"What was that?" he threw out. "I tell you I love you and you fucking laugh."

"I didn't mean too…I."

"Lucy, you are the only person I ever open up to and you just….I don't know what you just did. I'm so mad at you. Not because you don't love me but because you threw the words back in my face. Why did I ever try with you? Why the fuck did I ever give into this relationship? All relationships ever do are hurt you, right? That's why I don't have them. Jesus!" he stomped his foot.

"Dally." I stood up trying to grab his hand. He furiously shook, stepping back form me.

"Don't touch me, you monster. Get away." he said with a sore voice. Like he was about to cry himself, I tried to grab him again.

"Dally baby, let me explain myself." I shook just as much as he did, only we shook for different reasons. My emotions were freaking me out, I was scared of what I was and wasn't feeling. Dally was mad and I could tell, but most of all hurt. I'm sure I should feel like such a bitch, because I do.

"Don't call me baby…just leave me alone." he said backing up slightly but than running off completely. Tears were straining down my face. Confused, guilt tears that mixed in with the new wave of rain water that was falling form the sky. It draped over me like a blanket, pelting my skin even. Once his figure was gone from sight, I ran in the opposite direction. I was heading towards no where, just running. The rain was pouring harder since the fight. It was almost creepy the way that nature reacted to some situations.

Eventually I made my way to the lot, only to sob to myself. The loud screams of the rain blurred out my sounds of my sorrows. I was so confused, I wanted my mom! She would know what to do. She would explain to me how I feel and why I feel like that. She would make Dally talk to me. She would guilt him into understanding where I'm coming from. Mom would do everything in her power to make me happy, to make the world happy. It's just another time like this that makes me sob for her.

"Mom." I said into my hands. I need her! So much!

What is the outcome of our fight? Will we break up? Did we break up? What is the gang going to think? What will my brothers do? What am I going to do? Why do I keep asking myself questions. Because I'm so fucking confused!

I'm not sure how long I was in the empty lot, but I eventually stopped crying. The deep cringe from the fight was still visible on my face. My wet, but warm, body leaned against the old seats that Steve put out here years ago. I leaned my head back on the seat, facing it towards the sky. It was calming but the bubbling emotions inside were too much for me. They were causing me to become sick to my stomach, one thing that I didn't need. The last thing I need right now is loosing my appetite so I loose weight again, and become sick. Maybe it would be for the best, maybe not.

After a while longer of composure, I was making my way home. There was a tingling in my fingers that were telling me to cut my flesh. My head was throbbing with emotions, pain, and misunderstanding. When I walked through the gate, I was numb inside. Both my silver eyes stared straight ahead. Brimmed with red splotches and water, swollen from my tears. There was a big wrestling match between Two-bit and Ponyboy when I entered. Steve followed by my side, getting in my face with his obnoxious, hyper self. I was on my way to the bathroom to take a hot shower, to also do my business. He yelled in my face when I didn't talk to him.

"Hey, how was your walk?" he received no answer. Steve grabbed my shoulder, stopping me from walking into the bathroom.

"Lucy, how was your walk?" he asked as though I hadn't heard him before. There were a few things that came to mind when he looked me in the eyes. Punch him. Kick him. Yell at him. Hug him. Sob on him. Ignore him. Possibly run away from him, but I ended up just answering him with a lie.

"Fine." my voice was low, pained, and noticeable. He gave me a strange look as I enter the bathroom, almost slamming the door in his face. Quickly, my we clothes were taken off and placed in the sink. The door was locked, Darry had fixed it a while back. The water was very hot on my skin, burning it with hot needles. My body wanted to cringe away from the sensation, but I wouldn't let it. The little hair I had was washed quickly. After that I sat in the middle of the tub, hugging my knees tightly. My head was thrown back, my face being burned by the heat of the water. Eventually, I reached outside the tub for the blade in my wet jean pocket.

Inside the shower I started at the opened switchblade. The hand grasped tightly in my wrinkled fingers. Both my eyes stared at the shiny, pointy tip of the blade. It winked at me in the light of the shower, inviting me in. Once my shaking body relaxed a little, it gathered the courage to ram the think into my flesh. Just as I turned it around in my fingers, the door burst open with a loud bang. I struggled to keep hold of the weapon from the mere shock of that someone bursting into the bathroom. Once I had a grip on it again, I peeked outside the curtain. Two-bit's urgent eyes looked at me helplessly, begging forgiveness.

"I've gotta pee." he whined, parking himself against the toilet. I groaned at him but relaxed against the wall of the tub. The blade still held in my hands and my knees still kept close to my body. After a few seconds, Two-bit zipped his pants up."Sorry Luc but when a guy's gotta pee…he's really gotta pee." he commented over the roaring shower while washing his hands. I could see him through the clear looking curtain but not to the point of making out his face. He chuckled as I sighed to myself. Once again I almost dropped the blade as Darry's bombing voice screamed through out the bathroom.

"Two-bit you idiot." I peeked out again. "You broke the damn lock on the door again."

With protest, Darry grunted at our friend. Two-bit said he was sorry, but didn't sound very sincere. After a moment Darry sighed and looked over at my peeping face. His expression softened slightly with a gentle smile.

"Lucy, you've been in there forever." I blinked at him, hoping he couldn't see the blade. "Hurry up so we can have some lunch, I made tuna."

He shut the door while shoving Two-bit out of the bathroom. Again I was alone, staring at my blade. Tuna…I'm not hungry. I want to speak to Dally, but for all I know he's sleeping with some whore. All because I fucking couldn't say three VERY important words to him. Instead, I laughed like an idiot. Is this punishment? Because it's sure as hell working on me. My brain is screaming at me to take some of the confusion away. Quickly, I slicked my side. It wrapped to the start of my back and ended just above my belly button. I stared at the blood seeping from one part of the wound as the others would shine bright red, ready to spill over. The liquid ran down my stomach, vanishing from the water falling on top of me. The water was a light pink color as it washed down the drain.

Holding up the blade, I frowned at the blood wrapped tip. It didn't wink at me like it did before. It didn't invite me in for more. This time, it spat shame at me. Shame for hurting Dallas, myself but mostly Dallas. I don't care about me. I hurt him, badly. It wasn't like ignoring him or getting in a normal fight with him. This time I had stabbed him in the back, striking his heart. Twisting it around to make sure I got him nice and good. Dally's right, I'm a monster. Before I knew it, I had thrown the blade at the shower head. It clinked against the metal, making me sneer at it. The switchblade fell into the tub, across from me. It screamed at me as it impacted the floor of the tub.

My heart was beat in my chest as tears ran down my cheeks. It was loud in my ears, throwing me out of reality. Until Soda poked his head inside the door, checking on me.

"Twiny, you okay?" swallowing my shaky voice, I answered.

"Yeah." it wasn't too convincing.

"Good. Well, hurry up. We are waiting on you to eat lunch." again I spoke.

"I might be a few more minutes, so just go ahead and eat without me." he muttered an okay while shutting the door. I shut the water off after cleaning the tube of my blood and soap. The blade was take out of the drain and set on the counter. As I wrapped my body in a towel, I winced at the touch of it on my fresh cut. I can only blame myself for my pain, both physical and emotion. I'm to blame, I'm a screw up. Since I hurt Dally, I deserve pain. All the pain in the world, because I hurt him.

Gathering my wet clothes and blade, I dragged myself to my room. The guys glanced at my toweled form with mouths full of food. I heard a quick whistle as I shut my bedroom door. Locking myself in, I took the towel off. The cut had bleed through the towel, staining it. After grimacing at the towel, I shoved some underwear on. Than I stitched up the deep parts of my cut with the first air shit in my closet. Then I threw on a giant t-shirt that weaved down my body. It covered up my underwear, saving me the trouble of looking for some shorts.

After leaving my room to toss the we clothes in the hamper in the hallway. I would of done it before but I had to hide my bleeding side from the guys. Then as I re-entered my room, I lost myself in a heap on my bed. My body laid wrapped in a huge blanket that hide me from the world. As I laid there, I stared out the window. It was still raining, but it was a sad rain now. A shameful rain, shame on me. Silently, I was hoping Dally would jump through the window. A damp cigarette hanging from his lips as he talked to me.

I tried to forget about the fight by thinking about the pain. The horrible pain in my side, it vibrates with sharp stings. Heat radiated off of me as I laid there, drying my eyeballs to a desert crisp. Shuttering into the blanket, I closed my eyes. My body breathed out giant huffs of air, the soft beginning of an anxiety attack. Both hands clenched the large blanket, trying to coil further into it. Anther soft shutter escaped my body, letting a dizzy sensation flow through my head. My legs tried to protect my body by looping themselves near my stomach. Shaking furiously, I cried once more.

Fifteen minutes of crying later, I calmed down. Five more minutes after that of heavy breathing, I was stable. A deep fever cruised over my forehead, letting me know I was in pain. The heat waved didn't stop at my forehead, it hovered over my body. Shaking me with it's every impact of waves, but it numbed me cold. Breathing into the air of my room, I tried to relax. Everything is going to be fine, Lucy. Dally is a tough guy, he'll be rational and try to talk to you soon. Don't worry anymore, just breath. Just relax. I told myself this as a slow knock was ratted on my door. Soda's movie star looks flew into my room, leaving the door open behind him. He was smiling at me, amused at my coiled form.

"Aren't you coming to eat?" he asked sitting on the bed. I shook my head no, looking down with a deep breathe.

"Why not? You know Darry is going to come in here and yell at you if you don't." I shuttered as he placed his cold hand on my hot face. Without thinking, I cringed away from his hand. Soda deeply frowned as I opened my eyes.

"What's wrong?" I shook my head, leaning into the wall away from him.

"Why don't you come and eat with us, we aren't all done." he offered looking concerned.

"Not hungry, Sodapop." now most of the time, I call my twin my a nick name. Mostly Soda, but hardly ever Sodapop. He picked up on this quickly, placing his hand back on my head. This time, there was no where to go so he was able to feel my head. He started to uncoil me, looking slightly frightened.

"You're burning up, you getting sick?" I shook my head no, not caring that he was taking away the blanket. He got close to me, looking me in the eyes.

"Something is wrong. Tell me before I get Darry." now I wouldn't care if Darry was here but I don't want to cause a bigger fuss, so I didn't lie.

"Upset."

"Why?"

"Dally." it's the truth.

"What that bastard do?" Soda stood up, an angry fist clenched up to his face.

"Nothing." I whined because it was all my fault. Because he hadn't done anything, I was the bastard in this situation. "Soda, just leave me alone."

"Can't do that Sis." he grabbed my hand firmly. "Come eat and tell me what happened.""Just get away." my lips curled in anger. It was anger inside of me, but it was directed at myself more than Soda.

"Lucy, you seem upset about it. I want to help, maybe…" he thought for a second. "Sandy."

Perplexed and annoyed, I turned on my good side. "Do you want to talk to Sandy about it? She's a girl, would you feel better talking to her about it."

It was a good idea, but no. I don't know Sandy nor do I really want to get to know her. After me and her had a lunch date, I've made my judgment about her. She is a secret bitch, with beauty to hide it all. Maybe it was just me, being jealous of her. What wasn't there to be jealous of. Two loving parents. Middle-class status, keeping her away from bad Soc and grease. Beauty that everyone admired from afar. A loving boyfriend that she loved back. Her long relationship that keeps the both of them glowing all the time. But than it might just be my anger towards her for taking up so much time with my twin. It was probably all of those things, but either way I don't want to talk to her. I don't want to talk to anyone. Truthfully, I want to be alone! Alone or with Dally.

"No." I mumbled into my arm that rested under my head. Soda groaned at me."Lucy…..shit girl." Soda hardly ever curses, he must be as perplexed as I am. I wouldn't blame him, I'm very confusing as a person. Out of reaction to myself, and my situation, I lashed out at Soda."Just leave me the fuck alone!" when I sat up, I startled Soda. He looked at me, sadden from my outburst. Yet again, I've managed to hurt another person today. Someone that I'm closer to than anyone else, more than anymore ever could be close to a person. Soda frowned, but nodded.

"You want me to leave you alone, I will. But don't turn to me when Darry yells at you for not eating or for staying cooped up in your room." he quickly shut the door and left me alone. I punched my bed, angry with myself.

I'm so stupid, so mentally dumb. Why do I keep hurting people close to me? They don't deserve any of it. Next, I'll make Ponyboy cry. Or I'll end up hitting Johnny or some shit like that. Something bad like that. Something I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for. I'm not sure how I'll be able to forgive myself for hurting Dallas. I suppose the only way from him to forgive me is if I forgive myself first. But how could I…I can't…I wont. I'm such a baby. God, shoot me now.


	16. Without Shame

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

DUDES, I want at least two reviews on each chapter starting on fourteen before I add more chapters. I'm not trying to be the bad guy or anything, but I need to know if you guys are liking it. It may sound strange but it is a motivation to me in ways, so please just go along with my one rule :D I would be very grateful.

(Language, intimacy for warning)

**Keep Moving**

_Without Shame_

Twelve-sixteen AM in the fucking morning. Hours after my fight with Dallas. Hours after I purposely cut through my flesh. Hours after I yelled at Sodapop. A few hours after I sat listening to Darry yell at me about eating. Three hours since everyone left me to be alone in my room. Two hours since everyone went to sleep. One hour of laying in my bed, regretting my actions. Twenty-five minutes after I stole a cigarette from Pony and smoked it in my room. Now, I lay waiting to fall asleep. I wait to forget what I did to Dallas. Wait to forget pretty much all of the day. I'd be waiting for the rest of my life if I try to forget my parents death. None of this would happen if they were alive.

I wouldn't be the way I am. My family wouldn't be on the edge. We would still be in out old house, happy as ever. Everything has to do with my parents death, everything. Two hundred fifty-two days since they ruined my life by leaving. Mom would know what to do with Dally, so would Dad. My body curled closer to the wall, trying to comfort myself. The feeling of being alone surrounded my room. For another hour, I pitied my life. I was almost asleep when there was a knock on my bedroom window. Sitting up slowly, Dally's face came into view. He waved at me, throwing his thumb towards the back of the house. He moved away from the window, towards the backyard. Without caring that I didn't have pants on, I left my room. Quietly, I stood on the porch looking around for Dally.

It was dark outside because the porch light was out and needed a light bulb. Squinting at the blackness, a hand came down on my wrist. It pulled me off the steps and into a body, Dally's body. He held me close to him, not letting me touch the ground. His strong leather jacketed arms wrapped around me, holding me close. My arms wrapped around his neck as I buried my face in his messy hair. Dallas's face was crushed into my shoulder, rubbing his cheek against it. The pain in my stomach was increased by his hug, but I didn't care until I felt a stitch rub against my shirt. Wincing at the pain, Dally pulled his face away from me to look at my face. Tears filled my eyes minutes ago but he must of not noticed them. When he looked at them, he smirked at my tears.

I tired to give him the signal that I needed to be set down. If the rubbing continued on my stitches, my wound would open. After pulling away more, he set me down. The grass was wet from the earlier rain, it felt good on my feet. I coiled my arms around his stomach on the inside of his leather jacket. My side was still throbbing but the rubbing had stopped, so it was safe from opening. Looking up into Dally's eyes, he smiled at me.

"I'm sorry." he said hiding his face against my shoulder again as he leaned down.

"Why are you sorry? It's all my fault we fought, I'm sorry." he nodded into my shoulder. "Dally, you just through me off when you said you loved me. It was unexpected to say the least."

Looking at me again, he grinned at me. "I know I did, sorry about that. Sorry I yelled at you too, I shouldn't of over reacted. Even if you don't love me, that doesn't change the way I feel about you. For the last few hours, I was trying to figure out why I was so mad at you. I was mad because I love you. I love you so much that it hurt. I don't even care you don't love me back."

I gave him a funny face. "I know it doesn't make sense, but that's how I feel."

"I do love you, I just don't know if I'm in love with you." he nodded."Same here, but I love you!" Dally almost shouted, lifting me up again. I shushed him with a giggle.

"I love you too." I said trying to cover his mouth with my hand. As soon as I did, I felt the small rip against my stomach. Under my breath I muttered a few curse words, trying to keep my pain unnoticed. It wasn't long before I wrapped my legs around Dally to keep the pressure off my stomach. Both my hands held me up on Dally's shoulder. He looked in my eyes, worried at my sudden pain.

"What's going on?" he breathed out, sitting on the steps with me on his lap. "Lucy….baby…what's the matter?"

"I'm fine." I tired to say through gritted teeth, he shook his head.

"Don't lie damn, tell me." he lifted me up again, bringing me back inside. Dally quickly took us back into my room. Once inside he locked and shut the door. Turning on the light, he set me on the bed. He laughed at me after a few seconds.

"I didn't know you didn't have pants on." he chuckled some more, before look closely at my face. He was inches away from my nose, looking me in the eyes. My eyes squeezed shut as I felt blood begin to soak my shirt. I felt Dally step back from me, than I heard him curse. Opening my eyes, he quickly came over to me. In a brisk motion, he tried to lift my shirt. I pushed him away with my bare feet.

"Dally, I don't have a bar on under this. Just chill for a second." he backed off for a second, muttering more curses."What the fuck is that?" he pointed to the blood still staining my shirt. I shook my head at him, ignoring the question.

"Get me that little bag in the right corner of my closet." I ordered, he did so. After unzipping the bag, I turned away from Dally. Lifting my shirt up, I observed that two of the stitches had ripped apart. With a groan, I threaded the needle putting my shirt down. Dally came over and sat on my bed, I turned to him. He was staring off in the other direction, not looking at me. Turning away from him again, I lifted my shirt. Quickly and painfully I stitched up the opened wound. Getting off the bed, I returned my supplies to the bag and put it back in the closet. Dally looked at me, saddened. My hand was thrown at him, motioning for him to turn away. He did so as I took that shirt on to put on another one just as large.

Breathing in a huff of air, Dallas turned back to me. I walked back over to him, standing in between his legs that trialed off my bed. His large boots were planted on the floor as he sat up straighter. His cold hands were on the sides of my thighs. They traced up and rested just under my shirt, ready to pull it up. When I tried to pull away, his other hand caught me as his right pulled my shirt up just under my breasts. Immediately his hand traced the stitching on my flesh. He scowled at it, looking up at me.

"What the fuck is this Lucy?" he growled."I was upset." I looked away from him as he let my shirt fall to it's original place. Both his hands pulled me closer to him.

"About our fight?" he asked a lot nicer than before. Nodding yes, he grunted.

"I told you if you ever felt like hurting yourself to come to me." "I thought you hated me." I admitted truthfully.

"Lucy." he growled again. "What are we gonna do with you?"

"What are you going to do with me?!" I said a little bit angry. Without thinking, I pulled away from Dally. Backing up into the wall across from him, I felt a tear fall from my eye. "What am I going to do with myself?"

His face was angry for about a minute, before he sighed. Standing up, he pressed me against the wall. Brushing the tear away, he spoke to my ear.

"Times are rough Luc, but please don't hurt yourself again." he paused as I looked up at him. "Especially if it's over me!"

"What's wrong with me Dallas?" another tear fell without hesitation. "I thought I was getting better, but I'm not. Just because my health is better, doesn't make my mind better. I thought Ruth was helping, I thought I was getting over all this shit." furiously I shook my head back and forth.

"I'm fucked up, babe. I hurt people that I care about. I hurt myself. I cry way to much. I'm not hungry. I'm so….I don't know what I am." he stopped my head from running it's self back and forth.

"You're just overwhelmed, babe. Just take everything one step at a time. You've just got to chill out for now, let things fall into place. Okay, I love you….everything will eventually be okay." I laughed a little bit, trying to stop this ugly yet romantic moment.

"Dallas Winston, were did you start becoming soft on me?" he smirked, getting closer to my lips.

"When I met ya." he cooed against my lips. Finally, his connected with mine. My hands ran themselves through his leather jacket, only to find his head. The right twisted into his hair, pulling him closer to my face. The left played with his earlobe, making him smirk into the kiss. His right hand rested against my neck and cheek, cupping my face in his large mitt. The left one trailed up and down my body, massaging it gently. We began to back up, working our way to the bed. After midway, he tripped over my lingering converse that should have been in my closet.

We both tumbled to the ground. My nose was flown back and impacted to his chin. After a moment of holding my nose, I started to laugh. Knowing I was alright, Dally joined in my laugh. He looked towards the door.

"I hope that didn't wake your brothers." I waved my hand at the door.

"They could sleep through anything, lucky bastards." Dally laughed at me as I turned back to him. I hadn't noticed but my legs had instantly straddled Dally's right leg. Realizing my position, I looked down at my legs. They were in fact, wrapped around his leg. He looked down too, laughing at me. When I looked at his face, he was smirking at me.

"Can't keep ya off me." he joked.

"Never." I said shacking my head at myself.

"Well, that's okay with me." he paused, rolling me on the bottom. He looked down at me, his hand propped up over me. My legs still wrapped around that one leg. "I enjoy having you on me."

I turned my head away from him, a little hot. He leaned over, kissing my cheek. Dally trialed down to my neck. In a small motion, he moved my t-shirt to the side. The neck of it was so big that it slid down my shoulder. My shoulder and some of my chest was bare, not showing my breasts though. Dallas kissed down to my collar bone, sucking heavily on it. My breathe hitched with pleasure, I closed my eyes. In a airy voice, I spoke to Dally.

"Babe…don.." I was stuttering it felt so good. Swallowing a little bit, I tried to speak again. "Babe, don't do that." I ordered in a low voice.

He moved forward, breathing on my ear. I shivered underneath him. His smirk was pronounced in his voice. "Why not?" he cooed.

"Because, I like it." I chuckled as my body moved on its own. Damn teenage hormones, I thought as my hips raised a little. They ran up next to Dally's lap, making him laugh into my ear making me shiver again.

"That's the point." he said before kissing my cheek again. His lips moved over to my ear lobe, playing with it. I stuttered again.

"Da Da Da…" he pulled away looking satisfied.

"I've never seen you like this." Dally commented looking amused at me.

"I usually hold it in." I admitted to him. "But right now, I couldn't care less. So feel blessed that I'm finally showing my lustful side.""It's great, you shouldn't hold back." he laughed more at me. "I love seeing you like this, makes me feel victorious."

"Why would you feel victorious?" for a moment he thought about it, pursing out his lips slightly.

"Because…I, Dallas Winston, have gotten the great Lucy Curtis to stutter." I laughed at that, so did he.

"You should feel victorious. There hasn't been a guy that I've dated that has ever gotten me to stutter before. Or anything like that." I said thinking about it.

"Oh really?" he smirked at himself. "I thought it was special to hear you moan, but stuttering is way different.""Has anyone made you stutter?" I asked, feeling a bit strange that it was focused on me."Nope, I'm to tough for that." Dally said confidently.

"Oh yeah?" he nodded.

"Yeah." smiling at him, I bet him.

"I bet you at some point in our relationship, I could make you stutter. I bet I could make you, Dallas Winston, scrim." he laughed.

"I wouldn't doubt it." he breathed into my ear again. "You've got me wrapped around your finger."

I shivered, pushing him off of me. When he rolled over, I sat on his stomach. His hands rested against my bare thighs. We continued the conversation, where I was in control this time. As much as I enjoyed him on top of me like that, I didn't know how much more I could take before I was over taken by lust. He laughed at me as I leaned over him, my hands in between my legs resting on his chest.

"Didn't like pleasuring you a little?" he commented.

"Liked it too much." he laughed again, this is the most I've ever heard him laugh. It really was a treat, I love his laugh. So airy and deep, definitely something I wished he would do all the time.

"Are you a virgin?" he asked out of no where, I sat up a little bit.

"That's a random question." I said with a chuckle. He nodded but looked quite serious about it.

"Umm…" did I really want to tell him this? It could be a mystery to him for the rest of his natural born life. I chuckled nervously as he stared at me, I played with my fingers. Suddenly, I found myself trying to change the subject.

"Well we both know you aren't." he smiled at that."True, but only one of us knows if you are." I looked away. "So why don't you tell me? I don't care either way babe, I just want to know."

"Yeah, I am." I admitted.

"Was that so hard?" he laughed as I looked back at him, fully feeling the heat on my face.

"Yep." my man continued to laugh, enjoying making me fell uncomfortable.

"What's it like?" I asked after a moment. He stopped laughing.

"Uh...well…I.." I pointed at him with a huge smile.

"HA!" he looked confused after a moment. "I made you stutter."

He smirked at me. "That doesn't count, I meant…in a different context."

"Fine." I said as I stopped celebrating my almost victory. But I pushed further on the subject, trying to make him feel just as uncomfortable as I did.

"So, what's it feel like?" I rested my chin on his chest, scooting myself father down his lap. He looked down at me, thinking.

"I really couldn't tell you how you would feel because you're a girl. It's different for guys." I nodded slightly. "Oh and just so you know."

My eyes connected with his again. "Nice try making me feel uncomfortable, didn't work so hot.""Aw come on, you were sweating the moment I asked you that question."

"A little bit, but not enough to bother me." he laughed at my defeated face.

"Meany face."

"Feeling better?" he changed the subject yet again."A lot, I love it when you completely make me forget about everything!"

"You do that for me every time I think about you." he said silently to himself.

"What time is it?" I asked out loud. Sitting up, I turned to my clock.

"Damn, it's three in the morning."

"We should get at least a little bit of sleep." he said easily lifting me up from his stomach. Dally placed me on the bed, then walked over turning out the light. I heard him kick his boots off before joining me in the bed. He coiled his arm around my stomach, getting closer to me. Again the shirt rubbed against my stitches, making me convulse away from him.

"Sorry babe." he cooed, moving his arm behind my head instead of my stomach.

"Sokay." I told him, moving closer into his stomach. After a few seconds, he sat up and through something that landed on the floor with a small jingle.

"Leather jackets aren't good to sleep in." he chuckled into my ear. I laughed too, getting comfortable again.

"Night babe, I love you."

"Love you too." I said back this time, without any shame.


	17. Rough Reality

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

DUDES, I want at least two reviews on each chapter starting on fourteen before I add more chapters. I'm not trying to be the bad guy or anything, but I need to know if you guys are liking it. It may sound strange but it is a motivation to me in ways, so please just go along with my one rule :D I would be very grateful.

Okay, so sorry for the delay. Finals are next week and I've been busier than ever! It's a short chapter, so sorry about that too! Things have been kinda stressful, but thank you for the reviews :D love everyone.

-Kathrine

(Language, violence for warning)

**Keep Moving**

_Rough Reality _

There was a low pitched scream, but a loud one. The first time it sounded, I jumped up from my sleeping position. Dally sleepily looked over at me in the dark. Another scream was sounded, causing me to jump over Dallas. I pointed to him as I threw the door open.

"Stay here." across the hall, I threw myself into Ponyboy's room. He laid in his bed crying and screaming in the dark. Turning the light on, I rushed over to him. Once on the bed, he clung to me. Darry and Soda were in the doorway the next time I looked over. I cradled my little brother, rocking him slightly. After screaming on last time, he was done. Looking over at my brother's tired worried faces, I shooed them away.

"I've got it, go get another few hours." Darry nodded thankfully at me, rushing back over to his bedroom. Sodapop didn't listen as he came over to the bed. He rubbed Ponyboy's back as he sobbed into my night shirt. Out of intentions, I began to hum to him. Eventually he calmed down enough to talk to us.

"Bad dream." Soda stated to Pony, who nodded very shakily. Sniffling, Pony got more comfortable onto of me. He was fully on my lap now, clinging onto my shoulders. I hugged my baby brother back, wondering what could possibly of happened to bring back the nightmares.

"Don't leave." he told me.

"Never, baby brother." I could feel his tears on my skin as he hid himself in the crook of my neck.

"Get better." he mumbled. "I don't want you to be sick."

"Baby, I'm not sick."

"You are!" he screamed at me. I looked over at Soda, who looked perplexed by the situation.

"Ponyboy, look at me." his teary eyes lifted from my shoulder and looked me in the face. He bit his lip trying to hold in the sobs. Even though he was looking at me, he wasn't really. Something was off about his watery eyes, but I couldn't put my fingers on it.

"I'm fine." he shook his head no. "Yes baby, I am. Don't worry about me, don't worry about anything. Okay? I'm here to protect you. Soda's here to protect you. Darry's hear to protect you. We will take care of you."

He wouldn't stop shaking his head no. I grabbed his head in my hand, stopping his motion. "Pony, we love you. I know I'm not Mom but…I'm here to take care of you.""How can you take care of me when you can't even take care of yourself?" he said somewhat angrily at me. I felt a sting in my chest, a lump in my throat. He was just upset Lucy, it's fine. I shook my head, trying to compose the tears threatening to spill over my eyes. Glancing at Soda, he looked just as surprised as I was. He shook his head at Ponyboy, no sure what to say.

"It's easier to take care of someone I care about than it is to take care of myself, Ponyboy."

"But you left…" he said in a whiny, sobbing voice.

"But I'm back, BB. I'm here to take care of you and Sodapop. Even Darry." he moved off my lap and sat next to Soda.

"You left." I shook my head trying to convince myself it was alright.

"Did you dream about me leaving?" he started to sob louder at the mention of his dream.

"What else?"

"You are sick, you left us. You don't love us. You told Soda to leave you alone." a tear fell from my eye. I looked at Sodapop, he sighed making Pony look at him.

"Pone, Lucy is my twin and my best friend. She was upset when she told me to leave her alone, I understood that. It hurt my feelings but I understood. You should too. You should know that she loves us unconditionally. She's back little buddy, she's not leaving anymore.""She's sick, Soda." he said like I wasn't even there anymore. "She's gonna leave."

I shook my head at them as Soda looked at me, worried for our little brother. "I wont ever leave you again Ponyboy, I promise!" he shook his head no.

"Lucy, you hate us. You said so."

"No, I don't. I love you." I tried to move over to him to kiss his forehead. He coiled away, leaning into Sodapop.

"Don't touch me anymore." I looked into his eyes, he almost looked asleep. Looking at Sodapop, I pointed to Pony's eyes.

"Is he sleeping still?" I asked.

"Pony, are you awake?" Soda received no answer. "Pone, where are you?"

"The living room, why are you asking dumb questions. Soda, look at her! She's sick!" I sighed. He really is sleeping still."Lets go to bed little buddy, we'll talk about this in the morning." Soda said trying to play along in Pony's dream.

"Okay, will you take care of Lucy Soda while I'm asleep."

"Of course Ponyboy." Soda looked concerned at Pony as he laid down slightly. When I went in for a kiss, he didn't coil away from me this time. Sodapop moved Pony so he was sleeping on his pillow, then he covered him up. I was already leaving the room, on my way onto the front porch. My emotions exploded when I reached the cool night air, sobbing heavily.

Even though Ponyboy was sleep walking or some shit, his words still hurt. It's like being called a liar when you know you are telling the truth, aggravating. It's like trying to reach an apple from a tree, but your too short. Pony stabbed me in the heart, shaking my entire body. He's my little brother, he's upset with me and I didn't even know it. Ruth said his dreams are a effect of what's happened and what's happening. I've hurt my baby brother, to the point that he has nightmares about it. He think's I hate him. He think's I'll leave him and wont be there to protect him.

I felt to strong arms wrap around my shoulders. Turning around, I came into contact with Darry's hard chest. Crashing into him, he hugged me tightly.

"I'm sorry Darry." I felt him shake his head against mine, letting me know it was okay.

"He's right, I'm sick. But I wont leave him Darry. I wont leave you or Sodapop ever again. I'm sorry. Please forgive me, I thought we were pasted this months ago. Darry I'm sorry, I love you. I love Pony and Soda. I wont leave you. I wont leave you ever again."

He shushed me. "I know you wont baby girl, Pony's just scared." we stayed outside for a little while longer. Hugging each other tightly the entire time. When I pulled away from him, I had stopped crying. Looking up at Darry, his face was red but covered in his sleepy face.

"I thought I told you to go back to sleep."

"Pony and you guys were still pretty noisy in there. Plus, I heard you crying out hear. Didn't want ya to feel alone, because you aren't." the sun was coming in from the east."Damn." Darry muttered as we both turned towards it. "Oh well, I think I might take the day off."

"What?" I gasped at him. "You never do that."

"Well, I think we should have a family day. Just the three of us, none of the gang. Maybe go to the zoo." I smiled at him.

"The zoo."

"Yeah, we used to go all the time. I miss the old place."

"Okay, I'll make French toast." we turned to go inside."Put some pants on." Darry muttered as he shut the back door. Going into my room, Dally was fast asleep in my bed. I throw on some clothes for the day, ready for the family day despite my lack of sleep. Tiredly I went into the bathroom to wash my face. After sprucing up for the morning, I cleaned my wound again. It had bleed a tiny bit at some point, so I put a bandage over it this time. After fully ready, I went into the kitchen to make French toast. Crack the eggs into bowl. Stir in milk and cinnamon. Soak bread in egg mixture, place in pan. Cook. Repeat. Once I was done with eleven pieces for me and my brothers, I cooked the rest of the egg. The cinnamon eggs was something that my siblings and I have always enjoyed. The rest of the gang always gagged at the thought, pussies Darry would always say.

Darry entered the room after spending a good few minutes getting ready and talking to our brothers. All three of them seemed ready for the day, even Pony. I handed Darry his coffee as he went to sit down. Soda gave me a hug before I could hand him his chocolate milk. But once he was done, he left to sit at the table as well. I shook my head at him as Pony stood, red faced in the door way. He his gaze was one the floor as I handed him his milk.

"I made your favorite." he shrugged at me with an expressionless face. Sighing, I grabbed the food to place on the table. The four of us sat down at the table, looking tired but happy. It was quiet until Darry spoke up with his father voice.

"We are going to the zoo today." he announced. Soda's face immediately lightened up with a grin.

"Really?" Darry nodded. "We haven't been there in forever!"

"I don't want to go." Pony complained with a bite of French toast."Too bad, we are having a family day. We all need it." Darry pointed at Pony with his fork. "Soda and I are taking off just to spend time with you, so be grateful."

I felt like this was my time to shine. If Pony felt all those things about me but never admitted it, maybe I should change his mind. Maybe if I convinced Darry to call off the zoo, Pony would feel that he can trust me again. That's it!

"Dar." he looked at me with a silent question on his face. "Maybe we should do something else instead of the zoo. We should save it for another day."

"Not you too." Darry sighed bumping the table with his palm.

"But it might be good for us to just spend the day at the house, relax a little." I looked over at Pony, who looked at me without emotion. Frowning I turned back to Darry, hoping he would give in.

"Fine, I'll just go to work since it's such a bother for us all to hang out with each other." Darry stood up from his almost finished breakfast. He left the room to grab his tool belt and started towards the door. I jumped up after him.

"Dar! That's not what I meant! Dar." he turned around as I grabbed his arm.

"Don't bother Lucy." he shoved me away rather roughly and I went straight into the wall. Darry hadn't even noticed that he had flung me against the wall, he was already out the door. I chocked out in pain, already feeling blood rushing out of my wound. It seeped into the bandage that I had secured it with. My body fell to the side onto the ground as I held my side. Again I chocked out, spitting on the carpet. To get ride some of the pain, I stomped my foot on the wall. Without composure, I screamed in pain one last time before I felt someone near me.

Sodapop and Ponyboy were both hovered above me, trying to talk to me. Asking me what hurt. Pony's face was infuriated as he turned away, kicking the door. It slammed against the wall as he shoved himself out the front door. I could faintly hear him screaming at Darry over my own cries of pain. Soda was trying to support me, but also fighting with me. He tried to pry my arms away from my stomach but I wouldn't let him. All the way I would heave air through my lips, trying to calm my inflamed side, lungs, and back. Just as Pony turned around, Darry flew through the door. He was trying to get to me, but Soda put his arm out.

"Darry, you've done enough." he said seriously but not meaning in a bad way. Darry's eyes fell more as he stood up next to Ponyboy, who stared at Darry with angry eyes. He punched Darry in the arm, only hard enough to get his attention."What the fuck Darry!" Darry couldn't say anything in return, he just stared back at Pony with ashamed but angry eyes. I shook my head, ignoring the pain as I stood up. Holding my side, I lightly pushed Soda away from me so I could get some air. Breathing through my nose with one big intake, I closed my eyes. When they opened I looked at my angry, concerned, and slightly frightened brothers.

"It's okay, Darry. Don't worry about it, it's my fault." he shook his head like he wanted to tell me it wasn't but the words wouldn't escape his mouth. Soda tried to pull my hands away again.

"Soda." I put my hand up again. "I'm fine!"

They looked at me with worried eyes. Pony still stared at Darry as he was trying to set him on fire with his mind. Soda kept looking to my face, to my hands and than back to my face. Darry stared into my eyes, searching for forgiveness.

"There is nothing to forgive." I told him with a wave of my hand. "I'm going to go lay down now." before any of them could say anything, I scurried off to my room. But before I could get there, I heard a familiar voice at the door. Asking what was going on, I turned around to look at him.

"Not now Dallas." Darry said in a deathful voice. Sodapop continued."Yeah, Lucy isn't feeling well come back latter."

Dally huffed. "Just because Lucy is my girl, doesn't mean I came over to see her." I smiled as I entered my room, not caring if Dally left or stayed. As I locked my door, I went over to the closet.

Once again, I stitched my cut. This cutting thing was becoming more than it was worth. All of this was becoming out of hand, and not in the good way. If I would do anything, I'd just want to live a normal life. I suppose I have to let myself be normal before I can have a normal life. Patching up my side and placing a new bandage on it, I got dressed to impress. Putting on a dress and nice shoes, I went into the bathroom. I breathed out a sigh at the sight of me. Yellow sun dress with sandals, looks okay. Than I tried to make my hair look a bite different than it was, good looking. Placing a small bow in it, I stepped away from the mirror. Feeling satisfied as I exited the bathroom, I waved at who ever was in the living room.

"Lucy?" Darry jumped up first, following me to the door. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, don't worry about it." I started out the door without looking at him.

"Where are you going?"

"To find a job, I've got nothing better to do."

"Let me drive you." Darry offered running out the door after me.

"I've gotta do this myself Dar."

"Oh I get it, your mad. Right?" I turned to look at Darry who was standing by the truck.

"I'm not mad, I just need to be a big girl and do this myself. I wouldn't mind taking the truck though." Darry smirked at me and tossed me the keys from his pocket.

"If you need me, just…"

"Call, don't worry Darry." I said getting in the truck. As I pulled out, I opened the window and Darry came up to it.

"Oh and I'm fine, forget about what happened back there. It was an accident, tell Pony and Soda I said so." with a half smile, he leaned in to kiss my forehead.

"I didn't mean to Lucy, you're just so light now a days and didn't realize my own…"

"I said forget about it, love you." I didn't wait for an answer as I pulled away in our Ford truck, in search for a job.


	18. More Trouble

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

DUDES, sorry for the delay. I'm having a few rough weeks. I'm not sure when I can update again, sorry L

-Kathrine

(Language, violence for warning)

_**Keep Moving**_

_More Trouble_

Two in the fucking morning. It has only been seventeen days that I've been working at this little diner and they already have me on night shift. It's bullshit is what it is! I'm serving coffee to bums who are too drunk to go home or have been kicked out of their homes. I can't wait until my shift ends at three. Tiredly I leaned on the counter top, ignoring the tightness that rubbed around my stomach while I did so. These uniforms are ridiculous, I can't bend down or everyone would see my underwear. And Lora said the uniforms were the best part. Like I said, bullshit. Now my eyelids were fighting to stay open.

"Lucy!" Lora screamed into my ear. "No sleeping yet! Our shift isn't over."

Even though I love Lora for all she's worth for giving me a job, I can't stand her sometimes. She's so loud, even when she quiet. She's just one of those kind of people, I suppose its nice to have around when you have to stay awake at two in the morning. Her mentioning the end of our shift just made me want to leave more. Lora's slender fingers lightly slapped my face to get my attention.

"Thank God I have off tomorrow. I don't think I could come in at noon to work." she laughed at me."You're usually the one without a problem staying awake, what's up?"

"Haven't slept the last few days, but right now I think I could sleep on a lit stove I'm so tired." she laughed her breathy laugh again. The man in the corner was snoring with his cup of coffee still in his hand. His head rested on the tabletop, next to his cold cup of coffee. Lora looked at me and motioned with her head to him with annoyed face. Groaning outwardly, she walked over to his table. Nudging him with her finger, he stirred but didn't wake.

"Sir!" Lora said loudly, the man at the counter turned around like she was addressing him. The man at the counter looked towards me in question. Shrugging to him, I shook myself awake a little. This definitely wasn't going to turn out well. Looking towards me, Lora threw her thumb at the guy with disgust. With a disappointed shake of her head, she slammed her hand down onto the table.

"What the fuck?" he mumbled. "Bitch why'd you wake me?" the man looked at Lora with a death glare. I took notice of his blood shot eyes, greasy hair, tattered clothes, and mud stained fingers nails. The man clenched and unclenched his fist on the table to control himself. My breathe hitched, throwing adrenaline into my veins. Something was going to happen and my body was getting ready for it. Lora didn't back down to his glare, she even leaned forward into his face with her own colorful sneer.

"Sir, I'm sorry but we are closing in a few minutes. We don't tolerate sleepers, this isn't a hotel."

"Bitch, this is a public place! I can sleep if I please." the angry man purposely spilled the rest of his coffee on to the table top. Standing up straight again, Lora made a surprised expression. Her blond eyebrows seemed to disappear behind her bangs from the shook.

Shutting her eyes patiently, she sighed at him. "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"I don't give a shit what you have to ask me." he mutteredd standing up."Sir, please be…" quickly the man grabbed her by her neck. Her little hands reached up around his wrist, trying to pull him away from her. In a smooth motion, I swung myself over the counter. With my feet, I swiftly struck him in the face. He was knocked down, pulling Lora with him. The man had a strong grip on her, not letting her go. He felt his nose with his free hand, pulling it away to look at the sight of blood.

My chest huffed up and down while I stared down at him. I waited for him to make a move. When he didn't do anything but look at me, I twisted around to look at the man at the counter. His eyes were bigger than plates while he looked at me. My finger pointed to him quickly, shouting out an order.

"Call the police now!" he quickly shuffled around to the back of the counter. The man fumbled with the phone, scared out of his mind I'm sure.

The man on the ground had let go of Lora when I looked back. She was chocking on the ground, searching for the right amount of air. My eyes trailed the worn out boots of the man to his pissed off expression. When he threw a punch at me, I blocked it but got hit with his right. Thinking fast, I kneed him in the groin. As he gasped out, I shoved him onto the ground. Getting on top of him, I repeatedly shoved his head into the floor. He punched and scratched at me with little effort. After banging his head for a fourth time, he punched me in the ribs. The wind was knocked out of me but I quickly recovered with a deep breath.

He growled at me and shoved me up. Again he punched me in the ribs, causing my almost healed cut to reopen wider than it was before. I called out in pain, he took this as an advantage. This time his fist connected to my cheek, cutting it deeply. My head was blurry and shaky so I stumbled back. When my eyes refocused, Lora came into view. She had grabbed a napkin holder in both hands. With a battle screech, she knocked him on the head. Over and over again she would swing the napkin holder back. Finally the man fell hard to the ground. Just as he did, the police pulled up with red and blue lights surrounding the small diner.

Lora threw the napkin holder at the man's crotch as she jumped over him. She came up next to me and leaned into me as if he would get up. I let her cling to me because it gave me a steady thing to lean on. My face screamed pain as it bled onto my horribly tight uniform. The blood from my face mixed in with the blood seeping from my wound on my side. Casually I threw my arm around Lora's shoulders as the police began to take the man in hand cuffs. The adrenaline in my veins still shook my body awake, even if it yelled for sleep to come.

Lora looked at me, realizing I was bleeding. Her hands went up to her face as she backed away from me. I tried to hold onto her because my body would surely fall from exhaustion. When it didn't, I shuffled to sit on a stool. As I leaned my back against the counter, I smirked at Lora tiredly.

"Mickey better give us a raise for this." Lora's worried face stayed concerned but she laughed despite the worry.

"Speaking of Mickey, you should go call him." I said motioning to the phone. "He would want to know what's going on. Are you okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah, are you? Hey, that was quick thinking. How the hell did you do that kick thing? It was incredible." Lora was already back to her old self, speaking very loudly and forgetting the seriousness of some situations.

"I've done gymnastics before, it was just a reaction I guess." I commented feeling the fall of the adrenaline as it seeped away from my blood. Paramedics came in behind the man that had called the police. He pointed wordlessly to my bleeding self. They immediately tackled me with all sorts of professional medical equipment. Lora nodded to me as she moved to call Mickey.

"Hey, it's cool." I told the male paramedic. "Just a few scratches. No need to freak friend."

He took a slow breathe, closing his eyes. "Sorry, it's one of my first shifts."

"It's okay." I said leaning against the counter more. "All I need is a stitch up and a ride home."

"We have to take you to the hospital to get stitches." I closed my eyes. Shit, I knew this was going to be trouble. We don't have the money to get stitches down at the hospital, fucking shit.

"Damn, screw that." I said standing up. "Lora give me a ride home, I can stitch myself there." Lora quickly said goodbye to Mickey and ran towards the door. She blocked my exit, I closed my tired eyes at her.

"Not a good idea Lucy. If it's the expense, Dad said to send the bill to him." I sighed. It probably wouldn't be a good idea for me to stitch myself anyway, I'm too tired. As for Mickey paying, that does give me the opportunity to go through with it. I suppose I should listen to them."Besides, the police still need to talk to us."

"What a drag." I muttered under my breathe. "I knew this night was going to suck."

I turned towards the paramedics that were standing behind me to make sure I didn't leave. "Lets get this over with so I can go home."

They nodded and everyone was off towards the hospital. Lora followed behind with her small little Mustang that her father, Mickey, had bought her. The police asked me about what happened, so I answered tiredly. Once at the hospital, I had to wait a good thirty minutes before they stitched me up. All the while they questioned Lora, our stories matched up well. Except hers were filled with nonsense sound effects. I smirked exhaustedly at her while she told them her version.

Once they were done with the thread inside my skin, they told me that my rib was cracked. The doctor said it was hard to tell bit it looked like it healed in a bad way the last time I had broken it. Now two of my ribs are prone to being broken unless they heal correctly and fully before the next time they crack. Before leaving and paying, they gave me a few pain pills. Just enough to get through the night. I took them right as we were leaving the hospital. I suppose I should of waited because they made me even more tired, if that was even possible.

Before I knew it, I was slumped over in the passenger side of Lora's Mustang. I didn't very much like Mustangs because they belonged to Socials, like Lora. She is a soc, but I don't care. As long as she doesn't care that I'm a greaser, we are pretty chill. She's a lot older than me though, I supposed that's why she doesn't care. I'm glad she doesn't, she become a good friend.

I was silent the way home, trying to stay awake until I got there. Lora helped by chatting my ear off, but it didn't do too much good. She thanked me for saving her ass. I told her not to worry about it; I didn't much care, I was just reacting. She waited to pull away until I made it to the door. I was moving very slowly because everything hurt now. The whole fight was catching up to me and the medication never really seemed to kick in. They just made me tired. In the dark of the house, I glanced at the couch. It was vacant, waiting for me. At that moment, I knew I wouldn't make it to my bed or my room.

Without much thought, I fell to the comfort of the couch. At first it was painful, so I adjusted to get comfortable. Since I wasn't really paying attention, I let myself groan without caring who heard. Finally, I settled for being on my side. It wasn't the best position, but it was better than suffocating on my stomach. As I laid there, I thought I would instantly fall asleep. But I didn't, all I did was listen to my brothers snore loudly to the dark house. My tired eyes glanced at the clock, it was already five.

Groaning in annoyance and pain, I fell into a half sleep. That kind of sleep where your eyes are closed and you body is resting but you can still hear everything going on around you. I wasn't all the way asleep, like my body needed me to be. When my body was slowly waking up, I felt the rays of the sun on my body. Probably coming from the window above the couch. I than noticed that I was laying on back with a blanket covering my sweaty body. Even if my body was facing up, my head was looking straight into the back of the couch. I could hear my brothers talking to some of the guys as they stood near by. They were talking about me, they had waken me up.

"What the hell is she doin' on the couch?" Two-bit chuckled out, knowing I hated sleeping out in the open like that.

"I found her there around six, so I covered her up. She must have been really tired, couldn't even make it to her bed." Darry's gentle voice was heard through all the louder ones. Steve laughed at Darry's softness.

"Well lets wake her up." he commented childishly. My body hurt like hell and when I tried to turn over to look at them, it wouldn't allow me to. Just as I was going to protest they leave me alone, a boney body pounced on me. Both my eyes shot open fully as I screeched at the pain. Immediately Steve jumped off me, as I squeezed my eyes shut. I rocked back and forth, trying to get up. Perhaps the pain would go away, it was the most I'd felt since being stabbed last year. I screamed out again; hot, painful tears flooded my eyes. My hands tried to cradle my side.

I felt all eyes on me as I screamed, cried, and shook in pain. Suddenly I felt the blanket get ripped off of me, Soda pushed Steve out of the way. Darry was the closest now, so I reached my hand up to him. I'm not one to whine but I haven't sleep well in three days, also I'm in pain.

"Darry." I whined trying to get up.

"Baby girl, what happened?" he helped me sit up. Taking deep breathes, I helped myself to stand up.

"I want to go to bed." I cried trying to get away from them. "It hurts. I'm tired. I want to go to bed."

Darry was about to say something, but Dally came crashing through the screen door. Him and Johnny were laughing about something or other. That laughter stopped in seeing me. Dally looked over at me, his eyes crazy with rage.

"Who the fuck did this?" I leaned into Darry, he looked down at me soothingly."Darry, I want to sleep." he nodded."Can you tell us why you look like you've been in a fight?"

"Because I have been. Can I please sleep?" I felt his arms wrap around me as everyone stared at me.

"With who?" just then, I felt the dizziness fumble through my head. My hands gripped onto Darry's shirt.

"Darry, I'm going to pass out." I muttered leaning on him more. Darry lifted up my body, crunching my ribs together. Without thinking, I screamed out again. Darry quickly set me down on the couch.

"Stay with us Luc." Pony said from the corner of the room.

"Lucy, you best tell us what happened." Dally commanded clenching his fist.

"I have some cracked ribs and he spilt my face open. They made me go to the hospital. He spilled his coffee. Lora woke him up. I want to sleep." I muttered in one breathe, it was all jumbled together.

"Lucy, that didn't make any sense." Soda commented rubbing my forehead with the back of his hand. I looked over at all my boys, they looked frightened and angry. Pony looked the most frightened, I waved him over. Slowly he made his way over to me.

"Hi baby boy." I soothed to him. He looked over to Soda like I was crazy.

"I think she needs to sleep before we get some real answers." Soda added after a few quiet moments.

"Call Mickey or Lora, they know." I said right before my lights where out. God, I get in so much shit!


	19. Random Pain and Dizziness

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

DUDES, sorry for the delay. I'm having a few rough weeks. I'm not sure when I can update again, sorry

-Kathrine

Sorry it's sooo short!

(Language for warning)

_**Keep Moving**_

_Random Pain and Dizziness_

There was a heavy warmth stretched across my back. My face was resting into a fluffy pillow, I breathed a sigh into the pillow. It hurt when I did but I didn't care much. When I lifted my head from the pillow I realize two things; I was in Darry's room and Sodapop had his arm curled around my back. Smiling to the sleeping boy next to me, I tried to pull him into a hug. It was an awkward one because it hurt my ribs and he was pretty much dead to the world. Right as I was going to try to wiggle out of the bed, Soda's arms tightened around me. He sighed happily with his eyes closed. At first I still thought he was asleep, meaning I would be cursed to lay in his tight embrace until he woke up. But than he spoke to me in a sleepy voice as he stretched and yawned next to me.

"How was you sleep, Twiny?" he started to get up from the bed, pulling me with him. Once we were standing, Soda wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me into a real hug. I squeezed him around the middle.

"Great, how long was I out?"

"Two days, it's Monday." I growled into his warm shirt as he pulled me out of Darry's room.

"I've gotta work at noon." Soda laughed at my annoyance.

"Mickey said you can have the day off. He feels bad about leaving you girls alone on a night shift. Darry had a lot to say to him about that too, yelled at him a bit."

"Darry? Darry yelled at another human being besides us?" Soda looked down at me and smiled.

"Yeah, it was pretty funny to watch. I wish you could of seen it. For the rest of the day, Steve and I were imitating him." he laughed a breathy laugh as he pulled us into the kitchen. There was a small yellow note that seemed to be addressed to the both of us.

_Hey,_

_Pony and I went to the store to get food. We might bring lunch home too. If any of the guys come over, tell them to keep everything cleaned up. Ruth called saying she might come for dinner. Behave. Hope you're feeling better Luc. Look out for her Soda._

_Darry_

Once I was finished reading it out loud, Soda shrugged into our hug. I leaned into him more, feeling the dizziness from standing after not for a long time. Soda's arms tightened protectively around me. Then he brought the both of us into the living room. We both fell onto the couch, pulling me on top of him. I laid my head onto his chest, feeling safe in my brother's arms.

"How you feeling?" he asked as we just chilled on the couch.

"Really sore." I admitted looking up into his face as I rested my chin on his stomach.

"That not what I entirely meant but, what hurts?" he said with interest but not concern. I made a face, I hate talking about my weakness. "Just tell me, baby. We didn't take a look under the bandage when Pony and I changed your clothes."

"It hurts when I talk or breath, the usual." I couldn't really feel the effects of my face, except that it's hard to move it sometimes.

"How's my face lookin?" I felt a small grimace fold onto my face.

"It's not bad. Not swollen anymore, just bruised. We made you lay on an icepack, it helped a lot." breathing a sigh, I laid my head down again.

"Do you work today?"

"No one does, not even Darry." I felt Soda place his hand onto my thin hair. Its still very short, but I'm getting used to it.

"Wow, why?" .

"Well, Steve and I don't work because we already had today off because we worked yesterday. Darry has off because…well I don't really know. Maybe the guy just needed a break."

"He should take breaks more often." I said wrapping my arms around his arm, he was keeping me warm.

"You cold?" he asked as I shivered. I looked up into my twin's eyes, feeling his protection and warmth.

"A little, but I'm fine." I said absenting, fighting to stay awake as we lay there.

"How are you doing?" he asked.

"I already told you, Sodapop. Sore but fine."

"No, I mean how is Lucy as a person? How are you doing with your emotions or whatever?"

"You're not very good at this are you?" I said pushing myself away from him, pretty much avoiding the question. As I got up, I started to move towards my room. Soda quickly grabbed my wrist. He made me face him so I had not room to ignore his questions.

"Sorry, but I'm not Mom and I'm not good at this kind of stuff. You are kind of like the one that came in place of Mom to help us cope, Lucy. But no one is that Mom for you. I want to try to help talk you through some of the bad stuff Luc. Talk you through your bad dreams."

"Bad dreams?" I said a little perplexed. "Was I sleep talking to you?"

Sodapop nodded slightly. Sighing, a little embarrassed, I took a step back. I knew it would make Soda leave me alone if I said at least one thing to him. That what I have Ruth for though. I may not tell her everything, but she is somewhat the mother figure in my life now. Unfortunately for me though, I want my real Mama. Its nice that Soda is concerned though, even if there is no need and I don't want him to be.

"I'm fine Sodapop. Really." I'm not sure if I am. This morning, I haven't really thought about anything important. All the feelings and fears I have from last night are tucked away for now. Maybe Ruth will bring that shit out for the world to see later. She knows how to get me to talk, because she's just so inviting. I don't want to think about it, I don't!

"Luc, are you sure?" Soda looked down at me with his beautiful, glowing eyes. They told me not to lie, they were inviting.

"Soda, I'm going to go shower. You shouldn't worry about me!" I pointed to his chest as I turned around. In my room I gathered some clothes and headed to the bathroom with a towel. Soon I was in the locked room with no clothes on. In the mirror, I leaned forward to take a look at my face. It was dark purple in one spot. The bruise faded to a light blue as it reached my ear on the left side of my face. Under my eye, it was a sickly blue and green color that extended to the bridge of my nose. I felt my face frown deeply when I stepped back to see the big picture. My eyes looked in the mirror at my face for a good five minutes before they traced the reflection down to the bandage on my side.

It was a big, white, bulky bandage. With cold fingers, I lifted a side of the tape slowly. In a small, fluent motion; I took the rest of the tape from my skin. It made a horrible sound that made my skin shiver. As I looked at the bruise on my side, I remember some words of advice from the doctor. He said to wrap up my middle for a few days so it take pressure off my torso. I'm not sure, but he might of said that it would be easier to breathe. God, I sure hope it will be. I'm going crazy with this pain thin. After poking and probing the black lump on my side, I entered the shower.

The hot water was somewhat of an irritation, so I took a cold shower. It felt nice onto my warm skin. The freezing water made me relax into the wall slightly, leaning my head as the water ran down my back. It wasn't long before I began to scrub my hair with the new shampoo Darry bought me the other day. The soup smells like pineapples, my favorite fruit. As I finished rinsing my hair, I cleaned my body with the same kind of body wash. By the end of the shower, the whole room smelled of pineapples. When I tried to breathe in the delicious scent, I began to choke violently. How dumb can I be, now my side is all inflamed and irritated.

Drying off, I started to get dressed. With my shorts on, I began to get my bra over my shoulders. It was an old bra, one that I usually sleep in. The bra was loose, so hopefully it wont cause irritation to my ribs. It did as I was putting it on, it also stabbed me. Wincing slightly, I tried desperately to adjust it so it would stab me. Once it was in the most comfortable spot possible, I searched around for the first aid bandage to wrap my torso. It wasn't in the bathroom, so I left the bathroom shirtless and all. I entered the living room where Two-bit and Soda were watching Mickey.

With my small arm, I tried holding my side together so it wouldn't rub anything. It was useless and it was painful. Without anything on the injury, my ribs moved against my hurt skin. Slightly hunched, I called Soda's name. He pulled his eyes from the TV and quickly jumped over to me. He held out his hands like I would fall if he didn't. I didn't hesitate to hold onto his arm though. Soda looked me up and down, giving me a strange look. I was going to explain after a sigh, but it hurt. I winced at the air that expanded my lungs into my ribs. Soda said my name in a small panic. Waving my hand at him, I tried to compose myself.

"Lucy, lookin good." Two-bit complemented me, finally noticing I entered the room.

"Shut up Tow-bit." Soda commanded. I felt Two-bit walk over to me, my eyes looked at him.

"Luc, you look like a scared kitty." he told me laughing.

"You look like a dick head." I told him, with a quiet sneer. He frowned at me, finally noticing my distress.

With great effort, I breathed out to Sodapop. Hoping he would be able to fine the bandage so I can hopefully breath normally. As Sodapop brought me over to a chair at the dining room table, I explained my situation.

"I need the first aid bandage really bad. Please help me find it." I said in an unstable voice.

"Sure, Twiny. Two-bit, help me would ya?" Soda said in a soft voice. Both boys scattered throughout the house, in search for the bandage. The pressure of my injury was weighing on me, making me lean into the table more. At some point I tried to get up to help in the search, but Two-bit immediately made me take a seat. It was about five minutes before Two-bit victoriously jumped out of Darry's bedroom holding the wrap up proudly.

"For you Lucy!" he said handing me the bandage. I took it with a half smile.

"Two-y, what would I do without you." he smiled big at me.

"Die." he offered. I shook my head with a smile.

"Die from boredom perhaps?" I nodded as Soda came back in the room. Looking relieved at the bandage, he offered to help me put it on. I gratefully accepted.

It took all my will not to scream out as I raised my arms above my head. We had to stop twice because it was too much for me to handle. I felt so weak and….dumb. Once Sodapop was done, I noticed that Darry and Pony were bringing groceries in from the front door. Everyone was walking around in a weird daze, or it could of just been me. After waving to my brothers, I entered my room to retrieve a shirt. When I came back out of my room; Steve, Johnny, and Dally were chilling in the living room. When the hell did everyone show up, maybe I'm sleeping. I feel so out of it anyway, I must be sleeping.

As I entered the kitchen, Darry smiled at me. Before he got a chance to say anything, I asked. "When is Ruth coming over?"

"She said she would call to confirm if she was coming or not. But she said around dinner probably. Why? Are ya doin okay?" his face was strong but his voice said he was concerned.

"I feel kinda out of it. I don't know how to describe it." he nodded to me, trying to understand my dilemma.

"Drink some water, I'll make ya a sandwich." Darry said with a smile. I took a glass from the cabinet. Filling it with water from the sink, I walked into the living room. Everyone turned and looked at me with smiles, even Dally. Dizzily, I chugged the water from the glass. They watched me until I set the empty glass onto the table. Dally ushered me over, so I went and sat on his lap in the arm chair. He protectively wrapped his armed around me, making me warm.

"I missed you." he whispered to me as everyone averted their attention back to the TV. I placed my head on his chest, closing my eyes. Before I knew it, I was asleep once again. Nothing was heard by me for the rest of the morning.


	20. Cigarette Please

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

DUDES, sorry for the delay. I'm having a few rough weeks. I'm not sure when I can update again, sorry

-Kathrine

(Language for warning)

_**Keep Moving**_

_Cigarette Please_

I woke to the soft hand of Ruth. She was caressing my face in my bedroom. The light was dime from the setting sun, giving her a beautiful glow. For a moment I panicked, forgetting where I was. She soothed me with her voice, telling me everything was fine. Ruth kept shushing me, like something was wrong. It was at that moment that I realized that I was crying. Once I sucked in the weeping sound coming from my mouth, Ruth stood from the side of my bed. Gingerly she shut the door, then turned the light on. With some effort, I sat up as she sat next to me.

Absently, I wiped my wet face with my shirt. Ruth patted my knee supportively. With perplexed eyes, I spoke.

"Why was I crying?" she shrugged.

"I don't know. Your brother's told me you fell asleep so they put you in here. I was coming in to wake you, I want to talk to you about the other night at work. Lora already told me something's that happened. She also told me you were very unemotional about the whole thing. I want to know how you really doing."

"Ruth, I don't really like to think about my emotions. Thinking just makes me throw them up on everyone." I said leaning against the wall.

"It's okay to be emotional. It's okay to express you emotions, Lucy. Do you remember what happened when emotions are not expressed?" rolling my eyes at her, I answered.

"They get so bottled up that the littlest of things makes you erupt like a volcano, I know. But I don't like to express what I'm feeling Ruth…"

"I know that. To help you get used to the fact that you must express your emotions, I will make you and your brothers an assignment. But first, what are your real feelings over the other night?" sighing, I took down my shield to let some emotions out.

Immediately, I felt unsafe. It was the feeling that I got when I was alone on the road, a feeling I never want to have again. I told this to Ruth, who told me it was because of the fight. She said that I keep fighting people. She said I protect people too often, I need to take care of myself for a change. But that's what I've been doing, right? She said that I shouldn't worry about the boys, or her, or Lora. Ruth told me to just chill for a few days, do nothing but have a good time. I agreed that a break would be nice, but I can't. My boys need me. Than I wasn't expecting this, but Ruth pulled my brothers into my bed room.

The three of them stood in a row, tallest to shortest. Darry was lightly smiling at Ruth, but he looked nervously at me once in a while. Soda had a curious smile plastered on his face. It wasn't long before he moved from the line to come and sit next to me. He swung an arm around my shoulders. I leaned into him, loving every moment of safety with my brother. Pony soon came and stood next to my twin and I, having an interested face on. I knew that face, he must have been reading when he was pulled in here.

"Okay, so I have some new rules." Ruth said with a smile.

"What do ya mean Ruthy?" Soda said, exchanging the gesture with her.

"I mean that this family has some homework to do. This will not only benefit Lucy, but everyone as well."

"Okay, shoot." Darry said, leaning on one foot.

"First off, I will know if anyone disobeys the rules. So don't bother trying to find a way passed them." we all nodded, waiting for her information.

"Okay. Every other day, the four of you will sit down and talk about each other's emotions. This means everyone will say how they are doing. How things are going with their relationships. What they are feeling towards each other. Than once everyone has been discussed, you will each say some constructive criticism to one another. At the end you will complement one another. I will know what's going on because you all will write down the discussions." Soda and Pony both groaned at the same time. Darry and I looked at each other with uninterested eyes.

"Not to be rude, Ruth, but why is this relevant?" Darry said leaning against the wall.

"It will help with communication, for one. Also, none of you seem to be comfortable to express yourselves. Sodapop does a little but not enough. It will help, I promise." she smiled at each of us before turning her attention back to me.

"Sorry Lucy but I have a special set of rules for you." I leaned farther into Sodapop.

"Why me?"

"Because you are having the most difficulty to tell people when something is wrong. Also because I feel that you will benefit with some more guide lines. Now I know you might not be happy with some of the rules, but it is for your own good. I know I'm not your parent or guardian…but." she looked over at Darry for a moment before turning back to me.

"But I do believe that I know you the best when it comes to your emotions. I know your fears and I know how you will most likely react to something's, so I have to take something's out of your life."

"Like what?" I was starting to become nervous about this whole rules thing. I'm sure that I can handle whatever I have to do, but I don't think I will agree with everything she is suggesting.

"First off." she walked over to my dresser, looking through my underwear quietly. I couldn't see what she pulled out as she moved on to underneath my bed. Ruth rummaged under there for a moment before going over to the closet. Before standing up straight, she retrieved something from the bottom on my closet. When she turned around, she held up three different switchblades. My bothers looked at me, surprised that I had more than one. I started to feel embarrassed and I was hoping that she would elaborate on why I had them scattered around my room. I bit my lip nervously as she explained the rules.

"I know that you are on edge and are a lot more cautious than before, but these need to go. No more switchblades until I say, understand.""But I need them for protection Ruth, I need them to protect my family. I need them for when I leave the house alone. You know why I need them here."

"Yes, but you need to get away from the fear that something will happen to you or your brothers. This brings me to another rule." I had stood up from my spot on the bed, feeling vituperated and embarrassed.

"Wait a minute, where the hell did you get all of theses Lucy? And why the hell are they all over your room?" Darry asked with authority in his voice.

"I've had them and I have them because I need them." I said confident in myself.

"Need them? Need them for what?" I didn't want to tell him, or anyone for that matter, that I am afraid. That I look over my shoulder a lot more than everyone realizes. I didn't want to admit that I'm scared of everyone getting hurt.

"Well?" Pony said, wondering just as much as Darry was.

"She's afraid." Ruth said like it was nothing. It wasn't nothing, it was everything. It was just another secret that I try to hid from the world. I'm afraid of everything. I'm anxious when I'm not with one of my brothers. I hate walking alone, I used to love it. Darry shook his head at me.

"You should know that we will protect you Lucy." I sighed, trying to take the feeling of being overwhelmed away.

"It doesn't matter. What are the other rules?" I asked quickly, trying to change the subject.

"This is good. The four of you can discuss this later." she smiled, clapping her hands together happily. I'm pretty sure that everyone in the room, except for her, rolled their eyes. Ruth continued on with her rules.

"Anyway, the second rule for you is that you must never leave the house without one of your brothers." that wasn't so bad, I didn't mind that much. It just gave me more opportunity to protect and watch over them.

"Ruth, don't you think that is a little extreme?" Soda asked."No, I don't. Something else you might not know about Lucy, is that she doesn't feel safe unless she is around one of you."

"What the hell Ruth?" I said, shaking my head with disbelief. "Quit telling them all my stuff.""Why don't you feel safe unless one of us is around you?"

"Its just a thing okay. I just need to get over it. But having them taxi me around wont help me, Ruth.""I didn't think about that. How about you can't leave the house alone? That sounds better." she said thinking about it for a moment.

"Where is all this fear coming from Luc?" Pony asked, sounding a lot older than he looks.

"Just stuff I haven't gotten over since I got back. It's not big _deal._" I said leaning over to Ruth.

"Oh stop." she shooed me away with her hand. "Also, I've already talked to Mickey and you work on a part time shift now. You wont be working nights ever again."

"The working nights things is just what I need, but I need to work full time. I need to help pay for everything."

"Too bad. You work too hard, just like Darry does. Speaking of which." she turned to Darry with a gentle smile.

He looked at her as if to say 'What the hell did you do?'. The serious, uninviting face that was given to Ruth was not affecting her in the least. She just widened her smile and patted him on the shoulder.

"Darry, I have quit your second job for you. I know that seems drastic, but you will be getting more money from the state now. The judge has arranged for that to happen so you don't have to work as hard as you want to be. No more over exertion for you." she shook her finger at him as he made a face at her.

"I'm a grown man Ruth, I think I can handle things myself."

"I was ordered to do it Darry. Not to mention, I was happy to do it." she turned back to me.

"One last thing before I go. This is probably the most important rule yet. You probably wont like it the most as well." she breathed a sigh looking at everyone's faces before continuing to tell me the rule that I would most likely hate.

"You from this moment forward…" she gulped slightly, backing up as well. Probably waiting for a bad reaction when she told me the horrible guide line. "Not allowed to see Dallas."

I felt my skin tingle. My face was hot as it creased into a giant grimace. Ruth quickly ducked behind Darry's large body, just incase I throw a few punches her way. It was hard not to, I clenched my fists at my side to hold myself back. Suddenly, I felt someone's hands on my shoulders. Sodapop was holding me down with both his hands. I was furious, but I wouldn't have take a hit on Ruth. Taking a large breathe, I spoke.

"Why the hell would I want to do that?"

"You focus on him too often. You need to focus on yourself, that's the important thing. I know you hate this rule because my mother put me under this rule when I was your age." she slowly came out from behind Darry.

"I don't see the point. Dally is someone that is helping me through all this stuff."

"Okay, but that's not the way I see it. The next time you can see him is in two weeks. I'll see your progress from there and determine whether you both can be together again or apart. I'm sorry dear." she could fell my anger as she slightly hugged me. I didn't hug back, I only let my arms swing by my sides.

"I don't believe this." I said into her hair.

"Believe it honey. Judge said I need to try something different with your family. It will benefit all of you, now why don't I order you guys some pizza on me? I'm afraid I can't stay for dinner but at least I can feed everyone."

I took a moment to look at my brothers, they didn't seemed too surprised by some of the rules. Darry's face was stern as he looked at the floor. His strong arms were crossed in front of his chest in an annoyed fashion. Pony seemed pretty open with everything. He still sat on my bed with his dreamy look. Soda stood behind me, looking like he was thinking very hard. Ruth was the first to leave the room. We all just stayed in my room, not really noticing she had left. I shook my head disapprovingly as she entered the room again.

"I ordered some food for you guys. Also I set the notebooks you will be writing in on the table. I would like everyone to start tomorrow, okay?" no one answered her. She just gave us hugs and kisses before leaving the house completely. Everyone was silent. So silent, that I could hear the silence. It was blasting into my ears, making them ring uncomfortably. I'm not sure how long we stood there, but it must have been a while. The door bell rang, signally that the pizza was here. The first one to move out of the room was Ponyboy. The three of us followed him into the living room. Absently, I sat on the couch.

I sat and stared at the air in front of me, still trying to make sense of everything. Why the hell did we have to have rules? Why couldn't I protect my family the way I wanted too? Why were decisions made for us? Why the fuck couldn't I see my boyfriend when I wanted too? I wonder if she told him that he wasn't aloud to see me. What if she made him upset, she probably did. That pisses me off that she would just come in here and do that. I know she is trying to help us out but this is going a little over board. This sucks, and I still don't understand it!

"Lucy. Lucy!" I looked over to see Ponyboy waving at me, trying to get my attention. "Pizza is here." he threw his thumb towards the table. All my brothers were seated there, staring at the notebooks that rested on the table top. They took bites of their pizza while glaring at the books filled with paper. Blank paper. Paper that was waiting to hear our innermost thoughts. I looked away from them, than back to the table. Darry motioned to me with his pizza.

"Come eat."

"I feel sick." I said with a gross voice. My stomach was playing games with me, telling me how over whelmed I am. Food was the last thing I wanted. Right now I wanted what I couldn't have, Dallas.

"Quit being a cry baby and come eat." Pony said annoyed. I stood up from where I sat. I glared at Ponyboy, really to unleash hell onto his ears.

"You shut your mouth kid." I shook my head at him. "You have no idea how I feel right now, so just leave me alone."

"It's just two weeks Lucy, not that big of a deal." I felt like hurling something at his head.

"Shut the fuck up, Pony." I said shaking my fist at him, immaturely. Before any of my brothers could say another word, I thrust myself at the door.

"I need some air. I'll be on the porch." I shut the door behind me. Immediately, I jumped onto the porch rail. As I sat there, I leaned into the beam holding up the porch. The light night breeze rested against my skin. It cooled me down, helping me think straight. I knew I was being childish, but I think I had a right to be. It's my life. My decisions. My mistakes. My victories. It's all mine and I don't need a dumb set of rules to control my life. I don't need a lady to control my life. I love Ruth, but this is just too much.

All I know right now, is that I want two things. Dallas fucking Winston. And A nice cigarette.


	21. I Want You Always

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

DUDES, sorry for the delay. I'm having a few rough weeks. I'm not sure when I can update again, sorry

-Kathrine

(Language, sexual themes for warning)

_**Keep Moving**_

_I Want You Always_

Nighttime is so peaceful. My only light was coming from the inside of the house, giving the front yard a small glow. I'm not sure how many times I've looked for the moon, I still can't find it. It was a real disappointment that I couldn't find the moon. It's also a disappointment that the next time I'll see Dallas is in two weeks. Two fucking weeks. I wonder if anyone knows what can happen in two weeks now a days. Dallas could get bored. Fuck someone. Break my heart. It could happen. Anything is possible. That is defiantly something dangerous unpredictable. Dallas's faithfulness, I mean.

Dallas is a completely different guy when I'm not around. Or when he's not thinking, because he's too drunk. Yeah, that's how it usually goes. He said he loved me though. But I have to remember that Dallas fucking Winston doesn't love anyone! I don't know what he does when I'm not with him. Not that I don't trust him, but two weeks is a long time. He will get restless. He will forget that he is supposed to be faithful to me. Dally, what are you doing to me fool?

I threw my face in my hands as I curled into a ball on the rail. It was a small, organized, balanced ball. My confused self began to cry. My weak, emotional self! God, I loath myself sometimes. My body was shaking against the beam that held up the porch. At least I'm crying silently, I thought. Suddenly, I felt two hands quickly go down on my shoulders. A cackling laugh come out in the night air.

"Save ya life!" Two-bit said with his usual laughter. It didn't only scare me, but it pissed me off. I was falling apart for a moment and he has no consideration. Can't he see that I'm not in the mood for his antics.

"Go away Two-bit." I told him in a shaky whisper.

"Aw, don't be sore Lucy girl. I'm was just foolin with you." he said leaning his torso against the railing next to me. It want then that he opened his eyes and noticed I was crying.

"Are you crying?" he commented as he leaned onto my arm and leg. I was holding my legs up to my to my stomach, holding myself together.

"Go away." I said again, with the same shakiness.

"Lucy girl, you best tell Two-y what's wrong." he told me in a baby voice. I turned and looked at him. He wouldn't understand, he's Two-bit. Keith Matthews. I'm a girl. He's a guy. An insensitive, playful, and loveable guy. He's just not a person you tell your problems to, that's why I love him. The guy usually steers away the issues and goes straight for the recovery. He lives to make people smile and laugh, but he doesn't deal with people's problems. That's okay, that's who he is.

"Two-y, I don't want to talk about it. I just want a hug." I said in a whiny voice, as I swung myself around to face him. Immediately, I fell into his strong body. He held me tightly, pulling me close to his chest. I can't remember the last time that I held onto someone so tightly. It was like I would fall apart and die if he let go. I needed him to hold me together, it made me feel nice. His hug got me to stop crying. It got me breathe normally. It made me forget about my problems for just a few moments. When we pulled apart, I looked into Two-bit's eyes. He was gently smiling at me but his eyes had a look of sadness. Almost longing in them, it was strange to see him look like that.

"Can I do anything else for my Lucy girl?" he asked in a low voice. I hugged him against, which he eagerly accepted from the looks of it. Two-bit was making me warm inside. I sighed into his chest, feeling at peace once more. Pulling apart again, he had the same look as before on his face.

"So umm, ya okay?" he asked rubbing the sides of my arms. I nodded with a thankful smile.

"I will be. Can you do me a favor Two-y?" he nodded quickly.

"Anything to keep you from crying, Louie." I smiled at that remark.

"Please find Dally. Tell him to meet me at my window at midnight. Thank you so much Two-y." I hugged him again. As I pulled away, I kissed him on the cheek. "I owe you."

"Give me another kiss and it'll make us even." I chuckled, kissing him on the cheek with a smooch sound to perfect the moment. He smiled as I patted him on the cheek. I thanked him again before going in the house. When I went back inside, my brothers were all watching TV. The only one not asleep though, was Ponyboy. He looked over at me with a soft smile. My baby brother got up and gave me a hug. That hug made me feel safe and secure. He spoke to my ear gingerly, we swayed back and forth.

"I'm sorry. I was being insensitive." he nodded my head yes.

"You were. But I was overreacting. Sorry." he nodded to me as well. We pulled apart, looking at our older brothers. Ponyboy had his arm rested across my shoulder as my was stretched around his back.

"Lets get these pinheads to bed, shall we." I commented after a moment. Turning off the TV, Soda instantly woke up. He was still half asleep, but was awake enough for me to usher him to his room. I tucked him in after taking his shoes and shirt off. He mumbled something to me that I couldn't make out. Than he said something that surprised me, he said.

"Thanks, Mom." I shook my thoughts away from my head before exiting the dark room. Before leaving, I made sure his alarm was set. He always forgets, and wakes up late if Darry goes in earlier than seven. Leaving the room, I warmly blew Sodapop a kiss and shut the door. Darry was already awake and standing next to Ponyboy when I entered the living room. He looked at me with an unreadable look. As soon as he outstretched his arms to me, I threw myself into them. I felt Ponyboy come in from my side, wrapping his arms around both me and Darry. He was the one to rock us back and forth, he whispered out loud.

"Lucy sandwich." I smiled into Darry's shoulder as I stood on my tip toes to reach them. Pony was the first to pull away, then Darry. We three stood just looking at each other. Finally Darry spoke.

"We should all try to get some sleep. I've got work at seven." he made a face that told me he wasn't looking forward to getting up early or working. He leaned over and kissed me on the forehead. Then he leaned over and ruffled Ponyboy's hair in a brotherly way. My two brothers smiled at each other before Darry left to go to bed. Pony gave me another hug, everyone was very huggy tonight. I loved it. We pulled away and I kissed him on the cheek. He smiled and went for his room. I was last to leave the room. Before heading to my room, I cleaned up a bit. Throwing away trash and food crumbs from around the living room and dining room. They saved me a piece of pizza, but I just put it in the fridge.

Once in my room, I stared at the clock for a while. It was going on eleven forty-six when I heard a small tap on my window. Even though I was sleepy, I jumped up and opened it. As I looked out to see who it was, I noticed the moon smiling down at me. Dally climbed in onto my bed, leaving the window open. I jumped off my bed and locked my door. The two of us were in my room with only the moon to light our vision. Dally made the first move this time, pulling me onto the bed. He hugged me tighter than Two-bit did earlier, it was a different kind of hug. This hug was an apologetic one, a regretful one.

"Ruth told me this afternoon." he said pulling away from me. Dally looked at me with eyes with fear, but he wasn't afraid.

"Same here. I'm sorry, I understand if you don't want to go through that."

"I'm not breaking up with you, Luc." Dally said putting his hands on my shoulders.

"I know, I'm just saying if you want to take a break during the two weeks." a tear fell from my eyes. "I know you Dally. I know it wont be easy for you to be…what I want you to be during the two weeks. I can't expect you to stay with me when we can't even see each other."

His eyes were a little mad now as they burned into my soul. "Lucy, I love you. I would never cheat on you. I would never allow myself to break up with you over something so stupid. If this is going to help you, than maybe this two week period would be good for you."

"But I don't want to be away from you. I want you always!" I said as I crashed my face into his.

We locked lips, massaging them with each other. It was nice and wet, I was still crying. When I invited my tongue into his mouth, he immediately let it free to explore. He threw his tongue into the twist, fighting with mine for dominance. My hands pulled his face to mine. His right hand held my side tightly, guiding me down to a laying position. Both my legs wrapped around his stomach, drawing him closer to me. Dally's left hand rubbed my right thigh gently but firmly. Finally I stopped crying and focused on the task at hand.

With my hands, I ripped his leather jacket and threw it to the ground. He didn't even seem to notice as his mouth moved to my neck. Both my arms entered into his shirt, taking it over his head. I tossed it down with his jacket, this time he noticed. Dally pulled away from my neck and looked at my face. My hands were going up and down his torso as I looked up at him. Dallas glanced down at his naked torso with a quizzical expression.

"You've never done that before." he said surprised with my aggressiveness.

Since the moment I went outside, to the second Dallas showed up at my window; I've been considering something. I've thought about ways I could keep Dallas for the two weeks, but still not see him. I could sneak around, but that wouldn't work out because I will eventually get caught. I could just plain out ignore the rules. Then there is one more thing that I've debated about in my head for hours. Giving myself to Dally. Letting him have me the way I am, a virgin. It would give him the message that I want to be with him still. That I don't want him to cheat on me while I can't be there to occupy his free time. It might not be the most romantic moment of my life, but I want him. I want him to have me. I want him to be my first ever. If things don't work out in these two weeks, than I will never get what I wanted. Dallas would never know how serious about him I really am. And I told him all this.

Every single thought that's run through my mind about the matter, I just threw in his face. He looked at me a little worried, but with lust as well. I took that as a sign that he's wanted me too, but has been respectful. Worried? Maybe because he thought I wouldn't be the one to put it out there. Worried because I've never really mentioned to have sex with him before. As much as I don't want to do this with my three brothers across the hall, I want to do this!

"Are you sure about this? Don't you think you are rushing into things?" he asked me still looking worried.

"I've been thinking about this for a while now. Tonight being the most recent. You deserve it Dal. I deserve it. I don't want to loose you, you're my man." I put my forehead against his, we closed our eyes.

"But you're still hurt. What if I break your ribs or something?" that's what he was worried about.

"We'll just take it slow, okay. I want you to have this." I began to kiss him again, but he pulled away.

"I don't want to hurt you." Dally stood up and walked over to his clothes. He put his shirt on and his jacket. I looked at him horrified.

"What are you doing? Don't you want this as much as me?" I sat on the bed with my legs dangling from the side. Dally sighed and stood in-between my legs, pressing himself against me. It made me hot when I felt the enlargement in his jeans against my thigh.

"You have no idea how much I want it. How much I want you. But you are still injured. Believe me when I say I can't do it while I'm worried I'll puncher your lung with your rib if I break one. I love you too much to risk that." Dally said this without looking away from me.

"Don't leave though. Don't leave me." he nodded as he crushed my head into his chest. Again I pulled his leather jacket off, forcing him to lay down on my bed. I laid on top of him as he put his hand through my thin, short hair. After a while, I sucked on his collar bones without his permission. It was funny because he was trying to squirm away from me, I knew he loved it though. In a quick motion he rolled over on top of me, but hovered so he wouldn't crush me. I pulled away from his collar bones, smiling evilly.

"You are evil. Since I wont do it tonight, you are torturing me."

"Exactly." I said with the same evil smile. He laughed at me.

"You know, another reason is that your brothers are right over there. What if you're noisy and they kill me for your happiness?" he chuckled this.

"Doesn't it bother you that they are right across the hall?"

"At the moment, I don't give a shit who hears me. I just want to give you something that I know will let you know I love you. That I'm dedicated to you only. That I don't want you to fool around when I'm not there."

"I told you before, I would never cheat on you. You are still my girl. I'll sneak in at night. I'll sneak over to the diner during your breaks. I'll do whatever I can to make sure I can see you. Because I need you as much as you need me, even if I don't admit it as often."

"I'll meet you outside my window, every night at midnight. I'll wait for you out there, okay?" he nodded.

"That sounds perfect to me." he smiled at me, kissing my lips.

"I'll ask Johnny to give you notes and stuff. I trust him not to say anything and I trust him not to read them."

"That's a great idea." I smiled at him. "Maybe this will make us closer as a couple. It will prove we do belong together and that we can get through anything." Dally nodded and rolled over on his side. The two of us got more comfortable after that. I laid my head on his chest while he curled me under his arms. We faced each other while we laid side by side. After we kissed and talked some more, we both fell asleep.


	22. A New Day

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

DUDES, sorry for the delay. I'm having a few rough weeks. I'm not sure when I can update again, sorry

-Kathrine

(Language for warning)

_**Keep Moving**_

_A New Day_

"Lucy, get up!" there was a bang on my door. Pony's voice rang out loudly threw my locked door. A little dazed, I looked around. Dallas was no longer in my room, but his jacket was draped over my body. I sat up after Pony banged on my door again.

"Come on, Darry said you work at eight. I have to walk ya down there." Pony said a bit annoyed. I opened my door, he was dressed but looked half asleep.

"Sorry Pone, I'll be ready in a minute. Hey, to make it up to you…I'll buy ya breakfast." Pony rolled his eyes and walked away from my door.

"Whatever." he has gotten so moody lately. God, I hate puberty as much as the next guy but it's taking a serious toll on my little brother. Shutting the door I quickly changed into my uniform. It was as tight as I remembered it to be, I groaned at it. Even with the wrap around my stomach, it hurt to wear the shitty uniform. In the bathroom, I brushed my teeth and hair. It doesn't take much to get ready now since I have little hair to worry about. After putting a white head band into my hair, I left the bathroom. As I grabbed an apple, we both left out the front door.

I was in a hurry because it was already going on eight o'clock. As I chomped on my apple, I tried to swallow it. Calling back to Pony, I kept up my fast speed.

"Lets go slow poke. I thought you were on some kind of track team!" he laughed tiredly to me.

"I haven't been running for about two months now, so I'm out of shape."

"Hey, me too. Maybe we can go on a run sometime." Ponyboy jogged up to me, giving me a weird look.

"What have you done with my sister?"

"I'm just in a good mood. I had a good nights sleep."

"Yeah, I heard." I looked at Pony like I didn't know what he was talking about.

"I heard Dally come through the window. Don't worry I wont tell on you."

"Did you listen to us talk?" I was a little frightened at the fact that my baby brother knows what kind of stuff I get myself into.

"No, I just heard him come in. Then I just went back to sleep." I gave him a look that made him put his hands up in defense.

"Hey, I swear I didn't listen. I promise." I threw my free arm around his shoulders.

"Good, because it would be a very bad thing if you were intruding in on my privacy. I might have to beat you up."

He scoffed at me playfully. "As if."

"I think I could take you."

"I wouldn't want to hurt my only sister." he looked up to the sky like he was thanking God that he only had one.

"The best sister ever invented!" I said pumping my fist in the air. He laughed at me.

"Now this is what I miss."

"What?" he joined with tossing his arm around me.

"I miss the silly moments we have together. We haven't had any since you've been back." I looked at him apologetically.

"Well, how about after work we go bum some money off Darry. The two of us can go see a movie. Just you and me." he smiled at me enthusiastically.

"That would be great. None of the guys like to see movies, so it will be nice to have company that wont talk the entire time." I grinned at him.

"Yeah, than we can get some eats. Your choice." he looked at me suspiciously.

"Why are you being so nice?"

"I'm just in a really good mood and we haven't had time together. Someone else is always there. So it's just a day for you and me. I also understand you need new shoes." I pointed down to his disgusting, dirty sneakers.

"Darry said I have to wait because we are tight with money." I shook my head.

"You need shoes. I will pay for your shoes. Darry is right though, we are still pretty tight. Even with the three of us having a job. I hope the new money Ruth was talking about helps out." Pony shook his head.

"You don't have to pay for my shoes. That's Darry's job." I shook my head as I threw my apple core to the ground.

"No it's not. I pay for food. Clothes. Umm…sometimes medical." he looked at me funny.

"Yep." I nodded yes. "Those pills you take every night, I pay for them. The new shirts Darry bought you the other day, I paid for them. Soda's underwear that he has, I bought. That apple I just ate, I paid for."

"I didn't know you paid for so much."

"I really don't. I only pay for the food some times. Sodapop pays for it normally. Than he and Darry pay for the house. Electrician. Water. Repairs. Pretty much everything. All my money goes towards our essentials. And shoes are definitely necessary."

"Wow. I never thought about this stuff before. I'm sorry you have to work."

"It's no big deal. I was hoping I could still work fulltime because we still need the money. I wanted to save up most of it this summer and only work part time when school comes around. Speaking of which, I guess I'm still a junior. And you're a big old sophomore."

He nodded victoriously. "Hell yeah. Two-bit is a junior too, so don't feel so bad."

"I don't think I would care that much if the circumstances were different."

"What do you mean?"

"I lost my credits for stupid reasons, that's what I mean. I could be a senior if I hadn't run away."

"Well, it's in the past. Everyone's glad you are back, so lets just stick with the now." I nodded to him. Ruffling his hair, I took him under my wing.

"How did you get so smart."

"I'm really not that smart. It's being around people that's dumb what makes me seem smart." he laughed as we approached my work.

"Ohhh!" I said laughing with him. "Not only smart…but a smart ass too."

"You bet!" we laughed as we entered the diner. It was booming with morning customers, just stopping in for a quick breakfast. As I went behind the counter, I noticed Steve and Sodapop at the counter. Ponyboy sat next to them as I went to clock in. when I came back, Lora was there giving an order to the kitchen. She smiled at me, then gave me a hug.

"I'm so glad you are doing alright. How are you feeling. You look great. Did I give you that head band? Both your brothers are here. What's with this no Dallas rules? I've missed you."

"Lora, breathe. I've missed you too." she smiled one last time before throwing a demand at me.

"Get to work, slacker." I did a playful salute.

"Yes, ma'am!" I walked over to two gentle men at the end of the counter. After taking their orders, I gave the ticket to the kitchen. Then I went over to my brother and our friend.

"Morning Louie. We got the morning off to have breakfast here." Steve said with a smile. Just as I was going to say something, the bell to the door rang. Tim and Curly walked in, waving to me as the sat with the other boys.

"Louie Bird. Dally said you were lookin good, he wasn't lyin'!"

"Oh so flattering Timmy." he grinned at me deviously. I high-five Curly.

"Haven't seen you around Curly, where ya been fool?" he laughed at me. I always called him names.

"Avoiding you of course." he said. I put my hands up.

"I didn't want to see ya anyway." all my boys laughed.

"Okay, just so everyone knows; if you order, you pay. Unless you are Ponyboy, because I owe him breakfast." they all groaned at me, even Sodapop."Oh shut up, now what can I get you Pone?" everyone ordered after that, vowing to pay when they were done eating. After a while I took everyone their food that I got orders from. Then I took more orders. And pretty much did the same pattern until the crowd died down. It gave me time to talk to my boys, who were finishing up their huge meals. Just as I was going to say something, the devil herself walked into my diner. Julie Holland and her side kick, Ruth. Now I forgot all about Ruth after I met my Ruth. Julie's Ruth definitely doesn't deserve her name. Anyway, they sat at a booth together; waiting for someone to take their order. She spotted me on her survey of the diner. Why the hell was she on this side of town! Lora walked passed me with hands full of plates.

"Go get that table, will ya?" my eyes got large. The boys turned around to look at what I was looked at. They turned back with the same look on their faces. I felt my mouth go dry as I took out my pad of paper. My purple pen stuck out from behind my ear, which I took a hold of.

"Just go over there and do your job, Luc. Don't talk to her other wise. Ignore her comments." Sodapop told me as I step out from behind the counter. As I walked up to the table, she smiled at me pleasantly.

"I heard that you were here, I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Hi, my name is Lucy. May I take your order." I said just as pleasantly as I could. I stuck to what I normally did, trying to pretend I didn't know her.

"Lucy, I just came here to talk to you." she admitted, still sounding pleasant.

"Julie, I have a job to do. If you aren't going to order something, than I will have to ask you to leave. No loitering." I pointed to the sign on the door, next to the open sign. She frowned at me as I started to walk away. She reached up and grabbed my wrist gently. I turned around quickly.

"I'll have a fruit bowl." she quickly said. "And a water without lemon."

She looked over at Ruth, who quickly picked the first thing she saw on the menu. "I'll have a short stack of blueberry pancakes."

I nodded to them, writing down the order. As I went to walk away again, she grabbed my wrist again. "I really need to talk to you. When is your next break?"

"Julie, what do you want from me?"

"I just need to talk with you. It will only take five minutes." I shook my head.

"That's all your getting from me. My breaks in twenty." I pulled my arm away from her and gave the order to the kitchen. My boys stared at me as I totaled their orders. Once they paid, Tim was the only one to have the guts to say something.

"What did she say to you?"

"She said she wants to talk to me. I'm not sure what about, but it can't be good. She's being all nice to me, so she's gotta want something." I shook my head as I leaned over to talk to them.

"Are you going to listen to her?" I shrugged my shoulders.

"Probably not." the guys laughed.

"Well Steve and I gotta head out." Soda kissed my head as he left, then Steve did the same.

"I LOVE YOU!" they screamed. I screamed back, not caring Lora was right there.

"I LOVE YOU MORE." a few customers laughed at us, but it didn't seem to bother them that we screamed. Then I noticed Pony was still there. "Wait, Soda take Pony home."

Ponyboy followed my twin out the door after a wave to me. I waved back and started to talk with Tim and Curly. We talked about what's been going on lately, which has been nothing much. The order that was Julie's was ready. I took it over there and went to tell Lora I was on break. As I was walking back to her table, Tim stopped me.

"We are headed out to see the gang. I'll be back to take ya home later, what time ya off?"

"Lora, what time am I off now?"

"Three." she answered as she went into the kitchen. I gave the Shepherds hugs before they left, then I headed for Julie's table. I hope this turns out well.


	23. Overreacting

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

DUDES, sorry for the delay. I'm having a few rough weeks. I'm not sure when I can update again, sorry

-Kathrine

(Language, talk of violence for warning)

_**Keep Moving**_

_Overreacting _

When Tim showed up later that day, I stayed close to him. My mind buzzed with the information that I had received from Julie hours before. As we drove down the street, he glanced at me warily.

"Ya okay? You haven't said anything since I've picked ya up." I nodded my head, thinking back to the conversation.

_Flashback_

"_Julie, what is this all about?" she gave me a nervous smile after taking a glance at Ruth._

"_First off, I want to apologize for all that has happened to you in the last year. Not just for what I've said and done to you, but everything. I'm sorry about your parents and your family's hardships. I haven't been the best person ever and I realized that I deserved to get my hair chopped off and get a few hits from you. That's what I always liked about you Lucy, you were never afraid to put me in my place. Even when we were friends you would remind me to be a better person. I'm sorry things went down like that."_

_The girl look genially sincere with everything she said. Her apologies seemed to really mean her words. I raised my eyebrow at her, wondering what the hell she was doing._

"_Just get on with it Jules." I called her Jul for the first time since we had been friends. It was just out of instinct but when I did it, her eyes grew their size._

"_You haven't called me that since…." closing her eyes, she shook her head. I noted that Ruth was staring at me the entire time as I sat next to her. It felt weird and I almost told her to lay off._

"_That's another thing I love about you. Even though so much shit has happened, you always act….like yourself. Like even though we are the best of buddies, you still call me by my old nickname. You're the only one that called me that, ya know? I miss the old days."_

"_Can you please just tell me what you came her to tell me?" I was getting annoyed. This wasn't some reunion of some sort! Even though I have a rule, 'Once a friend of mine, always a friend.'. Even though I wouldn't hang out with Julie, or like her for that matter. I still cared about her in some unconscious way. Same with Rocky. I would never hang with her ever again, but I would still protect her if it was needed. That's just the way I am, even if no one understand it._

"_Okay, sorry. Well, I came to talk to you because you are the only Greaser that I might even remotely trust. No offense." I put my hand up signally I didn't care._

"_But I got kind of scared. As much as I don't care about you or Greasers…I just don't think this is right." she took a bite of her fruit with a shake of her head. _

"_Brain and his friends were talking about jumping some Greasers last night. They didn't go but they are talking about doing it for fun sometime soon. It just freaked me out that they would just go hurt someone without a reason. Just to show how tough they are against the Greasers."_

"_Why are you telling me this? Socials jump Greasers everyday, Jules. They fight because they don't like each other. They scream at each other form across the street just to piss the other one off. That's just the way it is. There is nothing you or I can do about it." I explained to her the way things were. Things neither of us could change that. _

_She bite her lip like she wasn't telling me all the information she wanted to. Her face flushed slightly with nervousness as she took a bit of fruit again. I stared her down, waiting for her to continue._

"_Well, I know that Luc." there she goes with a nickname now. Except everyone calls me that at least once a day, so it doesn't mean that much to me._

"_It's just the way they sounded." Ruth chimed in for the first time. I looked over at her mouse like features. Her tiny nose that pointed at me even though I didn't want it to. The girl's eyes were bug like, really big and green. I looked to Jules then back to Ruth._

"_They sounded like they were going to organize, maybe start a rumble or something. Or just attack without warning. Its really hostile and….scary." out of all the years that I've know Ruth, that is the most I have ever heard her speak._

"_So what do you want me to do about this?"_

"_I just want you to warn all you friends or whatever. I don't really care but I just don't want Brain to become like that. I don't like seeing him like that."_

"_I don't like seeing him at all." I muttered to myself. Ruth burst out laughing because she was the only one to hear me say that. She smiled at me with a creepy mouse grin that she has._

"_I agree." she mumbled while she laughed. Julie looked at us strangely, but ignored her weird friend._

"_I umm…I haven't mentioned this…but I think I should. They were going to go after your brother…what's his name?" she pondered._

"_PONYBOY!" I stood up as she told me this. She shook her head no. _

_Calming down slightly, I sat back down. "Sodapop?"_

"_That's his name." she pointed to me with a bite of fruit. "They said they were going after him and some other guy first. Said that they ran into them the other day and argued over some stuff. Brain seemed really sore about the encounter. I fear for your brother."_

"_Oh you do!" my face became enraged. "If I were you, I would fear for your boyfriend. Because if I ever see him even get near my Twin, I will personally kill him!"_

"_Calm down Lucy." she huffed out to me, looking around to make sure no one was looking._

"_Who was the other guy they were going after first?"_

"_I don't know. They just kept talking about him, but never used a name." I breathe a frustrated sigh._

"_Just warn them okay. Don't tell anyone I was here." I scooted out of the booth while she handed me money for her half eaten fruit and Ruth's pancakes. For a moment she looked at me longingly that left through the door._

I wanted to go find Brian myself, beat the shit out of him. One thing was certain, I had to inform all the gangs. They will let other gangs know. They will let the others know. Greasers have gangs, and very different kinds of personalities…but we all stick together when push comes to shove. That's what we needed to do now, organize like they are. I quickly turned to Tim, really to tell him all about the conversation. But soon declined. As we pulled up to my house, I looked over at him with a serious face. He smirked at me.

"See ya Louie." I stepped out of the car, wondering what to say. I leaned into the open window.

"Tim?" he looked over at me again. "I just wanted to tell you to tell your boys to look out. Socials are fixing to jump whoever they see."

He gave me the same serious look. "I will Louie. Don't go out alone. Don't forget we got your back. Same to your family and the gang." I nodded.

"Thanks for the ride Tim." he drove off after that, not looking back. Tim knew as well as I did that I was serious. He know what when something like this happened, someone got killed. Or arrested. Everyone gets hurt during this time, even adults. Everyone looses something.

As I entered the yard, I stared forward. My fear was seeping in. I wasn't scared for myself. Just for everyone else. And this is such a horrible time too. I got all my switchblades taken away. As I stood in my front yard, Steve came flipping over to me from the front door. When he was in front of me, he smiled. The smile disappeared when he noticed my blank stare.

"What's the matter with ya?" he mumbled to me. I just gave him a hug, because I needed one. Steve surprisingly hugged back, it felt nice.

When I pulled apart, I passed him to move in the house. There was a lot on my mind now, so I wasn't really paying attention to anything. I tripped over Sodapop and Pony wrestling in the living room. Steve entered after me, still confused about my actions. They stopped fighting and looked me over on the ground. Soda was in my face, asking if I was alright. Immediately, I grabbed his head and pulled him into an uncomfortable hug. He pulled me off the ground, and I kept hugging him.

He was going to be jumped if he wasn't careful. If all of us weren't careful. I don't know what I would do if he was hurt. Or anyone else for that matter. I couldn't handle it. Than as I pulled apart, I saw Pony. I gave him a hug as well, he was hesitant to hug back, but he eventually did. When I looked around the room, I saw Johnny on the couch. He looked frightened that he was next, so I waved him over. He hugged me before I hugged him.

I looked at all my boys in the room, I wanted them all to be here. Darry, Two-bit, and Dally were absent. I wanted everyone to be there together so we could be safe together. At that moment I really needed to see Darry.

"I need to see Darry." they looked at me funny.

"What is going on with you Lucy? You were fine earlier. What happened?"

"I…I need to see Darry." I left the room and changed clothes. When I went back out, everyone was still where I left them. They were talking hush like so I couldn't here. I coughed to get there attention.

"We are going to go see Darry. Everyone is going." I told them as I pushed them out the door.

Pony whined. "I don't want to. Johnny doesn't either."

"I want everyone to go." I shoved them into Steve's car. I pointed ahead and yelled at Steve. "Drive!"

He hurried to get the key in the ignition. I looked back at my brother and Johnny in the back seat. He had his arms crossed, he looked upset. Baby Brother doesn't know I'm doing this for his own good. I have to be there to protect them. I looked over at Soda to my right, he eyed me strangely. Shrugging my shoulder, I glanced out the window. We were driving to Darry's work, as planned. Just as we were turning onto another street, Two-bit was walking by himself. He seemed to be enjoying himself with a beer in his hands. I yelled again.

"Stop the car." the car leeched forward as it screeched to a stop. I opened the side door, jumping over Sodapop. Everyone looked at me as I ran up behind Two-bit.

"Two-y!" he turned around with his grin. I quickly gave him a hug, he didn't say anything at first. At first I was just relieved he was alright, but then I wanted to keep him that way. Pulling apart, he started to talk to me.

"Luc! How's it….WOAH!" I practically lifted him as I dragged him over to the car. With a firm grip, I shoved him in the backseat. Everyone looked at me as I entered the front seat.

"Crazy…"

"If you say bitch, you will regret it Keith." I only call him Keith when I really mean business, which isn't often.

We were still stopped at the intersection. "Drive, Steve." again he quickly put it in gear and sped off.

"Lucy, what is your deal? First you hug us to death. Then, you force us to go places." Ponyboy said from the backseat. I mumbled to myself as we drove to Darry's work.

"Are you even listening to me!" he yells.

"I have to protect you guys!" I screamed back. They all looked at me funny, even Steve. I pointed to the road for him to not look at me.

"Pay attention to what you are doing." he quickly did what he was told, once more.

"From what?" Johnny wondered for everyone out loud.

"Everyone else." I gulped as we pulled up to Darry's work sight. He was mixing concrete when I flew out of the car. He saw me and immediately thought something was wrong. Well, there was something wrong, but nothing do major….I guess. He jumped over to me.

"Who's hurt…what's wrong?" he demanded.

"No one yet, I just…I needed to see you." I gave him a long sweaty hug. He didn't really hug back, because he was all dirty. I didn't care though. I just wanted to protect him and save him. Also I needed his protection. His warmth.

"What's going on Lucy?"

"I'm scared Darry." I admitted. "The Socials, they are going to jump whoever they see now. They are coming over to our territory to find people to hurt. People like those five boys in that car over there." I pointed to Steve's car full of five baffled boys. Darry glanced over.

"People like you and me. And Sodapop!" he looked at me funny.

"They want to hurt him Darry. One of them told me. They are going to go waiting for him to be alone! They will hurt him!" I repeated becoming hysterical with myself. Darry shook his head at me.

"We wont let that happen Lucy."

"I know! That's why I need you to come with me now! I need to protect you Darry. And we need to protect them!"

"Lucy, you need to calm down. It's okay, alright?" he looked at me funny.

"No, I need everyone to be safe."

"I know you do." he nodded at me, taking off his work gloves. "I'll be right back. Tell Sodapop, to come here." I ran over to the car while Darry went over to talk to his boss.

"Darry needs to talk to you Soda." I told him. He got out of the car, and I took his place quickly. I bit my nails while I sat there. Watching both of my older brothers very closely. They both walked back over, looking very worried.

"Lucy, me and you are going to go see Ruth." Darry said in a firm voice. Ruth, I don't want to see Ruth. I talked to her and Julie hours ago. I already have all my information, I don't need anymore.

"Lets go. The rest of you guys, go back home. Here." he handed Soda five bucks. "Get everyone a burger for their trouble."

What trouble? They needed to stay with me. I needed to be with them. Darry, is horribly confused. He took me by my wrist and quickly took me over to the truck on the other side of the yard. I hoped into the cab of the truck, confused at why we were going to go see Ruth. I didn't want to see her. Then it clicked in my head. He wasn't talking about Julie's Ruth…he was talking about Ruth Ruth.


	24. Explanations

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

DUDES, sorry for the delay. I'm having a few rough weeks. I'm not sure when I can update again, sorry

-Kathrine

(Language, talk of violence for warning)

_**Keep Moving**_

_Explanations_

"Darry told me why you are here…he said you are hysterical again. He told me what you did to the gang and your brothers as well. Why?" she asked me as I sat on top of her desk, like I do every time I go to her office. She sits below me with a notebook in her lap, writing down my every word. Sometimes she makes me sing my thoughts, its really weird. But It's cool at the same time, I like coming to her office. This time, I wasn't so jazzed about it.

"Ruth….I'm breaking down. I can barely control my own thoughts anymore." I admitted to her quietly. "I can't get off the subject of keeping them safe. After what Julie said earlier, I can't get it off my mind that someone wants to harm my family."

"Why do you think that is?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know?" I looked at her like she was mad, off her rocker! "Ruth…I don't know what to do. A part of me wants to seek out Brain and his buddies and kill them on the spot. The other part of me just wants to hide out with the gang. I want to keep them safe! That's all I want. That's all! But it's so complex…I can't control the need. It's so out of hand."

"I know. I've observed over the last few months your increasing need to protect those around you. It might not of been apparent to anyone, but everything you do has to be in someone else's favor." she leaned forward.

"That's why I wanted to take you away from Dallas for a while." a smirk plastered on my face.

"So what do you suppose I do!" she shook her head.

"I've never seen a case this extreme." I stared down at her. "There are a few things I've considered. Plan A was the rules. We haven't really gotten a feel for them yet because its only the second day you've had them. Plan B is that I completely take you away from that environment." I looked at her horrified.

"What the hell are you talking about? I don't want to be taken away." my recent fear of being abandoned or taken away was rising in my throat. I stood up from my sitting position, standing above her on the desk. She stood up as well, using a calming voice. Her hand was raised up to me as if I would attack her or run.

"Lucy, it wouldn't be permanent. It would be for like a week, and it would be at my house or at girls home or something. I would be there the entire time, teaching you different things to overcome that fear of you thinking everyone will get hurt. Or that abandonment issues was well."

I stared at her funny before sitting down again on the desk. She followed suit, resting the notebook on her lap again. "Or I was thinking about a road trip or something. But I first want to see how the rules go."

"They suck Ruth. I've already broken them once. Why can't we just do the family thing and take away the other rules. I want my blades back. I want my freedom back. I especially want to see Dally when I want to."

"I know you've broken the rules, but that's not the point. I'll discuss the rules with Darry. But they most likely wont change." she pushed a small button on her phone.

I shot my hand out. "Wait!" she looked at me in question.

"What should I do about the Soc thing and wanting to protect everyone?"

"There isn't much you can do but control yourself and act when necessary. Your brothers will be alright and they want to protect you as much as you want to protect them, remember that. I'm afraid there is nothing I can do unless there is proof that they have attacked or are planning to."

"Why do you think I have these dumb fucking issues?"

"Well one, because of your parents death. Pony has the same abandonment fear as you, so I'm thinking their linked. Two, you had a lot of traumatic experiences in the last year." she looked serious and like she knew what she was talking about.

"Am I nuts?"

"No honey. Your just confused and out of place. Its hard to get back to the way you were when you don't even know what to get back to. Don't worry, we'll get you safe again."

"I'm too scared!" I put my head in my hands and shook it. Just as I was going to whine some more, Darry came in.

"The secretary said you wanted to see me." he informed closing the door.

"Yes, I think that these new rules are stressing Lucy out. I also think she needs to face reality."

"Meaning?" Darry said. I could feel him behind me, his hand came up to my back.

"That she can't protect everyone all at once. That she needs to be protected by her brothers just as she wants to protect them. She needs to realize that no one wants to hurt her or abandon her." she paused as I looked up at her.

"Lucy is a very…unique girl. I've come up with a few explanations to explain her rapidly changing personality. Her physical health. Everything that makes her…her pretty much." again she paused.

"Before your parents passed, it is my understanding that Lucy hardly ever talked about her feelings. She kept to herself most of the time when she had problems going on. Is this correct?" I glanced back at Darry, who sat down upon seeing my face.

"Yes, she would always go to her room when she was upset." Ruth stood up and started to go around to the other side of her desk.

"I know that when the passed, it really hit everyone really hard. But since Lucy had no real experience expressing herself like you and your brothers did, her body began to react for her. Not allowing her to talk. Vomiting when she was upset. Uncontrollable crying. Harming herself. It all has to come back to her self before the accident." Darry nodded, he looked like he understood what she was saying. I was listening but I was confused at some points of the conversation.

"She's always been like that. When she would be upset, she would get sick. I remember when she was seven or six, when our grandmother died, she wouldn't speak then either." Darry looked off for a second, before looking back at Ruth. "I don't even know why I didn't think of that before. Mom got her talking in about two days though, but she was younger than."

"It probably didn't hurt that her mother was their either. I think that's why she needs to protect your family so much, because of their death. When your grandmother passed, your mother was there to pick up the pieces for everyone. But when she died, you all had to take care of each other."

"And Lucy thought that she had to be that role of mother for everyone since she was gone." Darry continued, starting to get everything that Ruth was saying.

"Correct." Ruth said with a smile. I turned my body to look at them as they discussed me.

As Ruth leaned against the back of her desk, she explained everything to Darry. She took a breathe before she continued. "From what she was telling me, she was starting to become herself when she started training for gymnastics. Than she got stabbed, a very traumatic experience, causing her to go backwards. This is another reason why she is so protective. Than the social worker situation."

Ruth closed her eyes in attempt to hide that fact that she rolled her eyes. "That seemed to stress her out more than the rest. She made a rash decision because of it." she took the seat next to Darry. "I bet you didn't know this Darry, but she hasn't told me much of anything about the time she spent on the road alone. I've tried to explain to her that it will probably help is she did."

Darry looked over at me. "Why wont you tell her?"

"Because its in the past! I'm disappointed in myself for everything that happened when I was on the road. When I was in New York. I just wasn't thinking right over there."

"What were you thinking right?" I closed my eyes at Ruth's question.

"I started to believe the lies I had to tell people. I forgot who I was. There wasn't a Lucy Lou Curtis…there was only Maggie Lou Patrick…Rouge." I shook my head at them. "I changed and started to believe that's all I could be. Than Dally showed up." I smiled at him.

"It was a reality check, big time. I wasn't just Lucy again….everything that I thought was a lie was really a lie. Every memory was true. My brothers were really my brothers. Dally was really standing in front of me….it scared me a little. I had another freak out after that because I was so confused. Then I went through my parents death all over again because I realized it was all true. I couldn't tell all of you that, no one would understand. And the disappointment…."

I closed my eyes and hit my knee with my fist. "The disappointment of everyone seeing me so weak. My disappointment…how I knew I was week and that I couldn't change that even if I tried. So when I didn't explain myself, my body took over again."

"You've told me about that before, Lucy….but I want to know what happened when you were on the road. What caused you to forget yourself? What happened to confuse you so much? Why do you have three tattoos that you can hardly explain to anyone?"

"Its just more disappointment…I did bad things." that's all they were getting out of me. She sighed at my small detail.

"Okay, well the rules still apply Lucy…" I groaned. Ruth than whispered into Darry's ear, who nodded.

"What did you tell him?"

"Since you don't want to follow the rules, you will be sleeping in Darry's room from now on. " I groaned again. Darry helped me off the desk before we exited the room.

"Don't forget about the family rule!" she yelled after we had closed the door. Darry looked over at me with a strange smile….I tried to smile back. As I threw my arm around his back, he tossed his around my shoulder.

"Sorry for all this shit Brother, I don't mean to be a pain in the ass all the time."

"Your worth it baby girl…" that's all he said before we got to the truck. The way home was a slow ride because of the city traffic. Once we were back in Tulsa, everything was smooth sailing. When we got home, everyone was playing poker. It was only; Ponyboy, Steve, Sodapop, and Johnny. Darry sighed as he entered the house, right before entering the game. I didn't say hi to them, I just went to my room. Once in there, I turned the light on.

On the bed, there was a small note. I jumped at the note right after throwing my door shut. As I unfolded it, I smiled brightly.

_Luc,_

_Johnny dropped this off at your house for me. Tim told me about the encounter with Julie….the bitch. Then he told me about the Soc attacks, I bet it was her that told you about them…huh? I'll keep you safe, Luc. Don't you worry alright. Tim said you looked like you had seen a ghost when you told him about the situation. I wish I could comfort you tonight, but our short meeting will be enough._

_I love you,_

_Dal_

I am sure that Dallas wrote that a few times before settling with that little note. He hates to write, he told me once. Quickly, I searched for a piece of paper. Eventually, I found one in Ponyboy's room…I didn't bother to ask if I could us it. As I sat at his desk, I used his pen to write Dally a not.

_Dal,_

_I got your note…it was…romantic. If you didn't notice, that was very sarcastic. I'm just kidding, I had a rough day…..so your note was the beautiful highlight of it. Thanks for writing it, I know you don't like to write. Anyway, stay clear of Soc, Okay! Don't go looking for a fight! I don't' want you hurt, Okay! Notice that I'm not asking…I'm telling!….I can't meet with you at night now, Ruth is having me sleep in Darry's room until the two weeks thing is over. I miss your touch._

_I love you more,_

_Luc_

I folded the note up and called out to Johnny. He entered my room without a word. I handed him the note, smiling thankfully. He smiled back, knowing what to do with the not.

"Thank Cakes!" he smiled again. I stood up and gave him a hug. We both exited the room. He went back to his game with the guys. I went to make dinner, which didn't take long…I just made leftovers. When everyone was done eating, they left. I was surprised that they did that, maybe Darry told them to scat. I was about to head to bed, but Darry brought out the notebooks. He handed each of us a pen, frowning while he did so. He looked awkward and nervous as he sat down with us.

"So…I guess I'll go first." he commented as we opened up our books.

"This is dumb." commented Ponyboy.

"I agree." I added in as Sodapop smiled across from me.

"I know its stupid, but she wants us to do it." Darry said with a frown.

"Lets get it over with." Soda said.

"Well, I'm doing alright. I'm a little upset that Ruth quit my second job for me, it was a little unexpected. Umm…" he looked so uncomfortable, poor guy. "I'm a little worried about Lucy today too. When you came running up to me, I thought something was really wrong."

I sunk into my chair, feeling embarrassed. Then Ponyboy spoke. "I had a pretty good day. I met a girl earlier." he looked proud of himself. I smiled at him.

"I thought you weren't interested in girls yet." he shook his head."It's not that…just don't know what to do." he admitted, looking at our older brothers for guidance.

"What's her name? What's she look like? How old is she? Does she dig you?" Sodapop said leaning over the table, happy to know his younger brother is finally maturing.

"Her name is Angie. She's got chocolate brown hair and hazel eyes. Umm…she's about Lucy's height. The first thing I noticed about her was her smile." Ponyboy smiled as he looked to each of us while explaining his love interest. "She's fifteen."

"Older women, nice." Sodapop said looking at Darry. Darry just shook his head at both brothers. "I want to meet her."

"I just met her, I don't want to scare her away." we all laughed at Pony's comment.

"Did you ask her on a date or anything?" he shook his head in a yes and no way.

"Well, does going to get a coke at the Dingo count?" I nodded yes with a smile.

"We are going tomorrow, just me and her." he looked off dreamily.

"Aw, that's so cute." I informed the table, who looked at me with their male egotistical eyes.

"Oh I forgot, you don't care." they chuckled at me. "Mom was right, I need some more friends that are girls."

Soda jumped up from the table, looking at us bewildered. "Oh. My, God." he said. "I almost forgot…you got a letter today."

I pointed to my chest. "Me?" he nodded. "From who?"

Sodapop rushed from the room, in search for my letter. " he returned from the kitchen, with it in hand. There was no return address when I fingered the envelope as I held it. I tore it open quickly, I didn't really it out loud."It's from Natalia." I felt shocked that it was from her.

_Dear Lucy,_

_I'm sorry that I have not written you for a while. I regret doing that, especially since I miss you a ton. Rocky told me about the Julie and the fight. She feels sorry about it, but she feels she can't apologize to you. _

I scoffed at the letter. Rocky still doesn't get it.

_I'm sure if you told me the real story, I would understand more. You know how Rocky can exaggerate things. Anyway, I miss you girl! I hope you get this in time, so I don't scare the hell out of you…I'm coming back. Mom can't travel anymore and no one has bought our old house so we are coming back for a while. I can't wait to see how much you've changed…Rocky told me about you leaving too. I'm sorry…I wish I had known. You could of stayed with me and mom._

She put a smiley face at the end of the note, then signed her name. I was a little freaked out, she's coming back. I wonder how she's doing. Good I hope. She didn't give me much information in the letter.

"So what did it say?" Pony asked.

"She said she's coming back for a little while." they smiled at me.

"Good, I think you need a girl friend again….you haven't had any since New York."

"They were not my friends."

"Umm…Sodapop your next." Darry said, quickly changing the subject.

"Okay, well my day was amazing! The boss gave Steve and I the morning off, so we ate breakfast with Pony and the Shepherds at the diner. Then when we got back to work, he gave us the rest of the day off. It was sort of weird, but sooo boss at the same time."

I giggled at my brother, he is silly. "So today rocked!" he pumped his fist in the air for his awesome day. We all chuckled at him.

"Your turn Luc…"

"Well, my day was stressful. Julie and I had an encounter, she told me about the Socials plans to jump Greasers at random now. That's why I freaked out." I explained. "She said that Brain was coming after you, Sodapop. Said he was coming after someone else too, but I don't know who."

"Damn that guy. He's so dumb." Soda said, not fazed by my words.

"What happened?"

"Aw, he was just giving Johnny a hard time…so I told him to stop. Nothing was really said, but he pushed me…so I punched him."

"So now he's out to get you?"

"Well, he tried to get me back…but the gang stepped in. Tim was there, so was Dally. Brian knew him and his buddies couldn't take seven Greasers against his four guys.""You be careful!" I pointed to him."Yes mother…" he joked."I'm serious Sodapop. I don't have my blades anymore, otherwise I would give ya one. And for the record…." I paused. "I would go to jail if you go jumped."

"What do you mean?" Darry asked, scared of the results.

"I would have to kill Brian if he ever hurt you!" my brothers looked at me, a little frightened by my antics. I just shook my head, knowing I would totally to that if they ever jumped Sodapop.


	25. Breaking The Rules One at a Time

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

DUDES, sorry for the delay. I'm having a few rough weeks. I'm not sure when I can update again, sorry

-Kathrine

(Language for warning)

_**Keep Moving**_

_Breaking The Rules One at a Time_

It's been eleven days since I've seen Dallas. Eleven days since I was put under house arrest with the rules from Ruth. It's been ten days since I heard about the Socials plans. They haven't attacked anyone yet, so I pretty much forgot about the ordeal. Everyone is safe, including my brothers which makes me happy. I haven't cried in a few days, the rules thing seems to be working. Our family is closer now that we get together after meals and talk about our shit. It's a release and as much as I don't want to admit it, it helps.

Also, it's been two days since I've gotten the okay to continue with regular life because my ribs are no longer in danger of breaking. Doc said they are still fragile, so they could crack again but they are healing. I snuck out to see the doc at the hospital, they didn't charge me…but I went out alone. When I got home, Darry was very pissed off. He didn't even cool off after I told him where I was, the guy needs to chill out if you ask me.

Today is Thursday, my day off….I'm bored as hell. Ponyboy and Two-bit are sitting on the couch watching TV. They are shirtless because it's so damn hot out today. Darry informed us about two days ago that we wouldn't have the air on during the day. Most of the time its nice out, but today its scorching. I bet we could cook an egg on the sidewalk if we got bored enough.

Since it's so hot, I can barely move. None of us can move, I feel bad for Soda and Darry who have to work in the heat today. When I woke up, I nearly choked because my throat was so dry. For the last two hours, I've been sitting at the dining room table. I'm wearing some old shorts and a bra, it's just too hot to wear anything else. It's one of the bras that I would where when I did gymnastics, so it doesn't really show much. When I walked out of my room in it, no one said anything. I was surprised that Two-bit hadn't made a comment by now. Maybe he understands my pain because I can't take my shirt off like they can.

Ponyboy just got up off the couch, he put his head on the cold table like I have mine. We looked at each other miserably.

"Luc, it's so hot. Can't you call Dar and ask him if we can turn the air on?"

"He would say no buddy. Having the air running all day runs the bill up, we can't afford to have it on all day."

"We could if you were working today." he snapped. I sat up and pointed at him.

"Lora put me off for today. I didn't choose it Ponyboy. I also didn't choose to be put on part time…so don't blame me or anyone else for our finical mishap. We are doin' the best we can." Two-bit turned the TV off and came to sit next to me."I'm sorry…I'm just grumpy cause it's so hot." I nodded.

"Yeah, well so am I." it went quiet, but not an awkward one. Then Two-bit smiled at me, I looked at him from under my arm.

"We should go to the pool today." I smiled at him."That's sound like a great idea." Ponyboy frowned.

"The pool is on the other side of town, what a drag it would be to ride the bus there." we all frowned.

"That's true, I don't have my car today…Ma's got it. I don't have any bus money either."

"We could go to the park and swim in the fountain over there." I stood up and headed for the back door, thinking on my toes. They followed me absentmindedly.

"Two-bit, you're crazy. We could get arrested for doing that…Lucy and I can't afford to get in trouble with the fuzz."

"What are you lookin at Lucy Lou?" Two-bit asked me as I stood in the middle of the hot yard. Looking at the bar that I used months ago, I hoisted myself on top of it. The bar burnt my hands so I quickly put myself into a standing position, balancing myself easily. My eyes scanned all the backyards, looking for a vacant pool. About five houses down, on the other side of the fence there was one. I smiled to myself, remembering who's house that was. It was an old married couple. They worked for a living, so they would most likely not be home. I pointed with my hands.

"I'm looking at that." I jumped down from the bar. This was illegal, but I was hot and bored…it was a spur of the moment kind of thing. As I jumped over our backyard fence I waved to the guys.

"You coming or what?" they looked at me confused. Two-bit seemed to be getting my drift as I hopped over another fence."What are you doing Lucy?" Ponyboy asked, fear in his voice.

"I'm going swimming" Two-bit laughed, jumping over the fence to catch up with me.

"But we'll get in trouble." we ignored him as we walked across our neighbors yard.

"Lucy, I didn't know you had the guts to do something like this." I smiled at Two-bit.

"I have the guts to do anything." we laughed as we looked back at Ponyboy. He was stumbling to catch up with us, we only had two more yards to go through.

"Wait for me." he shouted. As soon as he made it into the yard we were in, we jumped another fence. He grabbed my wrist as I started across the yard with Two-bit."Lucy, I don't want us to get in trouble."

I put my hand on his shoulder. "We wont, don't worry." than I smiled reassuringly at him. "For one, Two-bit and I know what we are doing. Two, I'm really hot and bored. Three, we need to learn to live a little."

I jumped another fence, the boys following suit. As we got to the fifth yard, we hopped over the fence to the pool. I smiled at the water gleaming at me in it's glory. It was a tall pool, so we climbed up the steps to get a better look see. We stood staring down at it, looking longingly at it. The water was so clear, so blue and inviting. I knew for a fact that no one had been in this pool for a while, but I've seen the old man clean it a few times. He cleaned it just for us, well unknowingly cleaned it for us. I was the only one with shoes on, so I tossed them over to the side with my socks. Grinning wildly, I looked over at my companions.

"Well boys, I don't know about you but I didn't come all this way to just look at it." as I finished my sentence, I took a giant leap into the liquid. It surrounded me, I tried not to moan into the water because it felt so good on my skin. It was a deep pool, I touched the bottom on my way in thought. There was a smile on my face as I pushed myself to the surface. It widened when I gave a joyful hoot up to the boys. Two-bit hooted back, jumping in on top of me. Ponyboy was next, after a few glances around the yards. The three of us surfaced, smiling at each other.

I splashed Two-bit for jumping on me, so he slashed back. Ponyboy joined in on our childish antics, we whooped for out good time. Just as we started to calm down, I floated on my back. Ponyboy and Two-bit continued to wrestle in the water as I relaxed. I sighed to myself right before I heard my name being called. When I stood up straight in the water, I looked around telling the boys to shut up. They immediately were quiet, looking around as well. My eyes glanced back at the house, Sodapop on the back porch screaming Pony's name as well. Smiling, I hoisted myself onto the pool deck. With a great breathe, I gave a holler to Sodapop. His eyes averted from our yard to the one we were in. The three of us gave a wave, telling him to join us.

Sodapop smiled and started to jump the fences as we did minutes ago. I screamed over to him."I thought you didn't get off until dinner time?" his smile was constant as he pulled himself over every fence.

"Steve came in for his shift early, offered to take the rest of mine. Said he needed a little extra money for his and Evie's anniversary in a few days. I being the pal that I am, gave it to him. Besides, I was dieing under the cars today…it's too hot for anything." Sodapop was in front of me before I could respond.

"It's not to hot to sneak into someone's backyard to go for a swim." I said with a laughed.

"Two-bit, are you getting my siblings into trouble?" Sodapop asked as he took his work shirt off, throwing over to the side with my shoes. He then began to remove his shoes as well, not taking his eyes off the water.

"Don't look at me. This was Louie's idea…she's the master mind this time…" Two-bit put his hands up to defend himself. Sodapop stood up straight, looking me in the eyes.

"Very daring and random…" he smiled. "That's not like you."

As I smiled back, I answered him. "Well it's never to late to take after Dad."

When I was finished with my sentence, I pushed my twin into the water. He yelped but held the smile on his face. He fell on top of both Pony and Two-bit, who were smiling as well. They looked over at me as they surfaced, I grinned at them. Plugging my nose with my hands, I jumped in again. We splashed around again, happy to have Sodapop here with us.

My arms swam me over to the other side of the pool, trying to catch my breath. They all looked over at me, smiling. "Wanna play chicken?" Pony asked. We all hooted at the idea.

Sodapop came over to him, going under water. He put my legs on his shoulders. He kicked off the bottom, standing us up to face our challengers. Soda pointed to them and looked up at me. "Bring it on, twins against all." he said. I giggled at him, watching them get situated. Pony had his legs hanging from the sides of Two-bit's head, pointing to me."Come on Sis, you can't take this." I laughed.

"Hey Pone, remember that she's your only sister…" Two-bit said with a laugh.

"That's just more of a reason to not go easy on her…I wont loose to a girl." Pony and Two-bit came closer to us, I stuck my hand out to shake his. We shook as I spoke.

"But dear brother, you forget that I'm the chicken champ…." we grinned."That was when Darry was your partner…what ya gonna do without him?" Two-bit said as he shook Sodapop's hand in an awkward way.

"Who needs Darry as a partner when I have my twin…remember Two-bit…we read each other's minds." I made a silly face as I said this, making Sodapop laugh.

"Lets do this." Ponyboy said in his competitive voice. We both locked hands, ready to begin. Sodapop was always the one to count down, three….two…Then Go! He would shout, so we began. We struggled against each other's strength and body weight.

"You're loosing your touch Lucy." Two-bit chuckled from under Ponyboy.

"No I'm not…Ponyboy just gained weight and is going through puberty." I giggled at that. "You can't underestimate a guy's strength when they are going through changes."

"Oh now I remember why you always won…" Ponyboy shouted as I twisted or wrists to try to push him over, it didn't work. "You were always able to distract who ever you were against. It wont work this time Lucy."

I ignored his comment. "You also can't underestimate a teenage girl's strength as well." just than I shoved harder, pushing Pony into the water. Soda and I gave a holler as he let me fall into the water. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, giving me a victory hug.

"Damn Lucy, you still got it." Ponyboy said as he come up from the water. He put his hand across his face, getting the water out of his eyes. Two-bit smiled at us as well, both boys were being good sports.

"Wanna go again?" Two-bit asked, I shook my head.

"Nah, I just want to chill." Sodapop and Ponyboy began to wrestle after that, Two-bit jumped out of the water though. I watched him as he went to the grass, picking up something. When he came back up, he had a lit cigarette in his mouth. He smirked at me as I floated on my back again. Before I knew it, he slid himself back into the water. He was standing next to me, smoking as he looked over my body. I wasn't self conscious of my body, even though it was very lanky but not tall. To me…I looked unnatural like that. I still needed to gain some more weight before I would feel normal again. I also didn't mind him looking me over, because I thought he knew I had all those scars…I was wrong.

His free hand traced the large piece of damaged skin on my stomach. Two-bit's blue eyes looked over to my silver ones, looking at me caringly. Then, he hand traced my shoulder…where I had been stabbed. It moved down to my hands, looking them over as well. Taking both my hands in his, he examined the small scars I had on knuckles and palms….from the broken mirror and hitting the bar that one night. Taking a drag, he went down to my legs noticing where else I had been stabbed. He also looked at my tattoo that was for Mom and Dad. I took the cigarette from him, trying to get him to stop looking at me like that…he was probing me.

"Hey." he said as I placed it in-between my lips. I stopped floating to take a drag.

"Stop looking at me like that." I told him placing the cig back in his lips.

"Like what?" he moved closer to me. Two-bit flicked his cigarette butt to the yard. Both his arm went under me, lifting me brail style. There was that weird feeling again, that I got before when he hugged me. It was strange, still unfamiliar.

"Don't probe me, Two-bit." he leaned into my face, trying to kiss me. For a second, I leaned in as well. But than I realized what I was doing. His eyes were closed, so I sucked some water into my mouth. He leaned closer, but than I spit the water into his face. As he came back to reality, I felt guilty as he let me go. I drifted off into the pool as he shook his head. Two-bit gave me a glare but it seized when he realized that I was already swimming to the edge of the pool. With both hands, I pulled myself to the deck. Walking down the stairs, I grabbed my shoes.

Everyone pocked their head over the side to look at me, even Two-bit.

"What's the matter Lucy?" Sodapop asked as I shoved my socks and shoe on my damp feet. It was difficult but I managed to do so. I didn't even kiss him, but I almost did. I'm a snake…a bitch. I gasped out loud as I thought of something…I'm a whore! Shaking my head, I stood up. Without answering him, I threw myself over the fence. Then I went over the same fence, to go to their front yard. Once on the sidewalk, I started down the street. At first I walked, but then I jogged.

My mind was guilty, so was my body language. I would dare tell anyone what I almost did, but I needed to get it out of my mind. Both my legs sped up to a brisk run, taking me to the person that I really needed to see. As I ran, my we hair flipped in my face. It may have been short, but it was still able to reach my eyes. With my run, I was already passed the park. People looked at me strangely as I went. Who in their right mind would be running in this heat? Why would they be soaking wet, in nothing but shorts and a bra? I didn't care for their judging eyes, so I continued on to Buck's.

I was guilty for almost kissing Two-bit, but now I was guilty for breaking two rules. One, I was out of the house alone. Two, I was on my way to see my man…the one person I really wanted to kiss was just minutes away.


	26. I'm So Dumb

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

DUDES, sorry for the delay. I'm having a few rough weeks. I'm not sure when I can update again, sorry

-Kathrine

THIS IS AN INTENSE CHAPTER! I warned you!

(Language, alcohol, sexual content for warning)

_**Keep Moving**_

_I'm So Dumb_

I leaped across the yard to Buck's place, jumping over garbage and old car parts as I went. My legs brought me to the front door, panting wildly as I knocked on the door. No one came to answer my call, not even a noise was heard from inside the place. With a heavy fist, I banged onto the door with my guilt. Then I heard a hushed but annoyed voice from inside.

"Damn it." it was Buck. He swung the door open, squinting at the sun. This time he didn't smile when he saw me, but he did nod his head slightly. His eyes scanned my half naked, soaking wet body. For a second, I thought he would make a comment…but he must of decided against it.

"Is Dally here?" without a word, Buck waved me inside. He must have had a party last night because the place was filthy, worse than it normally is. Buck and I didn't say anything as I left to go upstairs. In fact, I was to fast for him to say anything. Both my legs dashed up the stairs in pursuit for Dally's room. I didn't wait for an invitation when I was in front of his door, I just charged right in. He was started, sitting up in his bed. For a second I felt bad about scaring him, but I didn't mention it.

He looked me over as I panted in his doorway, slamming the door behind me. We just stared at each other for a second, until he realized I was soaking wet without a shirt on. His eyebrow raised slightly as he lifted himself from the bed. He was shoeless, shirtless, and he was mine. Before he was even halfway to me, I ran towards him. My wet body crashed onto his, throwing my legs around his torso. Both my arms held onto him tightly, hugging him with all my might. Just for a moment, he just stood there…probably confused.

"Why are you wet? And where are your clothes? And I thought we weren't supposed to see each other?" I shook my head.

"I care anymore…I needed to see you." I was shaking slightly, still feeling guilty and nervous.

"Your trembling, are you alright?" he tried to pull my head away from his neck to see my face, but I was holding on to strong. I kissed his trapezoid muscle, than rubbed my face against it.

"Lucy, what's going on? Your freaking the hell out of me." I shook my head again.

"I just really missed you." this is when Dally really hugged me back, putting a hand in my wet, short hair. The other wrapped around my back, touching the other side of me with it's great length. This time I pulled apart, throwing my face into his.

The first kiss was warm but intense. Both my hands ran through his hair as his rand up and down my back. I could feel him walking us back to the bed as I snacked my tongue with his. He smirked into the kiss as he sat down on the bed, me still on his lap as he did so. We pulled apart, panting into each other's faces. The two of us rested our foreheads against one another's. Slowly, I slipped my head along his bringing him into a hug. He rocked us back and forth on the bed, I hummed in his ear.

It wasn't much of a tune that I made, but it was soothing to both our ears. When I thought that nothing could ruin this moment, I felt him drop me onto the bed. I frowned at him for letting me go, as he got up from the bed. He moved across the room to the door, locking it slyly. When he turned to me, he just looked at me. There wasn't much expression in his face, he just watched me. Even though I was still wet, I laid myself onto the bed. I shoved the blankets into a corner where they couldn't bother me.

My legs dangled from the end of the bed while my arms rested above my head. Dally looked me over with a lighthearted smile. He moved over to the bed, slinging his arm across me. Most of his body was laying on me, but my legs still dangled free. My right hand pulled his hair into my face, sucking on his bottom lip. Our faces moved together as one once more, tangling our tongues together again. Using all of my strength, I turned him over on his back. I sat on top of him, brushing the hair from his forehead as I looked down at him. Again we kissed, a lot more intense this time. His hands rubbed up and down my legs, this time touching my butt a few times. Every time he would, I would giggled because I was very ticklish there. I think he was doing it on purpose after that.

It wasn't long before the both of us were excited and panting all over each other. I was so hot, sweating even. I looked at him in the eyes, right before I jumped off him. He turned his body to look at me with his head rested on his hand. Dally gave me a confused look, not expected what I was going to do next. I wasn't really aware of what I was doing, but I did it. I stripped my bra from my torso, tossing it onto the floor. Dally jumped up to me, his hands out away from his body. For a moment, he glanced at my bare breasts but quickly looked to my face. He looked as though he was shocked to see me.

"Why did you do that?" he voice tense as he tried desperately not to look down at my chest.

"Because I wanted to." I wasn't afraid of him, so I moved closer. He was much more hesitant than I was, he even took a few steps back. This just made me want to move closer, to feel his chest against mine. When I pulled him nearer, he let out a nervous breathe.

"It's not like you haven't seen breasts before, Dal." he finally hugged me back, running his hands against my fully bare skin.

"True, but I haven't seen you before like this. It's a little overwhelming." wow, I don't think I've heard him speak like that since we were younger.

"Why?" I looked up at him as he looked down at my chest, pressed against his bare chest. I felt him shiver against me, so I pulled him closer.

"Because you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." his voice was astonished and still nervous.

"Don't be nervous."

"I'm not." he said pulling me onto the bed to lay on him. His eyes shut slightly for a second as I adjusted myself to become comfortable.

"Like I said, I'm overwhelmed." I wanted him, and he was overwhelmed…perfect. This has been the first time someone has ever seen me completely bare, so vulnerable. I was offering myself to him, what was he waiting for? Just when I thought that he wouldn't do anything, he turned me onto my back. He laid on top of me, kissing me furiously. Out of all the kisses I've ever receive from him, this was the most lustful. His hands pulled my legs around him, almost scratching me as he dug his fingers into my skin. His all of a sudden interest made me excited. Unconsciously, my chips grinded against his pelvis. He hissed as I did so, running a hand over my stomach.

I didn't want to wait any longer, I wanted him now. He was going to have me. I was never going to forget this moment. We would be closer than we ever were before. I would loose something, but gain something just as well. With urgent hands, I started to undo his pants. Dallas noticed, looking form him jeans to my face. He looked excited but still very hesitant.

"Are you sure about this?" I nodded with a lustful smile and I unzipped his jeans. Biting my lip, he shook his head at me.

"Lucy, I don't know if you know what your doing. I mean…I think you are too young."

"Dallas!" I looked at him. "What are you really afraid of? You lost your virginity when you were fourteen! I'm sixteen, going on seventeen. I'll be your age in a few weeks."

"I'm afraid of hurting you! I don't want to get on your brothers' bad sides! I don't want you to regret a huge decision like I did! I misused what God gave me, my innocents…I don't want you to feel the same way. I don't want you to be empty or ashamed."

I put my hands on the sides of his face. "You've thought a lot about this."

"Yeah, I've wanted this for a really long time. I mean a REALLY long time…but you are more important than the temptations. There are so many different pros and cons, but it always adds up to me letting you make the decision. So I'm asking you again, are you sure?"

He was right, but I didn't want it. I wanted him. He wanted me. It was time for me to grow up, to become a woman. Maybe, it will make me better. It will give me a reason to move on. It will be new and exciting for me. Dallas will get what he wants. I want this moment to be so much, I hope its all what its cracked up to be. I'm not sure if I'm doing this because I want to anymore. Maybe, I just want to get it over with. Maybe, I just want to have control over something in my life. This feels weird, but I want to do it. So many different things swam through my mind, but only one thing really made sense. 'Are you sure you want to do this?'

"Dal, wanted you to be my first. You deserve it." was that really want I wanted to say, or am I fooling myself. I'm so confused, but I'm already too far gone to go back to the world of virginity…lets get this over with.

"Okay, I'll try to be gentle." those are the last words I really understood after that. In fact, I can't really remember anything passed that. There were lots of noises, but none that really made sense. I do remember the pain, I can't recall anything pleasurable. Maybe a few times, but mostly it hurt. Dallas seemed to be enjoying himself, even though he was worried the entire time. I'm not sure, but I think he asked me if I was okay a few times. There was emptiness, I should of waited…I'm retarded. I want my mom.

After a moment of composure, I decided I wanted to leave. I wanted to do something other than be here, anywhere. Why did I do that? Why did I let him do that to me. He was so gentle though, why would anyone like that? It was horrible, maybe it's just because I'm so knew at it. I thought all of this as I retrieved my clothes thrown to the ground. I put on everything I came in, but also put on a shirt of Dally's. He looked at me worriedly as I gathered myself. I left the room to clean up in the bathroom. In the mirror, I was emotionless. Maybe, I'm just defective…I ruin everything. That's what it must have been, I'm like a jinx. God, I really wish I had Mom with me. She would know what to do. She would tell me the right thing.

Before I knew it, I was tearing up. Quickly, I brushed them away…saving them for later. Exiting the bathroom, I went back to his room. He had his underwear on, still looking at me worriedly. I just…I don't know what to say.

"Are you alright? Are you feeling okay?" he asked quickly.

I nodded. "Yeah…I'm just overwhelmed." just think, before he was overwhelmed…now it's me.

"Are you okay?" he wrapped his arms around my shoulders. I nodded lightly hugging him back.

"I'll be fine, Dal." I pulled away, giving him a small kiss on the lips. "I'm going home though, they are probably worried about me."

"Ya gonna tell them?" I shrugged. "Ya want a ride home? I could get dressed and ask…"

"No, I want some time to think."

"You sure your feeling alright?" I nodded leaving the room. My face felt blank as I went down the stairs. It still felt blank as I passed through the front door. It hurt to walk a little bit. In Buck's yard, I looked back at the house. Dally was standing in his underwear at the front door, watching me leave. His face looked worried and almost scared. He knew what I was thinking, he knows me. I should of listened to him, I wasn't ready. Even if I wanted to try it…and hopefully like it…I would regret it. To many pros and cons, but there seems to be more cons than before. I'm not sure why I feel like this. It wasn't that bad, I'm overreacting. That's what I do, overreact. Maybe, I didn't even let myself enjoy it. I don't know. I need a beer or something, get my mind off this.

The entire walk home was silent. I couldn't hear anything but my rushing thoughts. Most of all were how dumb I am and how much I wish Mom was here. A few times I turned to go see her and Dad, but I decided to just go home. I pushed through the front gate without hesitation. When I walked into the house, everything was going on normally. Why wouldn't it be? Darry was cooking with Soda in the kitchen. Pony and Johnny were on the couch watching TV while Two-bit and Steve arm wrestled at the table. No one took notice of me, which I didn't really notice them either.

As I walked through the house, I could feel how much my face has fallen. There was suck a blank look on my face I bet, so emotionless. I feel dead. But not the same kind of dead I felt when Mom and Dad passed…this is different. This is a…I can't even describe it. Steve and Two-bit watched me as I passed, but I didn't look over at them. Darry glanced at me as I went into the kitchen. Sodapop grinned, happy I was home I expect.

"Where ya been?" Darry asked smoothly."Out." that was probably the wrong answer to give him, but that's all that would come out. I didn't want to think about Dallas. All I wanted was something to drink, and a cigarette. Ponyboy would have some, he always does.

"Out where?" Darry sounded annoyed. "You know you broke the rules, right?"

"Yes, I went for a long walk. Stopped by Bucks for a shirt, than just circled around Tulsa." lie. Lie. Lie.

I didn't wait for his responds, I went to ask Pony for a cigarette. He didn't mind giving me one, until I asked for two. My younger brother gave me a weird look, but didn't ask questions. He knows how it goes when you need a cigarette. I took them from him, going back into the kitchen. I knew there was an old bottle of wine above the fridge. Surprisingly, I could reach it by myself. Also, my brothers didn't seem to notice me retrieving the liquor. Before they did, I went for my room. I was half expecting a lecture or something, but I didn't receive one.

Inside my room, I felt safer. This was just like New York…ah the memories. Drink to get my mind of something. Smoke to settle my nerves. Out from under my bed, I grabbed my lighter. Opening the window, I lit my cigarette. I didn't even bother to get to my bed, I just rolled down the wall to the floor. As I opened the wine, I was surprised to see it was just a screw off top. I wonder who bought this…it's so strong…I thought as I looked at the bottle. Despite the way I felt, I laughed at myself. This wasn't wine, its whisky. It might have been a lot stronger than anything I've ever had, but I didn't care. Usually I took huge swigs, but I sipped on this.

When I was finished with my first cigarette, I began to light the second. In the process, I broke it in half. With a little groan, I threw it out the window from the floor. Just as I did so, I stood up to change. I changed into some new underwear, and shirt. This time I didn't bother with pants or a bra, like I did before. On the floor again, I leaned against the wall of my closet. My feet were resting out side of it while I sat inside the closet. Every few moments when my throat would recover from the burning, I would take another sip. Just to be inflicted again with the burning sensation. I didn't care. Again, I deserve all of this! If I wasn't so rash to do things, I.. have nothing to say for myself.

I feel empty. Disgusting. Horrible. Stupid. Broke. Lost. But most of all, confused. Uncontrollably, I began to cry. This made me his the wall with my fist. Than I hit the floor with the same fist. It made a small sound, but nothing big. Taking another sip, I cried myself into hysterics. Hyperventilating slightly as I did so. This isn't right. I'm not supposed to be like this. That moment wasn't supposed to happen. Nothing is right! I ruin everything. I want my Mom so fucking much right now! I would give up anything just to see her right now.

Mom…I wonder if her moment was like that. I wonder if Dad's was too? Is it like that for all girls? Or for everyone's first time? I wouldn't be able to get the answers to those questions unless I was asking for a death wish. I shook my head as I felt the drunken stupor. It didn't help my situation, but I kept on drinking the bottle. When I got it, it wasn't full. It wasn't even halfway full, I bet it's Dad that we brought over from the old house or something.

Even though I drank it slowly and I hadn't had that much, I was still drunk. Eventually, I put my entire body into the closet. Trying to hide myself from the world…or maybe just from myself. I have no idea what to do! I wanted to scream, but declined the urge. Suddenly, I grinning Ponyboy entered my room. Shit, I forgot to lock my door. First, he looked confused because he didn't see me on my bed. When I choked out from crying, his eyes widened. As he looked at me, my teeth began to chatter together. He looked as though he had seen a ghost. For a moment, he just watched me cry and drink. As I took a swig this time, he exited my room again. My lazy ass didn't want to get up to lock the door, but I wouldn't of gotten the change.

All three of my brothers entered the room, perfect. I just want to be alone. None of them would know what to do with the information floating around in my head. Neither of them would understand my girlish problems. Sodapop, looked just as Ponyboy did…scared. Darry looked upset as he reached in the closet for my whisky. I moved the bottle away from him, but he quickly retrieved it. He handed it to Ponyboy.

"Go spill that in the sink." Ponyboy was gone from sight. Sodapop, entered the closet, sitting next to me. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling my face into his shoulder.

"Darry, she's really trembling here."

"I want Mom." I whined, or more slurred out.

"What happened to her?" Two-bit's voice came through the door, pushing Pony out of the way.

"Two-bit…you, Steve, and Johnny go home." Darry ordered. "Pony, you go with one of them."

"No, I'm staying." Darry grunted at Pony's disobeying ways, but didn't say anything. He crotched down in front of me, examining me. Two-bit was shoved back by Ponyboy, he was out of sight again.

"Lucy, you need to breathe." Darry informed me. I shook my head, trying to pull away from Sodapop.

"I want Mom." I repeated, even though I knew that would never happen. Darry's face paled right before it turned a bright red. He stood up, pointing at me."Mom is dead, Lucy! I'm tired of all of this! You need to get over yourself." Ponyboy reappeared in the doorway, glaring at Darry. Sodapop looked up at his hero with shocked eyes. I wasn't even listening to him, I just wanted to disappear.

"Stop CRYING!" he shouted, throwing his arms in the air.

"Darry, cool it." Soda said in an astonished voice. I finally pulled away from Soda, climbing out of the closet. I grabbed some jeans and shoved my feet through them. Next I put my converse back on, still crying while I did so. They just watched me as I staggered around my room. Without a word, I pushed passed Ponyboy.

"Where are you going now?"

"Away from you. I want Mom. You don't understand. None of you do. None of you would. And I'm trying to get out of your face so I don't stress you out anymore. Don't worry, I'll find a place to stay tonight. You just eat your dinner Darry and get rested up for work tomorrow." everything came out so fast, I had forgot who I had been talking to. When I got outside, Two-bit was sitting on the steps. I passed him as I heard the front door open behind me. My tear filled eyes didn't look back as I stomped and staggered around. The sun was setting, as I walked down the sidewalk. Two-bit came up behind me, trying to get me to look at him.

"Why are you so upset? Was it about earlier? I'm sorry, it was just a spur of the moment thing…I swear. Where did you go? Where are you going? I'm sorry. Lucy look at me please. Do you need anything?"

"I don't know Two-bit. Just leave me alone please." Two-bit shook his head.

"Your brothers would kill me if I left you alone in this neighborhood at night."

"I'm going over to a friends house, please just leave me be Two-bit. I don't want to speak with anyone." he tried to protest, but I shoved him away. He seemed to get the point after that, hesitantly falling back. My feet carried me to someone I might be able to talk to about this. I wasn't sure I was going the right way, but I kept going anyway. Even though it was getting late, I prevailed through the darkness. It was my last hope to try to figure all of this out. This person was the only one I could turn to. She might not want to talk to me because we aren't close or anything but…she might understand. She would definitely understand better than my brothers. Or Dallas. I just hope she doesn't tell Sodapop about all of this the next time they see each other. I just need a female that's my same age…or close to at least.


	27. Time To Face Reality

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

DUDES, sorry for the delay. I'm having a few rough weeks. I'm not sure when I can update again, sorry

-Kathrine

(Language, alcohol for warning)

_**Keep Moving**_

_Time To Face Reality_

Sadly for me, Sandy wasn't home when I got to her house. It was probably a stupid thing to want to talk to her anyway. One, because I didn't like her very much. Two, I didn't trust her one bit. Three, she's my overly protective twin brother's girl. Her father looked at me with judgmental eyes as he answered the door, only to slam it in my face in rejection for my search for Sandy. It didn't matter I suppose. By the time I left her place, I was calmed down most of the way. Now I was thinking rationally. But I still felt horrible as I entered the park with my stolen bottle of wine.

Well more so secretly barrowed from Buck's bar. I knew he would of minded if he knew. Maybe he would have, I don't know. Nor do I care at this point. I just need a good few hours to think about a few things. I need to get over myself, for one. That might be a bit difficult for me because I'm well…me. At least her in the deserted park, I can wallow by myself. It was about time that I realized that I'm fine on my own sometimes. I need to learn that I can't protect everyone all the time. I need to protect myself for once. That's why I had sex. If I was thinking more for my own safety, I wouldn't of been so rash. It's also not Dally's fault, I shouldn't be mad at him. Pretty much all of it is my fault, I should of listened to him.

I'm accepted everything now. I'm no longer a virgin. It's my fault. It was my mistake. I've learned from it. Now that I've gotten passed all that, I just want to loose myself in this half empty bottle of wine. I slide down to the ground, leaning on the fountain in the middle of the park. For a moment, I surveyed the area. No one was out because it was getting late; which meant that I'm a dumb bitch for hanging around in this neighborhood alone in the dark. It didn't matter though. I needed time. That's all that I seem to have now a days…it makes me think of my parents who's time ran out. I can't even remember how many days ago it is now. A small bit of guilt ran through my head, but I pushed it away as I tried to open the bottle of wine.

The fucking bottle wouldn't open when I went to get the quark out. I wanted to chuck it, but that wouldn't do me any good. With a frustrated sigh, I tried to hold onto the small buzz that I had left from the whisky from home. It wasn't must of a buzz to begin with, seeing as though I just cried during the entire thing. I hate crying. I'm don't weeping. I should vow to myself never to let another tear fall from my silver orbs. But that wouldn't do me any good either. Wow…I have no fucking options.

All I have to hold onto in this moment are all my desires. There are quite a lot of them, all most likely to never come true. I want my wine. A cigarette. I want Mom and Dad. My life back. My sanity. I want to turn back time. I want a hug. With a finger on the bottle, I rolled it on the ground back and forth. It made a distracting clanking sound as it would hit the side of the fountain and my fingernail. That was the only sound for a while. Sometimes I would hear a car drive by on the street behind me, that that's about it. Once in a while, I would hear arguing coming from the houses that surrounded the park. Then there would be loud TV's that I could hear from my close distance to the houses. Even with all the distant but loud noises, I only fixated on the sound the bottle made. That was until I heard a different sound, the crunching of grass.

Tiredly, I looked up to see a figure approaching the fountain. The person was hard to make out, only the red glow of a cigarette was visible. They weren't walking fast, so I wasn't very alarmed. I didn't care who it was. They could kill me right now and I would really give a shit. Who would? The figure got closer, passing under a street lamp in his journey. That's when I recognized the figure to be Johnnycakes. He kept walking until he was about seven feet away. I looked back to the clanking wine bottle, he fixated on it too. The best thing about Johnny, is that he is a guy of little words. In situations like this, it's a handy thing to be. I admire him for it sometimes, always level headed…unlike myself.

After a few moments when he didn't move, I looked over to him. We looked gazes, him wearing a wary expression. Even if I want time alone, he was already here…so I beckoned to him with my eyes to sit down. After flicking his cigarette to the ground, he stomped on it walking over to the fountain. He sat above me on the fountain, about three feet away from me. I left the wine bottle alone when he relaxed next to me. Both my legs were brought up to my stomach now as I leaned my head on my knees. It was quiet and I wanted to scold him for walking alone at night, but decided against it since I was doing the same thing.

Johnny is a quiet boy, so I was surprised to hear him talk. I jumped a bit when he did. "You know your brother's are really worried about you."

It was more than a statement than a question. "They've been looking for you since you left." I glanced over at him. "They've been looking at places you might stay for the night…no luck."

I saw a small smirk in the corner of Johnny's mouth, probably proud he found me first. He was silent after that. I'm not quite sure why he told me that because I didn't really do anything for me but make me fell guilty. When I looked away from him, I felt him move. Since he was just in my peripheral vision, I couldn't tell what he was doing. Suddenly I heard a small popping noise, this time I looked. Johnny had opened the bottle of wine and taking a small swig. He isn't a guy who drinks a lot either, so he made a small face. Inwardly I chuckled at my friend. Again he took a small swig, but didn't make the face this time.

He grinned down at me. "You shouldn't be drinking, Lucy." he informed me. This time I chuckled bitterly.

"I'll keep that in mind." I took the bottle from him, taking a large, heavy drink. The liquid ran down my throat quickly. Johnny was moving again in my peripheral, so I glanced over. He had two cigarettes hanging from his lips, pulling out his lighter. Being the cool guy he is, lit the both and handed me one. With a thankful glance, I took it from him. After taking a long drag, I let it sit in my lungs. Exhaling, a large about of gray smoke came out my mouth and nose. Johnny looked at me with surprised eyes as I took another huge drink of wine. I offered him another sip, so he took one. Out of no where, he spoke again.

"So…do you want to talk about it?" inwardly I rolled my eyes. Even though Johnny isn't the one to ask about things ever, he asked!

"You really freak Ponyboy out…he told me what happened in your room." I cringed at that. I don't want the whole world of Tulsa to know that I'm a fucked up bitch! I'm ten different shades of fucked up! Thinking about that, I took a drag. Then another swig after Johnny took another.

"I know I never seem to be interested in…this kind of stuff." he paused. Looking over at me, causing me to look back at him. "But I really care Lucy…I'm just so fucking oblivious." he chuckled.

I looked away from him, not laughing. "I just thought you might want to talk to someone that knows you…but doesn't know you." again he paused. "You know, like someone that you've never talked to about your problems. Someone that wont be judgmental. I ain't the coolest or most popular guy around, but I do know a thinger two about a thinger two."

With a sweet half smile, I took another drag. It was awfully nice for him to offer, he's never offered before. "Cakes…" I looked over at him, staring him in the eyes as I finished my cig. After I flicked it, I looked back to him.

"Have you ever made such a big mistake that you…just can't stand yourself anymore?" he smiled at me reassuringly.

"All the time."

"Yeah well that's how I feel. Self loath ya know…it's like…I'm not even myself when I did it. Like a completely different Lucy showed up. It was like I was back in New York." I said in a slightly slurred speech. It had been a while since I've mentioned New York, even though everyone else mentions it all the time.

"Like what Luc?"

"Like I don't care. So I don't think. So I just do. Then completely mess up everything. So I drink myself into a stupor." he frowned at me.

"What else happened in New York Lucy?" he asked. I shook my head, not getting sucked into his mind games. That's why he never talks, because he can easily influence people…or mostly people that care about him.

"Cakes, I don't want to talk." I said taking another swig. Just as I put my head to my knees again, I heard the crunching of grass again. Looking up, I saw Two-bit and Sodapop walking towards us. I took another drink, putting my head on my knees again. Why can't I just be fucking left alone? There is only one person I would want to talk to right now, and they are dead. Soda's concerned voice broke off my depressing thoughts.

"Lucy? Jesus, do you know how worried we've been about you?" I didn't life my head, but I felt someone site beside me on the ground to my left. He slung his arm around my shoulders, speaking to me softly."Darry didn't mean what he said. He just…" I interrupted him.

"I know." I knew he didn't mean it. After leaving I didn't really give much thought into what Darry had said. I didn't give much thought about what I had said either. It wasn't what was on my mind at that point in time, all I wanted to do was be alone. Obviously, I can't even get that.

Everyone was silent, until Tow-bit made Johnny a good offer. "Hey Johnny, how about we go tell the others she is found." wow, for a dumb guy, he is really perceptive. I think I realize that every time he says something like that. Then I thought about something, taking another swig before hiding my face again. This wouldn't of happened if Two-bit hadn't of tried to kiss me. I wouldn't of broken the rules to see Dallas. I wouldn't have thrown myself at him. We wouldn't of had sex. I would still be a proud virgin. That's what it started with. Or maybe it's karma for breaking into that backyard pool. That's what it is. It always comes back to me being dumb and rash.

"Alright." Johnny said, I felt him stand up next to me. Lightly his foot kicked me, I looked up at him. "Take care of yourself Lucy. We can't always get everything right."

It was a sweet thing to say, but I wish he hadn't said it. Hopefully, Sodapop wouldn't be paying attention when he said that. He wasn't.

"See ya guys." Soda said with a wave. I just took another drink, almost emptying the bottle. The next swig I took was my last. I held the empty bottle as my two friends retreated in the direction the came from. Soda didn't say anything as I played with bottle, occasionally licking the opening on it. The wine tasted good, but it only made me more bitter. Nothing had happened. I hadn't forgotten anything that has happened like I did before when I would drink. I want to forget. With a frustrated grunt, I chucked the empty bottle to my right. It smashed with a loud crash, causing Sodapop to look over in the direction.

I hid myself from him as best I could. He rubbed my opposite shoulder with his thumb, I shuttered away from him. Standing up, I moved over towards the merry-go-round. Sodapop followed close behind, sitting across from me on it. He was behind me though, standing on the top of it like he's always done. I sat on it with one leg tucked to my stomach, the other gently pushing us in a slow circle. After a few minutes, I laid onto my back facing upward at him. He smiled down at me with his famous Sodapop grin. We still twirled in a circle as he sat down by my head, cross-legged.

"So, do you want to talk about it?" I hate being asked that question. Almost as much as I hate answering it.

"No."

"Do you want to at least tell me why you freaked out earlier." I covered my face with my hands, frustrated with everything."I don't know why I did, okay!" I felt his hand land onto my covered face. My voice was muffled under my hands. "I just freak out sometimes. Even though my mind doesn't feel the need to overreact, it does anyway. Everything is…overwhelming! Everything stinks! I hate everything."

Sodapop cooed to me just as Dad would have done. "Aw Lou, that's not true. You don't mean that. You're just tired."

"Of everything!" I finished for him. He chucked, pulling my hands from my face. I held in all my tears best I could, only to get a small amount hover over the edge of my eye lids.

"Lets go home." he told me.

"No." I closed my eyes.

"Why not?"

"Darry needs a break from me. I need a break from life. You should go though. It's getting…"

"There is no way I'm leaving you out here alone." I shrugged.

"Well I guess you're stuck out here, because I don't want to go back."

"Come on now, you can stay in my room tonight." he offered."Sodapop, I just want to loath myself in peace!" I almost shouted now."None of that is allowed." he told me. Even though my eyes were closed, I could feel that he stood up. Suddenly, he lifted me from the merry-go-round. I groaned in protest.

"Put me down." I snorted, trying to struggle but not wanting to hurt my brother.

"Wake up and smell the roses, Lucy. I'm here to help you, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do."

"What the hell are you talking about." he didn't answer, just kept walking. It wasn't until we were out of the park that I quit struggling. I watched his face as he carried me home, it never moved an inch. He had a determined sparkle in his eyes that made me inwardly smile. On the outside, I just fucking was numb. As we entered through the gate and front door, I glanced over at Darry and Pony at the table. They looked up from the conversation they were obviously having. Soda ignored their glances, taking me into the bathroom. He quickly set me down in the tube, I looked up at him confused.

"Time to face reality, Luc." he told me as he turned on the cold shower water. It rained down on me in little needles, causing me to gasp out. My body quickly rushed to get up from the tube, but seized action as Sodapop leaned into my face. He was inches from my face as he spoke again.

"Time to wake up, my dearest sister."


	28. Forth Of July

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

DUDES, sorry for the delay. I'm having a few rough weeks. I'm not sure when I can update again, sorry

-Kathrine

(Language, alcohol for warning)

_**Keep Moving**_

_Forth of July_

"Come one Lucy, you have six more minutes before you beat Darry's time." Steve cheered for me while I held myself from the pole in our back yard. Today was the forth of July, so we were having our normal family games and cook out.

"You can do it, baby girl." Darry yelled for me. He was even cheering against himself. I was holding myself up to beat Darry's time, he had beaten everyone else before that. It was getting more difficult to hold my tiny body up, I had my eyes squeezed shut.

"Three more minutes." Steve called. Ponyboy looking over his shoulder to make sure he was accurate.

"I don't think I can hold on any more." I admitted, feeling my hands twist farther off the bar.

"Let's go Twiny!" Sodapop screams at the top of his lungs. Just as he finished his sentence, I went tumbling to the ground. Everyone groaned at me as I looked up at them.

"You had a minute and thirty-two seconds left." I scoffed at myself, falling to lay my back against the ground. Everyone looked down at me, smiling.

They scattered after a moment as I closed my eyes. It had been a while since the day I had sex with Dallas. Truth be told, I haven't seen him since. Tim said he left out of town, but didn't know where he was going. It really pissed me off that he did that. So much, I went on a rampage through the town. Screaming at anyone who got in my way. Darry was the only one who got me to calm down. He brought me home, telling me he knew this would happen. It wasn't exactly the best inspirational words, but it got me to thinking. Well not really, I just got over myself. Sodapop was right. I needed to wake up… so that's what I did.

Since I've improved, says Ruth, we don't have the rules anymore. Darry still enforces some of them, but not very strictly. We all talk every few days still, only now we don't write everything down. They are healing me, they really are. I don't spend as much time in my room as I used to. I've gained more weight. I'm stronger. I guess I could say having sex for the first time was the best and worst thing I've ever done. It's made me wake up, as Soda would say."Lets go, Luc. It's potato sack time." I opened my eyes to a smiling Ponyboy. He had his hand reaching down to the ground for me. I took it and he hoisted me up with a smile. We slung our arms around each other as we walked over to the far side of the yard. Everyone was jumping into an old potato sack that we've been using for years. I stood next to my younger brother near the fence. Once everyone was in a sack, Darry stood in front of us. It's been a few years that he hasn't been able to fit into a potato sack, but he likes to be referee.

"Up to the lines girls." we slowly hopped over to the makeshift line. "No shoving, punching, or any sort of cheating. First one to the end of the yard wins."

Darry has always been a good sport, always stating the rules. Of course, us being greasers, we cheat anyway. Ponyboy and I shove each other with our elbows as we waited for the go. "Five. Four. Three. GO!" Darry said not really counting.

Immediately, everyone charged forward through the yard. Ponyboy quickly got the lead because he shoved me to the ground. Quickly thinking, I grabbed his sack from the ground. He fell as well, causing Johnny to trip over him. I hurried to get up, to catch up to the rest of them. Two-bit was in the lead, only to get double teamed by Steve and Soda. I hopped faster, but Soda was the first to touch the fence. He through his arms up in victory with a loud holler.

We all cheered for Sodapop as we gathered the potato sacks. When I placed mine in the pile, I smiled at Darry across the yard. He smiled back, waving at me. My sweet smile quickly turned into a devilish one. Darry turned his head to the side in question. As he did, I sent out a battle cry. My legs dashed towards him. His body turned, bracing himself for the impact of my body. I leapt on top of him, but he didn't budge. He playfully tossed me to the ground, sitting on top of me.

"Haven't you learned by now that doing that doesn't benefit you in the least." I smiled at him. He gave me the devilish smirk and began to tickle me.

"NO!" I screamed through my laughter. "Sodapop! Twiny! Save me."

Sodapop screams as I hear him run over from across the yard. "No one does that to my twin sister!" he grabbed Darry around the neck, pulling him away from me. The two of them wrestled around for a few seconds as I sat up. The boys were watching the fight with interested eyes. It isn't every day that Darry joins into the wrestling matches. I cheered for Sodapop, because he saved me from being tickled. The two of them quit after a few minutes of play fighting. Sodapop rolled over to me as I sat giggling at him.

"Thanks for saving me, Soda." he laughed at me as we both got up.

"So what's next?" Two-bit asked. It was getting farther in the day and we have done everything imaginable. Bobbles. Pull up competition. Chin up time competition. Lemonade drinking contest. Bloody knuckles…well I wasn't allowed to play. I was never allowed, it's a tradition Ponyboy laughed in my face. That's pretty much it. We still have the cook out, football game, marshmallow roast, and fireworks. Just as I was going to suggest we play the football game, we heard a call from inside the house."Hello! Anyone home! Curtis!" it was a female's voice. Everyone looked around at each other confused. Just as I was about to move to see who it was, Natalia's face popped outside of the door. Her smile was wide as she saw me. I was ecstatic and overjoyed as I jogged up the steps to hug her. We didn't pull apart for a while, I felt her tears on my shoulder. The hug felt…crowded but I didn't pull away.

"Oh my God…where have you been?" I asked her in a low whisper. After a minute, she pulled me out to see what I've become. I looked her over as well. Her brown eyes were twinkling next to her deep tanned skin. Her dark brown hair was curled into lovely waves. It was than that I noticed the hump on her stomach. I jumped back slightly, holding a shocked expression.

"What the fuck?" I pointed to her pregnant belly. My eyes glanced over at the guys in the yard, openly staring as was I. She giggled at me."Yes, I'm pregnant." I put my hands into my short hair, still staring. She grabbed my arm, pulling me to the yard with her. She wattle over to Darry, who gave her a brotherly hug. He placed his hand over her stomach lovingly.

"Congrats, Nate." he told her. Everyone hugged her after that, not sure how to react to her pregnant self. When she turned back to me, she was still grinning.

"Hey…umm." I stammered looking at everyone. "Why don't you guys go down to the park for the football game. I'll start cooking everything. Natalia, would you like to stay for a while."

"Hell yeah!" she said pumping her fist in the air. My old friend walked over to me, holding my hand. I looked down at our entwined hands, grinning ever so slightly.

"Yeah, that's a good idea." Johnny said running over to grab the ball. They all slowly walked away, as I helped Natalia into the house. I got everything out to make homemade coleslaw. I pulled a chair over for her after turning on the radio. As I chopped up cabbage, I sipped on a beer. She eyed it angrily but smiled when I would looked at her.

"Explanation please." I told her. She frowned with a serious expression. The song Lollipop by the Chordettes was playing in the background. She ignored my question."Later. You look different." she told me.

"You look the same, minus progoness." I said as I continued to thinly cut the cabbage.

"It happened why I go raped." I gasped at her mentioning it, shit I had almost forgotten about that. I wasn't expecting it, my finger slipped. Blood quickly rushed out of my finger, I sliced the tip off. As I quickly as possible, I moved to the sink. I dripped blood all over the tile as I ran over there. The water turned a sickish pink color as I ran my finger under it. Stomping my foot, I hissed at the pain of my finger. Natalia came over, pulling a towel from the second draw she looked in. She wrapped my finger turning off the water.

I held my hand up in the air, wincing at the pain. Our eyes glanced at each other, locking gazes. She frowned deeply at me. We didn't even mention me getting cut as I quickly hugged her. "I'm so sorry Natalia. I should have been there. He…the fucker…I'm sorry."

"I'm over it. After a lot of out of town therapy, I've accepted it." she was quiet as she pulled apart from me. After a moment, she giggled at me."You always manage to hurt yourself." I didn't listen to what she was saying.

"Boy?"

"Girl." she corrected. "I've decided to name her after someone that deserves to have their name carried on." a lump went into my throat.

"Margret." she told me. My mother's name. uncontrollable tears rolled down my cheeks. With my finger all wrapped up, I screamed at the top of my lungs. Even with my finger wrapped up, I through my hands in the air. She giggled at me."Are you serious!" she nodded, so I hugged her again.

"Why are you doin this to me girl?" I asked her.

"Your mother was a great woman. A strong woman. I'm doing it for her, not you." I hugged her tighter. Pulling apart, I did a small happy jig. Tears still spilled down my face as I did so. She grabbed my by the shoulders.

"It's not that big of a deal Lucy." she smiled."It's the best fucking thing that I've heard in the last year!" she took my face in her hands, squeezing my lips together. Natalia would always do this if I was getting out of hand, which I was."You need to chill." she giggled. "Let me see the cut."

Unwrapping the towel, I wiped my eyes of my tears with the opposite hand. The towel was soaked in my finger blood, it wouldn't stop bleeding. We shouldn't of taken the towel off because it was pouring out fast. Her eyes grew big, motioning towards the door.

"I'll go get Darry…you8 need medical help." I grabbed her shirt with my good hand.

"I am the medical help." I said with a chuckle. My feet shuffled out of the kitchen, Natalia in toe. In the bathroom, I looked around for a small tube of liquid wax. It's the weirdest stuff I've ever seen, but it really fucking works. I'm not sure who brought it home, but I used it on Ponyboy's cut arm once. It works for small but deep wounds. Rinsing the cut again, I quickly applied a little bit of liquid wax. It closed the wound, but it stung. Blowing air onto it, my finger relaxed. I held it up to her.

"Good as new." she smiled.

"What is that stuff?" she asked with the smile.

"I have no idea." we giggled as I place a bandage over my finger. In the cabinet, I also pulled out a plastic glove so I could still cook. Slapping the glove to my wrist, I turned the light off in the bathroom. We walked back out to the kitchen, she sat down again. I cleaned up all my blood off the floor and counter. Sighing, I threw all the cabbage in the garbage.

"Mom's coleslaw will have to go a year without being made." Natalia was quiet, but bobbed her head to the song Oh, Pretty Woman by Roy Orbinson. I started to boil noodles as I mixed and melted three different cheeses. Mom's homemade macaroni and cheese was everyone's favorite, it was the biggest part of the meal. As I waited for them to cook, I seasoned ground beef for cheeseburgers.

"You seem different." she said, almost repeating herself.

"I am different. A lot of things have happened in the last year."

"Like what." I explained to her about everything after she left. When I ran away. I told her about my travels, only to hesitate on New York. She asked more about it, but I just told her about the drinking I did. Nothing more then that, even though there was a lot to be said about New York. I told her about the tattoos too. She giggled at me was I showed her each. Then I explained about my emotional breakdown before Dallas came to get me. She understood, it was so easy to talk to her again. I remembered how much I trusted her before she left, she was my best friend.

Then I explained getting sick. Then getting better. Then getting sick again and now here I am. I told her how I've been dating Dallas since I've been back. She asked where he was so I explained that he has been gone for a while. It was a long line to cross, but I think I could tell her about…

"Can you keep a secret, I mean are we still…" I twisted my middle and pointer finger together on my good hand as I looked over at her from the stove. I was mixing the cheeses with the macaroni. Putting it into a casserole bowl, I stuck it into the oven to cook into amazingness. She smiled as I cut up pineapple, bananas, apples, and strawberries for a fruit salad.

"You know you can trust me with anything… I'm here to help you." she said with a smile.

"I mean this came leave your lips ever! This is so big…MASSIVE!" I said clenching my teeth together.

"Whatever it is Lucy, I'm sure it's not that big of a deal."

"It is for me!" I pointed the knife at myself as I moved the fruit to the bowl. I was washing the grapes in the sink before mixing the fruit salad, I added them as I looked at her. "It was a mistake. I've gotten over it, but it's still a big…thing to me."

"What is it? You didn't loose your virginity or anything like that." she commented with a giggled. When my face was serious and unemotional, she quit that shit out. Putting a hand up to her mouth, she gasped."With Dallas." she commented quietly. I nodded with my eyes closed.

"Fuck, Lucy." she said. "You would be the last person I would think to do that at such an early age."

"I know…." I bite my lip. "I can't take it back."

"It's over with." she agreed. My pregnant teenage friend smiled at me evilly.

"How was it?" I cringed."It was stupid." that was what I said as I brought the burgers to be cooked on the small grill. I lit the coals easily, slapping the burgers on there.

"Ya okay?" I nodded as we went back inside. Everything was ready and out of the oven and fridge, except the burgers. My mood quickly recovered as I smiled at Natalia."Hey, Nate." she smiled back. "Flip those burgers in two minutes. I'm going to go jog over to get the smelly boys. She giggled with a nod. I ran out the door towards the lot. Halfway there, I whistled two good fingers. The boy's looked over from their play as I waved to them to come home.

"Dinner is served, boys." I jogged back over to the house, going to the backyard with cheese. When I walked over to the grill, I smiled.

"I forgot all about the hot dogs. Thanks for remembering Nate."

"That's what I'm here for." she said as she turned the burgers. I rolled the hotdogs slightly. As I placed the cheese onto the burgers, I heard the boys barge around in the house. I yelled out to one of them, hoping they would hear me.

"Could someone bring me a plate!" Steve came out with a large plate, holding it as Natalia and I put the food onto it. Natalia and him walked inside was I closed the lid to the grill. Everyone was placing the food onto the table, sweating all over my good food."HEY!" they stopped what they were doing. "Clean everything that sweats before you sit down to eat."

All the boys rushed for the bathroom, even Darry. Natalia and I sat down, waiting. I grabbed my lukewarm beer off the counter before resting into a seat. The boys came in, one by one, looking a lot better then before. Darry was the last to sit down. He pulled his chair close after coming form turning the radio off. Before everyone dug in, I wanted to say a few words.

"I know we don't say grace." I said quietly. "In fact, we haven't said grace since Mom and Dad have passed." everyone smiled weakly at me."I just want to take a moment…" everyone nodded at me.

"I know I could be doing this later at the bonfire, but really…I wanted everyone to understand my words." I've been thinking about this for about three days. Here goes nothing."I know I haven't been…myself. But I'm getting better. The reason why I'm getting better is because of all of you. Each of you." I trailed off with a nervous gulp. I felt Sodapop put his hand on top of mine on the table. Smiling I continued. "I just want to thank you guys. You saved my life."

"You've saved ours." Natalia said sincerely.

"I just want to say a prayer." I admitted. Everyone bowed there heads in respect.

My eyes were getting watery, but I looked up to God for a minute. "God. I haven't talked to you since before my parents died. I blamed you for what happened to them. I blamed you for what was happening to me and my family. But really I shouldn't have. I'm sorry…" I trialed off again but continued. "I want to thank you for Natalia. You're giving her a healthy child to bring into this world. I know she will do a good job raising…Margret."

Everyone opened their eyes to glance at Natalia, who didn't noticed they looked to her. When everyone closed their eyes, I continued. "I want to thank you for Johnnycakes. He's a good buddy to have, better than most. He understands me, even if he doesn't say it much." I smiled sweetly at him.

"Thank you for Steve. He's like my twin's twin." they laughed at that. "I love how he's gentle…but tough. Don't let him forget how much he's loved by me." he smiled at me smugly, not liking being called gentle. Sticking my tongue out, I continued.

"God, thanks for Two-bit…even though he is the most random person I've ever met, I love his humor. He's one guy that can always make me smile, despite my situation."

"Ponyboy!" I said loudly, making everyone chuckle. "Thank you for keeping him safe. I don't know what I would do without my favorite little brother."

"Sodapop…There's not much I can say…because there is too much to say…except I love him more than life." he smiled.

"Thank you for Darry…" I looked at him. "He's my hero." Darry's eyes shot open but I waved him to close them, he obeyed.

"As much as I am reluctant to say. Thank you God, for Dallas. Keep him safe wherever he may be." I scoffed slight but quickly gained my mood.

"Tell my parents we love them and miss them." I went quiet, causing everyone to look at me. "I don't blame you anymore. I'm free now, God. And right now, I want to thank you for the family I do have left. Please help me protect them. Amen." Sodapop rubbed my hand with his thumb.

"That was beautiful Luc." Darry told me. Two-bit added."And long…can we eat!" we laughed at him as we began to serve ourselves. I thanked God one last time before digging into my food.


	29. Forgiveness

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

DUDES, sorry for the delay. I'm having a few rough weeks. I'm not sure when I can update again, sorry

-Kathrine

(Language, alcohol for warning)

_**Keep Moving**_

_Forgiveness_

"I hate marshmallows." Steve commented as I was carrying everything to the backyard. Everyone was sitting around the large fire that Darry and Two-bit constructed with firewood that Two-bit stole earlier. When I asked how the hell he stole it, he just shrugged and told me not to worry about it. Of course I scolded him for doing something so dumb, but I was grateful that we had what we did. I handed Steve the small container with three large brownies in it. He looked at me strangely in question."I know you don't like marshmallows, that's why I made you brownies yesterday." he smiled at me grateful.

"Thanks, Lou. You're mother would always make me something…" he trailed off.

"Well… don't worry about it." I handed everyone a roasting stick with mallows on the end. We all roasted and stuffed our faces with the sweet, warm, gooey goodness. Even though I was with family and friends, especially Natalia, I was uncomfortable. Evie and Sandy showed up for the mallow roast and fireworks, which bothered me…a lot. I don't like either of them, at all. There they were, leaning on Steve and Sodapop…not noticing my vicious glare. Natalia would catch me and elbow me before anyone would notice, which I was thankful for. Whenever I would get the urge to glare, I would grabbed my mother's necklace tightly for a distraction.

Every year we would throw something into the fire that was a big impact in our lives. Whether it was something we didn't want or something we needed to get passed, Dad was the one who started it. I was surprised when I was talking to Natalia about it, she remembered the tradition. We were about to begin when I heard the conversation Evie and Steve were having. He was explaining to her what was about to happen. She scoffed and said quietly to her boyfriend.

"That's dumb." I stood up and glared her down. Steve glared over at me because I was giving his girl the stink eye.

"What the hell did you just say?" I hissed, the only one that noticed that I was so hostile was Steve, Evie, and Natalia. She stood up and put a hand on my shoulder."I said it was dumb." now I glared at Steve.

"Why the fuck is she here? She thinks it's dumb…get her the hell away from me."

"Lucy, she's here because I want her to be. She can have an opinion."

"Sure she can, but when it's insulting my father's tradition, she can piss off." I pointed to her then the other direction. Now everyone was zoning in onto the conversation.I scoffed. "Never mind. Neither of you would understand the significance of it." my breathing picked up, I felt nauseous. This bitch didn't know what she was talking about. She was ruining my good time. Without a word, I went inside before I kicked her face into her scull. When I was in the kitchen, I leaned on the counter. After a moment of heavy breathing, I searched in the fridge for a beer. I retrieved the last one from the bottle shelf and popped the top off. Taking a large swig, I gasped as I leaned against the counter.

She had no right to insult my father like that. I tired to stay calm, fiddling with the beer in my hands. I wanted to throw something. Beat her up. Hug my dad. Look into his eyes. See him the way he was. Tears filled my eyes as I felt someone come in the side door, behind me. Turning, Natalia came up to me.

"Can I beat her up now?" I said in a shaky voice.

"Sorry Lou, but I don't think that would be the best thing to do." she wiped my cheeks with the palms of her hands."Come back outside."

"Yeah." she pulled me as slung my arm around her shoulders, my beer in hand. The group ignored my return as I sat far away from Evie and Steve as possible. Since Evie was in a chair, I sat next to her so that her body was blocking the bitch from my view. Darry gave me a scolding expression as I took a sip of beer, but I ignored him."Lets get this started." Sodapop said with a big smile. He pointed to himself as he stood up. "I'll go first."

From his pocket, he pulled out a pair of underwear. It was girls lace underwear, I almost gagged. Sandy's face was turning crimson as he held them out for everyone to see. As everyone whistled, he tossed them into the fire. With a grinning face he put his arms out. "Nuff said." everyone chuckled as he walked over to Sandy. He gave her a long kiss and everyone cheered and whistled. Natalia clapped and looked over at me, I was still bothered by the incident with Evie. She frowned but looked back at the crowd.

Two-bit stood up next. Fishing into his pocket, he laughed as he did so. I smiled at him, curious about what he was going to toss into the inferno. He held out a pack of cigarettes. "I'm quitting." he said. This time, I did cheer happily I was proud of him. I heard Ponyboy and Johnny groan about him wasting what was in the pack as Two-bit tossed it in. I clapped for him like everyone else did. His eyes glanced over at me though, not returning to his spot. He jumped over the fire and sat on the ground next to me. I patted his shoulder."I'm proud of you Two-y." he smiled, pulling an arm around me. He stole my beer and chugged the rest of it. Natalia stood up with a little bit of effort. She waddled over to the porch and pulled out a bag. Inside there was a long sleeve shirt.

"This shirt was my Dad's. I've accepted in the last nine months of my life, that he is never coming back. I will never forgive him for leaving, but at least I've realized the truth." I cheered loudly for her as she chucked the shirt into the fire. I pattered her knee as she sat down. Smiling, she looked at me and Two-bit. Ponyboy was next. He picked up a rose from the ground beside him. He held a slight frown but it was more of a determined one than sad.

"I never talked about Angie, the girl that I went out with…she dumped me, saying she couldn't date a younger guy." aw! Poor guy! "Well, the day we broke it off…I was going to give her this rose. But I just kept it because we weren't together anymore. She wasn't a real girlfriend, but still…" he trailed off. He threw the half dead rose into the fire, sitting back down next to Johnny.

"That a boy Pone!" Tow-bit yelled as we all clapped. Steve was next, I didn't care. I laid my head onto Natalia's leg absentmindedly.

"This is Pop's hat." he said throwing it in. "I've decided that as soon as I turn eighteen, I'm movin' out for good." everyone cheered, I only clapped lightly. When I looked over at Evie, she looked bored as hell. I wanted to tell her to go the fuck home, but I knew I couldn't. I decided to check on what Sandy was doing. She looked amused, but was more into Sodapop than anything…which was alright…I guess. Johnny was next, so I paid attention to tossed in a picture after looking at it and fingering the edges. When everyone waited for an explanation, he just sat down. Everyone slowly clapped but I cheered loudly for my buddy. "Woo! Go Cakes!" he smiled at me as I stood up, it was my turn.

The stacks of my notebooks rested behind Natalia's chair. Picking them up, I held the up to show everyone. "These are the notebooks that I've been writing in since Mom and Dad died. The other one I had is probably still in the trash can at that chick's apartment I was staying at. I also have these." I pulled out the letters I wrote to my brothers.

"I know I shouldn't of snooped around for them in your rooms, but I didn't want them to exist anymore." I tossed the papers and the notebooks into the fire. Everyone clapped and cheered.

"I wanted to keep those letters." Sodapop said with a frown from across the camp fire. I just shook my head.

"Should of hid them better." Two-bit laughed as I sat down next to him again. This time Darry stood from his chair next to Sodapop.

"I'm not gonna say what I'm getting rid of." his face was serious without emotion. "All I'll say is that there is more than one thing in this bag." he held up an old backpack right before throwing it into the fire.

Everyone cheered for his break through, whatever it might have been. It was conversations all around after that. By this time I had forgotten about Evie's presences, until she was pulling Steve away. They were in the corner of the yard, she was trying to leave with him. He would pull back ever so slightly. I was the first to notice them arguing, but everyone soon followed suit. They didn't know we were watching because they kept at it."Lets go…it's getting boring around here." she whined.

"I don't want to go yet Evie, we haven't even gone to see the fireworks yet."

"But I don't want to watch fireworks, I want to be with you…alone." she said suggestively pulling on his arm. He ripped his arm away."What is your problem? These are my friends, we have traditions that we need to stick to. I'm not leaving until I see me some fireworks." he said motioning to himself.

"You would rather be with this scum than with me?" she hollered. "Well, fine! Go BE with them!"

I felt my breath get stuck in my throat as she threw her hand back to slap him. In a quick motion, she hit him across the face. My blood ran to my face as I angrily jumped up from the ground. Two-bit tried to grab at me, but I shove his hand away. Natalia called for me to sit back down, but I didn't listen. All I could hear was the sound of her hand impacting with his skin, over and over again in my head. My feet dashed towards her, ready to hit her upside the head. No one hurt my friends and get away with it. I don't care who you are! As I charged towards her, I was ready to tackle her. Steve was quick reacting and grabbed me around the hips.

I tried desperately to get to her and show her why no one should mess with my family. Steve had me in a tight grip as I leaped forward. Just as I was about to break through his hold, she swung back and slapped me. It made me slightly dizzy as my cheek throbbed, but I kept trying to get at her. Steve yelled as I felt another pair of arms hold me down.

"Evie, get the hell out of here! We'll talk about this later." the immature bitch stomped her little foot as she left around the side of the house. She disappeared into the darkness, followed by Sandy. She was trotting behind her friend, out of my sight. I screamed after them."Don't you ever fucking hit Steve again! If I hear about it, you're fucking dead!" I cursed loudly as I stopped my struggle. Turning around, I took Steve's face in my hands. I moved it into the light of the porch to get a better look. As I inspected his damage, Sodapop stood next to me. Muttering to myself, I rubbed his cheek."Bitch better….fucking…she doesn't know….I should have just…I hate that little…" Steve swiped my hand away.

"Would you stop being so damn over protective of me!" I was taken aback by his comment.

"I'm just trying to…"

"Well, don't try to!" looked over a the group as he said it in a much quieter voice.

"Umm…" Sodapop said putting a hand on each of our shoulders. "Let's just go to the park to see the fireworks."

Without a word from either me or Steve, we all left for the park after Darry put the fire out. Everyone talked and played around, but I had to much on my mind. Why couldn't he just let me get her back for him? All it would take would have been one swing! They have such a destructive relationship. I just want to keep everyone safe. Speaking of keeping everyone safe, I miss Dallas. Really I don't blame him for leaving, but I still miss him. I feel like a bitch for doing that. Maybe when he gets back, I'll give him….

"Ya okay Luc?" Natalia asked as we entered the park.

"Oh yeah, just got a lot on my mind." she linked arms with me."I've missed you." she told me."I've missed you. It wasn't the same without my best friend. How long are you staying for?"

"Well, I've somewhat talked Mom into staying here. If we can buy a house or an apartment…that would be great!" I gave her a sideways hug.

"That's great." she smiled at me as we heard gathered around the park. The neighborhood was all there to see the yearly fireworks in the park. There was so much some from cigarettes, I thought the dark sky was permanently painted dark gray. I took Natalia's hand.

"Let's get you out of the cigarette smoke." I brought her over to a bench far away from the crowd. Just as she was about to start a nice conversation with me when we heard a familiar voice."Natalia! What the hell! I thought you were out of town still!" Rocky screamed as she ran towards us. Natalia stood up with a little help from myself. The two of them hugged, quickly pulling apart. Rocky put her ringed fingers onto Natalia's belly.

"Oh my God, you are getting so big." she leaned forward to talk to the baby into her stomach. "Hi, it's Aunty Rocky here."

As she stood up straight, I stood up. "Hey Luc…"

"Hey Rock." I said without a smile."Oh come on and make up…people make mistakes." Natalia told us.

"I'm sorry about…everything."

"You should be…" I told her sticking out my hand to took my hand and shook it pulling me into a hug. I didn't hug back. When she pulled apart to look at me, I didn't smile. "We make peace Rock. I care about you but I don't want to be your friend." she frowned.

"Understandable." we three stood very awkwardly.

"Well, I'll give you guys some time to catch up. Natalia, I'll be over here if ya need me." I started to walk away from them, I sat alone on one of the swings. This night was taking forever! Lets get the fireworks started! I thought.

I closed my eyes as I swung myself with my legs, only slightly. My body leaned against the chain to my right. As I listened to the growing crowd, I rested my head onto my hand on the chain. It was relaxing to sit like this, I could almost fall asleep. Just when I started to doze off, I felt someone's hands sneak around my neck from behind. I jumped up from the swing, turning to see the person who did so. Dally was smirking at me with a cigarette in his mouth. A wide smile spread across my face. With an impatient hand, I whacked the swing out of my way. Two small fingers laced around his cigarette. Smiling, I flicked his half smoked cigarette away.

We both wrapped our arms around each other. Our lips connected into a very passionate and gentle kiss. My hands tangled into his hair, pulling him closer. When we pulled apart, I kissed his chin."I've missed you." I told him. "Where did you go?"

He ignored my question. "I'm sorry about leaving right after we…" his voice was cut off by the first firework. Everyone in the park turned towards the sky, including us. My back rested against his body as his arms hugged my shoulders. Both my little hands held onto his arms, rubbing them side to side. We watched the fireworks in awe as everyone else did. I leaned my head back and used my toes to kiss the bottom of his chin. In return, he kissed my forehead."Don't worry about it, Babe. I overreacted. I was just overwhelmed with everything. I'm the one who is sorry."

"It doesn't matter. I still love you."

"I love you too." I said as we both watched the fireworks while enjoying each other's love.


	30. The Beginning of the End

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

This is the last chapter for Keep Moving. I'm thinking about a sequel for this story. I'm pretty sure there will be one in the future but I don't want to do one if I'm wasting my time. If people are still reading my stories I would really like to know. I'm sorry for not updating often but I have reasons so please let me know if you want another story from me. Thank you and have a nice day.

-Kathrine

(Language, violence for warning)

_**Keep Moving**_

_The Beginning of the End_

Peace. Serenity. Concentration. Focus. Mind. Thinking. Love. Remember. As I sit on a perch of a complete state of mind, I remember. That's what I needed to do. I needed to think. To focus all my mind power on the important information bubbling to the surface of my brain. It helps with the cool night air running down my spine. Calming me with it's peace and serenity. For the last hour and forty-two minutes, I've been going over the same numbers in my head. They always come up with the same conclusion, three hundred and thirty-three. In my head I calculate again and again. Three hundred and thirty-three.

One single tear ran down my face as I sat in the cool summer air. I couldn't sleep tonight, I was unable. After a while of laying in bed, I decided to get some air. I've been sitting on the front porch railing for at least two hours now. At first I was just enjoying the perfect night. Staring up at the stars. Wonder about the moon and how far away it really was from my world. Or who else was looking at that same moon as I was right now. But than I wondered if my parents could see the moon from where they were, wherever that might be. It got me to thinking about how long ago it had been since they died. After that, I couldn't stop calculating in my mind. It's been three hundred and thirty-three days. Today is Monday, July sixteenth around two in the morning.

THREE HUNDRED AND THIRTY THREE DAYS! It made me feel guilty for loosing count a few months ago. I'm not sure what my problem was but now I know and I can't believe how long it's been. It was giving me an weary but nostalgic feeling. The atmosphere for such feelings were perfect, yet so imperfect all the same. Prefect for thinking but imperfect because I didn't want nor need to think about those things. On the railing, I pulled my knees up to meet my stomach. Just as I was about to begin to sob my worries into my arm, I heard a voice from below me.

"Lucy, what the hell ya doin out here?" glancing my tired, wet eyes to the ground I tried to make out who was standing below me. Squinting slightly, I could tell that it was Steve. Him and I haven't had the best relationship since the forth of July thing but we've improved daily. I try not to hover over him and the boys, so I mostly avoid them when I feel overprotective…which is a lot of the time.

"Couldn't sleep." I answered sucking in my tears that wish to fall down my face. Steve went around to the stairs and propped his butt onto the railing with me. He was facing the house while I had an outlook on the night sky. From beside me he lit two cigarettes, offering me one. Reluctantly, I took it. The first drag was painless to my throat as I huffed it into my lungs. It calmed my body just as well as the breeze did. We were silent, Steve knew something was wrong though. He leaned to the side of the pillar, slightly away from me. From the corner of my eye I could see him glance my way every few seconds. Thinking of something to say probably.

Instead of paying attention to him, I hummed a tune. One that I knew would calm me down despite where it came from. Bridge Over Troubled Waters by Simon and Garfunkel is what I hummed. It was my song that Mom would hum to me when I was upset, it calmed me even more. Closing my eyes slightly, I leaned my head back. Suddenly, I threw the half smoke cigarette n the ground and huffed back some air. My lungs and throat vibrated with my singing words. I didn't care that I might wake up the other's from inside, but I doubt I would anyway. I started from the middle of the song, not caring that Steve was probably surprised that I began to sing.

"I'm on your side. When times get rough and friends just can't be found. Like a bridge, over troubled water. I will lay me down, like a bridge over troubled water. I will lay me down. When you're down and out. When you're on the street. When evening falls so hard. I will comfort you." tears fell down my hot face while I sang. When I finished that one part, I opened my eyes to look at Steve. His eyes were big with recognition for the song.

"That was beautiful, Luc." he complemented. I just slightly nodded my head, wrapping my arms around my knees again. For a good five minutes, it was silent again. I racked my brain for the song that she would sing to Steve, maybe he would remember.

"Do you remember your song?" I asked.

"No. I used to think about it a lot but I tried to block out the memories at first. Now I wish I would of remembered it. I feel bad for forgetting." Steve looked sheepish before I turned away from him.

"I'll remember it for you." I promised. He didn't say anything, but he did move closer to me.

"Why don't we go inside. You need some sleep."

"It wouldn't do any good Steve. You go ahead and sleep on the couch."

"Don't want to leave a sitting here alone while your…" he trailed off. I huffed a chuckle through my tears.

"I would prefer to be alone. Go sleep." I told him with a pat on the shoulder.

"If Darry finds out about you being out here alone, crying, in the middle of the night…he will kill you and me." I shook my head.

"I don't care. I can't sleep. Obviously you couldn't either, why'd ya decide to come over here?" I changed the subject, still crying slightly.

"Ah shoot…I was wonder when you would ask that." he chuckled but not in a comical way. "Me and my old man got into a fight earlier so I went over to Evie's and then the two of us fought so now I'm here…" he looked away from me.

"I wont argue with you." I said with a wet smile.

"I'm glad I got you Lucy Lou." he told me getting off railing. "How long ya gonna be out here?"

"The rest of the night probably." I commented as I leaned my cheek on my knees.

Steve wrapped his arms around me from behind. "I don't know why you're upset and even if I did I wouldn't know what to say to ya so here." he squeezed tightly to reassure me everything was going to be jus fine.

"Thanks Stevie." when he pulled away from me I heard him open the doors and go inside. Once I was alone again, I cried harder.

It felt good to cry again. Sure I did it a lot but this was a good cry. It wasn't over something horrible, it was just that I missed my parents. It's bad but it isn't painful, not as much as actually loosing them I suppose. I must of spent another two hours crying before I calmed down. A lot of time passed before the sun began to rise. I couldn't see it because it was behind the house, but it was nice to see the light. It gave me the energy to sing, which I did. I continued on with my song. The song that Mom loved to sing to me. Over and over again I would recite the lyrics with it's tune. Before I knew it, Darry, Sodapop, and a tired looking Steve shuffled out of the house.

Steve passed by me with a smiled as he went to the truck but my brothers lingered. Darry moved closer to me as I continued my song. He smiled brightly at me, rubbing my back.

"Morning baby girl." I leaned into his palm as I continued to sing. Both my brothers listened to the song, both watching happily. I closed my eyes as I let it all out in my voice. Once the song was silence with the end, all was quiet. It was quiet with a peaceful silence that was broken by Sodapop.

"That was rockin Luc, I love it when ya sing." I leaned back into Darry and opened my eyes. He whispered to me.

"Me too." I smiled at him tiredly. "Whatcha doin out here so early?" he asked.

"Enjoying the morning." I glanced at Steve, daring him to correct me. He just munched on a piece of toast and smiled at me.

"Ya work today?" Darry asked next. I shook my head.

"Ya okay?"

"Fine, Dar." he shook his head.

"No, something's up…I know it."

"Just got a lot on my mind."

"Well stop thinking about it." Soda told me as he joined Steve by the truck. "Lets get goin Dar, we're gonna be late."

"What's on your mind?" he investigated, ignoring Soda.

"Mom and Dad." I admitted.

"Oh." he commented.

"Three hundred and thirty-three days." he nodded, leaving me to mope on the porch.

"Don't be alone all day, go do something with Pony." he ordered.

"Sure. Sure." I commented with a small wave. Once they left for work, I stared at the spot that Dad's car should have been, not Darry's truck. It made me frown. I imagined that I was there, in it's glory. A light blue color that my mother would always complement with her sun dresses. Perhaps I stared and imagined for too long because the next thing I was that the car was smashed at the sides. One side crushed into the other, killing whoever was inside…my parents. I fell backwards with a yelp as I lost my balance and impacted with the floor. My head throbbed as I now stared to the ceiling of the porch. My legs fell to the side of be while my back lay flat. This position wasn't comfortable but I made no move to get up. I was a zombie today…I realized three hundred and thirty-three was a horrible number. I'm not sure what to do. A worried face came into my view, I closed my eyes.

"I heard you fall." Ponyboy said with tired in his voice.

"Sorry if I woke you."

"No, I was coming out of the bathroom. You've got a hard head. Why don't we have some breakfast." I opened my eyes to see that he crouched down next to me with a smile now.

"I don't feel like breakfast." I admitted.

"Umm…well I'll make it if you want." he brushed my bangs out of my face. I looked over at him. "We could search for a movie or something."

"Ponyboy, you're very sweet but I'm not in the mood for anything today babe." he frowned.

"I heard Darry tell you to not be alone today." I frowned this time."Great." I said sarcastically.

"Oh don't be that way. Why don't you go see Dallas today or something?"

"Yeah sure…." I said chuckling to myself. "If he comes to pick me off the ground because I don't feel like moving."

"I'll pick you up." Ponyboy said determined. He leaned down cupping my legs in one hand and my shoulders in the other. Hysterically I began to laugh.

"Ponyboy, you can't carry me any farther than I can carry myself." which obviously isn't that far. Surprisingly, he got me off the ground. He held me up, I felt tall in his arms but he just stood there.

"Nice job Pone, now what…" he huffed out a heavy breathe.

"Can't….move." I laughed as I jumped off of him. Pulling Ponyboy inside I smiled, perhaps I just need to chill out. "I'll make you some breakfast."

"If you're not going to eat than I don't want you to make just me breakfast." he told me as he tried to run past me in the kitchen.

"Well I don't mind and even if I'm not hungry I should try to eat." I shoved him to the side, causing him to fall into the armchair. Dashing for the kitchen, I laughed at my victory.

"Eggs it is." I commented going into the fridge. He joined me with a smile on his face.

"I'll make the toast." the two of us joked around most of the time while we cooked. It was a good time. I had almost forgotten about the number thing, almost.

"So what do you want to do today, Baby Brother?" I asked before I large bite of eggs.

"Don't call me that Luc." he told me with a stab of his fork in my direction.

"Umm excuse you but you told me I wasn't allowed to call you that in front of any of the guys….none of them are here." I said definitely.

"Fine…agreed." he told me with a sly smile.

"What do ya wanna do?"

"I don't know." he admitted.

"Wow.." he raised an eyebrow at me. "We're boring." we both laughed.

"Yep, ya got that right." he said with a chuckle. We ate the rest of our food in silence. I began to clean up with my younger brother and once I was done I jumped in the shower. While I was brushing my teeth afterwards, I heard someone screaming my name. Peeking out the door, Ponyboy's face came into my vision. His expression was panicked and he looked all worked up over something. My brother tried to explain to me what was going on as I rinsed my mouth but he was having a difficult time. Pony couldn't stop stuttering as he racked his brain for the explanation I wanted. We walked into my bed room and I continued to get ready for the day. Ponyboy was doing a little dance in the door way as he tried to explain again. Standing up with my shoes on, I put my hands on his shoulders.

"Calm down Pony, let me know what's going on." he took a deep breath."Sarah called in a panic. She wanted to talk to you but she didn't have time to wait for you to get out of the bath..th..th room." my brother stuttered out.

"Take another breathe, Pone." he did as he was told and continued.

"She said that Natalia fell this morning and it caused her to go into an early labor. I didn't understand so I wanted her to give me a little bit of details but she was panicked and didn't have time. All she said was that Natalia was in danger of loosing the baby because of the fall she took. They had to go to the hospital. I'm so sorry, Lucy."

My brother babbled on about how much he was scared and confused. I patted him on the shoulder like a big sister should do but didn't say a word. There were lots of things going through my head that I just didn't want to deal with. Panic rose in my throat as I continued to stare off into space. Finally it clicked, I needed to get down there and do whatever I could to help.

"I'm going down there." Ponyboy shook his head.

"I think it would be best if you say here." I shook my head as well.

"I have to go, Pony…she's my best friend."

"You're just going to run down there?"

"What other choice do I have." I said leaving out of my room. "I might go to the DX and steal Steve's car if it's there."

"Me mentioned that he left it there this morning." Ponyboy told me definatly.

"Thanks Pony." I left out the door.

"I'm coming too." he told me, I stopped in my tracks. I wasn't sure why but I knew that he shouldn't come. I shook my head at him disapprovingly.

"Ponyboy, you need to stay here. If something happened…I don't want you to be there for that."

"But what if you need me if something happened."

"There wont be anyone or anything on this planet that could help me if something happens." I admitted in a low voice.

"That's why I should go."

"No, that's why you should stay." I pushed him slightly towards the house and ran off. He didn't follow and I didn't look back. If something happened to Natalia, I wouldn't know what would do. I wouldn't know what to expect from myself. Or the baby…what will I do to comfort Natalia…This is too much.

At the DX, I ran inside in search for Steve but found Soda. Sweat dripped down my face as I tried to search for him.

"Steve?" I called, Sodapop stopped my rush by holding my by the shoulders."What's wrong Twiny?"

"Natalia is in trouble and I need to get to the hospital. It will take me hours if I ran…" I swallowed, trying to compose myself. "I need a car."

"What happened? Calm down…"

"No!" I pulled away from him. "I need to get down there now!"

"What's up?" I twisted around to the opening of the garage to see Steve setting a tire down next to a car.

"Steve!" I ran towards him. "I need to barrow your car!"

"Like I'd let you drive my car…you're a crazy dri…" I took his shirt into my hands."You either give me the keys or I hotwire it…either way I'm driving it."

"Where did you learn to hotwire?" Soda asked coming over and trying to take my hands from Steve's shirt.

"Never mind! Give me the keys Steve, I need to get down to the hospital!"

"Why ya goin there?" he asked becoming serious.

"Natalia is in danger for her life right now! I NEED to go!" he fished for the keys in his pockets after that so I let him go. Handing them to me I kissed him on the cheek.

"You're a life saver." running towards the back of the shop, I found his car parked behind the building. Sodapop and Steve both showed up after that. I was already in the car when they showed up. Sodapop jumped his torso into the open window and held my hand so I wouldn't start the car.

"I'm coming with you." he told me.

"You need to work." I rolled my eyes at him.

"But what if…" I stopped him.

"I've already told this to Ponyboy….I need to go…that doesn't mean that you have to go.""What if you need me Luc?" I smiled nervously at him.

"I don't want to think about the what ifs…I'm going to let everything come at me as it is…no bull shit. Besides, I'll always need you." shoving him out of the window, I started the car and sped off. The radio was on but I wasn't listening to it, it was just background noise for all the thoughts that swiveled around in my head. I'm not sure how long it took me to get to the hospital but to me it felt like too long. Parking crazily, I jumped out and ran towards the building. Inside I asked the desk for her room number. They wouldn't give it to me but they told me that Sarah was down the hall in the waiting room. I ran as fast as I could, ignoring the stares from anyone who was looking.

The waiting room was small, smaller than the one that I passed before. Sarah was in the corner praying with a rosary in her hands. She muttered quietly to herself as I panted out to the almost empty room. As I shuffled over there, I wandered what was going on. I sat next to her and place a hand on her back. Immediately she looked up with bewildered eyes. I rubbed her back to calm her down. When she realized it was me, she began to cry with either relief or fear.

"Oh Lucy…" she trailed off as she fell into my body. I hugged her tightly, afraid to ask her how she was.

"Umm…" I tried but the words got caught into my throat. I hugged her tighter.

"She fell over her shoes this morning…" Sarah choked out. "Fell right onto her stomach. When I got there, she was screaming in pain. The ambulance came to take her away…" she pulled away from me.

"Everything happened so fast." she admitted shaking her head in a fast motion. "When I got here, I didn't know what to do. They told me about the risks of giving birth now….but they have no choice."

I closed my eyes. "What are the risks?"

"We could either loose Natalia, the baby, or both." she gasped and fell into my body again. "I'm so scared Lucy."

"Me too." I admitted into her ear. She was shaking so badly. Trying to calm her, I hummed to her the song that I was singing earlier. Rubbing her back, she slowly calmed down. Only hiccupping every few minutes. She pulled away quickly after that, bending down to pray over her rosary again. I began to count to try to concentrate on something else.

There were twelve chairs in this room. Twenty-six dots on the coffee machine in the corner. Four planets. Right now I was continuing to count the little dots on the ceiling of the tiles. There were thirty-seven tiles but so many dots to keep me busy. I was going on two hundred and seventy-two when a doctor walked in with a sweaty face. Immediately the two of us leap up and searched his face for unspoken answers. Shaking his head, I felt Sarah tug hand to hold it. Holding her hand, I waited for him to speak.

"The baby made it through the delivery. She's on life support and observation for a few days but there is a high chance that she will be able to live on her own in a matter of days. Natalia…" he gulped, knowing that we were going to flip at whatever the news was."She has slipped into a coma… also on life support. We are not sure if she will make it through the rest of the day." Sarah fell to the ground, still holding my hand. She wept very loudly, letting her pain show to everyone. I pulled my hand away from hers and balled it into a fist.

"How fucking dare you tell us this! You fucking liar!" I knew he wasn't lying…but I needed someone to blame!

"Miss, I know the situation is grave but I'm going to have to ask you to calm down.""Calm down?…Calm down? How the fuck do you expect me to calm down? You bastard!" I screamed with tears flowing down my face. I leap at the guy and he screamed for assistance from outside the door. Doctors flew in, pining me down. My arms and legs flailed trying to break free. Suddenly there was a sharp prick into my hip and slowly I began to calm down. I was so calm that I slipped into a state of sleep.


End file.
